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The Epitome of Loving and Hating
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The Epitome of Loving and Hating
Raw emotions of a hurt young women. She is trying to get across to her best male friend how much she adores him, but at the same time, hates him for not being all that she sees in him and disregarding her feelings for him. Very poetic in a strange sense and utterly emotional.
[493 words]
A C Christine
I'm a 19-year-old college sophomore. Major still pending. I will most likely settle into an English or Creative Writing mode. I love to write! I have been writing non-stop since age twelve. I love C.S. Lewis and Anne Rice. (strange combo I know!) They both breathe out their work and it seems so natural and effortless! I hope to find a career doing what I love, pumping my pen against my paper.... I'll have to wait and see!
[October 1999]
Paths To Take, Decisions To Make (Essays) An essay about deciding on life's many trying ways that can confuse and astound you. Written shortly after high school graduation. [209 words]
The Epitome of Loving and Hating
A C Christine

You showed up on my doorstep
the rain soaking you
your beautful blue eyes piercing my soul.
I, of course, let you in.
Like letting in the devil I guess.
We sit down to talk
and you theories of life
pour out of lips like the
rain falls outside. In sync,
with one of nature's miracles-
you continue to talk
in rhyme with the rain.
I always knew you
had a connection with it.

You turn me into a poet-full of philosophies of love.
Misery brings out the best of my creative side.
And I owe all my misery to you.
I explore my soul simply to find
the strength to turn away from you.
It's the hardest thing you'd ever have to do
walk away from someone you truly care for.
But caring for them means you want them to be happy
I don't make you happy-so I'm out of here
Will you miss me when I'm gone?
With no one to call to relate to?
Will it make a difference to you
when my arms aren't wide open for you?
You've always made me feel so insignificant

You have a way of manipulating my love
to where it's only shame.
Love and shame are oil and water
but sometimes you think you can
shake it up enough
to make the water turn to oil
or the shame into love.

Somehow your eyes, hands, thoughts and ideas change everything.
I'd do anything for you.
You don't realize what I mean
when I say I'd take a bullet for you. ANYTHING!
Call me demented
but I seem to like the pain you bring to me-
Like whiskey it feels good after a while.

So many subtle suggestions
hinting to the idea that I love you
but it finally took this cold night in December
liquor coated, to get it out of me.
Through a tear streamed face
I confessed my only secret to you
I begged you to relieve the pain in my chest
by kissing my lips-in love.
But you can't do it.
And my heart's warmth turns to ice
when you shake your head and say no.
Without dignity, I smile a drunken smile
And laugh it off as usual.
You see through my fake laugh
and read my mind.
You know my heart is at your feet
so you dig your heel into it.
That's how I feel every time your eyes meet mine.
they're so beautiful-blue,gray and green
yet they are so cold.

You're not the person you seem to be,
not what you claim to be.
I'm not either.
That's why we understand each other so well.
My fake side, clashes with your fake side,
but when we act like
who we really are, to me
it's like we're two of a kind.

Everyone pretends
but you're the best.
You can pretend to hate your lover,
And love your biggest enemy.

False truths are the worst for people like me,
gullible because of the past
we strive to believe lies
just to end the hurt of our mistakes.
And it's people like you
that turn us into ice
cruel and unfeeling
we search for others-
vulnerable and weak
breaking their hearts
just to load onto out burdens
because those burden are therapy
to us after a while-
Hurtings other heals our pain somehow
It's a vicious cycle-
Can't you see I love you?



"This is interesting. The emotions are raw and well put. It gets better as you go, like the stuff is just pouring out of you. keep writing " -- Mark.
"this is blubbering high school bullshit, why do you people even bother posting this pathetic bile!? AC....get a fucking clue...you could probably write better shit if you were roaming around through your tears and "exploring your soul" so much....geez! Get rid of this!" -- lori.
"Awesome! I love it! It tells what everyone who's ever had a best guy friend feel. Your pain is pure and very well put! :) You prove very well that guys and girls can't be close friends! LOL! Keep writing and keep posting!! :)" -- Ashley Burdett.
"I enjoyed this. It shows a deep insight. "You're not the persom you seem to be, not what you claim to be. " Can probably be taken out because the poem itself establishes this. The power of poetry is allowing your words to create an impression instead of allowing your words to insert a concept. You have a lot of working lines and stanzas and that's great. I liked it. Keeping writing." -- e. rocco caldwell.


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© 1999 A C Christine
October 1999

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