Victorian Summer (6) ‘Then what?‘, Jackson said looking directly at her. She was quiet as she said: ‘Should I run away with it..then…?’ ‘I don‘t know..it‘s up to you..’, Jackson said… Teresa rose her head and said: ‘So it‘s up to me.. I thought you had a plan..’ ‘No Teresa..I mean if you want to…I‘m sure…I can think of a plan…but I mean you look unsure. Do you want to marry this damned fool…is that it…I can‘t stop you..oh I’m tired.. I don’t want to talk anymore. ’ They were silent then and Teresa put her head in her hands. Yes she was comfortable in Jackson’s company. Yes they were friends. They could talk to each other and in ways she could trust him. Then she heard him speaking: ‘I need money..of course…and that necklace…look at it..Teresa I‘m lost.. I don‘t know what to think…’ Then he took some bread from his pocket and chewed it. He said then looking at Teresa: ‘No, Teresa, you truly are a fool..and you will be happy to marry him but you won’t be happy…’ ‘Don’t call me a fool anyway..’ she said quickly, looking at him. Then she said quickly: And he wants to marry me..what about that?’ ‘But you don’t want to marry him, do you?’ Jackson said. ‘How do you know..?’ ‘I don’t’. They were silent and then she said almost teasingly: ‘Jackson you talk stupid…you want to own me…one of your girls…and what will Nelly think …the way you speak to me like this’ . Jackson seemed to smile. Then he said: ‘We are friends above all, aren’t we Teresa..we grew up together …’ Teresa looked quickly at him and then away. She said: ‘Alright this necklace…..this necklace belongs to me…now.’ Jackson seemed to think about something and said: ‘So you will marry him…then?’ ‘Yes, maybe’. He replied: ‘Because you think it is an opportunity., is that it..Teresa? You want to escape, Teresa..you want to escape from me.. all this… you are cruel aren’t you…you use men..don’t you..’ Jackson said looking at her. ‘I don’t’, Teresa replied automatically. They were silent again as he said: ‘That necklace…would you marry someone just to get a necklace..to own something like that..something that someone like me couldn’t give you..’ Teresa looked at him closely. Maybe Jackson was beginning to make sense now. She wanted to smile but these words made her sad inside. ‘Are you dreaming..are you making sense? ’, she said softly. ‘I am making sense..you would marry for money..wouldn’t you?’ Teresa looked at him wide-eyed and said: ‘Wait Jackson..no it’s not…Jackson..I’m tired..and you’re not making sense….’ He replied: ‘I’m right..you’d marry for money…wouldn’t you?’ Then he rose to go away: ‘I’m going …’ As he walked away, she shouted: ‘No..you’re not right…’ He turned and said: ‘You’d marry for a necklace…wouldn’t you?’ ‘A necklace?’ Teresa asked. He looked at her quickly and turned away again. She called out: ‘Wait Jackson…’ ‘You want to escape from here…is that it?’, Jackson said turning around again and she said: ‘Why wouldn’t I.. I don’t want to go on the streets….again..ever..’ ‘You have work..don’t you…and why don’t you go to work with Antoinette…she’s gone to the country to work..there’s factories there…’ She didn’t know what to say. She felt tired and she said without thinking: ‘And what if he wants to marry me…’ ‘This man..this admirer..alright..but you’re marrying for a necklace…’ ‘You’re mocking me, Jackson..that doesn’t make sense…’ He was silent. Then she said: ‘Ask me why I would marry him…Jackson.’ He answered quickly: ‘Teresa, I don’t want to know.. I don’t want to know… I have just seen the necklace..that is all…and I know it’s valuable. Is this man so stupid..does he know how valuable it is…’ Teresa replied: ‘No Jackson…I’m tired..I know I can’t answer your questions. You ask if I marry for a necklace and you know I don’t…He gave it to me. He likes me, doesn’t he? ’ ‘Alright, Teresa, I’m going.. He said and he turned and walked away. This time she let him go away. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A week later Teresa sat with Anette in a coffee-house. Teresa had just mentioned that Jackson had decided to move away from the city. They were quiet now. Teresa looked at Anette closely. She had't told Anette that she planned to marry. Yes in the last week she had begun to think that it was right to marry Denby. She felt alone too now that Antoinette and Jackson were gone. Then Teresa said quickly: ‘I’m going to marry…’ Anette seemed to study Teresa. Yes she felt that this man might propose to Teresa. She was just surprised at the tone of Teresa's voice. There seemed to be fear in it. Anette answered: ‘You are happy then..is it what you want..’ Teresa smiled and nodded. She felt Anette's eyes on her, looking carefully at her but she didn't want to talk of the marriage, or Denby now. She had mentioned the marriage to Anette. That was all she wanted to do. 'I'm marrying...that's all....' She heard Anette say quickly: 'You are happy...I asked you if you were happy...' 'Yes..I mean...' Then Teresa said: 'You know the necklace...the one Denby gave me...' 'I''d love a gift like that...', Anette said cheerfully. 'No...I told Jackson...and maybe I shouldn't..he steals...' 'You said he's gone...anyway the necklace is yours...when you marry it will be in your possession...' Teresa tried to smile. 'Yes, Anette, I just thought he’d try and steal it…’ They were quiet then and then Teresa said: ‘I feel so lonely…I feel so… I need something…Antoinettte's gone..’ ‘You want to marry..you're lonely....there’s nothing wrong…he’s in love with you.. I know..’ ‘I like him’, Teresa replied quickly, 'I like him a lot..’ Aneete looked away. As Teresa looked at Anette's profile, she suddenly remembered Aimee. Yes she hadn't seen Aimee in a long time. Still Aimee had the same high cheekbones as Anette and that was what reminded Teresa of the former. Then Teresa closed her eyes without thinking. Yes, that money..she had stolen money from Aimee..but that was weeks ago...Aimee didn't seem to think it was her...or maybe she didn't notice...but AImee had a lot of visitors...she had lots of friends... Then Teresa said suddenly: 'This summer has been long, hasn’t it , Anette..we can still remain friends…I mean I know you want to go back to Sweden..don't you?’ ‘I’ll go back to care fro my mother..she’s sick..but I’ll come back, Teresa..’ ‘I'd like to remain friends, Anette’, Teresa said looking closely at Anette. ‘Yes we will’, Anette replied. There was silence as Anette seemed to think of something. Then Anette said: ‘You mentioned the necklace…are you just marrying for ..a house..security..I just want to know..I mean you're a friend, Teresa...I'd marry for security..but I'd have to like the man too..’ ‘Anette..that’s wrong..no please don’t say that..that damned necklace..no I mean it's the only thing anyone gave me..you know...oh I don't know..', Teresa felt as if words were coming from her mouth. She didn't know what she was saying and she felt confused. She stopped and tried to think. Then she said: But Anette.. I want to remain friends…I can’t live a life anyway on this…I couldn't marry for that..Jackson asked me...maybe I'm marrying for some security...but I like him...' 'I understand, Teresa'. Teresa seemed to wait for Anette to speak further and Anette said: ‘No I understand, Teresa. You like him, I know that and there is some security too..he will care for you..and all.. I understand…I understand…’ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Next weekend, Denby and Teresa took a train to the coast. They were now in agreement, both of them, about marrying. They both sensed they were alone now, alone together. Aimee spent less time with them and for Teresa, Antoinette was gone. They spent more time together and one evening, Denby asked Teresa if she'd come to the coast, just for a day. Teresa agreed. They sat opposite each other on the train. It crossed Teresa's mind that the guesthouse owners would think they were married but this didn't bother her and it didn't seem to bother Denby. Above all, both of them wanted to be free of the city for a day or two. As she looked out of the window, she felt her mind empty. It was that fear again. She felt lonely too. She saw more of Denby but that was right! No she spent more time with him now that Jackson and Antoinette were gone. Yes she was alone now and she needed something. Yes she needed to marry, Was this the right reason to marry? She looked at Denby quickly and their eyes met. He said quickly: ‘You are lonely…Are you lonely, Teresa’. 'No, I have you..', she said without thinking. 'But this world here..these fields..and then the sea...you won't feel lonely...', Teresa tried to smile. Then the image of the sea came before her. Maybe she would feel lonely. 'Yes.. I do..I think...', she stopped. She couldn't tell Denby about the fear in her. Yes she could hardly look at the countryside outside. She felt she had no interest in it although it was all new to her. She heard Denby say: 'I thought it'd be nice to go on this trip...you said your friends have left...and..' 'It is nice...' 'We can sleep separately...and..but we have the same room...' 'Of course...I don't mind...' Then Denby bent over and touched Teresa's knee. He said: 'That's why I like you..you're gently..kind...we understand each othe..don't we...' Teresa put her hand on Denby's hand. Then she thought of something and she said: 'Will we marry there...you know by the sea...?' Denby sat back quickly: 'There's no hurry to marry is there..but it would be nice...' 'I mean..when will we marry?' 'When we come back..maybe in a few weeks..would you like that?' Teresa seemed to think; 'I'd like that...' 'I have some family...I'd like them to be there...' Teresa was quiet then as she listened to the noise of the train. She looked back and said: 'Yes when we go back..I'd like that...' When they came to the destination, it was nearly evening. They alighted from the train and walked through the town together. Denby seemed to know where he was going. Maybe he was here before but Teresa didn't say anything! As she walked through the town, the thought came to her that she didn't really want to go back to the theatre or the place where she lived. Yes she wished she didn't have to go back! Why not marry..oh she wished they would marry quickly now...she wished she could leave the theatre as soon as possible and she didn't want to go back to her own rooms. Then there was the sea before her. Denby turned to her and smiled: 'You like the sea...' 'I like it..', Teresa said without thinking. Then she heard Denby ask: 'Is there something wrong...' 'No...I was never by the sea...I wish I didn't have to go back...', Teresa said quickly. They were quiet then as they continued to walk to the guesthouse. They sat in their room later. Teresa sat on a chair in the corner beside the window as Denby stood in front of her. She said then smiling: ‘They think we’re married..do they..?’ 'We'll be married soon...' 'In a few weeks...?', Teresa asked softly. She saw Denby smiling. 'Yes..in a few weeks...' Then she said suddenly: ‘I don’t want to go back to the theatre, to work.. I want something new…’ 'Yes, you don't need to go back..I told you we'll get married soon...' He came over and touched Teresa's right shoulder. 'Be calm, Teresa...I thought I knew you...there's nothing wrong..we will marry..we are together...' Teresa tried to smile. Yes Denby must think she was behaving stangely. She said then: 'No, marriage..it's made me hopeful...I'm looking forward to it...can you say something like that...' 'Of course...' Denby seemed to think and he stood at the window looking out. Then he said: 'When we marry..you can move into my rooms...then we'll get somewhere better..' 'Yes..that's alright...' Denby turned to her and said: 'You are in agreement..you can move into my rooms..you don't mind?' 'Of course not...', Teresa said quickly. ‘We'll marry when we go back..yes.. we’ll get married in the city…when we go back…I’ve told my friends anyway that I'm marrying you…’ They were quiet as lovers are now . She was conscious then of the silence around her. She felt the sea beside her too. The silence now meant a new life was beckoning for her. She felt the sea rising, the waves rising and turning. Yes it all signaled a new life. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The following day they walked along the beach. They would return in the evening to the city. ‘I feel so alone’,Teresa said to Denby as they stopped and looked into the sea. She looked out and continued: 'It’s so quiet here..so quiet'. ‘walking along like this…I know..it’s strange here…’ 'It's not strange...' 'But it's quiet...look there’s couples in the distance..they…’, Denby said looking ahead of him. Teresa made a noise as if to speak and Denby said quickly: ‘What ..Teresa..’ Teresa was going to say that others might think they were a married couple but unmarried couples walked along the beach too! Then they stopped and Denby said: ‘You’re cold aren’t you..Teresa…come close to me..’ She felt the wind at her face and Denby pulled her to him. She said quickly: ‘You're the only one I have...I have no real relatives.. I don’t want anyone at the marriage..’ ‘You need someone..just a friend from the theatre..maybe..a witness’ ‘Yes’ she said pushing him away gently and looking at him closely in the face. She said: ‘You’re kind to me..why are you so understanding….so kind…I don’t understand..’ 'I love you, don't I ...?', he replied. Then as it began to rain, they both turned automatically in the direction of their lodgings. ‘I am lonely’, Teresa said suddenly , 'I am lonely. This place isn’t for me’. ‘You mean this day away to the sea, come on Teresa. It's only a day..it will do you good’, he said smiling. ‘But I’m so lonely….’ she seemed to repeat herself. Maybe it was the cold. Maybe the rain. She felt as if she had to speak. There was that fear in her. She felt as if she had to say something and she kept repeating the fact she was lonely. Then Denby said suddenly: ‘You’re not lonely with me, are you?’ She didn't answer immediately and he heard her sigh almost with coldness as she pulled the coat around her. Then she looked up at him. She said quickly: 'No...I mean..I'm cold..that's all..I'm not lonely..no that's not it..I’m not lonely…no I’m cold.’ END
Copyright © 2008 Joel Ficelle |