Falls Street (17) “Do you want to go?” I asked. “Nah,” Crash said. “I kind of want to try one of those stupid beers. Got any left?” We checked the fridge, but they were gone. “No fucking way,” Crash laughed. “I can’t believe people have been drinking the shit.” “They’ll drink just about anything,” Ray said. “The guys are drinking Buds in the living room playing video games. The girls on the back porch have wine coolers, and I think Randy Ruth’s just got a bottle all to himself.” Ray kept talking and making his drink, cracking open the soda we brought. “This girl Kelly’s okay.” Ray was just about to launch into a full update on his successes and failures at the party, when someone totally unexpected walked into the kitchen. “What’s up guys?” Jeff asked. His long yellow coat was dangling just above the floor. The belt was swinging loose. After I recovered, I walked up and shook his hand. “Holy shit,” I said. “What in the hell are you doing here?” “I always come to these things,” Jeff said. “Free booze a lot of the time.” “I thought you weren’t going anywhere or doing anything,” I said. “Nothing physical. Just because I don’t want to do anything with you guys doesn’t mean I haven’t been doing anything at all,” he said. “No offense, but all you ever want to do is play video games and read comic books. And I don’t smoke pot, so…” “Shit,” I said. “I’m sorry.” “About what?” he asked. “Give me that bottle of when you’re done with it, Ray.” “I just thought you stayed in a lot,” I said. “You know, because you didn’t want to run into that girl.” “Oh, her,” Jeff said grabbing the bottle. “She doesn’t go to these things. She wouldn’t be caught dead at one of these things. And that makes it all the better. I can sit here, drink myself sick, and think about the fact that she isn’t here. And it’s absolutely wonderful.” And then, he just slipped the bottle into his coat pocket and walked into the living room like he owned the whole house. Every time I saw Jeff it made me think, and I had never expected to be thinking in the kitchen of Sarah Highroad’s house. There I was, quiet, while annoying little thoughts were straining to take over my mind and hold me in place. The party was slipping out of my head, little by little. I was thinking about the collection of people on the back porch. I kept replaying that smile she gave me before she whispered to Randy. Somehow that smile and the sound of Reggie’s voice blended together into one malicious mess and a big danger sign was flashing on and off in the back of my head. “I’m really making progress,” Ray said. “I’m really getting somewhere, I think.” “Good,” Crash said. “Well, get to it man. Bag that ass.” Ray left. Crash and I were standing there. Then, he turned to me and shook his head. “Can you believe how excited he gets?” Crash said. “It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. That’s for sure.” “What?” I asked. “Oh, nothing,” he said. “Oh, hell, I don’t mind telling you, because you don’t really give a damn, do you? I don’t know why you did up the hair and the clothes and all. Maybe, it’s so you could just laugh at everybody, but I know you don’t care about it.” “About what?” I asked. “Fucking,” he said. “If you do care about it at all, you’ve got a weird way of showing it.” “I just don’t like to talk that much,” I said. “I don’t see the point. It doesn’t make things happen by just talking about them.” “Yeah,” he said. “That’s true, but it depends on who you talk to and what you say. I’m not sure if what you say has to be true or not, though.” “Have you been thinking about it a lot?” I asked. “No,” he said. “Not enough.” “Are you sure you don’t want to go home?” I asked. “Oh, I’m sure,” he said. “If you want to come back with me later on and see the fireworks, help yourself.” “All right,” I said. “Do you know what I like about you?” Crash asked. “You never asked me,” Crash said. “Not one fucking thing about who I wanted to fuck and why. You just let it ride. That’s why I’m going to tell you that I slept with Kristy Lee last summer. The only one who knew about it was Starky, and now, you’re the only one. I don’t have to tell you to keep it to yourself.” “All right,” I said. “I’m going back to smoke some more,” he said. “I think it was some pretty weak shit. I’ll take a beer with me, too.” He got a can of Bud, and walked through the hallway. I sat there leaning against the sink thinking that images of Crash and Kristy Lee would start popping up in my head. They didn’t, though, all I could think about was Starky shaking his head and nodding, promising not to tell anybody. For all his awkwardness, he was about the only person I could think of who would never tell a secret when he was told it. And for all the times he’d lied about stuff just to have a story to tell to try to get attention, he never threw that one out. It would have made him a star. Everyone would have been calling Starky to hear about the whole thing. He never said a damn word. And I knew what he knew, and I could only think about him and how I wished it were me they took away, because I’m not a good person. I can’t keep my mouth shut. And I hated Crash for thinking I was the next best thing to Starky. I was nowhere near close. Then Randy came in with his bottle. “Here,” he passed it over. “Drink.” I did. It was Beam. “Let’s go outside,” he said. And I didn’t argue. We walked out the front door and sat down on the steps. “What?” I asked. “When you punch,” he said. “You need to fully extend your arm. And don’t put your hands up in front of your face like you always do. How are you supposed to see anything?” “All right,” I said. “Why are you telling me this?” “Because,” he said, “I’m going to call Tommy, soon.” “Yeah,” I said. “And I know you’re too stupid to leave,” he said. “So, are you going to start knocking me around?” I asked. “It probably wouldn’t be a good idea.” He laughed. “Boy,” he said. “I’ve never met anyone so fucked up in all my life. You know, I’m actually bored of kicking your ass? I’m never bored of kicking people’s asses. But you? It’s just not fair.” “So,” I said. “Well,” he said. “I’ll give you some time. Hell. It’s not like you’re going to be attending any more parties after this one. And don’t piss yourself, ‘cause I’m not gonna hit you anymore. If Tommy knew I knocked you out, he’d be heated. Besides, you’re glass anyway. You never could take a hit.” “You always leave your left side unguarded. After your third punch, you start getting slower so you can tell when and where you’re going to punch. You always make a grunting noise before you try a really big hit, and if I’d just step back you’d probably fall over, because you swing real wild,” I said. “And you miss a lot.” He got up with the bottle in hand, took a big drink, and belched. “I hope Tommy kills you,” he said. “Cause you’re too fucked up to be anybody.” “Huh?” I asked. He just walked back in the house. I went back into the kitchen, and no one was there. I heard Reggie in the living room. They were playing video games. I kind of wanted to play, but if there was one person who could ruin Super Mario Kart, it was probably Reggie. I stayed put, and found myself another bottled beer. Someone had brought a few Molsons. It wasn’t bad. After a while, I wandered onto the back porch. Ray wasn’t entertaining anymore. He was sitting on one of the chairs in the matched set of patio furniture across from the girl with the screwed up laugh as she stirred her drink. They were both taking turns talking, real softly. I turned around and went back to the living room. Reggie was playing a round on the Nintendo so he didn’t notice me. I thought about checking up on Crash, so I walked don’t the hallway. “What are you looking at?” she asked. “What?’ I asked. “What are you looking at?” Sarah asked. She was wearing a blue sleeveless shirt and white shorts. She had goose bumps on her shoulders. “Nothing,” I said. “So,” she said with that mean looking smile. “Are you staring at the wall, then?” “No,” I said. Her smile stretched out a bit, then her eyes gleamed as she grabbed my wrist. Her fingernails just about broke the skin as she pulled me down the hall. We turned a corner and then went through a plain white door. She slammed it shut, walked over to a drawer, and started ripping through things. I didn’t even have time to look around to get any understanding of what was going on.
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