Feets (5) SACHEEN Glad you asked me? JACQUES Quite. We seem to be making a rather effective team. SACHEEN You know I didn't really expect to see you again. JACQUES When I left this morning, I had but one thought, Canada. But on the trek to the airport, there was --something in the air. SACHEEN Yeah, smoke signals. LAUGHING, he puts his arm around her. She reciprocates. They stroll past the empty warehouses. EXT. ALLEY - DAY. Willie frees himself. EXT. STREET - DAY. Jacques and Sacheen walk under a bridge. EXT. STREET - DAY. Willie walks through the warehouse district. EXT. STREET - EVENING. Jacques and Sacheen walk along a rural road. EXT. WOODS - DAY. Jacques and Sacheen walk through the woods. EXT. STREET - DAY. Jacques and Sacheen climb up a hillside. EXT. BORDER CROSSING - DUSK. From his perch overlooking the entrance, Gates watches the approach to the tunnels. Opens a container of chewing tobacco. Puts in a plug. EXT. ROAD TO CANADA - NIGHT. Jacques and Sacheen step off the gravel path onto a paved road. The route ahead is uphill. They pass a sign: "CANADIAN BORDER - 2 MILES." Around a bend in the road, the entrance to the first tunnel comes into view. They halt. JACQUES Why don't you wait here? Let me take a look-see. If it's safe, I'll wave. SACHEEN No, let me go. If he's up there, I'll distract him, and then you finish him off. Sacheen hands him the tomahawk. JACQUES You want me to kill him? SACHEEN If that's what it comes down to, can you do it? JACQUES I didn't come all this way to drop the bundle. He takes it from her. SACHEEN Give me a half-minute head start. Gives Jacques a peck on the cheek. Starts up the road. EXT. BORDER CROSSING - SAME. Gates watches Sacheen come up the road. Takes out his chaw. Spits out the remaining juice. Starts down the backside of the hill toward a gap between the tunnels. EXT. ROAD TO CANADA - SAME. Sacheen continues her march. Concentrates on taking deep even BREATHS. EXT. ROAD TO CANADA - SAME. Jacques searches the gloom. Fidgets with the tomahawk. Tosses it from one hand to hand. EXT. BORDER CROSSING - SAME. Sacheen approaches the mouth of the first tunnel. Peers into the tunnel blackness. Takes a few tentative steps forward. Out of the enveloping darkness, Gates springs forward. Grabs Sacheen's braids. Clamps a hand over her mouth. Drags her back into the tunnel. EXT. ROAD TO CANADA - SAME. Repeatedly, Jacques tosses the tomahawk from hand to hand. He stares long and hard at the tunnel mouth. Tucks the tomahawk handle into the sleeve of his jacket. Holds the stone head in his fist Starts toward the tunnel. Breaks into a trot. EXT. TUNNEL MOUTH - NEXT MOMENT. Gates readies himself for Jacques. Twenty feet from the tunnel, Jacques suddenly ACCERLERATES. Sprints past Gates. Gates turns and gives chase. Halting abruptly, Jacques spins on Gates. Jacques swings the tomahawk. Gates partially deflects the blow. Staggers backward. Jacques grabs him. Gates tries to draw his gun. They stumble against the tunnel wall. With his free hand, Gates tries to fend off the attack. Jacques works himself between the gun and Gates' body. Jacques SMASHES at Gates' gun hand with the tomahawk. Gates drops the gun. It CLATTERS across the tunnel floor. Jacques POUNDS Gates' body with the tomahawk. Gates slumps to the floor. Jacques grabs him by the lapels. JACQUES You useless piece of shit! Where is she? Jacques SMACKS him. JACQUES You tell me where she is, or I'll rip your fuckin' balls off and shove'm down your fuckin' throat! Gates points a finger into the darkness. Passes out. Jacques retrieves the gun. Holding the pistol, he moves slowly forward amidst the tunnel darkness. MUFFLED SOUNDS of someone moving. Jacques stumbles over something. Sees Sacheen. Bending down, he removes a gag from her mouth. Sees a bump on her head. JACQUES You all right? SACHEEN Pretty much. Jacques loosens her bindings. Pulls Sacheen to her feet. JACQUES Let's get across this border. EXT. GAP BETWEEN THE TUNNELS - SAME. In the gap between the tunnels, Jacques throws Gates' gun into the forest. Hand in hand, Jacques and Sacheen run toward the border. EXT. TUNNEL - SAME. At the end of the second tunnel, stands a sign "WELCOME TO CANADA" BLACK SCREEN. UNCLE BEN (V.O.) Three years has passed. The war between the states - over. The cotton kingdom - ruined ... INT. SLAVECATCHERS' HALL - DAY. The slavecatchers sit glumly in their seats. The blackboard states, "Out of Business." EXT. PORCH OF THE RUINED MANSION - DAY. Disheveled, the Colonel and Anne share swigs from a wine bottle. UNCLE BEN (CONT'D) ... the once enslaved - adrift. And the TV, just the same old, same old. Pushing a shopping cart filled with junk, Drum and Mandingo trudge toward the ruined Mansion. MANDINGO Colonel. Miss Anne. THE COLONEL Drum. Mandingo. How you boys been doing? DRUM Colonel, we's hungry. We'll work for food. THE COLONEL Sorry boys, I can't help you. Mandingo eyes the wine. MANDINGO Can we at least get a taste? THE COLONEL Wish I could, but we ain't hardly got enough for ourselves. The fieldhands turn away. Slowly shuffle off. MANDINGO (to Drum) Stingy cracker. The Colonel and Anne watch them recede into the distance. ANNE This is surely pitiful. There's got to be a way out of this mess. THE COLONEL Let me think on it. EXT. CAFE - DAY. Fashionably attired, Leo and Clarissa sit at a cafe table. Leo has a scar on his cheek, and holds a cane. UNCLE BEN (V.O.) It was late summer in Canada. Across from them, in threadbare clothes, sit Jacques and Sacheen. LEO (to Jacques) Well, you've been here three years. Is it everything that you expected? JACQUES No, not everything, but ... Sacheen reaches for Jacques' hand. SACHEEN ... we're getting by. LEO Was that your goal -- to get by? JACQUES It's a damn sight better than slaving for the Colonel. LEO What if you were working with, instead of for, the Colonel? CLARISSA It'd be a very lucrative situation. Sacheen reaches for Jacques hand. SACHEEN Exactly, what are we talking about? CLARISSA Family entertainment. LEO Let me call the Colonel. Clarissa takes a cellular phone out of her purse. Hands it to Leo. LEO I've got Jacques here -- why don't you tell him. After all, it is your idea. Leo hands the phone to Jacques. JACQUES Hello, Colonel -- couldn't be better. So, what's this proposition -- uh huh -- actually, no. I don't find it quite suitable. Jacques hands the phone back to Leo. LEO He hasn't considered all the angles -- we'll discuss -- don't worry, we'll discuss. Leo hangs up. LEO Jacques, just think about it, a third for you and Sacheen. This is an opportunity to give her a better life, and if you choose, the money to start a family. JACQUES What do you need us for? FLASHBACK: Leo and Sacheen in a romantic embrace. END OF FLASHBACK. LEO A -- a balanced approach. Input from both sides will ah, insure the best chance of success. EXT. RIGHT FRONT YARD OF THE COLONEL'S MANSION - DAY. A television camera crew begins to setup a shoot. A crowd of onlookers begins to form. Among the crowd, Sheila wearing a hoop skirt stands beside Clarissa. SHEILA Well, this should be fun CLARISSA Hey, girl. We've come a long way from those days at the Sty. Sacheen joins them. SACHEEN I'm not so sure about that. SHEILA And what is your problem? Anne walks toward the group. ANNE Hey y'all. Clarissa and Sheila turn and stare. ANNE (CONT'D) Sacheen, we must get together for a t�te-�-t�te. Anne takes Sacheen's arm and they begin walk off. ANNE (CONT'D) Remember that little ole tape? My lawyers have arranged for half of the Colonel's share of our venture to go directly into my personal account ... FRONT YARD OF THE COLONEL'S MANSION - SAME. The camera crew finishes their preparations. In front of the camera, dressed in a hoop skirt, KEIKO HASHIMOTO twirls her parasol. The DIRECTOR leans forward in his chair. DIRECTOR Places! The onlookers step back. The Colonel hurries to a spot beside Keiko. DIRECTOR (O.S.) Rolling! KEIKO I'm Keiko Hashimoto. Welcome to Television-Japan's "Amusement Today." Do you long for the days of hoop skirts and chivalry? Ever wish that Beulah would peel you a grape? THE COLONEL Keiko, I'd like to welcome you and your audience to America's latest and greatest, vacation location. KEIKO For Japanese viewers considering a visit, what would justify a trip of so many miles? THE COLONEL Why, one of Mammy's smiles. With a wave of his arm, the Colonel gestures toward the mansion. EXT. MANSION FRONT PORCH - SAME. In the background, Crockett, with Sheila on his arm, approaches the mansion's front door. The mansion door opens. Jemima encased in a hundred pounds of body padding waddles out. Jemima throws her arms into the air. Crockett gives Jemima a big hug. Jemima gives Sheila a big hug. Jemima ushers them into the Mansion. FROM THE TOP: Leo observes the scene. Gates and Willie stand beside him. Gates leans over toward Leo. GATES We just wanted to say we're sorry. You realize, it was nothing personal, just business. WILLIE Purely bidness, Mister Leo. LEO Yeah, just business. I'll try to keep that in mind. Abruptly, Leo marches away. EXT. SIDE YARD OF THE MANSION - NEXT MOMENT The Colonel walks toward Leo. THE COLONEL (calling out) Leo -- why, I do believe we have a winner, here. Leo walks right past him. LEO From your lips to God's ears. The Colonel stops. Watches Leo walk off. Anne comes over. THE COLONEL That damn Leo. Who in the hell does he think he is? Giving Jacques a part of my idea, and all. Our guests should be watching Jacques' hind parts gettin' whupped. ANNE Oh, really? You sure you wouldn't rather have Sacheen whuppin' you? EXT. FRONT YARD OF THE COLONEL'S MANSION - SAME. Kirksey watches the TV crew. Jacques approaches, holding a book. KIRKSEY Hey, Jacques. What do you think? JACQUES Don't know just yet. I've just gotten here. KIRKSEY Get caught up in the sightseers? JACQUES I'll say. There's quite a crowd out there. By the way, you wouldn't know where I could find the Colonel, would you? KIRKSEY I don't know. He was here a minute ago. Why don't you try out back? EXT. THE AUCTION BLOCK - DAY. In front of the block, Sheila, now costumed as a SLOBOVIAN WIDOW WOMAN, stands next to Crockett. Dispatcher and the barechested AFRICAN BUCK (Tubbs), stand on the block. KEIKO (V.O.) Visitors, not only have the opportunity to observe plantation days, they can also participate. For the duration of their stay, guests are allowed to bid on the use of a buck, a wench, or any little sucker of their choice. DISPATCHER A genuine African buck for sale. What am I bid? CROCKETT Can he make little suckers? DISPATCHER Why Sir, he's never been touched. He's so big he'll put the hurt to all your wenches. Slobovian Widow Woman, steps up on the auction block. Walks up to African Buck. Whips out a tape measure. Measures the fly on his pants. DISPATCHER What am I bid? SHEILA Five hundred, I vill pay. DISPATCHER What say you, Sir? Crockett gives African Buck a long look. Shakes his head from side to side DISPATCHER Sold to the little lady! EXT. THE QUARTERS - DAY. Jacques searches for the Colonel. Sees Uncle Ben. UNCLE BEN Congratulations, Jacques. JACQUES For what? UNCLE BEN You're a Massa now, your own self. Drum and Mandingo join the conversation. MANDINGO Hey, Jack. Whas up? Jacques gives them "soul" handshakes. JACQUES Well brothers, we're standing on the verge of gettin' it on, here. DRUM Homes, times is hard. We's happy we got this little gig, but this work hurts a brother man's pride. You know, what I'm sayin'. JACQUES Not to worry. All you got to do is give'm a good show. Things 'ill sort themselves out. DRUM Come on, brother. There's got to be an easier way for a man to earn a dollar. Jacques starts to edge away. MANDINGO If sumptin' else comes up, can you keep an eye out for us? JACQUES Oh, you can count on me. All you've gotta do is hang on in there. Jacques walk off. DRUM Oh yeah -- we's definitely hangin'. EXT. BARN - SAME. Jacques approaches the Colonel. JACQUES Colonel, I've been meaning to give this to you. It's a replacement for the one I took. Jacques hands him the book. THE COLONEL The Three Musketeers -- this is a modern classic. It's good to see you're keeping up with the white man's culture. JACQUES Actually, Dumas is black -- met him once, quite a nice chap. Hope you enjoy the book. Jacques walks away. The Colonel drops the book in the trash. Wipes his hand. DIRECTOR (O.S.) Colonel, can we proceed? The Colonel walks in front of the Camera. DIRECTOR (O.S.) Rolling! THE COLONEL Our tableau of living history has brought much needed investment and employment to a depressed postwar economy. I'm proud to say it has allowed me the opportunity to provide work for two of my old hands. INT. BARN - NEXT MOMENT. Wearing flesh-colored briefs, Drum and Mandingo hang by their ankles. Sacheen holds a paddle. Gates, paddle in hand, stands next to her. SACHEEN Now, when you whack 'em, you aim for the sweet spot. That's the tender area where the butt meets the thigh. Sacheen gives a demonstration - {THWACK!} DRUM Aaaah! SACHEEN Now you. Gates delivers a stroke. - {THWACK!} MANDINGO Aaaah! Jacques and Clarissa watch the scene play out. JACQUES Isn't this a bit much? CLARISSA This is what people want to see. JACQUES This is what people want to see? CLARISSA We're exceeding all our projections. JACQUES I thought this was to be a balanced approach. CLARISSA It is. My bank account's approaching a real nice balance. Jemima ambles over. JACQUES (to Jemima) But this isn't how it was. This is tomfoolery. JEMIMA It sho'nuff is. JACQUES Jemima, have you ever thought about quittin'? JEMIMA Hell, no! I got a percentage of the concessions. And this, this is just the start. Next week, they're flying me to LA. They say there's a market for a talk show with a sister for whom, size is an issue. Gon' call it ... DIRECTOR (O.S.) Let's get it together people. Jemima moves away. JEMIMA (CONT'D) ... "Tell All Your Troubles To Mammy." INT. THE COLONEL'S OFFICE - DAY. Crockett sits at the Colonel's desk. KEIKO (V.O.) Plantation life wasn't all mint juleps and cotillions. Jemima enters. JEMIMA Massa, you gots ta -- Bessie. CROCKETT Aaaaahhhhh, Mammy. JEMIMA Come on, Massa. The first time, you know it's your duty. CROCKETT But, but, but, Mammy, Bessie has a certain -- air about her. JEMIMA Oh, Massa, fear not. She'll obey all your commands - no eye contact, no kissin', and absolutely no passin' of gas. CROCKETT Mammy, can you assure me that Bessie will break no wind till after we've sinned? JEMIMA Massa, you has ma word. Crockett stands. Hitches up his britches. Clamps a stogie between his teeth. Strides away. INT. RIGHT SIDE OF MANSION LIVING ROOM - NIGHT. Holding mint juleps, Crockett, Dispatcher, and Gates, and stand in front of the fireplace. DISPATCHER No. No. Ya got it all wrong. If ya kill 'em, it's a total loss of your investment. It's more profitable if ya have'm altered. GATES Ya mean, like -- over at the Bobbitt plantation? DISPATCHER Now yer talkin'. One little snip, ya got a trustworthy servant, a set of valuable collectibles, not to mention, an interestin' conversation piece. Jemima rushes in. JEMIMA Massa, Massa, dem slaves is revoltin'! CROCKETT Not only are they revoltin' Mammy, they're disgustin' too. JEMIMA No, no, Massa. Dey's burnin' an' revoltin'. Dem loony coons is comin' ta kill ya! HEARING the beat of drums, Massa goes to the window. Pulls back the curtain. Out of the darkness, flaming torches approach. CROCKETT Gentlemen, we must take up arms in defense of our women and our Aryan birthright! Exiting, Dispatcher, Gates and Crockett don Klan hoods. DIRECTOR That's a wrap. The crowd of onlookers burst into APPLAUSE. The crowd of begins to break up. The camera crew breaks down their equipment. Jacques turns to Leo and Kirksey. JACQUES This is not quite what I expected. LEO Let's try to keep things in perspective. It's just a show. KIRKSEY Yeah, everybody's getting paid. And this helps keep things cool. JACQUES What are you on about? LEO Jacques, look around you. There's a lot of resentment out there. Every time you open the paper some ex-fieldhand turned celebrity is getting away with murder. JACQUES Oh, that. That's not representative. KIRKSEY Representative don't matter. It's what's on the six o'clock news. JACQUES What about those who've suffered? This -- this is an unprincipled mess. LEO Come off it. What does this have to do with past suffering? Can your precious principles change one lash mark? I've covered for you and what did I get for it? This cane. JACQUES I've not forgotten. But this � Shaking his head, Jacques walks away. KIRKSEY Leo, why'd ja give'm a piece of this? You should've cut me in. LEO They'll be other opportunities. KIRKSEY Other opportunities! Man, this is the gold mine. LEO Calm down. I just got a call from Buffalo Bill. He wants me, to help take his Wild West Show to Europe. He's got Sitting Bull under contract. It'll be a smash. And don't worry, I'll find a place for you. Jacques stands alone. Sacheen walks over. SACHEEN You okay? JACQUES Not really. The Director and the Cameraman enter. The Director CLAPS his hands. DIRECTOR Excuse me -- we'd like to get all the owners together for a group shot. The Colonel, Anne, Leo, and Clarissa pose for the photo. Kirksey lurks in the background. Jacques takes Sacheen's hand. JACQUES (to Sacheen) Shall, we? SACHEEN We're history. Hand in hand, they walk away. FADE TO BLACK. This Just In: Mississippi Abolishes Slavery JACKSON, Miss., March 16 (AP) Today, Mississippi ratified the constitutional amendment that formally outlawed slavery in the United States. The 13th Amendment, abolished slavery throughout the United States. But Mississippi, whose lawmakers were angry because slave owners had not been reimbursed for the value of freed slaves, refused to ratify the amendment. State Senator Hillman Frazier persuaded his fellow lawmakers that it was time for Mississippi to formally close its books on slavery. - NEW YORK TIMES, FRIDAY, MARCH 17, 1995 FADE OUT. THE END
Copyright © 1999 David Trotman |