Doctor Trek - Crossbreed (3)
"Now, my dear Charles," Diana leered, "we take over the hotel, then we take the town, and then we take over the world!" "Let's do one thing at a time, eh, dear?" Charles reproved. The attack on the Great Northern Hotel was accomplished in very little time. The Visitors charged in, laser guns firing, taking charge. Lynda Day poked her head out the door of her room, dressed in her blue pyjamas, to see Spike, Kenny, Colin, Sam, Frazz and Sarah coming toward her, all fully dressed. "What's going on?" she demanded. "What was that shooting?" "Er - " Spike went pale, "perhaps he knows something about it." Lynda turned to see a humanoid green lizard wielding a gun at her. "Don't you think we've been through enough for one day?" "You're all in my power," Charles said icily. "Move," he motioned with the gun. Colin leapt out to greet him. "Can I just make an interjection at this juncture?" "No," Charles pulled the trigger. A laser bolt struck Colin in the chest, knocking him to the floor, body charred, and quite dead. Lynda looked at the alien in shock. "That was uncalled for!" "Do you realise what you've just done?" Sarah began. "Yeah," Sam pouted. "This is only Series 2. You've completely stuffed up our show's continuity, now." "I won't tell you again," Charles leered. "Move!" The young news-team headed in the direction Charles directed them, arms raised, faces pale. "Why do I always do the most important things in my life in my pajamas?" Lynda wondered. "Ben Horne is one of them!" Matt Wilson garbled desperately into the phone. "You've got to get out of there! You've got to -" he paused, sensing another presence in the room, and turned. "Well, well, well," Diana said mockingly. There was the buzz of laser, and the smell of burning flesh... In the Double "R" diner, Norma Jennings replaced the telephone, white-faced. "What's happened?" Special Agent Dale Cooper inquired, noting her expression. "That was one of the Australian tourists from the Great Northern Hotel," Norma explained. "He says we're being invaded." The Doctor looked up sharply. "By whom?" "Lizard men," Norma told him, "and he says Ben Horne is one of them!" "Of course!" Jerry Horne jumped up and down excitedly. "That would explain why he didn't want the ham sandwiches! He used to love them! So he's an alien, eh? Guess that means the real Ben's dead," he began to grin. "Guess that means the Great Northern's mine now!" "Sounds to me like the Visitors from Sirius," the Doctor mulled, "and they have an extreme, sometimes even fatal, aversion to cooked meat...Norma, how old are the meat pies you serve here?" "Four months, Doctor," Norma replied. One of the patrons started spluttering and choking. "What's going on, Professor?" Ace inquired. "A plan is forming in my mind," the Doctor answered thoughtfully. The door to the diner was lasered to the ground and five stupidly-dressed alien lizards stomped in, wielding laser rifles. "Too late," Ace remarked. "You will come with us," Charles ordered. The entire population of the town of Twin Peaks were assembled under gun-point in the Hall of the Great Northern Hotel. Sammy looked around, seeing some faces missing. "I don't see Todd and Cody," he whispered to Who. "What was that?" Somehow, Charles heard him and came stomping across the Hall, shoving his laser rifle up Sammy's nose. "Who's missing?" "Er - er..." Sammy stammered desperately. "You have five seconds," Charles said sweetly, "or I blow your head off." "Todd Landers and Cody Willis," Sammy sighed. "They were staying here, but I can't see them." "Squealer," Frobisher whispered. "Todd Landers and Cody Willis!" Charles roared. "If you are here, say so!" There was no response. Charles turned to Sammy. "Go upstairs and find them. Bring them here. Go!" "Er - I don't know what room they're in," Sammy told him. Charles threw him the ledger. "Go! You have fifteen minutes to bring them back down here or - " he gave what lizards considered a smirk, "I begin executing your friends." "Start with the Whifferdil," Sammy urged, and hurried from the room. Sammy hurried up the stairs to Cody's room and went in, to find it empty. He then hurried to Todd's room, to find the door locked. "Todd?" Sammy called urgently. "Cody? It's Sammy." No response. "Todd? Cody?" Sammy began to move away, but as he did so he heard a low whimpering coming from inside. Sammy took a step back, and ran toward the door, foot raised to kick it in. It hurt his foot rather more than it hurt the door, and Sammy fell over, but he quickly recovered and ran the door like a battering ram, sending it crashing open. Todd stood at the far end of the room, Cody in his arms, knife to her throat. "Come any closer," he whispered hoarsely, "and I'll kill her." Charles leaned in on Frobisher, eyeing him, virtually touching noses. "I expect you're wondering if your teenage friend will return in time to save you from being barbecued?" Frobisher smiled sweetly. "No. Actually, I was wondering if you'd heard that they've invented breath fresheners." Sammy put his hand out to calm Todd. "Now come on, Todd, we can talk about this. What's the problem?" "The problem is," Todd sneered, "my girl doesn't love me anymore. She loves you." "Really?" Sammy was shocked. He looked at Cody. "Why?" "I don't know," Cody sobbed. "I just do." Sammy smiled. "Well, then I guess I love you, too." "Shut up!" Todd screamed. "We're talking about ME!" Charles looked at his stylish SEIKO wrist-watch, counting off the seconds. "Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock..." Frobisher yawned. "God, he's boring, isn't he?" "Come on, Todd," Sammy pleaded. "I'm sure we can work something out. Some kind of time-share scheme, perhaps. Just - just put down the knife and let Cody go." "No!" Todd yelled. "If I can't have her, nobody can!" he moved to slit her throat. Sammy ran at him. Cody elbowed her ex-boyfriend in the ribs and sprang free into Sammy's arms. Todd roared, raising the knife again. Sammy pushed Cody behind him protectively. "Put down the knife." "No!" Todd roared. "I'm going to kill the both of you!" "Todd!" Cody screamed. "Why are you doing this?!" "Todd?" Todd looked at her, grinning insanely. "My name's not Todd. It's Bob!" he spat. "Oh, God," Sammy realised. "Who the hell is Bob?" Cody demanded. "A malevolently evil spirit who lives in the woods," Sammy told her. Cody looked puzzled. "They never mentioned him in the competition." Todd raised the knife. "Die!" he charged. Cody screamed. Sammy kicked him viciously in the balls, kneed him in the stomach, and punched him viciously in the face. "Take that!" he yelled. Todd went crashing out of the window, screaming all the way to the ground below, which he hit with an unpleasent squelch. Sammy winced and pulled a face. "Ah...er...whoops." "Time up!" Charles roared. "Time to die!" "Sorry to disappoint you," Sammy and Cody trailed wearily into the Hall. "Where's the other one?" Charles demanded suspiciously. "Dead," Sammy replied flatly. "On the ground outside." "Go check," Charles ordered one of his subordinates. "You'd better not be lying or - " The subordinate returned. "He's telling the truth, sir." "Damn!" Charles fumed. "If you don't mind my saying so, Sammy," Who frowned, "I think that was a somewhat drastic solution to the love triangle problem, don't you?" "Shut up," Sammy told him. Who looked rather put out. "Now," Charles began, "you will stay here, with an armed guard. If he reports any problems, we'll execute the lot of you." "What's the point of all this?" Ace demanded. "Why keep us here?" "We are going to contact the US government," Charles told her, "and tell them we have an entire town under our command. If they wish to talk terms, I will demand to speak personally with the President. The President will come." "And then what?" Ace urged. "And then," Charles managed a thin smile, "I'll kill him," he flounced out, followed by his troops, leaving one guard to cover the prisoners. He turned at the door. "Every few minutes, I will check on you. Any trouble - you die." "Right then," Who rubbed his hands together when Charles had left, "time to escape." "What about El Lizard there?" Sam pouted. "Oh, him," Who smirked. "Frobisher." "Certainly," Frobisher shape-shifted into a gun, shot the guard dead, and changed back. "You see? No problem. Let's face it, guys, I am the hero of this story." Lynda smirked. "You're certainly a handy plot device." "Right," Who smiled, "now that little obstacle has been dealt with, let's get going." "Where to?" Frazz spoke up. "To the diner," the Doctor interrupted. "I have a plan to defeat these things." "A cunning plan?" Frobisher inquired gleefully. "Very," the Doctor promised. "So let's go!" Who urged. "Aren't you forgetting something?" Pete pointed out nervously. "That alien thingy will be coming back to check on us every few minutes. He'll find us and kill us! We'll never have time to even reach the diner, let alone carry out the Doc's plan." "He's right," the Doctor agreed reluctantly. "Frobisher," Who began brightly. "How do you feel about shape-shifting into over a thousand people?" "No problem," Frobisher beamed. "What?" CHAPTER EIGHT Charles looked briefly in at the Hall to see the people still standing there, looking scared, nervous, bored etc. He looked over at the guard. "Everything okay?" "Fine," the guard replied. Charles looked around, his attention briefly focussing on the Log Lady, who was apparently engaged in a meaningful exchange of views with her log. Charles shook his head contemptuously. "What a nutty town. If they were all wiped out tomorrow, who'd miss 'em?" He left the room. "Prick," said the guard. "Prick," said the Log Lady. "Prick," said the log. The lights in the Double "R" diner flickered on as the REAL residents of Twin Peaks barged in, breathless. "What now?" Norma gasped. "Now," the Doctor began, "I want you to gather all your most rotten meat pies, all your sausage rolls, all your meat, the lot of it, and put it one huge, bubbling cauldron." "We haven't got a huge, bubbling cauldron," Norma protested. "You have now," Who told her. "Frobisher!" Frobisher changed from being an extra button on Who's lapel to being a huge, black cauldron. "I told you he was a handy plot device," Lynda shook her head. "Why are we doing this?" Ace inquired. "The Visitors are notorious for their picky dietary habits. We're going to cook up something to send our scaly friends," the Doctor frowned, "packing!" "Alright!" Ace said. "As one lesbian said to the other lesbian - let's cook!" "I don't think that's quite right, somehow," the Doctor reproved. Charles entered the Hall. "Everything okay?" "I've had enough of this," the guard yawned. "Tough," Charles replied. The guard vanished. Charles blinked. The guard had gone - and so had everyone else in the Hall, with the exception of a small and fluffy white rabbit, which then hopped away. Charles just stared after it, bemused. "I've been working too hard," he decided. "I need a vacation." Meat pies, sausage rolls, chicken legs, lamb chops, pheasant wings. There was no distinction between any of them as all of the Double "R" diner's most delicious (and out-of-date) meals were slopped, stirred and heated into one huge slobbering mass of meat. The Doctor looked over the cooks' shoulders as they prepared their delicacies. "Disgusting," he commented. "Keep it up." "Where are they?" Diana demanded. "I can guess," Charles growled. "The diner. Men - good hunting!" The evil Visitors, with Charles and Diana at the helm, began braving the treacherous paths of Twin Peaks toward their prey. "What did the President say?" Diana wanted to know. "Just two words," Charles replied, running. "The first started with 'f', the second ended with it." Sammy Davis Jnr and Cody Willis were sitting by the window of the Double "R" diner, each with binoculars, looking out for any sign of Visitors on the horizon. "So let me get this straight," Cody was saying. "You, the Captain, Wok and Frobisher are from another dimension. And in that dimension I'm on a tv show called 'Neighbours'. Correct?" "Right so far," Sammy smiled. "And when I was on this show," Cody smiled shyly, "you had a crush on me? Just like I had a crush on you when you were in 'Wickersley Comp'?" "Only 'Wickersley Comp' isn't just a tv show. It's my life," Sammy finished. "Just as 'Neighbours' is your life." "So that means," Cody tried to work it out, "we both had a crush on a fictional character. But now we're both real - and we both know each other quite a bit already." "That's what it comes down to," Sammy smirked. "It's a little ridiculous when you think about it, isn't it?" "So you travel with the Captain now," Cody frowned. "From people to people, place to place. What will you do when this is all over?" "I dunno," Sammy shrugged. "Move on again, I guess." "You know," Cody swallowed, "there comes a time when people have to stop travelling and settle down, you realise that?" "I know," Sammy's eyes met hers. "I've been thinking about it a lot lately," he touched her hand, and she gripped it fiercely. "Hey, young lovers!" Sam pouted. "Quit staring into each other's eyes and stare out the window!" Sammy did so. "Oh, shit!" he cried. "There's a whole army of Visitors - and they're halfway up the hill!" "What?!" "The diner! The lights are on!" Charles seethed. "I told you!" "What do we do?" Diana questioned. "Take them alive?" "No," Charles shook his head grimly. "We'll use our plan elsewhere. Let's just kill the lot of them!" A fluffy white rabbit hopped into the diner and immediately shifted back into Frobisher's familiar form. "If I were you guys, I'd hurry," he said. "The Visitors are nearly here." "We know!" The Doctor, Ace and Norma dragged out the large cauldron, which was full of meat and thick gravy. It was bubbling with heat. "I'm hot!" the cauldron muttered. "And yet I'm the coolest guy here! Just how is that possible?!" "That looks and smells utterly foul," Cooper commented. "All the better," the Doctor smiled. "They're virtually on top of us!" Cody shouted. "Alright, boys," Ace sighed. "Let's give these Visitors something to complain about when they get home." The Doctor frowned. "They're not getting home." Just as the Visitors reached the diner, and Charles yelled "Set lasers on kill!", the Doctor, Ace and Norma raced from the diner and emptied the contents of the cauldron all over the place, then raced back inside. The Visitors screamed in agony as the lava of rotten meat and stinking gravy flowed all over them. In minutes it was all over, and all the Visitors (including Charles and Di and the fake Ben Horne) were dead. Frobisher shifted out of his cauldron form and strolled back in the diner. "It's over!" "Yes!" the 'other' Frobisher hugged him, and they merged back into one. "Well, Professor," Ace sighed. "Now that's over - is that what you came here for?" "No," the Doctor replied crossly. And then the diner seemed to explode. What seemed like moments (but was probably hours) later, they awoke in unfamiliar stone and straw surroundings. "What's happened?" Norma cried. The Doctor didn't look happy. "We appear to have been taken back in time." "By whom?" Norma demanded. "By me, Madam," said the Master. CHAPTER NINE "Master!" Ace breathed. The Doctor drew himself up to his full height (which wasn't much) to face his old enemy. "I knew you were here, but what are you up to?" The Master chuckled evilly. "Heh heh heh. What I'm up to is finally having the jump on you, Doctor. After all these years, you are mine." "What do you mean?" Ace demanded suspiciously. The Master smiled. "I lured the Krites and the Visitors here to keep the Doctor occupied while I set my trap. Look around you, Miss Ace. We are hundreds of years in the past of Twin Peaks. There is no TARDIS, no help, no way out. However, I will consent to take some of you back home, if..." "If what?" Cooper demanded. "If my dear Doctor will give up his life," the Master chuckled gleefully. "Heh heh heh. And dies - on his knees before me." "Doctor!" Ace urged. "Do something! Stop him!" "I'm afraid I can't, Ace," the Doctor looked crumpled. "I knew he was here - but he's outplanned me. I'm afraid this time I've lost, Ace. I have to give in." "You can't!" Ace cried. "You can't believe he'll let us all go once you're dead. He'll kill us anyway!" "I give you my word," the Master promised. "And we all know what good that is!" Ace shot back. "Please, please!" Who stepped forward, waving his hands about. "There's no need for all this tot," he reached into his pocket. "Don't try anything stupid," the Master covered him with his TCE. "I am Captain James T. Who," Who told him contemptuously, "and I am never stupid." Frobisher smirked. Who took something out of his pocket. The Master eyed him warily. "What are you doing with that egg-timer?" "It's not an egg-timer," Who spat. "It's a Stattenheim Remote Control." The Doctor brightened up. "Is it? Oh, I've always wanted one of those!" "Tough," Who fiddled with a couple of knobs (Frobisher thought that was a bit rude of him). There was a noise like an elephant in labour (have you ever heard an elephant in labour?) and the teleport cubicle materialised in what was left of the diner. "I'm rather afraid," Who smirked, "that your scheme is at an end, Master." "You!" the Master roared. "Die!" He fired the TCE. Nothing happened. In desperation, he fired again. Again, nothing happened. "Sorry to disappoint you, Master," Who smirked superiorly, "but I just happen to be wearing my Tissue Compressor Eliminator Trek Deflector!" Instantly, he attacked the Master and wrestled the TCE off him. "And you're nicked, m' old son." "No!" Scowling, the Master ran for the door. Standing by the entrance was the Log Lady, who remarked "My log doesn't like you very much", before clobbering him over the head with it. The Master collapsed, unconscious. Who crouched down beside him and took a piece of circuitry from the evil genius' jacket. "I thought so," he smiled in satisfaction. "What's that?" Ace asked. "It's circuitry from the Master's TARDIS," Who told her. "I imagine he took it out so that if one of us stumbled across it, we couldn't use it. Well now he can't, so he's trapped here, wherever he is." "Can I quote you on that?" Lynda asked. "Right, everybody into the teleport cubicle," Who crowed, "and I'll take you home." And with that, over one thousand people jumped into the small teleport cubicle. "Just watch where you put your hands, Spike," Lynda reproved. The teleport cubicle faded away. The residents and visitors of Twin Peaks climbed out of the newly-materialised teleport cubicle, somewhat relieved to be back in their own time, outside the diner. "Why is it light outside?" Norma inquired. "Oh, I brought you to the next morning," Who explained. "You'll have a lot of clearing up to do, what with those barbecued Visitors and the like." Sammy was over in a corner with Cody. "Are you going to tell him?" Cody asked hopefully. Sammy looked at her and grinned sheepishly. "Yeah. Don't worry, Cody - it's all going to be alright." "Well, thank you Captain," the Doctor shook Who's hands warmly. "Without your most timely intervention, well - you know..." "It's perfectly alright, Doctor, Ace," Who smiled. "Happy wanderings." "Thanks," Ace smiled and she and the Doctor bundled into the police box by the diner, which faded away with a very Dicksensian wheezing and groaning sound. "Oh, Captain," Agent Cooper handed him something. "Something to keep you warm on your flight." "What is it?" Who inquired. "A thermos of damn fine coffee," Cooper smiled. "Oh, thank you," Who smiled, and as Cooper moved away, he surreptitiously dropped it into the nearest waste paper bin. "Colin!" Lynda cried, astounded, as the last-seen-badly-charred teenage accountant of the Junior Gazette strolled up the street, grinning all over his face. "We thought you were dead!" "I was," Colin told her, "but I'm alive now." "How come?" Spike inquired. "Dunno," Colin grinned mischeivously, "but it makes for a nice and corny happy ending, doesn't it?" The Junior Gazetters began walking away. "Ah, well," Who took a breath of fresh air, "time to go. Come along, Wok, Frobisher, Sammy." Wok and Frobisher followed him but Sammy hung back. "I - I'm not coming with you," he said sadly. "Yes!" Frobisher did the splits. Who frowned. "Sammy? Why not?" Cody came up and Sammy put his arm around her. "I'm going back to Ramsay Street - I'm in love with her, Captain, and she's in love with me and - " he cast a dark glance at Frobisher, who was blubbing ferociously into a handkerchief, "I'm going back with her." "Are you sure about this, Sammy?" Who asked. "Who will you stay with?" "Oh, come on, this is Ramsay Street," Sammy chuckled. "Someone's bound to put me up. It's that kind of place." "Make sure you're certain," Who said earnestly. "This isn't even your universe. We're going to leave here - we may never get back. Are you really sure?" Sammy looked at Cody, back to Who, and nodded. "Yes," he said firmly. "What was it you said, Captain? You can't go through life without taking a few risks? Well, I'm taking a risk. I'm taking charge of my life. What did I have back in the 'real' world, Captain? Zilch. No parents, no friends, no life. I've got a chance at a new start - a new life, and I'm grabbing it, 'cause here I've got Cody," he looked at her with love in his eyes, "so I've got everything." "Yes, well," Who swallowed. "Goodbye, Sammy. It's been - er - educational." "For me, too," Sammy shook his hand. "Thanks for everything. Goodbye Captain, Mr Wok, Frobisher. I'll miss you all - well, two of you, well..." he coughed. "Goodbye. I'll miss you." "'Bye," Who, Wok and Frobisher climbed into the teleport cubicle and Sammy watched as if faded away. Cody put her arms around him. "Well?" she smiled. "Any regrets?" Sammy looked at her. "Just one." Cody frowned. "What?" Sammy grinned. "That I haven't done this yet." And he kissed her. Who, Wok and Frobisher were now back aboard the TARDISPRISE. "Where is Sam-my?" Didditwobble inquired. "He elected to remain behind," Who told the android. "It seems dreams do occasionally come true," he sighed. "Well, come on then, Mr Wok. Use your expert navigational skills and take us back through the wormhole." "That's just it, Captain," Wok frowned worriedly. "I can't find it." "What?" Who asked. "The wormhole," Wok frowned. "It appears to have disappeared." "What does that mean?" Who inquired. "It means, the hole would appear to have completely closed up," Wok told him, "removing all trace of it's very existence." "And what does that mean?" Who questioned. "It means we're trapped here," Wok took a deep breath. "Possibly forever." TO BE CONTINUED... THE CAPTAIN WILL RETURN IN PARALLEL UNIVERSES
Copyright © 1992 Ian Kidd |