Recovery. (4) I groaned, crawling to my knees and reached for the rusting bar, lifting it with my numb arms and swinging it wildly. The boy was too far away. He pulled his friend away from me and glared into my eyes. Helena ran to me, but I yelled at her to run. She didn’t. Helena stopped and looked at the boy. He raised his arm… I screwed my eyes shut and waited, but the shot never came. “Run.” She whispered, but not to me. I wanted to glare at her, yell and snap. But I couldn’t move from the dirty floor and my muscles were beginning to spasm. I tasted grit and mud in my mouth. I felt heavy footsteps vibrating through the ground, and I knew he had run away. * * * I woke up in my bed, like I had done so many years ago. I hated doing that. It was happening too often. I could hear yelling down below, and I knew it was about me from Alexander’s tone of voice. It was very rare he got mad about anything unless it involved me, and the fact he wasn’t here sitting with me was proof that something very big was happening. That scared me. I knew in had to be down there, finding out what was going on and giving pointers to the group. I felt the wound in my side and scowled, it was sore and painful to touch, but I was pretty sure I could walk. I lay on my back and slid down the stairs slowly. I eventually reached the bottom few steps, and heaved myself into a standing position and dizzily made my way into our communal meeting place, the kitchen. Alexander was stood at the front of the group, yelling at Helena. She was in tears, hands over her face, pleading for forgiveness. I felt a stab of sorrow for her, and mild anger at Alexander for being so harsh. I coughed, drawing attention to my entering. Everyone looked up at me in mild surprise, no more so than Alexander, who rushed to my side immediately. “How do you feel, love?” he asked, hands on my forearms. I ignored the questions and glared at him. “Why were you yelling at Helena?” I noticed her sigh in relief next to me, and I curled my arm around her waist. She sobbed into my shoulder. Alexander looked between us and then enquiringly in my direction. “She let the intruders go. Just let them run off.” “There was nothing she could do,” I said firmly.” They had a gun. I was hurt and Helena was weapon less.” “She should have been carrying a gun.” He snapped. I knew no matter what, Alexander would attempt to find fault in Helena’s actions. “Don’t start that again, we both know she’s a pacifist.” “This is a time of war. She shouldn’t be endangering us like that. It’s not the way we function. She should either join us or leave.” I knew I was partly to blame for this attitude, but that didn’t stop my temper flaring. I placed both my hands on my hips and gave him a smouldering look. “You shouldn’t be taking that attitude just because she lives a different way from us. If you’re going to throw her out you might as well just shoot her now and be done with it.” Harsh words, but they had the impact I wanted. Alexander looked awkward to say the least. I was the only person in the entire household who could both influence and control his actions. “Besides,” I added as a deadly afterthought,” if she goes, I’ll be going too.” He growled under his breath and slammed his fist down hard on the table. I’d never seen him this angry before, but he had been looking for an excuse to throw Helena out for years. We both had. “Have it your way,” he snapped. “But you’ll be the one fighting for her when she refuses. We have our own problems and backs to worry about.” And with that, he left us, in a stunned room with the rest of our family. Samuel let out a sigh, looked around, and said: “ Well that was interesting.” “He’s such a twat.” I muttered, scowling at the broken tiles on the floor. Everyone within hearing distance looked up at me in shock. I felt I owed them some sort of explanation. “What’s the point in being together if we don’t stand up for each other?” I yelled, falling into my leader stance. People were hanging onto my every word. I had power again, and everything I ever wanted. “Alexander wants to get rid of Helena because she feels differently about war, but is that really how we should be living? Helena is our friend, and if we don’t fight for her, who will? No one else will take her, and we know that because we wouldn’t take members from other gangs. It isn’t how we live.” I looked round at every single of their attentive faces with a strong commanding look in my eyes that told them I was right. “The first mistake we ever made was to fall into war with the other gangs. We should have made allies with them after the first fight and unite with them against the common enemy. This is our doing, nobody else’s.” As usual, Lillian was the first to speak. She was so smart. “I think you’re right. Nobody ever helps each other anymore. Not even within gangs.” Once again, I had to remind myself she was merely ten years old. Was I that clever at ten, or was her childhood innocence just scarred by war like so many others? “So what do we do?” Bethany asked quietly. “You want us to start inter gang relationships?” “No, that would be ridiculous.” I said, shaking my head in barely hidden disgust. “I mean set up peace treaties. Trade, even. Perhaps give them something, and receive something in return. It would make sense. Last time the Americans attacked we were mostly helpless. We hadn’t a chance.” “Someone will have to convince Alexander.” Bethany said, looked at me hopefully. “He won’t listen if we all gang up on him. It’ll have to be you.” We did talk, and Alexander responded exactly how I thought he would. He yelled and looked at me in betrayal. He knew we had discussed this behind his back, going against his wishes. To him, it was like treason, and I was at the head of it. He stormed out before I could have the last word. Alexander would not talk to me for several long and bitter days, and even I began to question my proposal. Unsurprisingly, it was Lillian who assured me I was doing the right thing. Sometimes I thought she should be the head of the gang, not me. The only downside was that I was the only one who took her seriously. To everyone else, she was a little girl. Well, she was, but I respected her opinion above even Alexander’s. She was my eyes and ears in the house. She gave me an unbiased opinion and I considered it, made my decision, and acted on it. Sometimes, I found a Childs perspective on the world was the most refreshing. She was free from experience that clouded the adult mind. She was completely and utterly innocent, the only one of our house who hadn’t slaughtered the enemy ruthlessly and out of pure anger. Her, and Helena. But Helena was in no position to claim innocence. Several days after the attack, I was well enough to continue defending the house. My ribs were bruised and my pride slightly shaken, and Alexander and I were still not completely on speaking terms, but I felt that my renewed friendship with Helena more than made up for the lack of speech between us. I knew sooner or later Alexander would turn to my way of thinking. After all, behind every great man, there is a woman. Weeks later, Helena was found to be missing once more. I waited out in the freezing November evening waiting for her return but at midnight I gave up any hope I had and staggered back inside, the cold numbing my legs and stiffening my joints. Theo would not look at me as I entered the kitchen, unwrapping the thick green scarf wound tightly around my neck and letting it fall onto a chair. Looking down at his coffee cup, he said quietly, “Do you think she’s coming back?” I examined the top of his thick-rimmed glasses and tried to put on a brave face. “Of course. She’s done this before, hasn’t she?” “Not like this. I didn’t think even Helena is foolish enough to stay away from home at night. It has to be in the minus degrees out there.” Theo turned the knob on the paraffin lighter on the table, illuminating the small wooden table where he was sat. I pulled up a chair and joined him, unwilling to return Alexander and mines shared bed, where I knew the little consolation I would receive would be forced and heartless. “It’s too late and too dark to search fro her now. I’ll take a few out in the morning and we’ll look for her. Maybe she went for a walk and broke her ankle or something.” A part of me hoped a gang had abducted her. At least then she would be warm, possibly fed, and not left out in the frost to die. London was a massive city, and no one knew where Helena went when she chose to disappear. The concern etched onto Theo’s face was enough to show me he was in the same frame of mind. That alone was enough to give me some sliver of hope. I didn’t sleep that night, or the next night when Helena still hadn’t returned. The following morning I did not even bother asking William for news, as he had stayed up all night on watch. We shuffled past each other in the hall and barely kept eyesight, only offering small sad smiles. Haigh, a black haired teenage with a thin face and bristly chin, ran panting through the kitchen backdoor, one hand clutching a stitch in his left side. “Faith…” he croaked, “Wain…he’s come to the front gates…unarmed…. wanting to talk….” I didn’t wait for Alexander. I seized a pistol from the sideboard and ran across the untamed garden. I heard two sets of footsteps following, and turned to see Oliver and Theo barely a few steps behind. I stopped a few paces from the junkyard gate, where I saw two boys, barely a few years older than me, who I recognised as the opposing gangs of London’s leaders, Wain and Edwin. They held their hands high in the sky, the universal gesture of peace and showing they were unarmed. I cocked my pistol and drew up in front of them, Oliver and Theo on either side. I looked around for hidden enemies, but could see nothing… My eyes flicked between the two boys. Never before had the three most influential leaders of London stood alongside each other without immediate conflict. “What’s this about?” I asked after a moment’s silence. No one else seemed overly eager to talk. “We have come to discuss a peace treaty.” Wain said stiffly, as though forcing the words out. “We request that Alexander joins us in a meeting in which we will…” He struggled for the words. “Unite against the common enemy?” I suggested, my anger flaring at Wain for implying that Alexander was the leader of this group. “When do you wish this assembly to take place?” I asked, folding my arms despite my knowledge that I was restricting my ability to defend myself if the need be. “Right away. Providing that Alexander is available?” Edwin said, speaking for the first time. “Alexander is out on patrol.” I said, feeling like an answer machine. “However, I am available, and more than sufficient in discussing peace treaties.” Wain looked me over with his keen sharp eyes, then at Theo and Oliver who had not seemed to object me taking leadership over the situation. “If you think you are able enough to take charge, then please,” he gestured behind him, “follow me.” “Wait a moment!” Theo interjected; grabbing my arm and pulling me back as I took one hasty step forward. “Why should we trust you?” Wain and Edwin had, of course, never given us reason to believe them less than capable of causing harm. “We are weapon less.” Edwin said, showing both of his dirt covered empty hands once more. “We will bring her back safe in several hours. If we do not bring her back by the time the sun has set, you are more than welcome to attack our perimeters.” “How do we know this isn’t a trap?” Oliver hissed, scowling at the three of us. “I want to come with you, Faith, or we can wait for Alexander…” “No!” I said sharply, shaking off Theo and looking towards Wain. “I will not wait for Alexander, and you will not accompany me. They will keep their word and I will return safely at sundown.” He growled incomprehensively at me and shook his head. “You’re making a mistake, Faith.” “I’ll see you at sundown.” I said calmly, and then taking lead of Wain and Edwin’s example, I passed my gun to Theo and followed the two men through the junkyard and out of our perimeters. It shocked me how well they knew our defences, and how to slip past our lookouts without being seen. On our way out, I saw Alexander and Samuel patrolling the gates. We ducked straight away out of sight a mere few meters away. Walking with them into central London was perhaps, looking back, the most idiotic act I had ever preformed. They led me far between either gangs territories, into no mans land, underground into the tube network where I was vulnerable to every form of attack. I was willing to risk everything. We sat on the floor between the railings, lit by electrical lamps. Our voices echoed to the blocked passageways of the station. “Why the sudden change of heart?” I said, bringing my largest interest up before they could begin with the niceties. “We have decided,” Edwin started, looking at me with a determined kindness in his eyes, “that our conflict has gone on long enough. Wain and I have already united as allies, and we call upon yourself and Alexander to join us and “unite against the common enemy”,” he said, a smile on his pale face. The answer seemed simple enough, that it would be safer for me and my gang to join them, but how could I be sure I was not leading my friends into a trap…and even more, how could I convince Alexander that our enemies had chosen to forgive and forget so many years of conflict? And how come I had been so easily convinced myself? “Why should I trust you?” I said plainly. “Because,” Wain raised one dark eyebrow, “In a few weeks you will have no choice.” I stared at them, my mouth slightly open, a cold fear clutching at my insides. “Explain yourselves.” I demanded, feeling they owed me that at least. “We have been picking up the American’s radio waves from their militant base in the south of Nottingham,” Edwin said tightly. “They believe we are growing in number. The truth is, of course, that we have simply been making our presence better known. They think we are building a mass army,” he scoffed. “If that’s what you want to call one hundred hungry and inexperienced kids.” Though I might admit we were hungry to the point of missing the previous luxuries in life, I would never have called us inexperienced. We had fought each well; each and every one of us had become, to some decree, a soldier. Edwin must have seen my disgruntled expression, because he said quickly, “however much we have learnt to fight each other, I doubt any of us could take on the amount of Americans there will be in ratio to ourselves. They have more military training, they have a more advanced form of communication, and most of all their weapons are far more advanced than ours.” “I don’t understand why they don’t just bomb us to hell like they did before.” I snarled, clenching my fists. “At first, neither did we. But it seems they are not entirely sure where we are hiding.” Wain said. “That is, they are perfectly aware as to where you are hiding.” A fist grabbed my insides and twisted, as I thought of those at home, vulnerable to the attacks and unaware…. “Why….”I choked on my own words. “Why are you telling me this?” “As we already mentioned.” Edwin sighed. “Your assistance is greatly valuable to us. The more we have united against the Americans, the greater chance that a few of us may survive.” I nodded, numb and close to tears. “I…I agree.” I said, barely above a whisper. “I will do what I can to unite us. However, this may take time. It will be no easy task to convince Alexander and my friends.” They nodded in agreement and we spent the remainder of the hour discussing what was to be done. I learnt the destination of the gang’s new hideout, but, as Edwin quickly told me, I was “not to reveal this to anyone until I had the approval of my gang.” I agreed whole-heartedly, for I knew Alexander would attack without reason if I told him the whereabouts straight away. As we were leaving the underground, I took the opportunity to ask them, “A member of my gang, a friend of mine, Helena, is missing-“ Wain held up his hand and stopped me mid sentence. “We have her. She is quite safe.” “Why did you kidnap her?” I demanded, stopping in the centre of the road, hands on hips, glaring at the two of them. “It’s not the best way to gain my trust at such a crucial time…” It was Wain’s turn to defend himself. “We did not kidnap her!” he snapped, pushing me onwards across the street with mixed urgency and frustration. “She simply turned up at our borders, claiming she had been thrown from her own gang, and was in need of refuge. We took pity on her.” Edwin raised one eyebrow. “You were not aware of this?” I growled under my breath and scowled. They kept their promise and returned me to the junkyard little before sundown. They bid me goodbye and I was left to walk through the gates to face twenty accusing eyes alone. Alexander was pacing up and down the kitchen. I grit my teeth and looked him in the eye. “You traitor.” I hissed. “How could you?” Alexander, it seemed, was not in the mood to face accusations. “Me? What were you thinking? Leaving, unarmed, to fraternize with the enemy!” I had little to answer for that, except to explain myself and repeat what had been said. Alexander looked down at me, as tall as he was, and breathed heavily through his nose, his nostrils flaring. “And you expect us to trust them?” he said, grabbing both my shoulders and shaking me violently. “Are you insane?” There was nothing I could do to persuade him. He plainly refused to believe my story, and denied all knowledge of banishing Helena. I slept on the couch that night, refusing to be in the same room as him. I spent many days after that brooding bitterly in the garden, away from the house. The lack of support I had received from my friends was heart wrenching. Aside from Bethany, Samuel and Lillian, no one in the house would look me in the eye. Shockingly, Adrienne approached me that evening and said with her hands on her hips, ”I believe you. As much as I hate to think it.”
Copyright © 2005 Megan A Hennessey |