Dead Souls And Mrs Morrys. (2)
Lambert: Now you’ve torn it (Looks at Camelia.) Rose: Who’s that with you, Reggie? Constance: Who’s with my Reggie? Is it his mother, Mabel? Rose: Is that Mabel with you, Reggie? Lambert :( Moves away from the window and wanders along the edge of the stage.)Mabel? Who the hell’s Mabel? Rose: Oh, dear. Constance: What is it? Lambert: Camelia you’ve started something now. The poor dears think you’re someone called Mabel. Rose: Reggie says Mabel’s in Hell. Constance: I did used to wonder about her and her funny ways. Camelia :( Moves along next to Lambert.)What am I to do? Rose: Reggie? Lambert: Yes? Rose: Who’s with you? Lambert: Camelia Lysp. Rose: Lisp? Does she? Constance: Who lisps? Camelia: This is getting beyond a joke, Lambert. Rose: A joke? Constance: Who’s joking? Is that my Reggie? He always was a one for jokes. Lambert: Oh, yes, (Laughs.) Death’s a bundle of laughs. Rose: He says something about a bundle of laughs. Constance: Laughs? He was a one for his jokes. (Laughs uneasily.)However, dying’s no laughing matter when you’re the one left behind. Rose: Oh, but the spirit world, Miss Lye is beyond our understanding. Things happen there, which we have little knowledge of. Lambert: And you least of all, Rose. Camelia: Rose Morrys you’re not at your best being a poor medium. Try harder. Rose: Try harder, Reggie’s friend says. Constance: How dare she say such things! What does Reggie mean by teaming up with one so rude? Lambert: She means you, Rose, should try harder. Rose: Me? What is she to me? Camelia: A dead soul fed up with second-rate mediums who con vulnerable people. Rose: Vulnerable people? Me? Constance: Who’s talking to whom? Lambert: Camelia speaks her mind when she’s upset, Rose. Nothing personal. Just the way things are with her. Camelia: Don’t be so patronizing, Lambert. Constance: Now, I’m confused. Rose: I’m being spoken to by two spirits and can see neither. Lambert: Try harder, Rose. Camelia: Focus your mind. Constance: I can’t see or hear anything. Rose: Are you still there? Constance: Of course I am. Rose: Not you, Miss Lye, them. Constance: Them? Is Reggie there still? Rose: I’m not sure. Lambert (Moves toward the table.) What does Miss Lye want? Rose: Want? Want? Constance: Reggie are you here? Camelia: Go suck a lemon. Rose: Reggie are you still there? Lambert: What does Miss Lye want? Rose: What do you want? Constance: Who? Me? Rose: Yes. Reggie wants to know what you want? Constance: Want? Want? I want to know how he is? Rose: She wants to know how you are? Lambert: I’m fine. Never felt better. Full of spirit. Rose: Full of spirit? Constance: Is he drunk? Camelia: Oh, my giddy aunt. What did Reggie see in her? Rose: Quiet, Camelia. Constance: Is she still here? With my Reggie? Rose: I think so. Lambert: No wonder Reggie never came. Rose: Reggie says he never…Well never something or other. Constance: He never what? Camelia: Kissed her I should imagine. Rose: Be quiet, Camelia. Camelia :( Moves towards the table and stands by Lambert.)Don’t tell me to be quiet, Rose Morrys. Rose :( She sits back in her chair as she sees both of the dead souls before her.)I can see them. Both of them. Constance: Where? Rose: Here. Beside us. Constance: Near by? Rose: Almost touching your shoulder. Constance (Jumps up and runs downstage towards the edge.)Don’t say that. I’m scared. Lambert: So you should be you silly woman. Rose: Now, now, Reggie. Mustn’t be rude to your fiancée. Lambert: Fiancée? Her? Rose: I know death changes people, but you can’t have forgotten about Constance being your fiancée. Lambert: Can’t I? Constance: Forgotten me? How could he? The swine. Camelia: Oh, dear, what have you done, Lambert? Rose: Lambert? Who’s Lambert? Lambert: My best friend. Known him for ages. Camelia: Best shut up or that’ll blow it wide open. Rose: What are you talking about? Constance: I’ll never try to contact you again, Reggie. Rose: Wait, Miss Lye, don’t be hasty. These things do happen. Lambert: Tell Constance I’m sorry for any mistakes. Rose: Reggie says he’s sorry for any mistakes. Constance: What mistakes? Rose: What mistakes? Lambert: I should have said I miss her. Rose: He says he misses you. Constance: Misses me? Really? Rose: So he says. Camelia: Like a hole in the head. Rose: Camelia! Hush! Camelia: Don’t hush me you fraud! Rose: Don’t you call me a fraud you floozy. Lambert: Tell Constance she’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Rose: Reggie says you’re best thing that ever happened to him. Camelia: Apart from falling and breaking his neck over Lover’s Leap. Rose: Camelia, if you don’t behave I’ll curse you to Hell. Camelia: Go suck lemons you silly woman. Lambert: Camelia, please Honey, try to keep calm. Camelia: Tell this mediocre medium to hold her tongue. Rose: You spineless spirit of a loose woman! Camelia: You toad-faced harpy! Constance: Is there a problem? Lambert: Camelia, Honey, let’s go for a walk to cool off. (Takes Camelia’s hand and rushes with her upstage and out of sight. Rose looks after them.) Constance: Well? Rose: Well what? Constance: What’s happening? Rose: They’ve gone. Constance: Gone? Reggie’s gone? (Walk back to the table.)Gone where? Rose: He‘s gone back to the spirit world. Taken that floozy with him. Constance: Floozy? Reggie was with a floozy? Rose: That’s men for you, Miss Lye, dead or alive. Constance: Shall I come back another day? Rose: Yes, it might be best. Let the spirits rest. Let them rest. (Constance nods her head, walks to the table, and sits facing Rose. Stage fades to darkness.) End of Scene Four. Act One. Scene Five. Late evening of the same day. A small bedroom. A door upper stage right. A double bed lower stage left. An old dressing table with stall lower stage right. Lower stage edge, a window looking out at the sea and evening sky. Rose is sitting at the dressing table in her white nightdress brushing her hair. Morris is in bed reading a book. Rose: A hectic day. Morris: What? Rose :( Speaks louder.)Hectic day. Morris: Has it? Rose: Yes, it has. Not that you would notice. You wouldn’t notice if an elephant charged through the house at full speed. Morris: Something wrong, dear? Rose: Oh, no, all is sweet and pleasant as a morning rose, Morris. Morris: Good. Nice roses. Rose: Are you listening to me, Morris? Morris :( Lowers his book and peers over it.)All ears, dear. Rose: I said it’s been a hectic day. Things have happened. Spirits have been aroused. Morris: Not mine that’s for sure. Rose: Souls have appeared to me. Morris: Really? Is that something new? Aren’t they supposed to appear to you? You being a medium and all that? Rose: And one of them was most rude. Morris: Rude? Do they have rude spirits? I thought they were supposed to me pleasant and wise and calm and all that. Rose: This one was rude. (Brushes her hair harder.)The damned floozy! Morris: Really? Oh, what a surprised that must have been. Anyone we know? Rose: No. Well, not me anyway. Not sure about you. Morris: Who was she? Rose: Camelia something or other. A right floozy. Morris: Sounds interesting. Rose: She wasn’t at all interesting. Morris: And this Miss Lye, did she know this Camelia Whatshername? Rose: No. She was with Miss Lye’s fiancé. Morris: Oh, so there is life after death after all. Rose: Sounds very unlikely to be allowed in the Top Place. Morris: Top Place? Rose: Heaven. Not likely they came from there that’s for sure. Those two were definitely Purgatory types to me. Can’t have that too often. Give me a bad name. Morris: You don’t really believe all that do you? I mean it’s just nonsense isn’t it? Rose: What do you know of anything? You’re just an earthbound bore. Nothing goes beyond your interest in horseracing or sea fishing. Morris: At least that’s real. Not a figment of a weird imagination. Rose: So say you. Mr. Brain-dead of 1963. Morris: Oh, dear, another sleepless night. Rose: You can depend upon it. Morris: I thought so. Rose (Pause. Puts her brush down. Looks at Morris in the mirror.) Sorry Morris. Not your fault I’ve had a hectic day. Not your fault that I’m neurotic. (Sighs.)I did see two spirits today. As real as you there in bed. As clear as day. As lively as a two year old. (Pause. Sighs,) Oh, Morris what am I going to do? I’ve never had such spirits before. They really were most strange. They looked rather odd. Like they didn’t belong. That they were somehow… Morris: Come to bed, Rose and forget the dead souls. Rose: I can’t. They really were here. Morris: What here in our bedroom? Rose: No, in my study. Both of them came without my reaching out for them in my trance. Morris: Perhaps they were keen. Rose: He was Reggie and she was Camelia. Morris: Reggie and Camelia. Sounds romantic. Rose: I hope not. Miss Lye wouldn’t like that. Morris: Like it or lump it. What’s it to do with her now he’s dead? Rose: Women are like that. They like men to be faithful for all eternity. Morris: Not until death us do part? Rose: Not according to Miss Lye. Morris: Poor Reggie. Rose: Poor Miss Lye. (Rises from the dressing table, walks to the edge of the stage, and peers out at the evening sky and sea.) She wanted to know how he was and there he was with his bit of floozy on his arm. Morris: Oh, dear, not very wise. Should have left her elsewhere. Rose: Now Miss Lye wants me to contact her Reggie again. Morris: What a glutton for punishment. Rose: She thinks he will see the error of his ways. (Pause.)What a lovely moon. The way it sits on the sea like that. Morris: Full moon? Rose: New moon. Morris: Full moon, new moon, what’s the difference it’s all moon? Rose: It matters to us romantics. It makes all life seem worthwhile. Morris: Come to bed, Rose. Leave the moon and the sea and cuddle up to me. Rose: Poor Miss Lye. Morris: Lucky old Reggie. Rose: Damned floozy that Camelia whatshername. Deserves to have her hair pulled and her face slapped. Morris: Come on, Rose, give me the benefit of your passion. Don’t waste it on that Miss Whatshername. Rose :( Walks upstage to the bed and climbs in beside Morris.)I must be firm with them next time. I can’t let them upset Miss Lye. Poor Miss Lye. Morris: Never mind Mrs Morrys let Miss Lye rest for another day. Rose: And I hope that Floozy doesn’t come next time. Most unsavoury. Morris: Cuddle up close, Mrs Morrys and leave those dead souls for another day. Rose: Poor Miss Lye. (Sighs.)Naughty Reggie. (Light fades slowly.)Oh, too to be in Brighton now… (Light fades more.)Morris! (Giggles.)Morris! (Light fades out.)Morris Morrys behave yourself! (Giggles.)Poor Miss Lye. (Giggles. Silence.) End of Act One and Scene Five. Act Two. Scene One. A few days later. Early morning. The room is set out as before except the table is bare. The curtains are drawn and the room is dimly lit. After a minute or so Lambert and Camelia enter from upstage and Glenn Miller music starts up. Lambert and Camelia join hands and dance downstage and around the table. Lambert is dressed as before and so is Camelia. After a few minutes, the door upper stage opens and Morris enters carrying a green tablecloth and a crystal ball. The music stops and the dancers pause. Morris walks slowly downstage to the table. He puts the tablecloth and crystal ball on a chair and looks around the room. Lambert and Camelia walk hand in hand and follow Morris as he walks to the window and draws back the curtains. The room becomes brighter. Morris: Good morning, Mr Sun. (Pause.) Have you brought a nice day with you? (Pause. Morris peers out the window. Lambert and Camelia stand just behind him.) Lambert: He talks to the sun better than he does his wife. Camelia: Well, the sun can’t answer back and that gives him a sense of power. Lambert: Mind you, Honey, if I had a wife like Rose, I’d rather talk to the sun. Morris (Walks back to the table where he puts the green cloth over the table and spends time fussing over its exactness all the way around the table. Lambert and Camelia stand and watch. After he is happy about the cloth, he places the crystal ball in the centre and measures it all the way around with a measuring tape from his pocket until he is happy it is dead centre. Then he sits at the table.)Is there anyone there? Lambert: Yes, Morris, we’re here, but you can’t see or hear us. Camelia (Sits opposite Morris.)Morning Morris. How are you this morning? Morris: Are you there, Mother? Lambert: The guy’s calling up his mother. Camelia: Perhaps he loved his mother. Lambert: If you love someone, why disturb him or her with endless calls. Morris: Hello, Mother. Morris here. Camelia: Perhaps he misses her. Lambert: So what. So he misses his ma. Who gives a damn? His ma’s too busy enjoying her rest to give a damn about a son who can’t leave her in peace. Morris: How are things, Mother? Camelia: If I remember rightly, your mother was always calling after you when you passed over in 1944. She had that Dougright Woman trying endlessly trying to contact you. Lambert: Sure, but she was my ma. What’d you expect? Morris: Is there anybody out there? Camelia: Your mother tried month after month. Lambert: You’re just jealous because nobody bothered to contact you after you passed over. Camelia: Jealous? Me? I never gave it a thought. Lambert: Oh, come on, Honey you were downright upset that no one had bothered to contact you. Morris: Is there anyone out there? (Door upper stage opens and Rose enters. She hears Morris and stares at him. Lambert and Camelia become almost frozen in movement.)Is there anyone there? Rose: Morris Morrys what are you up to? Morris (Stands up quickly and pushes back his chair.)Oh, Rose, it’s you. I was just trying out the chairs. Rose: Of course you were, Morris. You’ve made enough noise to wake the dead. Morris: Noise? What noise? Rose: Music, talking, and prancing around the floor like a demented Fred Astaire. Morris: I never heard music. And I certainly wasn’t dancing. Rose: Well I heard it and it came from this room. (Walks downstage to the table and pauses when she sees Camelia sitting there.)What are you doing here? Morris: I told you. I was trying out the chairs. Rose: Not you, her. Morris: Her, who? Rose: What do you mean her who? Morris: Whom are you talking to if not to me? Rose: Her. Her there at the table. Morris: I see no one. (Looks around the table and underneath.)Are you sure, you’re all right? Not been at the gin again? Rose: Well? What are you doing here? Camelia: Lambert and I have just dropped in for a while. Rose: Lambert? Who is Lambert? Morris: Lambert? How should I know? Lambert: Hello, Rose. (Lambert appears to Rose from behind her back. Rose steps backwards shocked.)How are you, lady? Rose: You’re not Lambert you’re Reggie. Your Miss Lye’s Reggie. Lambert: Miss Lye? Rose: The young girl I had here a few days ago when you were here. Camelia: That’s right. Reggie. Stop getting Rose confused. He’s always doing that Rose. Calling himself names and getting me confused at times as well. Morris: What young girl was that, Rose? I never had a young girl in here. Camelia: Sometimes he calls himself Napoleon and that really confuses me. Lambert: Sorry, Rose, just jesting with you. I like the name Lambert. My best fiend was called Lambert and I kind of like the sound of it. Rose: Miss Lye will be most upset if she finds out you were here and she wasn’t. Morris: Miss Lye? Wasn’t she the young girl from the other day? Camelia: And once he called himself Running Bear and that really upset the angels up there. Rose: I hope you’re going to stay until she can contact you, young Reggie? Lambert: Miss Lye? Yes, sure I remember her. Wasn’t she the pretty dame? Rose: She’s your fiancée. How can you forget your fiancée? Camelia: He’s always forgetting things, Rose. The other day he forgot he was dead. Lambert: My Fiancée? Well, I’ll be damned. Camelia: I’m surprise you aren’t after the life you’ve led. Morris: Miss Lye’s not my fiancée. I’m a married man. I’m married to you. Lambert: Are you sure, she’s my fiancée? Rose: Yes she is. And she’s very upset that you’re so absent-minded. Morris (Walks away from the table scratching his head.)I know I have a bad memory, but I’d remember if she was my fiancée. Camelia: He remembers, Rose. He’s just getting you all agitated. Rose: I’m a professional medium. I’m here for the sake of others not just for the fun of it. Lambert: Well, I’m a dog’s dinner. If that isn’t something odd. A fiancée I don’t remember ever having. Rose: Shameful. Camelia: Reggie, behave. Lambert: Reggie? Camelia: You. Lambert: Oh, me? You mean me? Rose: Yes, you. (Pause. Rose sits down in one of the chairs next to Camelia. Lambert sits down next to Rose. Morris stands by the window.) Morris: I’m confused, Rose. I’m absolutely confused. Rose: What are you moaning about, Morris? Lambert: Yes, go away Morris; you’re not part of the club. Rose: You leave, Morris alone. He’s nothing to do with you. Morris: I’ll go get the other room ready. Things are beyond my understanding here. (Morris walks upstage hurriedly and disappears out of the door.) Rose: Now, look what you’ve done. Camelia: He was getting in the way, Rose. Rose: Don’t you, Rose, me. Lambert: Let’s calm down. Let’s just calm down. (Pause.) Rose: Morris is a sensative man. He’s easily upset. Can’t have you going around upsetting him. Lambert: He can’t see or hear me, so how can I upset him? Camelia: Me neither. It was you who confused and upset him, Rose, not us. Rose: It was you told him to go. Camelia: He can’t hear us. Lambert: Can’t see us. Rose: Well, you shouldn’t have said that to him anyway whether he could see or hear or not. Camelia: All right. We’re sorry. Lambert: Sure, we’re sorry, Rose. Rose: So you should be. Lambert: So we are. Camelia: Yes. We are. (Pause.)Sorry. Rose :( Sighs. Looks at Lambert.)What are you doing here anyway? Lambert: We like it here. Camelia: Yes, we used to stay here during the War. Rose: What war? Lambert: The big war. Number two. Rose: How can that be? If you’re Miss Lye’s fiancée? Lambert: Who said I was her fiancée? Camelia: How old is she? Rose: She told me she was twenty-nine. The war’s been over for eighteen years so that would have made her eleven years old in 1945. How old was she when you became engaged to Miss Lye? Lambert: Hard to remember after all these years. Rose: You can’t remember? Camelia: He has a terrible memory, Rose. Lambert: Really terrible, I can’t remember who I am sometimes. Rose: You can’t remember how old your fiancée was when you became engaged to her? What is it with you Americans that you engage so young? Camelia: How old do you think she was, Rose? Rose: If she’s twenty-nine now she couldn’t have been more than ten or eleven then. That’s disgusting! Lambert: I can’t recall engaging her at all. Camelia: Reggie try harder. Lambert: Was it in 1944? Couldn’t have been after that because I passed over in June 1944. Maybe it was 1943? Camelia: That was a good year for you, Reggie. You were made a sergeant. Rose: That would make Miss Lye nine years old when you became engaged to her. That’s terrible! Utterly utterly terrible! Lambert: Oh, I guess it was a little naughty. Nine years old? Really? Camelia: Some girls don’t look their age. Lambert: Yes, some dames look twice their age. Rose: Twice their age? Twice their age? How can a nine-year-old girl look eighteen? Lambert: I don’t recall anything about her. Camelia: It must have been that blow to the head. Rose: What blow to the head? Lambert: Shell. Blew me for six. Rose: Shell? Camelia: On the beach. Rose: Beach? What beach? Camelia: Normandy. Lambert: And Camey here was bombed out in London by a V-2 rocket in 1945. I met her when she passed over. Camelia: That was nice of him. Lambert: Least I could do. Camelia: There he was with open arms. Lambert: And we’ve been together ever since. Rose: But what about Miss Lye? Lambert: What about her? Rose: She’s your fiancée. Camelia: Well, that’s not strictly true. Rose: What do you mean not strictly true? Lambert: Camey and I have been leading you and Miss Lye astray. Rose: Astray? What do you mean? Camelia: We had never heard of Miss Lye until the other day. We thought it would be fun to string you two along a bit. Rose: Fun? String a poor unhappy girl along is fun? Lambert: Well, no, I guess it wasn’t fun really. Sort of complicated in the end. Rose: So you’re not Miss Lye’s fiancé? Lambert: No. Camelia: Never been anyone’s fiancé as Lambert. Rose: So where is Miss Lye’s Reggie? Lambert: No idea. He never showed up the other day when you were trying to contact him. So I kind of fitted in a bit. Rose: That was wrong of you. Camelia: Yes it was. Lambert: So what now? Rose: Miss Lye’s coming here to contact her Reggie. And Reggie is what she’ll need. Camelia: But there isn’t a Reggie. Rose: Then you, Lambert will have to pretend to be her Reggie. Lambert: Her Reggie? Rose: Her Reggie. Lambert: Must I? Camelia :} Yes. Rose :} Yes. Lambert: All right. All right. I’ll be Reggie. But on one condition. Camelia: What? Rose: Yes, what? Lambert: That it’s just for the one day only. No more after that. No more being Reggie after that. Rose: All right. Just the once. Camelia: Just to put her mind at rest. (Looks at Lambert. Blows him a kiss.) Lambert: Right, you dames. You’re going to see the best ever Reggie. (Laughs.)The best ever that walked this side of the grave. (Pause. Rose looks at both of the dead souls and smiles. The room fades slowly into darkness. Silence.)
Copyright © 2005 Terry Collett |