Opium (3) I had to argue my way in. LESLIE You cant talk your way out so, say anything you like. DAVID There was this incident on the beach. LESLIE This unspeakable occurrence. DAVID Well, yes. LESLIE (reverting to normal voice) We took a wrong turn. If you talk about it that makes it real. Silence. David and Leslie stare at each other. LESLIE (continuing in a normal voice) It's not going to happen like that. This will not be decided by who you are, not by what you've done. They dont know who you are, they have to find out. They'll ask you some questions. You'll have a chance to start talking. DAVID If it's not going to happen that way, why did you do it? LESLIE You did it. Try it again. INT> COLONEL"S OFFICE (DAY) DAVID You call it colonization, but I say we brought roads and schools as well. It's a matter of responsibility, not conservatism. The colonel leaps from behind the desk. He wraps his right hand around his head and sticks his right forefinger in the left side of his mouth, pulling his left cheek back to his ear. Then he begins to hop around the room, holding his right foot in his left hand. INT> HOTEL ROOM (DAY) DAVID We dont seem to be getting anywhere. LESLIE Try it again. INT> MILITARY OFFICE (DAY) The colonel takes out a large caliber automatic pistol. The colonel shoots David 3 times. INT> HOTEL ROOM (DAY) DAVID That didn't work out so well. LESLIE No, but you have to play the role even if it gets you killed. That's all there is to being an aristocrat: Playing the role even if it gets you killed. DAVID Let's give it a rest. LESLIE Again. DAVID You're not the same woman. LESLIE No, and it's time we met. INT> MILITARY OFFICE (DAY) COLONEL (thick Greek accent) Tell me, in your country, what they do to you when you cripple policeman, hah?, what they do? DAVID They kill you. COLONEL Correct, it's lucky for you we're both Jewish. DAVID I'm Black Irish. COLONEL Same thing, same thing. INT> HOTEL ROOM (DAY) As before. DAVID You're getting hysterical, let's stop. LESLIE No. DAVID Enough. LESLIE Let’s switch places. INT. MILITARY OFFICE He morphs into Shaq O’Neill and she turns into something boyish with leather hotpants, riding boots and shaved legs. DAVID (as the colonel with a veddy upper class English accent) Why did you kill 3 of my men? LESLIE They were impolite. They stare at each other. INT. HOTEL ROOM DAVID I think that’s it. LESLIE Of course. By the grace of God, there's a knock on the door. INT> HOTEL CORRIDOR There are 2 MILITIA MEN outside the door. David opens it. 1ST MILITIA MAN Colonel. You come. DAVID In a moment. He slams the door. The militia men pound on it with their rifle butts. David opens it. DAVID The lady must dress. The militia men look past him to see Leslie in costume, standing with her fists on her hips and staring at them indignantly. They freeze, their mouths fall open and they stand transfixed. David passes a hand in front of the 1st guards eyes without response, then softly closes the door. INT> HOTEL LOBBY David and Leslie walking with The 2 militia men behind them. DAVID We'll stop in the bar. 1ST MILITIA MAN The Colonel wait. DAVID The Colonel will wait. INT> HOTEL BAR David and Leslie are sitting at the bar. The 2 militia men unsling their guns and begin to play backgammon on a portable set. DAVID (to AMRAM) T and T, twice. Amram is shaking. The bottle rattles against the glass. (to LESLIE) How are you?, I keep forgetting to ask. LESLIE I'm fine, how are you? DAVID I'm not sure. I dont feel like an aristocrat. I feel like a sleazy con man about to dance his way out of another one. LESLIE You're half right. A sleazy con man who's self righteous about it, that's an aristocrat. DAVID You sound like your analyst. LESLIE If you walk up to an enemy army, tell them they're surrounded, and demand that they surrender, is that heroic? DAVID It is if you get away with it. LESLIE Then get away with it. DAVID Makes sense when you explain it. LESLIE Time to go. DAVID Yes, 5 minutes feels about right. They stand up to go. The 2 militia men look up from their game. 1ST MILITIA MAN OK we finish game? DAVID That's up to you. HE walks out with LESLIE. THE 2 MILITIA MEN slam the backgammon set shut and scamper after THEM. INT> COLONEL"S OFFICE (DAY) David is ushered in. Leslie is left outside the door and looking annoyed. THE COLONEL is younger than David. There is bouzouki music coming out of a CD player. The colonel changes the disk and it begins to play a Bach harpsichord piece. COLONEL You are an Art Historian? DAVID How did you know that? COLONEL Was it supposed to be a secret? Your passport, please. Identification. David hands it over. David Flanagan. Irish. Why are you so dark? DAVID As you may recall, the Spanish Armada washed up on the Irish coast. About 1580, I think. COLONEL 1588. An Historian? DAVID Of Art. COLONEL You dont consider War an Art? DAVID No. No, I dont. COLONEL Please sit down. David does. COLONEL I studied ART in Paris. Now consider: Can destruction be an Art?, certainly and why not? Is cooking an Art?, but obviously it is. All arts are destructive of their material, but War and Cooking are the only purely destructive Arts. The colonel is stir crazy. He's had no one to talk to since he left Paris. POV zooms back. The conversation is inaudible behind the music, but it seems to be going well. The colonel presses a buzzer on his desk and AN AIDE comes in carrying a brass tray with 2 cups of tea in ornate brass holders. I'd really like to do a Thomas Mann and stop the action cold for an hour while I gave a lecture on my theories of Art and the Philosophy of History, but I'll save it until after we get funding. SO: THE SAME (2 HOURS LATER) The sunlight has advanced across the room. The ash tray is full. Clearly, several hours have passed. DAVID ...but all Art is based on Identification COLONEL Not painting, not still life, surely. DAVID Still life most of all, because the point of view is the only human subject. The colonel goes slightly cross-eyed thinking about that one. COLONEL I suppose my objection have more to do with... THE SAME (HOURS LATER) The sunlight is almost horizontal. Through the blinds, the drapes are red with the sunset. COLONEL It’s archeology. The traditional arts came to an end about 1953. There’s as much talent around as ever, but things like the novel just don’t matter anymore. DAVID And why do you think that is? COLONEL Don’t know, but it happened in all genres at once. Science fiction and detective stories died the same time as the main stream novel. DAVID Theatre and jazz lasted a little longer. COLONEL But they all died the same way, driving themselves crazy trying to find a way to break the rules that would lead on to something new. And they never found it. Dolphy studying bird call, Ornette Coleman trying to forget everything he ever learned, using random numbers to get beyond what he could hear. Roland Kirk playing 3 home-made saxophones at once, Coltrane playing everything he knew on every cut. I’d like to believe the last albums are brilliant, but they sound like the struggling of a maniac in a straight jacket. DAVID There was Rock and Roll. COLONEL That was the way out such as it was. Now that’s gone too. Any art can have a bad decade or two or three, but I cant remember a time when all the arts were in the toilet at once. DAVID Just as well. COLONEL You’re testing me? DAVID I mean, you have all these experiences that are supposed to be completely transporting and they’re not. They’re all essentially disappointing. War is a magic that actually works. COLONEL Well, knives and fists work pretty well, everything else is a problem. Would you like a job? A major? The casualty rate is very high. There are openings. David does a shrug so elaborate it looks like Plains Indian sign language. COLONEL (continuing) By the way, why did you try to kill 3 of my men? DAVID They were impolite. COLONEL Ah!, yes. Well, consider: You can identify with a character completely and yet remain totally critical of him. Have you seen MIDNIGHT EXPRESS? THE SAME (HOURS LATER) The room is almost dark and the drapes are the color of dried blood. COLONEL It's getting late. Do stop in again. You are free to go, Mr. Flanagan. Is something wrong? DAVID The conversation ended at an odd point. I was enjoying it. COLONEL The pleasure is mine. Then please stop in again. DAVID I never will. We must return home. COLONEL As you think best. Now, if you will excuse me. David exits. Outside, Leslie has gone starkers and, as usual, it has infected the people around her. One of the militia men is naked except for her bra and panties. The other one is wearing her dress. She's wearing one of the militia men's uniforms. She's carrying the British edition of ELLE and is tearing it up to make origami, to the amazement and delight of the militia men she stands up and tears her clothes off. LESLIE (whispering) Ask him to give the hashish back. David gently, but decisively, pushes her out the open door. DAVID Bon chance. COLONEL Take care, Baby. EXT> STREET (DEEP TWILIGHT) Leslie is smiling chesirely. David is in shock. LESLIE Feel like a hero? DAVID I dont feel a thing. How do you feel? LESLIE Like a god. They go skipping through the occasional sniper fire. He's laughing. She's beginning to look worried. EXT> HOTEL BALCONY (NIGHT) David and Leslie drinking and watching the fireworks. He looks sober and thoughtful. Now that it's all over, He's beginning to get scared. She sees it and begins to act motherly. He's getting nervous and indicates that it's time to go in. INT> HOTEL ROOM (NIGHT) She's doing her imitation of the colonel in a leather bondage costume, boots on the desk. She's wearing a black hood commandeered from one of the militia men. she has added arched sequin eyebrows and a full pouty mouth in red patent leather. LESLIE I have your dossier here, somewhere. She picks up a fashion magazine and opens it. Ah. Yes. While embarking at the airport you were discovered to possess a bomb in your luggage. DAVID There must be some mistake. LESLIE They all say that. Guards! DAVID You misunderstand. LESLIE Really? DAVID Yes. I called the ministry and asked about the chance of there being a bomb on board. They answered, not more than 1 in 10,000. Good, but not good enough. I called back. I enquired of the chance of there being 2 bombs on board. They answered, quite correctly as it turns out, not more than 1 in 100,000,000. LESLIE So? DAVID Isn't it obvious?, I was simply trying to reduce the chance of there being a 2nd bomb on board. LESLIE I see that I am dealing with a man of taste, but I am undecided as to what course of action to take. She takes her boots off the desk and slings her knees over the arm rests of the chair. She clasps her hands behind her head and sighs. DAVID Perhaps I can help you decide. LESLIE Perhaps. He kneels in front of her, mouth forward. DAVID Why do you like intellectuals? LESLIE they give good head. That's what they're for, didn't you know? She grabs his head and pulls him to her. THE SAME (NIGHT) She's laying face down on the bed, immobilized in a chain harness. David is standing over her with a riding crop. DAVID You're really going to get it tonight. LESLIE You always say that, but you always stop as soon as I start to cry. DAVID That may not be the shrewdest thing you ever said. LESLIE Ha! THE SAME David is licking her welts, crazy with tenderness. DAVID You wont be going to beach for a few days. LESLIE No, let's get the hash and get out of here. DAVID Why dont you just kill me? LESLIE You dont get off that easy. Talk to what's his name at the bar. DAVID After today, he doesn't know me. LESLIE That's silly. you're best friends with the colonel. then how do we get the hash? DAVID We go to a hash store. They have them all over like coffee shops. It's perfectly legal here. She stares at him. LESLIE Then what was...You were putting on a show for me. That's rather sweet. You wanted me to think it was dangerous. He gags her. INT. HASHISH AND TEA SHOP (AFTERNOON) They're seated around the communal hookah stoned out of their gourd. They're not used to hash and even the mild Lebanese variety knock them out. THE WAITRESS comes by to refill the hookah. There's urgent whispered conversation. EXT> STREET David and Leslie wandering through the crazy twisted streets. They come to a street over looking the harbor. It's on a 45 degree angle. The land side are tenements leaning at least 15 degrees away from upright. David consults a slop of paper. He stares at the house in front of him. The door is laying in the street. He turns it over and checks the number. DAVID This is it. 2nd floor. They climb the shattered stairs, hanging on to the broken banister, to the 2nd floor. There is only one door. David bangs on it. DAVID Miryam sent us. But there is no reply. He bangs again and then kicks the door open. The room is empty. The building has been stripped and abandoned. LESLIE What now? DAVID We leave. They walk downstairs and find themselves in Hell. The Devil is holding a ceramic pot. The lid has a handle shaped like a 9 headed snake. DAVID (continuing) What’s inside? DEVIL You. LESLIE Did you make a deal with the Devil and not tell me about it? DAVID No, did you? LESLIE No. It's possible that we made one without knowing it. DAVID Yes, I believe that's the usual way. THE DEVIL The 7 years are up. The contract is due. LESLIE It must be like a certificate of deposit. Cant we roll it over or something? The Devil laughs. DAVID What happens now? DEVIL Nothing happens now. This is it. FREEZE FRAME FOR 2 SECONDS DAVID (V.O.) I know the name. MOTION STARTS AGAIN. DEVIL The name of what? DAVID The Name. The Name of God. The true name. The Devil drops the alabaster jar and it shatters. DEVIL Look fellah, I dont want no trouble. You leave me alone, I leave you alone. DAVID I am about to pronounce the 1st letter of the 1st syllable of THE NAME. DEVIL Wait a minute, let's talk this over. We're both business men, just tell me what you want!!! The devil starts to scream. David forms his lips into a perfect square. There is a vast whooshing sound and the field of vision comes apart like a jigsaw puzzle. Behind it is The Emerald City. EXT> STREET (AFTERNOON) David and Leslie walking hand in hand. DAVID That was pretty good hash. LESLIE I think I've had enough of Beirut. DAVID We can go south, try to reach a Christian enclave in the mountains. LESLIE What do you mean, we can try? DAVID We can get to Damur. It's a Christian stronghold, 30 miles south. LESLIE With 8 suitcases? DAVID We leave them. We can cable to have them shipped out, if we dont make it back here. LESLIE Dont make it back? DAVID It depends. We might have to slip across the Israeli border. LESLIE It might! It depends! We can try! It stinks! DAVID You want blind terror with no risk at all? LESLIE Yes, that's exactly what I want. DAVID Well, next time be an 11 year old Watutsi. They lead you out into the jungle in the middle of the night. Then the Witch Doctors dance around you in devil masks and after a while they go away. And you come back the next morning convinced that you fought off the spirits of the dead. LESLIE How do we get to Damur? DAVID Hq. for the phalange. There's always some reporter driving down there. That's not the problem. Leslie starts packing a large shoulder bag. She puts in the brank and the chain harness. DAVID That weighs 40 lbs. LESLIE Just taking essentials. INT> OLD RENAULT (DAY) They're driving to Damur with A REPORTER, sitting 3 across in the front seat. REPORTER You Americans think that Churchill's greatness is one of the great myths of the 20th century, along with the idea that the British are more civilized than the Americans. Certainly he was the worst chancellor of the exchequer that England ever had, but in a larger sense, seen as an organizing personality... David and Leslie are staring straight ahead, comatose with boredom. EXT> STREET IN DAMUR (DAY) David is haggling with A DRIVER. Then He and Leslie get into a crowded ancient stretch limo being used as a bus. There are at least 10 other passengers. EXT> HIGHWAY (DAY) They're riding south from Damur. There is a tremendous, but unidentifiable racket that keeps getting louder. It's a narrow hilly road and, suddenly, from the other direction is a patrol of 3 Syrian T-54 tanks. THE TANK COMMANDER is wearing a full suit of armor, looted from some Crusader museum. 2 rear view mirrors have been welded to either side of the helmet. He has a necklace of human ears around his neck. The limo turns so fast that it turns over twice, lands right side up and races back the way it came. Then the transmission falls out. David, who is more agile than most, makes it out the window dragging Leslie dragging their shoulder bags. THE OTHER PASSENGERS dont make it. They're still inside the limo when it's crushed flat, 6 inches high, by the lead tank. AN ARM is sticking out what used to be a window and holding string bag of apples. David takes one and starts eating it with out interest. THE TANK COMMANDERS are sitting half out of the hatches. They turn to look at Leslie. They smile and wave. Then ONE OF THEM drops his lit cigarette inside the tank. He doesn't notice at first. Then a wisp of smoke spins by HIS face. He looks down. He looks puzzled. Then the tank explodes. Then the other tanks explode. The entire patrol goes off like a string of firecrackers. DAVID Bad design. The driver is sitting on the gas tank and the ammunition is hung on the wall inside the turret. Very bad design. He takes out his Browning 9m. LESLIE You're going to kill me, aren't you? DAVID I think so, yes. LESLIE What are you waiting for? DAVID I enjoy the feeling LESLIE You could at least kill me with your hands. DAVID Come here. He raises the gun. LESLIE You dont need that. I'll do anything you want. DAVID That's the fucking problem. Dance. LESLIE What kind of dance do you want me to do? DAVID Forget it.
Copyright © 2002 Angel Obregon |