Victorian Summer (5) ‘He’ll stop it….your life..look at his background…..’ This made Teresa think and there was silence. Then Teresa said: ‘I have to go Jackson. Antoinette...maybe he’s at the front of the theatre..’ Then Jackson looked closely at Teresa, her clothes and said: ‘Do you like your life ..I mean all this..your life?’ Teresa looked at him almost unseeingly. She looked confused. Really she was tired. Antoinette said then: ‘Leave her alone, Jackson..’ Then Teresa said: ‘You’re funny, Jackson.. you’re trying to annoy me..rib me now..aren't you?’ ‘I’m not..’ Then she said: ‘So my life…my life… you ask me if I like my life…what do you mean?’. He was quiet and she said: ‘Do you like your life, Jackson..?’ ‘Of course not.. I hate it ..I hate stealing… I hate it… I do it because I have to..I hate it.. I hate working on the docks…do you understand me…you understand me…’. ‘I understand you Jackson, so do you understand me when I say I don’t want to fall back onto the streets, Jackson and maybe this is a chance…this man ..oh I am tired’. ‘I’ll leave you, Teresa. Are you coming Antoinette?', Jackson said beginning to walk away and Antoinette rose slowly from her seat. --------------------------------------------------------------------- A few days later, Teresa sat with Antoinette in the public house, Antoinette was waiting for another woman called Andie who was coming with her to work in the factory in the country. Antoinette stood at the door looking out and Teresa sat inside. Antoinette looked out, occasionally turning to Teresa inside. Antoinette was not drunk at all and she had a new energy to her. Teresa felt this as she watched her and it occurred to her that this new job for Antoinette was a new lease of life for the latter. Was Denby her own lease of life, Teresa wondered. Then Antoinette suddenly gestured to Teresa that she had seen Andie in the distance up the street and she walked quickly outside. Antoinette wanted to talk to Andie about the work. Andie herself had just separated from her husband and she had some young children who she looked after. She never drank in the public house. Antoinette had told Teresa just now that she had ‘her children’ to look after. Then Antoinette came back. ‘I just wanted to ask her if she was coming..you know… Teresa’, Antoinette said quickly. Teresa nodded and Antoinette continued: ‘I know you don’t want to come…I want to go…I need to…it’s a job…’ Teresa looked at her but didn’t say anything. Antoinette looked at her. ‘Will you marry Denby then ?’, Antoinette asked. ‘You go away..so I should marry..is that what you are saying?, Teresa said. ‘You can come…’ ‘I can’t come..you know that…Denby..’, Teresa stopped and then she asked: ‘Jackson…’ ‘No…Nelly…I mean there’s Nelly…’, Antoinette stopped as she seemed to be looking at something. Teresa turned around and saw a man in a soldier’s uniform sitting at one of the tables. He was alone and was looking at them. ‘Does he think we’re prostitutes…or…’, Teresa asked turning to Antoinette. ‘You’re mad, Teresa..what are you saying?’ Antoinette glanced again at the man. ‘I think…will I go over to him..’, she seemed to be thinking to herself as she stood at the door. She looked down at Teresa who didn’t say anything. Then Antoinette said suddenly: ‘Now Andie, the woman I just talked to..she was married….’ ‘Oh please…Antoinette…’ ‘I’m just saying…that maybe ..’, Antoinette stopped and seemed to think. She looked down at a glass of ale and said: ‘Teresa, is that for me?’ ‘Yes’. Antoinette sat down and started to sip the ale. Then she said: ‘Wait…so you like Denby..’, then Antoinette glanced over at the man and said: ‘He’s watching us…you’re not interested…I mean…I think he’s looking at me…yes I might leave you..’ ‘Wait Antoinette, don’t leave me…’, Teresa said quickly. It began to bother her to see Antoinette behave so airily. Yes she was energized by a possible new job. Teresa knew she didn’t really care what happened to her and her relationship with Denby and for the first time, she felt alone. Yes she would have to make the decision. She’d have to decide whether to marry. Jackson and Antoinette didn’t really care. Then she heard Antoinette say: ‘You don’t want to…’ ‘Whatt?’ ‘That man.. dammit… Teresa..he’s watching us…will I go over to him and get some money out of him..’ Then without thinking, Antoinette shouted: ‘Soldier, buy us some drinks! What’ya looking at soldier..do something about it…’ ‘Yes dolls…yes I will…’, Teresa heard the man saying as he rose and went to the counter. He came back with three glasses of ale. ‘Doll you up for a night..’, he said looking at Teresa. ‘Sir, turn to my friend…’ ‘Yes I will.. with pleasure..’, he turned to Antoinette. He was obviously drubk and he planted a large kiss on Antoinette’s neck. She said quickly: ‘Get off soldier..what are you doing?’ She pushed him away and looked at Teresa and smiled: ‘He’s keen…’ Teresa saw that he was a man of their own age. He had a moustache and rosy cheeks and his moustache too was speckled with drops of ale. Suddenly he seemed impatient and said: ‘You’re leading me on..women..look I have to get something out of this..what a kiss…’ ‘Alright, have a kiss…’, Antoinette said and she planted a kiss on his cheek. Then Antointte said turning to Teresa who was sitting looking at them: ‘Are you going…?’, Teresa didn’t understand what Antoinette meant. The soldier looked down at Teresa and then back at Antoinette. He seemed to think that the two women had a secret code. ‘You women..you’re not going to rob from me?’ Antoinette seemed to take some time to answer this question but then she said quickly: ‘Of course not..make up your mind, soldier..will we go somewhere…just the two …’. Then she stopped and looking at Teresa said: ‘You’re not coming…?’ ‘I have my friend for her..’, the soldier said addressing Antoinette and Antoinette turned instantly to Teresa: ‘Are you interested, girl?’ ‘No, I’m not..’, Teresa answered directly. Then she rose quickly. Antoinette’s behaviour had confused her for a while and this sudden willingness to spend a night with the solider capped it all. Teresa said: ‘No, I have to go…have a night of it…both of you..’. Then she walked out of the public house. She heard Antoinette suddenly shouting: ‘There’s money in it…’. Teresa turned and Antoinette said: ‘Soldier boy says he’s give us money..more drinks…’ Teresa said quickly: ‘No thank-you..’ Then Antoinette shouted into the night: ‘Alright then..see you to-morrow pet..’ Teresa turned and continued her walk to her rooms. It was a week later and Teresa sat with Denby in his rooms. Antoinette had left suddenly for her new job in the factory the day before. As Teresa looked out of the window, she was thinking of this. She felt alone and sensed that change was in the air. She looked up at the moon. Then she heard Denby behind her: ‘You’re lonely.. are you lonely…?’, Teresa turned. She was surprised by this question. She replied: ‘I don’t understand..’ ‘I mean.. Teresa.. .that you look alone..you look so distant standing there..but I want to be close to you..’ Teresa tried to smile and she looked closely at him. She was thinking of Antoinette but she felt it wasn’t right to talk to Denby about her friend’s departure. ‘Sit down…’, Denby said. As Teresa remained standing, she became suddenly impatient. Maybe she should get married. Yes make the move. Yes make a decision. She sat down beside Denby. She said without thinking: ‘I feel alone…my friend..she’s gone to another city…’ Denby seemed interested by this: ‘You feel sad..but I’m here for you.. Teresa…’ They were silent and Teresa looked up at the moon through the open window. She said: ‘It’s cold outside…’ ‘I’ll walk home with you..’ ‘I didn’t mean that..’ Denby then rose and looked down at her: ‘I want to understand you..’, Teresa heard him saying and suddenly she felt her mind going. She could hardly listen to him and felt she should go. She rose suddenly but Denby said: ‘Sit down. I want to say something…I want to give you something…’ Teresa saw him turn to a sideboard and then he turned back to her with a necklace of red jewels. She believed they were rubies or at least they looked like them. Denby put the necklace into her hand and closed her fingers over it. Teresa remained quiet. She didn’t know what to think and she heard Denby say: ‘I want you to have this…it’s a gift…and you will keep it forever…’ ‘What?’ ‘Can I talk to you then about the future, Teresa?’ ‘Of course’. ‘You say your friend is gone…but it’s not right to be lonely…I mean.. I am lonely.. but I have you..we have each other…’ ‘Yes’, Teresa said automatically looking up. She still had the necklace clasped strongly in her hand and she heard him say: ‘You will think of marriage..I mean..you think we can marry…’ So the moment had come and she didn’t know what to say. Then Denby said: ‘You’re not answering..did you not expect this?’ Teresa looked up at him almost dumbly: ‘I mean..yes…I …’ ‘You love me…I love you..you know that I hope…’ ‘Yes and I love you..and we should marry…I think..it’s right….’ ‘Yes I think so…you are beautiful to me…’ Denby turned then and looked out of the window. There was silence but it was a comfortable silence and Teresa still held the necklace in her hand. She was thinking: I have a necklace..a real gift.. I have never had anything like this…and it means..what does it mean..it means…marriage.does it…and he says he is lonely…yes were two lonely souls being drawn towards marriage..and I want it…yes I am lonely.. there is no-one..it is right to marry…and that loneliness no..no..Antoinette gone..no..marriage is right..there is the necklace..it is real…I need something real.. Then Denby turned. He came over and looked at her face. Then he looked down at her hand holding the necklace and smiled. She said quickly: ‘I never had anything like this..no-one gave me anything like this..’ ‘You like it.. I’m happy…it’s been in my family…and I want you to have it…’ There was silence as he sat down beside her and she said without thinking: ‘So we will marry..?’ ‘I want this..do you?’ ‘Yes’. A few days later, Teresa stood with Jackson behind the theatre. There was darkness around them. Jackson looked around him. Then he said after a silence: ‘It is quiet now….Antoinette’s gone…Nelly wants to go, you know..we might go.’ ‘I know…’ ‘So you still want to stay here..are you still so intent on marrying him..’ Teresa didn’t look at him when he asked this question but she thought quickly that maybe she shouldn’t tell Jackson that she planned to marry Denby. She looked up at Jackson and said: ‘I’ m not! Why would I? You sound as if I want to trap him..trap him into marriage..’ Jackson looked at her seemingly surprised: ‘What Teresa…I thought you were trapping him..you’re not making sense…I thought he liked you…’ Teresa tried to think: ‘Of course…I mean…yes..I’m tired…maybe I will marry him..yes because he likes me…’ There was silence again and Jackson looked away and then she saw him taking bread from a pocket and begin to eat it. She thought then: Maybe she should tell him that Denby gave her the necklace. She said quickly: ‘He gave me a necklace, Jackson. He likes me, doesn’t he?’ ‘Oh you are lost, Teresa’, Jackson retorted almost immediately. ‘What..you say I’m lost…’ ‘Yes marry him, dammit..I’m tired…’ ‘Alright then, Jackson…I’d like to marry, if I’m honest..because it’s right..I have nothing do I? So why shouldn’t I marry?’ Then Jackson saw her take something from her pocket. It was the necklace and she held it out to him as she said: ‘It’s valuable, isn’t it..and it’s not fake…I mean…’ Jackson took the necklace from her and sat on the bench. Teresa saw him looking carefully at it and she said: ‘It’s valuable, isn’t it Jackson?’ ‘Of course’, he replied. Then he looked up at her and said: ‘I mean I don’t know..but…’, he stopped and looked again at the necklace. Then he said looking up at her again: ‘Why not run away..take this…you don’t like him..do you..I mean…’ He saw Teresa looking at him confused: ‘I don’t understand, Jackson..but why should I? Doesn’t this mean he likes me?’ Jackson remained silent and .she sat beside Jackson and looked at the necklace in his hand. She said softly: ‘I told you he likes me…’ ‘Yes you told me..’ he said almost dreaming, ‘but you are mad..mad to stay with him…what about you…Teresa..’ he stopped and turned quickly to her. He continued: ’I know you have a chance….but all this..and why not take this damned necklace…say you lost it… he likes you..he trusts you..’ ‘Wait..he trusts me…maybe I have feelings for him..I don’t know…and he trusts me…and I can’t steal..that means prison doesn’t it? No Jackson..you’re mad..’ They were silent again and Jackson said: ‘Well I’d like to leave..Nelly would..I’m sure Antoinette would like you with her..I’m just saying..it’s not you..I know you..does life with Denby suit you…’ Teresa turned to him: ‘And Jackson..please tell me…that honestly you don’t think I should marry?’ Jackson answered immediately: ‘Alright..I’m not telling you anything..I don’t know…’ Then Jackson rose and he placed the necklace in her hands and said: ‘It’s yours..Teresa…don’t think I’ll take it from you..I’m not going to steal it…’ ‘Yes you’d take it if you could..Jackson’, Teresa he said quickly. Jackson stood away. He didn’t mind her saying this. He was used to her, used to her words and her manner. He said quickly: ‘Of course I’d take it..I know what this is worth…and you ‘d take it..if you could. Why oh why..do you want to marry him? Take this! Look, he gives you this damned necklace. Take it..say you lost it..and go to Antoinette…’ ‘I know maybe you’re right..but he’s..I can like him..I could marry him..I could..I think I could…’ The thought occurred to her that Jackson and the others might be jealous of her but she also believed that Jackson was trying to advise her as well as he could. Yes he had a strange way of thinking and yes she knew that he doubted whether she actually loved Denby so maybe he was right... Then she heard him say: ‘You’re dreaming..Teresa…I want to move on..I want to go with Antoinette. Nelly does…’Then he turned away but almost immediately he turned back and faced her. He said quickly: ‘And you owe me money…Teresa...what’s to stop me taking this as payment..’ This surprised Teresa. She knew Jackson could be like this. Yes he could be jealous. He could be angry. He could steal. She said quickly: ‘Oh stop Jackson..I only owe you a couple of pounds..this is worth more…isn’t it..?’ He replied: ‘You play with me..Teresa..and I’m not going to stop you or tell you what to do..it’s your damned life…alright.’ They were quiet then. He looked at Teresa taking the necklace from the pocket and examining it again. He heard her saying: ‘You won’t steal this from me..will you Jackson…’. Yes the thought had occurred to her that she shouldn’t have mentioned the necklace at all and definitely not to Jackson. It was only because Antoinette was gone that she was confiding in him. Oh why was she telling him all these things now ? She wanted to marry and that was it. It was right..She felt Jackson was making sense but…marriage was right…she felt really that she couldn’t think properly anyway. Marriage wasn’t such a big step for her anyway and she wanted to escape.. Then he said: ‘You are lost, Teresa…ask yourself…what .he wants..what this man wants.’ Teresa felt now that Jackson hadn’t her best interests at heart or did he? She really wasn’t sure. But they were friends for so many years. He helped her so many times. She was an outsider like him. She thought like him in ways. She stole and he stole and they both were sorry. They were both cynics and yes in a way, Jackson was right to doubt Teresa’s motives in marrying but she had never met anyone like Denby before. That was the thing. She had really never met a man like him before and she never had this chance…but it was more than a chance…maybe it was the right move to marry… She replied then: ‘What do you mean ? He wants to marry me…everyone isn’t a cynic like you, Jackson. He certain;y doesn’t thinkg like you..and why would he marry someone like me anyway?’ Then Jackson said: ‘Not everyone thinks like you Teresa…either…but you don’t like him…I’m just saying! Marry him if you damn want. ’ Teresa seemed lost. Then she said: ‘I can confide in your, Jackson , can’t I ?’ He replied: ‘Yes..’ Then she said: ‘This is a chance..isn’t it..I mean this necklace…some women would take this and run away…but what if he reported it to the police…‘ Teresa knew she wasn’t making sense. She was talking stupidly now but for years, Jackson and herself were stuck in the mire of just surviving from day to day. Stealing meant nothing to Jackson. Maybe it was right to think of just taking the necklace and running away. It was something to be thought through! Jackson seemed to listen closely. Then he said: ‘We can think of something…’ ‘Wait ..I‘m not thinking of stealing this.. Jackson..I can’t’.
Copyright © 2008 Joel Ficelle |