Jimsonweed (2)
UNCLE ALBERT (He leers at his nephew). Well, Nephew,I didn’t leave you anything in the will. I did leave you my cat, Henry. ATTIE (Confused) A cat? What about a cat? WIFE She’s talking to a cat? Do we know any dead cats? ATTIE Something about a cat and a will. WIFE What is it with the dead cat? CLIENT If she’s referring to Henry, he will be! (UNCLE ALBERT bursts into sarcastic laughter and disappears.) ATTIE Uncle Albert has gone back through the veil. WIFE Stop with the veil crap! Did the old skinflint leave us any money? ATTIE Just Henry. (The WIFE screams hysterically and rushes from the room, followed by the CLIENT. TAYLOR bursts into the room.) TAYLOR (Rather alarmed) Sister! What is going on? ATTIE I hope Henry has nine lives! TAYLOR Who the hell is Henry? (Henry’s voice comes from beyond the grave, “Meow, meow). EDGAR (Imitating Henry) Meow! Meow! ATTIE (To Edgar) All right Edgar! Settle down! Taylor I’m ready for the next victims, uh, Clients. (ATTIE sits down imperiously at the table. TAYLOR leaves the room, for the next client.) TAYLOR (Opening the door for the clients.) Sister Attie will see you now. (Two sisters, FLORENCE and VIVIAN enter the room and are seated at the séance table. They are nicely dressed, middle aged ladies.) ATTIE Greetings, dear friends. Welcome on this All Hallows Eve. You are in luck ladies, the spirits are really cookin’ tonight! (FLORENCE and VIVIAN look at each other and begin to giggle.) ATTIE I feel that you’ve come here tonight, looking for answers. Answers to your questions. Ah, your questions deal with love and romance. FLORENCE AND VIVIAN (Together) Yes, that’s right Sister Attie! VIVIAN See, I told you Florence, Sister Attie, she got the answer. FLORENCE AND VIVIAN (Together) Amen! ATTIE (The ‘Amen” makes ATTIE startle! ATTIE acknowledges VIVIAN with a nod of the head and begins to fall into a trance. GRANDMA BRIGGS Vivian, is that you honey? (In an elderly voice) It’s Grandma Briggs! VIVIAN Grandma Briggs! Florence, it’s my Grandma Briggs! Oh, I loved you so much Grandma Briggs! FLORENCE (Protesting) I did too! ATTIE AND VIVIAN Shuuussssh! ATTIE (Continuing in an elderly voice) I know you did honey. I loved you too. What can I do for you Sweetie? Why have you contacted me tonight? Sorry, I can’t make it in the flesh, but my arthritis is actin up tonight. VIVIAN I need your advice Grandma Briggs. FLORENCE Hey, I need some advice too. ATTIE AND VIVIAN (Together) Shussshh! ATTIE (Continuing in an elderly voice) Advice? I bet it’s about some man. You always were too man crazy Vivian! VIVIAN But, Grandma Briggs. ATTIE (Continuing in an elderly voice) Improve on yourself, Vivian! Take some college courses. Go to a fat farm. And take that faaatttt Florence with you. Forget men! They are not the answer for you or for that fattttt Florence! (ATTIE, as Grandma Briggs, wants to continue hurling these insults at VIVIAN and FLORENCE, but they have already gotten up, holding their coats, and heading for the door.) VIVIAN I didn’t come here on some spooky night to be insulted by you, Grandma Briggs! FLORENCE Just who does your Grandma Briggs think she is, anyway, just a bossy old Spook! VIVIAN You’re just an old spook now, with arthritis! Spook off! FLORENCE One would think she’d have something better to do with her time than insult two nice ladies like us! VIVIAN Yeah. Come on Florence, let’s get out of her! FLORENCE Right with you Sister! (ATTIE opens one eye, just to make sure that they have gone. ATTIE laughs in her own voice, once again herself.) TAYLOR (Holding the door for the ladies) Attie, I want you to stop these schananighans and give a serious reading for these clients! ATTIE Oh, give me a break! It’s Halloween. And besides, if the spirits don’t take them seriously, then why should I? EDGAR (Fluffing his wings) Never give a sucker an even break! TAYLOR Edgar! Where does he get that. ATTIE We never found the TV remote. TAYLOR (Leaving the room) Razzled raven! ATTIE Edgar, you’ve been watching too many W.C Fields movies again! EDGAR My little chickadee! Blackout TOLOACHE enters stage right. He dances to the rhythm of the Indian drums. He exits stage left. YOUNG ATTIE enters stage right. She reads from her report. ATTIE Depending on the dosages, several tropane alkaloids of Datura (when absorbed together) may have synergistic properties resulting in extreme hallucinations, delirium and death. Since the alkaloids are fat soluble they are readily absorbed through the skin and mucous membranes. Volumes have been written about the uses and properties of Datura in the Middle Ages. Most of the uses involved the consumption of potions or concoctions made from various parts of the plant. The famous ‘Witches Flying ointment.’ (ATTIE exits stage right.) Blackout THREE WOMEN are bound and tied in a pyre ready to be burned as witches. A PRIEST holds a prayer book. PRIEST Confess Mary Elizabeth Dalton, Jane Ann Simmons, Kathryn Teresa Douglas. Confess your unholy alliance with the Devil on this day May 1, 1556. KATHRYN No! For we speak the truth! No alliance was made with the Devil. Mary Kathryn God forgive me and Jane for we are innocent of these judgments. We signed no pact with the Devil. Our souls are pure. Christ awaits us! JANE Sister, I will see you in Heaven. Kathryn, we will pray for your soul. For surely, you must ask for forgiveness. Heaven will not open its pearly gates to the likes of you. You signed the pact with the Devil! KATHRYN Be silent! I am unrepentant. Heaven can bolt its doors if it must! (Kathryn gets her hands free and unties MARY and Jane. They run away!) Blackout KATHRYN, MARY and JANE are dancing wildly, riding broomsticks. MARY takes a jar and smears it on KATHRYN She becomes intoxicated. She dances wildly. Suddenly, the DEVIL appears, dressed in red. He takes KATHRYN’S hand and begins to dance with her. He unrolls a huge scroll before her eyes and with a quill pen, which he elegantly, gentlemanly, gives her has her sign. Too late, MARY tries to pull KAKTHRYN away. MARY and JANE both try to shake her to wake her up out of the drug’s trance. More conscious, KATHRYN looks at the DEVIL and screams! He shows her her signature! She tries to flee. He rolls up the scroll and drags her screaming from her sisters. Blackout SCENE 5 It is the Christmas season. ATTIE’S shop is festively decorated for the holiday. There is a large Christmas tree in a corner of the shop. The statue of the Toloache god is displayed on its own stand in a corner of the shop. FATHER INOXIA, an elderly priest, dressed in the traditional black cassock of the Catholic Church, stands before the statue. He examines it in a reflective, but critical manner. ATTIE enters the shop and takes off her coat and hat, hanging them on a coat tree. ATTIE (Noticing FATHER INOXIA) Father Inoxia, how are you? FATHER INOXIA (With an Irish accent) Oh, just fine, my girl. Say, this is some statue, you’ve got here. Evil looking little thing. ATTIE Yeah, it is. Supposed to be of a Native American, Southwestern, jimsonweed god, Toloache. FATHER INOXIA Toloache? It looks valuable. Authentic. Do you mind if I examine it? ATTIE Yeah, sure go ahead. (FATHER INOXIA picks up the statue and his expression changes from his usually amicable one, to fear.) ATTIE Father? Are you all right? FATHER INOXIA (Taking a second to recover) Oh, yes, my girl. Quite all right. Felt as if I were at O’Riely’s Bar just now. With three or four pints in me and just about to be escorted home! ATTIE Are you sure, you’re all right, Father? FATHER INOXIA Oh, yes, quite. I dropped by to let you know that choir practice for the Christmas Eve service has been changed to Thursday night. Miss McMahon had asked me to drop by with the message. She says that your solo this year is lovely. You have a beautiful voice, just like your dear mother, Edna Jean. God rest her soul. Lovely woman. ATTIE I remember being little and watching her sing in the choir. Such a lovely, lovely voice. FATHER INOXIA And a lovely woman. And you were such a pretty little girl. Though you couldn’t sit still through the sermon! ATTIE (Teasingly) Well, that’s because the sermons you gave were so boring! (Danny enters the shop. He carries a box with a lid on it. He walks over to ATTIE, holding the box careefully.) Hi, Danny! What’s up? DANNY Hi, Attie! Hi Father! FATHER INOXIA Hello there, Danny. DANNY I’ve got a present for you Attie. I bet you can’t guess what it is. ATTIE (Faint ‘Meows” come from the covered box. Laughing,as she has guessed the surprise.) I give up! DANNY (DANNY uncovers the box and hands a cuddly kitten to ATTIE. She holds the kitten lovingly to her.) Pete had kittens! ATTIE He sure did! I mean she sure did! DANNY What are you gonna call him? ATTIE I don’t know. FATHER INOXIA May I make a suggestion? ATTIE Yeah, sure. FATHER INOXIA Why not call him, Pangur Ban. ATTIE What? FATHER INOXIA It’s the name of a cat in a poem, penned by an Irish scribe, found slipped into a ninth-century manuscript. Let me see, how does it go? I and Pangur Ban my cat, ‘Tis a like task we are at; Hunting mice is his delight, Hunting words I sit all night. ‘Tis a merry thing to see At our tasks how glad are we, When at home we sit and find Entertainment to our mind. ‘Gainst the wall he sets his eyes, Full and fierce and sharp and sly; ‘Gainst the wall of knowledge I All my little wisdom try. So in peace our tasks we ply, Pangur Ban my cat and I; In our arts we find our bliss, I have mind and he has his. ATTIE That’s delightful! Pangur Ban it is! FATHER INOXIA Well, my dears, I must be going. See you, Danny. And Attie, don’t forget the rehearsal! (FATHER INOXIA puts on his hat and coat and leaves. ATTIE and DANNY are absorbed in petting the kitten.) Blackout SCENE 6 ATTIE’S Séance Chamber is decorated with holiday trimmings. There is a Christmas tree festively decorated in a corner of the room. Edgar is perched, sedately, on his stand. ATTIE, dressed in her white robe, is seated across the séance table from MISS MARTHA, a middle aged woman with a bile disposition. Pangur Ban, the kitten, purrs contentedly in ATTIE’S lap. ATTIE Welcome, Miss Martha, to this Yule séance. For the ancients, this was a night for spirit contact. A celebration of ones departed. The guardians of the spirit world, open their doors at Yule to all sincere seekers. Let us take three deep breaths, clearing our minds and chakras. (ATTIE and MISS MARTHA take three deep breaths.) Miss Martha, I feel that Harold your recently departed husband, will be joining us momentarily. (ATTIE begins to go into a trance. HAROLD materializes beside ATTIE. HAROLD is a small, timid looking man with glasses. HAROLD carries a hangman’s noose! MISS MARTHA looks rather large and imposing next to her husband.) HAROLD Jesus, Attie, this woman will never give me any peace. Even on the other side! (He walks over to MISS MARTHA and yells in her ear.) Get a life Martha! I have a life, I’m happy! No more nagging, no barking, no errands in the middle of the night, and that was just the in-laws! MISS MARTHA Harold? Harold? Welcome darling. How are things on the other side? I miss you so. I miss our long moonlite walks around the lake. Remember when I accidentally tripped and fell in. You couldn’t swim, and I was saved in the nick of time by a couple in a canoe, who fished me out? (HAROLD takes a chair and steps up onto it, holding the noose.) MISS MARTHA (Continued) I miss our motor trips. Remember when you sent me out for breakfast one morning, you were so hungry? And the brakes failed on the car and I had that leg brace on for the longest time? You were always so sweet to me while I got better and better each day. And I miss our time alone in our favorite spot, our little cabin in the woods. Remember? Such a remote area! The little cabin only had one light, a rusty chain that hung from the ceiling, and you’d asked me to turn on the light as night was falling and I did! It’s a good thing that I fell on the dog. It helped get my heart going again. And you were in shock, too! You were so good to me. Remember? (HAROLD leans from one side to the other, with the noose around his neck. He holds his tongue out, imitating someone who has hung himself.) HAROLD I feel that I must say something to you Attie. ATTIE And what is that, Harold? HAROLD Attie, you know that I have the greatest respect for you. But, these seances are holding me back from the progress as a soul that I am supposed to be making. UNCLE ALBERT (UNCLE ALBERT and several other SPIRITS enter the room materializing out of the walls.) Yes, Attie. I agree with that! He is exactly right! SPIRITS (Together) Yeah, us too! ATTIE Hey, wait a minute! Now, I’m talking to Harold! MISS MARTHA What’s going on? HAROLD I second that! This is it, Attie. This is my last séance for entertainment purposes. I need to get on with my life. ATTIE Harold, you’re dead! MISS MARTHA What are you talking about Attie? I know Harold’s dead. ATTIE Oh, butt out! HAROLD I have every intention of butting out! MISS MARTHA (Getting up from the table in a huff) That’s enough. I’m leaving. Attie, that’s the last séance I’m going to do with you. HAROLD Hallelujah! MISS MARTHA I’ll just find another psychic! HAROLD Oh, damn! (MISS MARTHA rushes from the room. HAROLD sits down at the table, sobbing and covering his face with his hands.) ATTIE Hey, all the rest of you can leave, too! (UNCLE ALBERT and the rest of the SPIRITS ‘dematerialize’ through the walls.) Don’t worry Harold, it’s really hard to find someone who actually possesses the gift to channel. I’m the only one in Brooklyn, anyway! (HAROLD takes ATTIE’S hand. Suddenly, Edgar begins to flap his wings. There is the sound of Indian drums. A Warrior dance! TOLOACHE enters stage right. He dances towards ATTIE and HAROLD undetected by ATTIE. What the hell has gotten into that stupid bird? (HAROLD ‘dematerializes’ leaving stage right! TOLOACHE dances his Warrior dance making threatening gestures to ATTIE, then exits stage left.) ATTIE There is another presence here, isnt there. Something strange, exotic, evil. (Edgar perches on her head.) EDGAR will you get off my head! EDGAR Nevermore! Nevermore! Blackout It is 1676 Jamestown, Virginia. OFFICER JACKSON, and OFFICER BRIGHTON are seated at the dining room. There is a large salad on the table. The salad is passes around by the CHEF. He puts a little salad on each officer’s plate. YOUNG ATTIE enters stage right and begins to read from her report. ATTIE Although jimsonweed is synonymous with several species of Datura, this unusual common name is actually derived from D. stramonium. In 1676 British soldiers stationed in Jamestown, Virginia became intoxicated by D. stramonium when it was inadvertently included in their salads by the regimental cooks. The episode was widely publicized and the plant culprit became known as ‘Jamestown weed’, and later as jimsonweed. (ATTIE exits stage right.) OFFICER JACKSON (To the CHEF) This salad looks wonderful. I am so hungry, that I could eat a horse. OFFICER BRIGHTON Oh, I don’t think that it will come to that! Chef here is a wonderful cook. You’d be surprised how resourceful he can be! Good English fare. CHEF Always looking for that next tasty dish. This country has so much to offer our King. Such natural resources waiting for the British empire to take. To do with what we will. Such fauna, such flora, What is it Sir? (Looking concerned for OFFICER JACKSON.) OFFICER JACKSON I don’t feel well, suddenly. Very sick. My head is spinning. Was there something in the salad? OFFICER BRIGHTON Yes, it did taste a bit tart. What herbs did you put in it? CHEF Just mixed up the salad with this large pretty weed out back of the kitchen. OFFICER JACKSON Fool, you’ve probably killed us! That’s the same weed that killed my old horse! You fool! I’ll have you shot! (Falls to the floor). CHEF Such flora! Blackout SCENE 7 Outside Saint Bridget’s Catholic Church on Christmas Eve. ATTIE, accompanied by FATHER INOXIA, TAYLOR and CINCI, make their way down the stairs outside the church. FATHER INOXIA I so enjoyed the service tonight. The choir was so wonderful and your solo was just lovely, Attie. It is always such a pleasure to hear your lovely voice. ATTIE Well, I thank you! TAYLOR Your voice was just beautiful! (To CINCI) What is it Cinci? CINCI (A little sad) Oh, I was thinking, what I wouldn’t give, if Mother could have been here tonight to hear Attie sing. (ATTIE’S Mother, EDNA JEAN DATURA, stands before the church. She is dressed in choir clothes and begins to sing, “In Praise of Christmas,” a traditional English carol (eighteenth century).) EDNA JEAN All hail to the days that merit more praise Than all the rest of the year. And welcome the nights that double delights As well for the poor as the peer! Good fortune attend each merry man’s friend That doth but the best that he may, Forgetting old wrongs with carols and songs To drive the cold winter away. ‘Tis ill for a mind to anger inclind To think of small injuries now, If wrath be to seek, do not lend her Your cheek, Nor let her inhabit thy brow, Cross out of thy books malevolent looks, Both beauty and youth’s decay, And wholly consort with mirth and sport To drive the cold winter away. This time of the year is spent in good cheer, And neighbors together do meet, To sit by the fire, with friendly desire, Each other in love to greet. Old grudges forgot are put in the pot, All sorrows aside they lay; The old and the young doth carol this song, To drive the cold winter away. When Christmas’s tide comes in like a bride, With holly and ivy clad. Twelve days in the year much mirth and Good cheer, In every household is heard. The country guise is then to devise Some gambols of Christmas play, Whereat the young men do best that they can To drive the cold winter away. FATHER INOXIA Good heavens, but it is cold tonight. (A crosswalk sign lights up the street corner. ATTIE, TAYLOR, CINCI, and FATHER INOXIA walk towards the street corner.) ATTIE It sure is. FATHER INOXIA I thought for sure, you would have some nice man escort you home, Attie. Weren’t you seeing that Nicholas Thornby? He is such a nice man. He’d make a good husband. He’s a good Catholic. Attends Mass regularly. ATTIE Father! I know you are concerned about me. I know that you promised my mother… FATHER INOXIA God rest her souls. ATTIE That you would look after me and my sisters. I’m doing all right. And I promise you that I am looking for someone, with possible husband material! I’ll find him, don’t worry sweet Father! TAYLOR Yes, don’t worry about us Father! CINCI Well, if I know Taylor Datura, she has got some plans for cuddlin’ and warmin’ up this Christmas Eve! TAYLOR As a matter of fact, Cinci Datura, I do! ATTIE (Being silly) Tad! It’s Tad, that gorgeous hunk at the gym! Am I right? Well, you go girl! CINCI And going, and going and. ATTIE She’s like that little pink rabbit on the TV commercial! (The jimsonweed god, TOLOACHE, appears behind ATTIE! We hear the sound of a large truck approaching the intersection. As the sound of the Indian drums gets louder and louder, TOLOACHE pushes ATTIE into the intersection! We hear the sound of squealing tires and brakes! FATHER INOXIA, TAYLOR and CINCI rush to ATTIE’S lifeless body in the middle of the intersection. Curtain ACT TWO SCENE 1 ATTIE lies in a hospital bed unconscious. Dr. RICHARDS stands at the foot of her bed looking at her chart. NURSE CONNIE adjusts an IV. TAYLOR and CINCI sit by her bed. CINCI blows her nose as she has been crying. Dr. RICHARDS Attie is in critical condition. She has had severe head trauma and is in a coma. I’m afraid that only time will tell whether or not Attie will make it. TAYLOR Don’t leave us, Attie! CINCI Taylor our Attie will be fine. Remember when she fell out of the tree? TAYLOR Falling out of a tree, and getting hit by a truck, aren’t exactly the same thing, Cinci! CINCI You’re right. Even Attie’s skull isn’t that thick!
Copyright © 2002 Teresa Ann Salyer |