Doctor Trek - The Green Green Glow Of Death (Parts 1, 2 And 3) (3) "Ooh yes, QUITE happy," Jason enthused, rather camply. "Really? I'm surprised," Paul noted. "I mean, the thing that got you the most publicity in the last decade was sueing that magazine for printing that you were gay." Jason looked at him blankly. "And your point is?" "You mean aside from the miscarriage of justice?" Jason frowned. "I won, didn't I?" "Yes of course, never mind," Paul rolled his eyes at the camera. This time Klaus DID chuckle, but managed to disguise it as a chuckle. "Bit of a comedown though, isn't it?" Paul queried. "What?" Jason questioned. "From glamorous Australia to... well, HERE," Paul noted. "Oh well, not really. I always missed home when I was in oz," Jason confessed. "Oh," Paul nodded, then blinked. "What?" "Well, I was seventeen when I went gadding off to Australia to make my fortune, but I always knew I'd be back eventually," Jason acknowledged. Paul looked at him, utterly perplexed. Jason noted his expression, leant in and confided, "I'm not REALLY from Australia, you know." Paul felt vaguely like this interview/hatchet job was starting to spin out of his control. "You're not?" "No," Jason shook his head enthusiastically. "I'm from Dalton Magna." Paul stared at Jason dumbly for a few seconds, looked at the camera, back at Jason, and finally back at the camera. "We only get it on this show," he managed to say. Peter Tinker, Pan Bell and Alfred Hitchcock were interrogating Who in the Meadowhall Security Office. Or trying to, at any rate. Who himself seemed vaguely amused by the whole thing, answering their questions with polite indifference and occasionally beaming and waving at another guard on the other side of the room, who appeared to be monitoring security cameras. "Let's try this again," Hitchcock breathed. "Who are you? Where do you come from?" Who sighed theatrically. "I've already told you. I am Captain James T. Who, and I travel through time and space and the fifth dimension and all that sort of thing, y'know, fighting evil, saving damsels in distress, having tea, and all that good stuff." "What are you doing here?" Hitchcock demanded. "Why did you kill Norman?" "I didn't kill anyone," Who bristled. "As for what I'm doing here... do you know, I can't quite remember. I seem to have a mild case of amnesia, isn't that terrible?" "Convenient," Hitchcock noted. "No it isn't, it's very INCONVENIENT actually," Who disagreed. "I'm sure there's something terribly important I'm supposed to be doing..." "But if you can't remember..." Pan spoke up. "How do you know you DIDN'T kill Norman?" Who looked at him irritably. "Because, my good fellow, I am not, generally speaking of course, in the habit of wandering around topping people off. Why, are you?" "Well, no - " Pan spluttered. "I've had enough of this," Hitchcock spat. "Tinker - have you got hold of the police yet?" "No, sir," Peter replaced the phone on the receiver. "The phone lines appear to be... well, DOWN, sir." Who sat up. "Really?" "Don't any of you have a mobile?" Hitchcock demanded. The guards shook their heads. "Hell's teeth!" "Wait a minute, I think I do," Who began rummaging through his pockets. "Really?" Pan was surprised. "And you'd let us use it?" "Of course I would. Why wouldn't I? Ah, here it is," Who fished an impossibly large child's mobile from his pocket, with lots of furry toy animals swinging from it, and handed it to Hitchcock. "There you go." Hitchcok looked about ready to burst a blood vessel. "You facetious little murdering swine!" He smashed the mobile onto the floor. "I say, that was a tad rude," Who reproved. "I'm going to the police!" Hitchcock told Peter. "Don't let HIM out of your sight!" He stormed off. "Oh good, he's gone," Who said brightly, sitting forward in his seat and rubbing his hands together enthusiastically. "Now we can talk properly. You say the phone lines are down?" "Yes, Captain," Peter nodded. "Not long after you find a dead body outside," Who mulled. "A trifle ominous, don't you think?" Peter frowned. Hitchcock huffed and puffed his way down to his vehicle in the car park. That Who fellow was getting on his tits. So FUNNY. So CHARMING. So NICE.... He wanted to throttle the little shite. He reminded him of that Binks fellow, actually. Hitchcock unlocked his car and climbed in, starting the engine. Or rather, trying to. The engine coughed once, and died. "I don't BELIEVE this!" Hitchcock stormed. He climbed out and headed for the bonnet. Lifting it up, he saw the engine was covered in a strange green slime. "What the - " Hitchcock began. The slime leapt for his face. The sound of the "Neighbours" theme tune distracted Who, Peter and Pan. It was coming from the monitor the other guard was watching. "Hello! I recognise that music!" Who sprang up and over to the other side of the room, looking at the monitor and revealing that the female guard had not been monitoring the centre but had in fact been watching "Neighbours" the whole time. Who stared at the screen. "I say, these are old episodes, aren't they?" "Yeah, from 1991," the guard noted. "They're repeating 'em in Australia. I got a friend over there, he tapes 'em and sends 'em over." "How kind of him," Who shook the guard's hand. "Hello, I'm Captain James T. Who." "I heard. Robin Samuels," the guard introduced herself. "You like "Neighbours", then?" Who asked. "Well, the old ones, anyway," Robin nodded. "I should introduce you to a friend of mine," Who smiled. "I tell you what, though..." Robin interrupted. "Mm?" "I can't remember these episodes AT ALL. I certainly don't remember the show ever being this WEIRD." "Really?" Who leant on the desk. "In what way?" "Look, guys..." Peter interrupted irritably. "There's a man dead downstairs. Can we stop talking about bloody "Neighbours", please?!" Who smiled benignly. "If we must." "And turn the video off, Robin," Peter ordered. "You're supposed to be minding the store." "It's only one monitor," Robin said defensively. She switched the video off. "Oh." "What is it?" Peter wanted to know. "The monitor's dead - well, the camera, anyway... OH," Robin blinked as all the security monitors blacked out. "What is it?" Who demanded urgently. "The cameras are off-line. ALL of them," Robin swallowed. "REALLY?" Who narrowed his eyes. "Now that IS interesting." Pan's walkie-talkie blared. "Pan, this is Hitchcock. Come in." "Oh no, not HIM again," Who wrinkled his nose in distaste. "Pan here," Pan spoke into his walkie-talkie. "Meet me on Level 2. We got a slight problem," Hitchcock ordered. "On my way," Pan hurried to the door. "Mr Bell," Who called. Pan swung around. "Do be careful, won't you?" Pan hurried out. Robin noted Who's concerned expression. "Something wrong, Captain?" "That's just it, Miss Samuels," Who frowned darkly. "I wish I knew." Paul had recovered from Jason's shock admission and was trying to get the hatchet job back on track as they strolled around Meadowhall, attracting strange looks from customers. Some people stared and pointed at Paul, but no one was paying attention whatsoever to Jason. "I take it you've been back to Dalton Magna?" "Oh, aye." "Changed much?" Paul inquired. "Nah, not really," Jason shook his head. "Same as Australia, really." Paul cast a knowing look at the camera. "Only wi' a bit more muck, eh?" "Aye, a bit more muck," Jason agreed cheerfully. Paul was quiet for a moment. "Let's talk about more personal matters for a moment. Your love life, for instance. Any action there?" "Not since the court case," Jason admitted. "In the past, then," Paul repressed a snicker. "What about you and Kylie Minogue?" Jason stopped, turning to look at him with a dangerous glint in his eyes. "What?" Paul winked. "I heard you and her had a thing going, like." A vein on Jason's forehead began to throb. "Kylie Minogue?" he began ferociously. "KYLIE MINOGUE!!!!" With a ferocious roar, Jason leapt at Paul, attacking him and dragging him to the floor, roaring all the way. "Wait... wait..." Paul protested vainly. "You can't do this to me, I'm a celebrity!" Jason just kept on roaring and punching, punching and roaring. "Kylie Minogue?! KYLIE MINOGUE!!!!!!!!!!!!" Joe Binks was walking past the security office when he saw a familiar figure within. "Captain?" he exclaimed in disbelief, entering. "Captain James T. Who, what are YOU doing here?" "Joe! Joe Binks!" Who shook his hands in an enthusiastic greeting. "I haven't seen you since... since..." "Ian's wedding, Captain," Joe reminded him gently. "Ah yes, well... THAT all seems a bit pointless now, doesn't it?" Who acknowledged sorrowfully. "What are you doing here?" Joe asked again. "Detained against my will, I'm afraid, Joe," Who said sourly. "Otherwise, you know me, wouldn't be here a moment longer than I absolutely had to. Why, what are you doing in this dreadful place?" "I... er... I work here, Captain," Joe admitted shamefacedly. "Oh..." Who laid a comforting hand on Joe's shoulder. "I'm so sorry.." "But why are you being detained?" Joe demanded, quickly changing the subject. "Oh, I arrived near a dead body. They think I did it," Who shook his head. Joe stared at Peter and Robin in disgust. "That's RIDICULOUS, guys!" "Maybe," Peter acknowledged. "But Hitch directed us to keep him here 'til the cops come, and he's boss." "Hitchcock couldn't direct traffic!" Joe frowned. "And if he seriously thinks the Captain could have anything to do with a murder, he's even stupider than he seems!" "Nobody could be stupider than HE seems," Who objected. "How long are you planning on keeping him here?" Joe wanted to know. "It's ten to seven. Nearly shutting up time." "Oh, is it? Good," Who pondered. "Why good?" Robin wanted to know. "Because I have the strangest feeling..." Who acknowledged, "that the less people in Meadowhall at the moment, the better." Pan found Hitchcock and another guard in a deserted bend on Level 2. "What's up?" he asked. Hitchcock and the other guard turned. Their eyes glowed a fierce GREEN. "What the - " Pan took a step back. Hitchcock opened his mouth. Green slime spewed forth and onto Pan's face. Pan fell, struggling and squirming, but in a matter of mere seconds, he was up on his feet again, and his eyes now likewise glowed the same colour. "GO FORTH," Hitchcock instructed in a dark, deep, strained voice that was most definitely not his own. "EXCRETE THE SLIME! SPREAD MY WILL!" TO BE CONTINUED... DOCTOR TREK THE NEW ADVENTURES THE GREEN GREEN GLOW OF DEATH BY IAN KIDD Part 2 CHAPTER ONE Erinsborough High School, Australia. 1991. "Got a letter from Melissa the other day," Josh Anderson was saying as he and Cody walked the corridors on their way to their next lesson. "Said she missed me." Cody regarded Josh with amused and genuine - if platonic - affection. "I wonder if she'd say that if she knew what you were getting up to, eh?" Josh looked at her worriedly. "You - er - you won't tell her, will you?" "I don't know, Josh. She IS my best friend," Cody wound him delightedly. "But, Cody, you wouldn't. Would you?" Josh pleaded. "I," "Cody Willis," a stern voice cut in behind, making them jump. Cody and Josh turned. It was Dorothy Burke. "Yes, Ms Burke?" Cody inquired. "I'd like to see you in my office, please," Dorothy's tone brooked no argument. "Now, if you please." She began walking away. Cody followed her, casting a despairing look at Josh. He gave her the thumbs up sign. Cody followed Dorothy into her office. "What can I do for you, Ms Burke?" "You know very well what," Dorothy snapped. "I do not appreciate being treated like this, Cody." Cody didn't have the faintest idea what she was talking about. "Ms Burke,I - er - I don't know," "Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about," Dorothy snapped exasperatedly. "Your friends! When are they due back?" Cody tried to fathom her out. "You mean, Melissa and Todd?" "Really, Cody, stop being so impudent," Dorothy said sharply. "Your friends board with me for a month, and then just waltz off and disappear without paying their rent." "Ms Burke," Cody protested. "WHO are you talking about?" "EXACTLY!" Dorothy snapped. "Captain Who - and THAT'S not his real name, I'll wager, and I'll eat my hat if he's a real Captain, too, I will. And that Sammy Davis Jnr. and Ace. Silly names, all of them." Cody's mind whirled. The Captain. Ace. SAMMY, "I never would have rented room out to them in the first place but for your recommendation," Dorothy tutted. "You SWORE to me that they were reliable, and then this happens - " The Captain, Ace, Sammy, FROBISHER; Cody felt the floor moving beneath her. "I'm very upset with you, Cody," Dorothy told her. Cody hit the floor in a dead faint. In the offices of Lassiter's Hotel Management, Caroline Alessi, Paul Robinson and the mysterious Mr Elgin were still engaged in a heated discussion over their new business partnership. "But they're a CHEMICAL company!" Caroline glared. "And a fairly disreputable one, too, from what I've heard. What would they want with us? Or us with THEM?" Paul leaned back in his chair, smiling. "Tell them." Elgin smiled thinly. "Global Chemicals is looking to open a new chemical company. Right here in Erinsborough." "You're not SERIOUS?!" Caroline protested. "Tell her where," Paul smirked. "Right here," Elgin informed her. "In Lassiters?!" Caroline was gobsmacked. "There's no ROOM!" "There will be," Paul told her. "Their new plant will take the place of the hotel." "You," Caroline stared at him. "Paul, this hotel, this corporation, is your LIFE! Why are you selling out, to THEM of all people?! A chemical plant?!?! The people of Erinsborough won't stand for it." "They'll have very little choice," Paul bent down and picked up a pair of headphones from a drawer in his desk. "As will you. Put these on." "No," Caroline backed away, fear beginning to replace her earlier anger. Elgin caught her. "Let me go!" Caroline thrashed helplessly. "Don't struggle," Paul advanced on her. "It's so much easier, if you don't struggle." He placed the headphones on Caroline's head. After a few moments, Caroline stopped struggling. Her eyes glazed over. "Yes," she said, her voice a zombie-like monotone. "Yes, I understand everything now." Eyes suddenly glowing green, Paul Robinson smiled a diabolical smile. "Cody!" Dorothy was helping her to her chair as Cody regained consciousness. "Cody, are you alright?" "I, I think so," Cody put her hand to her head. It was the memories. Too much, too soon. They'd all come rushing back. Twin Peaks, Todd, the TARDISPRISE, the Daleks, Jip, Captain Who, Frobisher, Ace, and Sammy. How could she have forgotten SAMMY? "I'm sorry if I upset you," Dorothy fretted. "I didn't mean to shout." Cody remembered now. Most of it, anyway. But the last few hours, the last hours were still a blank, like a missing piece in a jigsaw puzzle. "You clearly came back to school too soon," Dorothy said. "Go home, go back to bed." She led her out. "Yes, Ms Burke," Cody replied softly, too shaken to argue. "Do you need a ride?" Dorothy asked. "No, no, I'll be fine, thank you, Ms Burke," Cody left. Dorothy closed the door behind her. Cody stood, leaning on the door, trying to take it all in. "Sammy," she whispered softly. On the banks of Lassiter's Lake, something was thrashing it's way out of the water. Slithering, rather. A maggot. A GIANT maggot. Cody unlocked the door to No. 28 Ramsay Street, threw her school bag down, and went and collapsed on the sofa, failing to notice she had not closed the front door properly behind her. Her mind was still reeling. Cody went into her bedroom and retrieved her diary. Returning to the living room chairs, she sat, her back to the door, reading. These entries were all about breaking up with Todd and joining the student exchange program. Except it hadn't been Todd, it had been Sammy. But thanks to Jip's mind control techniques, she'd forgotten Twin Peaks and everything at that point. Thank goodness Jip's technique hadn't been THAT good, otherwise, he might have made her, Cody shuddered at the thought. The front door opened a tad, silently. A giant maggot slithered through the crack into the Willis house. Cody sat, reading quietly as, behind her, the giant maggot slithered ever closer and began rearing up to strike, CHAPTER TWO Wickersley Comprehensive School, England. July 1989. The water balloon splashed all over Sammy. He stood, drenched, glowering at his fellow pupils. "Come on, Sammy!" Mr Dudley cried. "Cheer up!" Sammy gave an exceptionally forced and horrifically fake cheesy smile. It was his own fault, he reflected, choosing to compete in Wick Comp's own version of 'It's a Knockout' for Activity Week had seemed to like a good idea at the time. Now, drenched and freezing on the school field, Sammy wasn't so sure - especially when he was becoming increasingly convinced that the majority of the water balloons in this 'friendly' game were all being deliberately aimed at HIM. Still, it could be worse, Sammy supposed. He could be making movies with the Sci-Fi Club. Honestly, what a bunch of geeky tossers! Another water balloon hit him smack in the face. Across the school, in the Science block, the bunch of geeky tossers were hard at work on the second movie in their inexplicably popular sci-fi spoof series, 'Doctor Trek', entitled 'The Big Fairy'. As the villain of the piece was a particularly malevolent - and particularly delicious - sponge fairy cake, many fairy cakes had been baked to use as props. "Come on then, darlings!" director Lawrence Ahlemeyer clapped his hands, a tad camply. "Let's create some MAGIC, dears! Action!" Casting a suspicious glance at their increasingly theatrical - and increasingly worrying - director, seventeen year old Paul Bates, in the guise of the character he was portraying, Dr Crawford, opened the oven and removed the tray of fairy cakes. Paul pretended to analyse the cakes through a peculiar device, then coughed and spluttered unconvincingly, muttering "Cor Blimey!" in a particularly comical fashion. "And, CUT!" Lawrence exclaimed delightedly. "That was beautiful, dearie!" He went over and gave Paul a big hug. "Marvellous, darlings, marvellous! You were ALL stars today!" The actors moved on, temporarily abandoning the tray of fairy cakes. From behind the oven, a trail of green slime suddenly emerged, oozing across the floor and up the table leg. With surprising swiftness, it entered one of the fairy cakes, oozing inside it. The fairy cake shook slightly, then became still. "Aah," it said. Sammy stood in the boys toilets, trying to dry himself. He was right. The boys HAD been out to get him, mainly thanks to that Warne kid. A noise made Sammy turn. There was nothing there. Shrugging, Sammy turned back to the sink. Another noise. Sammy turned. Nothing. Sammy turned back. Another noise. "For God's sa - " Sammy turned. A howling wind blasted into Sammy's face and body as an enormous black void opened in the boys toilets. Sammy screamed as he realised the wind was actually trying to PULL him in. Desperately, Sammy managed to crawl to the door, exit, and slam the door behind him, gasping. Another boy headed for the toilets. "Don't - don't go in there!" Sammy yelled.
Copyright © 2003 Ian Kidd |