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|
TITLE
The Magic Ball |
AUTHOR
Ali Massa |
DESCRIPTION
This is a story about a girl, as told by herself, who remembers
the first time her feelings were deeply hurt by a boy. She grows up leading a disconsolate
life, and then, by means of recognizing a ball with which the two of them once played
together, is reunited with him. It is a recollection of bitterness and joy in life. [4,000
words] |
READERS'
REVIEWS
"It was a good story, but I wanted
more detail about Paolo and his relationship with the narrator. I enjoyed seeing them
reunited after so many years apart." -- Stephanie, USA
"This story was very nice but it
need a little more details." -- Tyesha Ferguson, Pensacola, Florida, USA
"Not bad but the dialogue and
description definitely need some work. " -- Meep, Edinburgh, Scotland
"I thought this piece was very
well written. It gave great description so I could picture what was going on. I think more
description about Paolo should be given in the beginning of the story so the reader could
get a better feeling of who he is. Otherwise I think the story was a classic romance of
two people who were meant to be together." -- Kim Zielinski
"I found this story to be incredibly far fetched. I love a
good romance, but this was surely not one. The story lacked important details, and
is based upon the assumption that readers of the piece would be so absorbed with the story
that they would not question the major "coincidences" that occured within
it." -- Bethany, Normal, Illinois, USA
"I liked this story a
lot, it had such an interesting twist. It moved so fast with so little description,
but that is what kept me interested. With not too much explanation on every bit of
the story, I was able to stay interested because the author moved onto something else so
quickly." -- Sarah, Normal, Illinois, USA
"I thought the story was good. It kind of
dragged on a little in the middle, but it explained how one hurt experience can cause pain
throughout someones life. The ending had a beautiful catch. It was unexpected,
yet fit perfectly. This is a story that I feel everyone can relate to in one
way or another." -- Regina Marie Coleman, Chicago, Illinois, USA
"In essence, I liked the moral of the story. The way the "magic" ball
supposedly brought Paolo and the girl back together. But, I just think that
the author kind of rushed into things when she had the woman finally meet Paolo in
his toy store for the very first time in years." -- Marivel Escatel, Mendota,
Illinois, USA
"I think this story was sick and did not
make any sense whatsoever. It was close to impossible to follow and I think you need
serious help." -- Colette, Normal, Illinois, USA
"I thought this short story was
interesting, but I felt like it jumped from one part of her life to the next to quickly.
The author could have given more details, because it would have made many things more
clear." -- Brian, Normal, Illinois, USA
"I found this story
very interesting. It is wonderful how she ended up meeting with Paolo. I think
this is just a great true love story." -- Sarah, Normal, Illinois, USA
"The topic of this
story was a good one. Try to do a bit more characterization. Don't just call
the main characters "he" and "she". Also, add more detail to the
entire stiry to help make the reader more actively involoved." -- Scott, Normal,
Illinois, USA
"I liked this story.
I thought the idea of a "magic" ball bringing two people together was
interesting. There are some grammar and punctuation errors, but it flowed pretty well for
the most part and I wanted to keep reading to the end." -- Marlicia, USA
"This is the first
story that I have ever read on this site. I just joined and I am excited!!! I read the
story eagerly and at first I felt a bit put-off by the lack of details or imagery, but
when i realized that the character felt hurt-inside, I thought that she was living the
hurt, talking the hurt, looking at everything through that hurt and that accounted for the
low-key way the story was progressing. I have had much depression and I know how that
affects how I see, say, and perceive. I felt her hurt. The emptiness that was being
expressed by the bleakness in the story. Even the magic ball did not convince her in the
end that things could be different for her. Being empty and hurt had become a lifestyle
for her. To live without trust and love is not living, but generating a flatness, as the
author showed us with her story. The idea of magic and what really happened and how it was
perceived (the ball, the reunion, ya da)are metaphors for the irony." -- Shirley, La
Crosse, Virginia, USA
"A very good story,
needs to have more showing not telling and more dialogue." -- Cape Gal |
COPYRIGHT
NOTICE
© 1995 Ali Massa |
STORYMANIA
PUBLICATION DATE
November 1998 |
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TITLE
Corrine and Victoria |
AUTHOR
Tyna Luckey |
DESCRIPTION
Corrine is happy but not fulfilled. She longs for her lost
family and her sister Victoria. [6,700 words] |
READERS'
REVIEWS
"I found the story very touching and
well written. It draws you into the story and makes you feel a part of the whole story. It
definitely brought tears to my tears, tears of happiness and joy. Thank you." -- Mike
Beck
"This was truly a great story! Good usage
of words and a good placement of events helped this story shine." -- Eric Warren,
Detroit, Michigan, USA
"I absolutely loved it! Fantastic - it
really drew me in... I was totally captivated and emotional about the whole thing. I
wanted to read on and looked forward to more. It totally touched my heart and brought me
to tears! Fabulous!" -- Marilyne Cartier, Bartlesville, Oklahoma, USA |
COPYRIGHT
NOTICE
© 1998 Tyna Luckey |
STORYMANIA
PUBLICATION DATE
November 1998 |
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|
TITLE
Destiny |
AUTHOR
Tyna Luckey |
DESCRIPTION
In a small town a girl suffers a lover's ill luck but she is
reconciled to her destiny. [850 words] |
READERS'
REVIEWS
"A little bit cliche and read like
a synopsis of a longer story. Good idea, but I encourage the author to flesh it out."
-- Greg Morey, Canada
"I found this story... so lame and
sad" -- Shane McCormack, Drogheda, Louth, Ireland
"You have an excellent story line
and a good plot, I too feel that the story was only an introduction to something
bigger." -- Martine Hayes, Dorset, UK
"I found this story... not to my liking. I mean, it was okay,
for a 12 year old, perhaps, but not for adults. Two thumbs down." -- Kimberly
S. De Liz, Brookings, Oregon, USA
"This was such a
great story. Likewise, I feel as if this should be the beginning of a much greater
work." -- Grace Spradlin, Tifton, Georgia, USA
"This story was sad.
It was also very boring. Stories should be interesting, and that story was just
dumb." -- Melanie Thompson, Bowie, Maryland, USA
"Your story had a
very good plot to it. I kinda liked how you never said any names just he and she.
That set the mood for a true love story. I enjoyed it." -- Alissa
Ammirati
"I thought is was a
very cute story that could lead to an even better story. Any one who is a hopeless
romantic would love this story!" -- Jennifer, Illinois, USA |
COPYRIGHT
NOTICE
© 1998 Tyna Luckey |
STORYMANIA
PUBLICATION DATE
November 1998 |
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TITLE
Jealousy |
AUTHOR
Sean Alan |
DESCRIPTION
This is a story about the power of jealousy affecting the
relationship of two people. [3,500 words] |
READERS'
REVIEWS
"Some really spectacular imagery but
I kept waiting to read more dialogue. Otherwise, a keen and accurate picture of the lonely
and disappointing aspects of single life" -- Valerie, USA
"Read to me like an elongated synopsis of
something bigger. But, nevertheless, I felt emotions here I could relate to and I dropped
into the belief that these were real people: an emotive success, then." -- Joel
Seath, Portsmouth, England
"I find myself remembering bits of this
story. However, I didn't like Margaret very much -- guess I wasn't supposed to. I'm
unclear about Raymond's precipitous descent into violence after years." -- Mary Ann
Savage, California, USA
"I thought this was a good piece of
writing. I was really shocked when I got to the end of the story." -- Gina Rosynek,
Bloomington-Normal, Illinois, USA
"I enjoyed the story and the storyline. The
ending was shocking." -- Meghan Rooney, Bloomington-Normal, Illinois, USA
"I am trying to
improve my short story writing craft because what I usually do is tell and not show.
It has been difficult for me to get enough objectivity from my "stories"
to make changes it needs. While your story kept my interest I could readily see that
some dialogue and more showing than telling would help your story,too. Do not get me
wrong,your narrative or expository style was great,but .... Let's both strive to show and
not tell so much. How about it?" -- Shirley, Lacrosse, Virginia, USA |
COPYRIGHT
NOTICE
© 1996 Sean Alan |
STORYMANIA
PUBLICATION DATE
November 1998 |
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TITLE
The Alien |
AUTHOR
Edward Crayley
|
DESCRIPTION
The landing of an alien leads to a battle for its rights and its
life...with a twist. [1,200 words] |
READERS'
REVIEWS
"Excellent story. Well written, I
liked the twist at the end. Shows that we are always predictable. We all feel that we
always have a selfish form of superiority...." -- Matthew Clubley, Swanley,
Kent, UK
"The plot is this story's forte. I kept
wondering what the twist was going to be ... Thanks for a very creative story and
entertaining read! " -- Karen Ho, San Francisco, California, USA
"Even though it consisted mostly of somewhat
confusing dialogue, the idea was great, and the ending really got the point across "
-- Krystle, New York, USA
"Realistic, sharp dialogue; fast moving;
too bad one of the reviews gives away the twist at the end." -- Louise Dunn,
Australia
"A good read, makes you think!" -- Bridget
Faith, USA
"Loved it. More please." -- CVZ, New jersey, USA
"You've got a great story line going, but you should elaborate on it. The ending was
amazing, you really know how to punch the point." -- Lizzy, USA
"I'm guessing that you've seen
'Independence Day' several thousand times?" -- Robert Manning, Milwaukee, Wisconsin,
USA
"This story is extremely unbearable -- with
the exception of the ending!!!!" -- Hayley, Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia
"It was a very outstanding story. I really
loved it." -- Veronica, Aurora, Colorado, USA
"A very interesting and unusual story. I
thouroughly enjoyed it. Keep it up!" -- Scott, Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
"Ya know, I don't use this word often,
especially when critiquing others' work, but your story was, in short; awesome! I
absolutely loved the twist at the end, and fell quite the sucker for it. Thank you for a
brilliant read, please keep them coming!" -- John Santino, Detroit, USA
"Well after I read the other reviews of
this one I expected something out of the ordinary. I was disappointed, too little
descpription and needs padded out. Also, I guessed the twist by the second
paragraph." -- Meep, Edinburgh, Scotland
"Your writing is rather juvenile, lacking
flow between sentences. If it wasn't for this site the only people reading this would be
your star trek buddies." -- Lane Parmley, USA
"The reviews were right, it's a very clever
piece. It may be due to my current lack of sleep, but I must admit that for some obscure
reason I didn't figure out the "twist" everyone was talking about (though when I
read it I found myself thinking "of course!" and smacking myself on the
forehead). The style of writing could probably be polished a little, but the concept is
very clever." -- Martina, Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
"Wow! This has got to be one of the best
stories I have ever read! Why is this not at the number 1 position yet? Read it - It
deserves to be!" -- Ebdon Smith, Ohio, USA
"The plot had a nice twist at the end. The
flow of the story can be polished a little." -- Bill Zerkle, Des Plaines, Illinois,
USA
"Derrr....nice "twist". I could
pretend I didn't see it coming if I didn't, but I did. Cliched, poor description, and I'd
whip you into shape as far as grammar went. Try harder next time, because it seems you
enjoy writing sci-fi, as I once did." -- Tyrant
"I find the other
reviews way over-enthusiastic, mainly considering that the most appreciated thing is the
final "twist". Has anybody read Fredric Brown's 'Sentinel'?" -- Daniele A.
Gewurz, Italy
"Cliches, bad science
and a twist ending predictable from halfway in... Need I say more?" -- John,
Westminster, California, USA
"I probably shouldn't
have read other people's response to the story before I read it because then I expected
the twist ending. It was a well written story though. It reminded me a little
bit of this one episode of the Twilight Zone I once saw. The author described
"the creature" very well without giving it away too much. I did keep
getting confused between the mayor and the general,etc. But overall, as I said earlier,
good story :)" -- Liz, Illinois, USA
"This was a good
story, but the twist at the end was not as ingenious as the other reviews say. When you
simplify the ending the author was making such an obvious attempt at inserting a moral to
the story and the moral itself was nothing more than simply stating the obvious about the
world today, thats its not a very peaceful place." -- Paul, Chicago, Illinois, USA
"Great story, well
planned, well executed. Good characterization. You should submit it to magazines or
anthologies." -- Joel, California, USA
"If some of you
didn't like the story why then did you continue to read it. I thought it was very
good, especiall for a person who is an occasional writer. I do see a future in
writing for this person. He has a great imagination." -- Kate, Florida, USA
"Before I read this
story, I tried to find it in the charts, and wondered how it had managed to get to number
2 amongst so many other stories. Then I read it. That's why then." --
John Crayford, Kent, United Kingdom
"The story was very
good. I enjoyed the 'unexpected' ending, even though I figured out what would happen a
little while before the end." -- Melanie Thompson, Bowie, Maryland, USA
"Some people can just
write. I wish I were one of those people." -- Crazy Clown
"Awright!!! Super
cool! Luuuv the twist; that's probably how I would've written it myself!" --
Catalonia, San Antonio, Texas, USA
"Suspenseful...but
the ending was foreseen." -- LLewellen, New York, New York, USA
"Very interesting
reading. The twist was enjoyable. More, more, more!" -- V. Thornton,
Detroit, Michigan, USA
"That is one of the
silliest stories I have ever read. Ten lines in I knew the ending. I only write this so
that others won't waste their time." -- Amanda, New Mexico, USA
"I liked the story,
although it had some grammar problems. The ending was very good. It was worth
reading." -- Cathy, Purvis, Mississippi, USA
"Not bad -
reminiscent of old-school moralistic sci-fi, like Ray Bradbury. As others have said, need
to work on some basic grammar skills and characterization, coherent dialogue. But keep up
the imagination, the rest is just mechanics." -- Arch, Chicago
"Slightly predictable
twist. Not a bad style of writing but I'd hardly say it's the best I've ever seen. Just a
tad over-hyped methinks!" -- "manintheshack"
"The story was
cliched and the dialogue too stereotyped, but the ending was good. Write some more where
the characters have a personality that could go either way, otherwise the reading seems
too mechanical and has been done before." -- Jack Brown, UK
"Very cliched sci-fi
plot with equally cliched 'twist'. For a story this short, there is far too much dialogue
and not enough plot development. Well-written, however; the story-telling itself is fluent
and articulate." -- S J Fletcher
"That is a brilliant
story, and so many people have read it. I loved the twist, it made me shiver. I liked the
dialogue as well. Even though it has been a long time since you published it, it has
stayed number one and even now it is. Great Job!" -- Ian Goodall
"Hot damn!!! Wording
was great and sounded highly sophisticated! I Thought it was going to be another imitation
plot, but it beat the record. Congratulations, your ingenuity on the ending took me by
surprise and hopes to find more of the same." -- Jackie, California, USA
"Alot of reviews say
that you need to create better characters in the story, but I don't think people realise
that you were limited to a certain number of words. For a short story, it was an enjoyable
read. Keep up the good work. Good Luck" -- Alice, Paris, France
"It may have been 5
years since you published this on storymania, but I have to say that it is very good. Your
choice of words are super and sentence structure is great aswell. The twist at the end is
good." -- Ian Goodall, England
"Very very good
story... short but moving... I want to read more of your work!" -- Isabel Lerma, San
Francisco, California, USA
"A reverse twist in
the minds of extraterrestrials. Different, and unique. Need to go back in and
clear the upload mistakes, those kind of errors threw me off for a moment. It
happens...my stuff comes out the same way." -- Essa Durrancey, Olympia, Washington,
USA
"It was ok. I dont
think that it was worth all the hubbub it was causing... I liked the ending though. It
needs to be more detailed there are no descriptions and so I felt detatched from the whole
story. Good ending though." -- Katherine Krahl, Honolulu, Hawaii, USA |
COPYRIGHT
NOTICE
© 1998 E Crayley |
STORYMANIA
PUBLICATION DATE
December 1998 |
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TITLE
Vampires |
AUTHOR
Phil Bowman |
DESCRIPTION
The first two chapters of an unfinished work that seems to be
progressing more slowly as time goes by. As is, it's a short story about vampires. [4,850
words] |
READERS'
REVIEWS
"All and all a good start to what
could be a great novel. Although it does lag and is incoherent at points throughout the
story." -- Daniel Pelfrey, Superior, Wisconsin, USA
"Very good. Can be developed even more.
Think of it. Vampires stories can be very mundane but I enjoyed your story and please
e-mail me with more. Thank you." - NeCole Salow, St. Petersburg, Florida, USA
"Do you read a lot of Anne Rice or
R.L. Stine? The story sounds like something I've read before, but you seem to add a little
bit of a twist to it. I think that if you elaborate more on setting and characters the
story would seem more interesting. KEEP GOING, good luck." -- Lola, College Station,
Texas, USA
"As a matter of fact I found this
piece quite off based and it seemed too kid like for me. Vampires suck blood nothing else
especially pizza, that's all they know or ever want to know. Also the fact that vampires
have been around for centuries and they don't usually crash at the cave as the author seem
to put it. If you want to make it interesting change the time period and take out all the
immature quotes and scenes." -- Trevor
"Entertaining, the story does have some rough edges, but the
characters and story stood out sharply. This is hardly an art piece, but definitely
good pulp fiction. Keep it up!" -- Sunny, Washington, DC, USA
"Much to like about
vampires especially dialog." -- Judi, Tampa, Florida, USA
"I am a 17 year old
amateur poet on this site and I don't usally look in the short story section but I was
browsing and I came across your story of vampires and reading throughit and it fascinated
me so much as I am a real fan of vampire stories and movies. Please update your story, and
look in the poetry section and telling me what you think of my poem. Yours truly in
the new titles section. Thanks, Mike" -- Mike Miller, Mechanicsville, Maryland,
USA
"It is funny how
easily one can be drawn into the darkness...." -- R. Bennett Okerstrom
"You are very gifted
with emotional descriptions, and I was intrigued by your unique plotline. I, myself, am
writing a novel centered around vampires, and found this story a very interesting read.
Great job!" -- Kayla |
COPYRIGHT
NOTICE
© 1999 Phil Bowman |
STORYMANIA
PUBLICATION DATE
Revised June 1999 |
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TITLE
The Last Laugh |
AUTHOR
Mary M Alward |
DESCRIPTION
The story of two street people, Max and Old Joe. The city is in
the middle of an Arctic freeze and the two men decide to stay together to fight against
the elements. They discuss how many of their friends have succumbed to the cold snap and
wonder which one of them will be next. Since they are beside a heat grate, have a large
blanket and each others body heat, they laugh, certain that the Grim Reaper wont
claim them. Little do they realize who will have The Last Laugh. [2,700 words] |
READERS'
REVIEWS
"This was a great story line. It may work
better if told from only one perspective instead of both Joe and Max's. The descriptions
were nice." -- Patty T, Vancouver, Washington, USA
"A bitter condemnation of today's right
wing society which takes and rarely gives back. Brilliant descriptive writing - going to
be a classic." -- Prue Eckett, Christchurch, Canterbury, New Zealand
"This is a great story, Mom. Could happen
to almost anyone. But for the grace of God go! Keep up the good work. Good luck." --
M. Desmarchais, Brantford, Ontario, Canada
"A touching, poignant story about the
tragedy of the Human condition. It made me acutely aware! Thank you, Mary, for a tale that
needed to be told." -- Renie Burghardt, Doniphan, Missouri, USA
"I read your story. Wow, it was so
discriptive and so very true of today's society and how we ignore the uncomfortable things
of the sufferings and feelings of those less fortunate then ourselves. But a least they
went together to a better warmer place. Excellent writing." -- ToeToe, London,
Ontario, Canada
"As I generally like stories to begin with
some action, I was apprehensive when I began reading the narration at the beginning, but
your writing overcame even my prejudice. I was impressed." -- Jack S., New Jersey,
USA
"Great story Mary. One that always touches
my heart. I liked the way you used the descriptive words with your characters." -- B
Sutliff, Paris, Arkansas, USA
"Oh, what a beautiful story you told, Mary!
You built the relationship so softly, I could barely feel it happening. The entire story
was so extraordinarily meaningful! Wonderful writing!" -- Sharman Lichtenstein,
Melbourne, Australia
"Mary, this was a
beautiful story. So touching. Keep up the good work." -- Kate, Florida,
USA
Ever read 'Waiting for Godot?' -- Mary
Heugil
"The ending really
surprised me! I've never seen you do th is kind of writing, Mary. Exceptional.
You really got the message across. Very descriptive, felt I was there."
-- Jerri Brooker
"Thanks to everyone
who has left such nice comments on my work. Mary, no, I have never read 'Waiting For
Godot' but I will check and see if the local library has it." -- Mary Alward,
Ontario, Canada
"Beatiful style! I
love it! Keep writing, you're awesome!" -- Vianne |
COPYRIGHT
NOTICE
© 1999 Mary M Alward |
STORYMANIA
PUBLICATION DATE
July 1999 |
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TITLE
The Beast |
AUTHOR
Baran Bulkat |
DESCRIPTION
About two men who go into a large cave to find a horrifying
beast. [600 words] |
READERS'
REVIEWS
"I almost didn't stop to read this one
because of the description of it. I'm glad I did though. The story puts into words a
reality the human race is dying from." -- Lizzy, USA
"A very descriptive, semi-suspense short
story that turns into a reality of what happens in real life." -- David Anderson, USA
"Hmmm..some good description but it lacks a
personal, through-the-eyes of the character essence which is necessary to create a real
sense of menace and fear. " -- Meep, Edinburgh, Scotland
"This was a very good short story. I like
the inserts it had of modern day society and how humans really are." -- Brad Collins,
Illinois, USA
"Poor hermit. The loneliness and pity of
the beast because it had shunned society and the way society had shunned it because of its
physical inadequacies reminds me of John Gardner's Grendel. It's nice to see another young
writer familiar with such works. Keep the good stories rolling, and don't listen to
neigh-sayers who might tell you you suck. P.S. I was relieved to see good grammar. You
punctuate sentences more capably than some of the thirty year-old wannabes at the
site." -- Tyrant
"I haven't read the story yet, but from the other
people that have read it their reviews interested me and I wanted to find out for myself
the ending." -- Melissa Ray, Wayne, West Virginia, USA
"Nice story.
Some good imagery and descritive sentences. Good twist." -- Matt, USA
"Excellent story -
vivid descriptions - the end is a little bit predictable, but the story is quite
good!" -- Luis Felipe Moura, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
"A exciting story
about two men searching for a beast in a cave. It really starts up your imagination. Great
work!" -- Brennan Walters, Colorado Springs, Colorado, USA |
COPYRIGHT
NOTICE
© 1998 Baran Bulkat |
STORYMANIA
PUBLICATION DATE
January 1999 |
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TITLE
The Sheriff |
AUTHOR
Charles Langley |
DESCRIPTION
The Sheriff recites a pithy answer in verse.... [200 words] |
READERS'
REVIEWS
"Really great stuff here! I'm not
qualified to offer any real criticism but I know talent when I read it and you have it!
Wonderful imagery and a 'knowing' tone." -- Valerie, USA
"Nice job! Very touching! You have talent,
go with it!" -- Bridget Faith, USA
"Great reading. Exactly the kind of twist I
like to see. Unexpected and to the point. Keep up the good work." -- T Williams, USA
"Great example of cowboy poetry
format." -- Mary Ann Savage, California, USA
"Touching. It reminds me, for some reason,
of the Predator. I wonder if they would kill their own family for the proud trophy it
offered. This personifies deeply the importance of ego in society and how it can even
overcome love." -- Tyrant
"Wow what an
interesting story. It was great." -- Matt Z., Normal, Illinois, USA
"Very touching, and
well written. I enjoyed it." -- Linda Barnett-Johnson, Lewistown, Montana, USA |
COPYRIGHT
NOTICE
© 1998 Charles Langley |
STORYMANIA
PUBLICATION DATE
January 1999 |
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TITLE
Pfarfenagle, A Collection |
AUTHOR
Charles Langley
|
DESCRIPTION
Pfarfenagle - A satire...
Love-Struck - Sequel to Pfarfenagle.
Double Take
[2,000 words] |
READERS'
REVIEWS
"Compact, well written, funny
in spite of the mayhem" -- Jim Hanks, San Jose, California, USA
"I think it's a very distinctive and engaging story. I loved
it!" -- Valerie, USA
"Smart and entertaining. A very clever writer." --
Caroline, Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
"I like your work. Keep the stories coming your good,
really good!" -- Bridget Faith, USA
"Funny, but a tad scary. Your work is brilliant,
unpredictable, witty, and irreverent. You remind me of Douglas Adams, and that's a good
thing. Keep up the good work." -- Tyrant |
COPYRIGHT
NOTICE
© 1998 Charles Langley |
STORYMANIA
PUBLICATION DATE
January 1999 |
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TITLE
The Death Reader |
AUTHOR
Corey Goldberg |
DESCRIPTION
The story is told from the point of view of a mortician who is
studying the body of a beautiful dead woman. The character rapes a dead woman. Stands on
its own as a short story. To be part of novel called "She Does".
[2, 500 words, Rated R] |
READERS'
REVIEWS
"Very interesting story. The thought
may be morbid but I believe these things do happen in real life. Men have raped women in a
coma - as good as raping a dead woman. His anger just reflects how depraved a man can be
or maybe his revulsion towards himself." -- Fatima Pais, New Delhi, India
"I liked it, a bit morose, but I liked it. Be
careful about using the same word repeatedly in close proximity. I think the story could
easily be lengthened; there were a lot of areas into which I would have loved you to delve
more deeply." -- Reuben Gregg Brewer, New York, NY, USA
"I like her writing style. I am not into
the scene like the mortician, but Ms Goldberg is very talented. I wish her much luck and
hope she becomes very successful. Sincerely, A fan in Germany" -- Jürgen
Eichermüller, Gross Disnack, SH, Germany
"A good story writer here!" -- Bridget
Faith, USA
"Well Corey.... Your story was strange,
though interesting. You paint word pictures that are easy to visualize... Good luck in the
future." -- Gary (Lo Phat Ham), Phoenix, Arizona, USA
"Thrilling! Like Poe's "The Telltale
Heart" in the detailed description. But how could the wife have noticed the erection
during dinner? Wouldn't it have been hidden by the table?" -- Sal Morano, Corona,
California, USA
"The Death Reader is an example of an
interesting trip into the warped mind of a disturbed individual. The author provided an
exquisite example of the defense mechanism, projection. It was a thought provoking
piece." -- K A Winchell, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA
"Starts off slow , but chills the reader at
the end. I was left feeling a mixture of anger, and helplesness at the man and his
surroundings, and sadness for her, to be used twice , first the stabs , which she felt,
and then the rape, which the reader felt." -- Andy, Washington, DC, USA
"Wow! Your short
story was very good and original. I think you can expand it though and make it a
full length book. It has an excellent plot." -- Tim Mayyou, Illinois, USA
"Good story, kept my
attention. There were a couple of areas that could use more details and
explaination, which will make it easier to read." -- Trisha, Normal, Illinois, USA
"Dipping into the
stream of consciousness...what a talent. Look for an editor or someone to help you
go forward. Don't stop writing! I will look for you oneday, Corey. You amaze
me." -- Emerald Time, Washington, DC, USA
"I thought this was
an excellent story. Very detailed and real. I do however think that there is a bit of
detail lacking at the dinner table after his wife questioned him." -- Jen, Normal,
Illinois, USA
"I have to admit, I
was intrigued by the subject matter, and the writing is, for the most part, good. There
are places that could use more "showing," less "telling." I would like
to see more character development of the undertaker. Great start." -- Jenny Mercer,
Ft. Worth, Texas, USA
"Great story, great
picture, (of yourself) and you do resemble MM. I'd love to corespond with you, and
exchange ideas. (Don't worry; I'm not another Hannibal Lector.)" -- David ''Doc''
Byron, Vincennes, Indiana, USA
"A great story?
You're definitely writing to a certain type of person (and I am not that type).
It would be more iteresting if you imply more than you say. You're spoon
feeding the plot and imagery to the reader, perhaps holding some back and only alluding to
it would make the story darker, as the mind of the protagonist is. It is an
interesting plot which would look fabulous in a longer, more developed story.
Perhaps a murder mystery? I duno. Take care." -- Peter Izdebski, Toronto,
Canada
"I liked it, though
it needs to be edited again. I'd love to see more work that you have done, Corey.
Why is the copyright not in your name?" -- Deana V., Burlington, Vermont, USA |
COPYRIGHT
NOTICE
© 1999 Heather Umberger |
STORYMANIA
PUBLICATION DATE
February 1999 |
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TITLE
Early One Morning in October, 1997 |
AUTHOR
James Outlaw |
DESCRIPTION
A semi-autobiographical short story. [4,250 words] |
READERS'
REVIEWS
"I keep asking myself what was the purpose?
I mean it kept me intrigued and was well written but I feel like there is more to be told
or that maybe you included things that should have been left out for a short story,
because they raise questions. I feel this could be a really great start to a novel... but
hey I'm just an avid reader of books what do I know?... I like your style!" --
Bridget Faith, USA
"Reminds me of "Ghost Diner" back
in 78.... Keep up the good writing!" -- Fred, USA
"Nice story, although
a bit too familiar, without a resolution. A bit too much like (.. and then I woke up, and
I realised it was all a dream). Entertaining, though." -- Gerald Hornsby, London,
England |
COPYRIGHT
NOTICE
© 1999 James Outlaw |
STORYMANIA
PUBLICATION DATE
February 1999 |
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