When Decisions Backfire (3) CINDY: Ugh you're right Beth. Peewee head. She taps her temple, points at Henri, and sits back down. BETHANY: Hey it may talk if I give it pizza. CINDY: It is worth a shot. Paola goes to her seat, sits and resumes feeding Erika. Beth rips off a piece of her slice, gets up and goes up to Henri. BETHANY: Henri, do you like pepperoni? Here. She puts her right hand with the piece at Henri's mouth. He SHOUTS and bites her finger. She drops the piece, YELLS, and holds the finger with her left hand. She glares at him, then turns to Cindy and Paola, who watch and CHUCKLE. Erika eats. BETHANY: That bird bit me! (Beat, holding Cindy's chair) You know, I really can't believe my boss is taking care of such a dumb parrot. That Zach is a nincompoop. HENRI: Awk, Zach is a nincompoop, Beth turns to Henri with a wild eyed look of surprise. HENRI (CONT'D): Zach is a nincompoop. He looks at Beth, who slowly goes to him looking desperate. BETHANY: No, no, I did not mean that! HENRI: Zach is a nincompoop, nincompoop! Cindy stands as she and Paola look at Henri and LAUGH. BETHANY (Waving at Henri): I did not mean that, no, no, no!! HENRI: Zach is a nincompoop. BETHANY: No, Zach is a great guy. Paola and Cindy LAUGH harder before Erika LAUGHS also. Paola then puts her head on the table, BANGING it with her hands. HENRI: Zach is a nincompoop. BETHANY (To Cindy and Paola): Come on, help me here you two! CINDY: Ha-ha no way Beth! HENRI: Awk, Zach is a nincompoop. Cindy sits. Beth leans on the counter and does a face palm. INT. FILM STUDIO HALLWAY - NIGHT Shirley and Paola enter via a door with a "STAIRWELL B" sign on it and approach Jacob, who comes out of another door that has a tag with his name on it. He locks the door with a key. PAOLA: Suddenly, when Beth called her boss a "nincompoop," Henri began to say, "Zach is a nincompoop" non-stop and Cindy and I laughed until we peed. She and Shirley GIGGLE as they bump into Jacob. JACOB: Hey, watch it you dweebs! Wait? (Pointing at Paola) Aren't you in Lynn's next film? PAOLA: Yes, Jacob. I hope you remember me from Mercy College three years ago. JACOB (Beat, looking at them): Oh right, Paola Ortiz, the nursing student who wanted to be a dancer? SHIRLEY: Paola, is he the guy you said that picked on Lynn repeatedly as a kid? Paola nods. Jacob puts the key set in his pants pocket. JACOB: Hey do you know where that baby is? I have not seen him in a week. Hope he finishes my script by Thursday. PAOLA: He lives with us and hasn't come to work because of you. He's so scared he asked us to come get his things. JACOB: Ah, well I can't say I'm surprised. SHIRLEY: Listen don't get too excited. Soon, Lynn will show you no mercy, jerk! JACOB: Yeah, okay whatever. See you later. He leaves via the same door Paola and Shirley came in from. SHIRLEY: You're right Paola. He's a jackass. Looking mad, the pair resumes walking in the same direction. INT. CINDY'S BEDROOM - DAY Cindy sits on her bed's lower edge with Inna in her lap. She faces Henri, who is on his stand on a table across from it. CINDY: Zach is a nincompoop. Repeat after me. Come on, Zach is a nincompoop. HENRI: Awk, Zach is a nincompoop. CINDY (Laughing with Inna): Good bird. Okay now say it one more time, Henri. Zach is a nincompoop. HENRI: Zach is a nincompoop, nincompoop. CINDY (Laughing with Inna): Okay, now let's try this. Inna is a cutie. Inna is a cutie. Go, say it. Walking in the hall outside Felicia notices Cindy and Henri. FELICIA: What are you doing with Henri? She stands by the opened door and folds her arms. CINDY: Ever since Bethany called her boss a "nincompoop" yesterday, this bird here has been repeating the phrase. HENRI: Awk, Zach is a nincompoop. FELICIA: And you find that funny Cindy? Beth could be in big trouble if he keeps saying that and it appalls me that you're teaching Inna such nonsense. CINDY: Yeah, but it's better than his bad singing. Come play with us Felicia. FELICIA: Forget it. That bird shitted on me and nearly attacked Erika last week and so, I am staying far, far away! She walks away. Cindy tongue teases her and turns to Henri. INT. LYNN'S OFFICE - DAY Lynn sits at a chair behind his desk applying hand sanitizer on himself from a bottle atop it. Cindy enters holding Inna. CINDY: Lynn, can I ask you a... LYNN: Cindy, what a surprise! He quickly puts the bottle in an opened drawer, closing it. CINDY (Approaching Lynn's desk): Did I come at a bad time? LYNN (Fidgeting and stuttering): Oh, no, no. I was just um, um... CINDY: You were sanitizing your hands. LYNN: Yes, yes I was. She CHUCKLES. Lynn looks embarrassed, then folds his hands. CINDY: Don't be ashamed, It's totally fine for you to stay germ-free, correct? LYNN: Oh right, so what brings you here? CINDY: I'm wondering if you have any roles available for your upcoming movie. LYNN: No, we're done with casting, why? CINDY: I did tell you I'm a fan of any gay rights film. After seeing how happy Paola was to play a supportive mom, I wanted to see how well I can act. LYNN: Uh, why didn't you talk to me about it while I was working with Paola? CINDY: You were rarely home except for the four days you were ill last week. I was so afraid to come without Inna. LYNN: Well sorry, but you're too late. We already have a filming schedule set and there is no way I can add a... Lynn stands and puts his hands on his desk. They slip and he YELLS. Cindy grabs his shirt to stop him from falling on the desk. They look at each other. She lifts and lets go of him. LYNN (CONT'D): Thanks. As I was saying I can't add a new film character at this stage. CINDY: You owe me something for saving you from a trip to the emergency room. LYNN: I can't make last-minute changes to a film that will require my crew to start all over nor do something my director doesn't want. I had to beg Mrs. Quinlan for a half-hour on the phone when she was on her honeymoon to cast Paola. That infuriated her. CINDY: Oh you're right, but could you cast Inna? She can be one of the teen's little sister. She does not have to talk or do anything. Just have her sit in the background playing with her dolls or something like that. LYNN (Going up to Cindy): Uh Cindy even the smallest addition to a film requires lots of changes. CINDY: Oh come on Lynn can't you just have Inna appear for like five seconds? LYNN: Why do you want her to be in a film doing nothing? That is a big waste. CINDY: If I cannot be on-camera for people to see, I want them to look at what Inna can do and knows she does too. Isn't that right, my little angel? She touches Inna on the nose and she GIGGLES and nods. LYNN: Okay I will speak to my boss about Inna when she comes back tomorrow. But there is no guarantee she will let me add her into the movie now. CINDY (Tickling Inna's stomach): Fine with me. You hear that Inna? Lynn is going to make you famous. Mommy can't wait to see you on TV. She bounces Inna, who LAUGHS, in her arms and turns to Lynn. CINDY (CONT'D): Hey while waiting for the elevators in the ground floor, I noticed the directory board said "Faggot Ruan" next to your office's number. Why? LYNN (Shaking his head annoyingly): Grr, it is a long story. You see... Jacob enters from the door. Lynn and Cindy turn to him. JACOB: Yo fag where's my script? I need... (Seeing Cindy, looks stunned) What the? Cindy Devin? CINDY: Jacob Wilkins? LYNN: Wait, you two know each other? JACOB: Yes I interned for her at Greyhound until she fired me three years ago. CINDY: I had to. You were a complete jerk to me and made others do your work. JACOB: Yes, they sucked at it and you were a perv. I'm shocked you have a girl now. She will grow up to be a slut. Cindy GASPS angrily while Inna puts her hand toward Jacob. JACOB (CONT'D): I'd beat you if I did not have more important things to take care of... (To Lynn) Like my script! Where is it! CINDY: Hold it. He works here and has been making you do his homework for him? LYNN: Yeah Cindy. That is why I pretended to be sick for those four days, to stay the hell away from this prick. CINDY: Oh my god, you were never sick?! JACOB: Of course not. This twerp does not have the guts to not listen to me. Looking angry, Cindy steps toward him. Lynn grabs her arm. LYNN: No, I will take care of this punk. Cindy looks at Lynn in worry. Jacob looks impatient at them. CINDY: But Lynn, you don't stand a chance. LYNN: I do. Besides, you do not want Inna to see you beating up someone else. Looking hesitant, Cindy nods, pats Lynn's arm, and leaves. JACOB: So where is my script Lynn? LYNN: I did not write it because I have a better one to write and it involves me whooping your ass. This might be shocking, but it is go time, wussy. JACOB: What did you just call me? LYNN: You heard me. Outside, you look and sound stalwart, but inside, I know you are too slothful and chicken to do anything yourself. I'll show it. The men stroll around and look at each other. Jacob smirks. JACOB: You have to be kidding. I mean, you spend more time at the beauty salon than building up your damn muscles. LYNN (Raising his fists): I am not as I've had enough of you. JACOB: All right then, let's do this. Jacob raises his fists and steps toward Lynn, but he swiftly backs off, SHRIEKS, trembles and puts his hands on his desk. LYNN: Wait, no! I, I cannot fight you. It solves nothing and I know you will beat me. You are right. I am a huge faggot who is engaged to Supergirl. JACOB (Stepping back, chuckling): And for once we agree on something, so did you write my script or not? Lynn gives Jacob a beige folder from atop his desk. LYNN: Yes, take it and leave me alone. JACOB: I got to say, you're gutsy, but did the right thing. Look at the bright side. Remember the lady I have been dating for two weeks? Got her good. He pats Lynn's shoulder and leaves. Lynn looks confused. INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Beth sits on a sofa by the coffee table in a thin nightshirt facing Henri, who is on his stand atop the table. Beth looks worried. A duffel bag is on the floor by the sofa she is on. BETHANY: Zach's a great guy, Zach is a great guy. Aww, come on, you can say it. HENRI: Zach is a nincompoop, nincompoop. Beth does a face palm with both hands. Shirley goes down the back staircase in his pajamas playing with his Nintendo 3DS. SHIRLEY: Beth, you have been doing that like nonstop for three days. Give it up. BETHANY: If my boss hears him say this there is no telling what he'll do to me. SHIRLEY: Someone else could've taught him to say that. Look when we tried to get him to say various phrases, he just said "Henri's a foxy bird," but you called Zach a nincompoop and he now suddenly started saying that also. HENRI: Zach is a nincompoop, nincompoop! BETHANY: Well, you may be right, but I can't take any chances. I am very lucky I did not have to take him to work or the other models would beat me bad. SHIRLEY: Oh really? There are models at that place who are bigger than you Beth? BETHANY: Yes, now let me take care of this. You just focus on your stupid game. Shirley shakes his head and walks about. Beth stands. BETHANY (CONT'D): Now look, you dumb bird. Zach will here soon and you will say, "Zach's a great guy" or I will, I will rip, Henri SCREAMS peevishly. Beth pulls back in shock. She walks behind the table to its other side, stands for a few seconds looking at Henri, then puts her hands on her hips and SINGS. BETHANY (CONT'D): He's acting shy, looking for an answer. Come on honey, let's spend the night together. Now hold on a minute before we go much further. Give me a dime so I can phone my mother. They take a cab to his high rise apartment. At last he can tell her exactly what his heart meant. She dances around the table's front as she sings and reaches the sofa she sat on before. Bethany stays put while dancing. BETHANY (CONT'D): If you want my body and you think I'm sexy come on honey let me know. If you need me, just reach out and touch me, come on sugar, let me so. Shirley GIGGLES as Beth smiles optimistically at Henri, then puts her hands out toward him and slowly sits on the couch. BETHANY (CONT'D): Okay, I love you Henri. HENRI: Zach is a nincompoop, nincompoop. Beth does a face palm with both hands. The doorbell RINGS. BETHANY: You see, Zach is here now! My job's really on the line because of this! She gets up and walks toward the front door frustratingly. HENRI: Awk, Zach is a great guy. Beth stops and turns to Henri with wild eyes of surprise. BETHANY: What did you say?!?! HENRI: Zach is a great guy, great guy. BETHANY (Smiling, doing fist pumps): Oh yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! (Pointing at Shirley) Don't say a word until Zach leaves. Shirley LAUGHS. Beth goes to open the door. Zach is outside. BETHANY (CONT'D): Well, hello Zach. Welcome back. How was your vacation, sir? Come on in. ZACH: It would have been great if Nan did not nag me about everything we did. He enters looking unhappy and stands by the sofa Beth sat on as she shuts the door and goes next to him. He sees Shirley. BETHANY: Oh, that is Shirley, a friend of my fiancé Lynn who lives here as well. SHIRLEY (Waving and smiling at Zach): It is very nice to meet you sir. BETHANY: He has a really excellent knowledge of public transit in New York City. ZACH: Oh well, good for him then. (Seeing Shirley's console) Hey, what are you playing there? SHIRLEY: Mario Kart 7. It is so fun. ZACH: Oh I know, my son loves it as well. Shirley looks surprised at Zach, who looks at Beth's gown. ZACH (CONT'D): Hey that's a gorgeous outfit you're wearing. It looks easy to take off. BETHANY: Thanks. Lynn is asleep upstairs and I will snuggle him wearing nothing. ZACH: He's sleeping this early? BETHANY: Yeah he said he had a hard day with a coworker, but can't wait for your wife to be back tomorrow. I find it weird considering how tough she is. ZACH: Oh, you can say that again. He and Beth CHUCKLE before she gives him the duffel bag. BETHANY: Anyway, here is Henri, who was good to us all and is happy and healthy. ZACH (Shaking Beth's hand): Well thank you Beth. It was nice of you to watch him. You are different from our other models. Better yet I do not think of you as one of them. BETHANY: Oh what do you think of me as then? ZACH: A low-ranking superstar. Beth grins oddly. Zach puts the bag over his shoulder, then picks up and carries Henri. He walks toward the front door. ZACH (CONT'D): Okay Henri, come on, let's go home. HENRI: Zach is a nincompoop, nincompoop. Zach stops briefly and walks again. Beth looks worried. BETHANY: I can explain that sir. She takes the bird stand off the table and follows Zach. ZACH (Taking the bird stand): There is no need to explain. BETHANY: Well I'd like to try Zach, see... ZACH: No it's okay, Nan taught him that. Beth looks confused and surprised at him. ZACH (CONT'D): It was for me refusing to go to her studio's Christmas party last year. Beth LAUGHS. Zach looks mad and Shirley watches, smirking. ZACH (CONT'D): You find it funny? BETHANY: (Stopping laughing): Oh no, not at all mister. ZACH: Look, between you and me, sometimes Nan can be such an annoying prick. Beth CHUCKLES and goes behind Zach to open the door. HENRI: Awk, Nan is an annoying prick. Awk, Nan is an annoying prick. Awk, Awk. ZACH: No, no, no, no, no, Henri, no, no. Nan is a great wife, Nan is a great wife Henri. Repeat, a great wife... HENRI: Awk, Nan is an annoying prick!! Zach walks out the door. Beth shuts it and looks at Shirley. BETHANY: Man, I can't believe I went through all that crap for absolutely squat! SHIRLEY: See, I told you so! The two LAUGH. He walks up the back staircase. Beth follows, flicking the light switch by its base. The room is now dark. FADE IN: EXT. NEW CINEMA STUDIOS - DAY A full upward view of the Midtown film studio Lynn works in. INT. NANCY'S OFFICE - SAME NANCY (53, strict, white, brown hair, young looking) sits on a seat by a desk looking at a computer atop it in a business dress. Henri is on a stand to her left. Jacob enters with a folder and goes to her. People pass by in the hall outside. NANCY: Good morning Mr. Wilkins. JACOB: Hi Mrs. Quinlan. Hey there Henri. HENRI: Awk Henri is a foxy bird foxy bird. JACOB: (Bending over to Henri) Oh you sure are. (Laughing, then standing up) So how was the honeymoon miss? NANCY: It was fine, just wished my husband was not stubborn over any decision that I made with what we should do. (Giggling with Jacob) Do you have the assignment I gave? JACOB (Looking optimistic): Yes, I'm sure you'll love it a lot. He gives the folder to Nancy. She opens it, puts on reading glasses, and reads its contents. He goes to the counter on a wall to her left, pours water from a pitcher to a glass cup, sits on a seat across from Nancy with it and drinks from it. NANCY: "Old Dreams of Love," by Mr. Jacob Wilkins of "New Cinema Studios" and directed by Nancy Quinlan, produced in standard film codes, set in the fictive town of Titvile, Pussyland. Jacob spits out the water in disbelief and turns to Nancy. JACOB: I beg your pardon?!? NANCY: What the hell is this a porn flick? She looks mad. Jacob FIDGETS and puts the glass on the desk. NANCY (CONT'D): Characters - Jacob Wilkins, an ape like Batman wannabe with testes the size of bird seeds. Hasn't done his own homework since 4th grade, most likely got his Media Studies degree after a consensual makeout with the 70-year-old department head. What?! Lynn enters the hall in women's clothes and pokes his fists, spins his arms, tip toes back and forth and shakes his hips. Jacob STUTTERS, sees him and stands. Nancy reads on angrily. NANCY (CONT'D): Nancy Quinlan: Jacob's red-hot, but devilish boss; an annoying prick... HENRI: Awk, Nan is an annoying prick. NANCY (Gradually raising her voice): With a nincompoop husband and a... HENRI: Awk, Zach is a nincompoop. NANCY: Stupid parrot who thinks he's sexy?! HENRI (Singing off-tune): If you want my body and you think I am sexy, come on sugar let me know. JACOB: (Standing by Nancy, stumbling): Okay, can you, pardon me for a sec? Jacob storms out the door and chases Lynn, who GIGGLES, then flees in fear, knocking over a stack of boxes by the window. NANCY (over black): You're fired Mr. Wilkins! THE END.
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