No Team To Root For (4) "Think nothing of it. It's all in the line of duty." Marie crossed Parson's name off the appointment book. The eye doctor laughed, then shook his head. "Cheap --- huh?" "Yeah. Cheap. Real cheap! Did you see that wad of fifties?" "Hard to miss." said Barrett. "Is Elsie Parsons that cheap?" "Oh no! She is very sweet --- and surprisingly generous." Marie moved the large appointment book to one side. "Do you remember that kidney drive I chaired last year?" How could I forget? It cost me two hundred bucks! "I remem-ber." "Elsie gave me thirty dollars. She said not to tell her husband. He wouldn't understand." "The understatement of the century!" "Oh, Dr. Jessop, I nearly forgot. Mrs. Lunt is waiting to see you. She says she can't see with her new glasses." "She can't?" Shit! "Okay. Send her in." Barrett stared at the closed door hoping that Dora Lunt would drop dead in the waiting room. Instead she burst through the open door, very much alive, shaking her glasses at him. "Hello, Mrs. Lunt." Barrett tried to be both calm and professional. "I can't read with these. I knew this was going to happen. You just went too fast for me. I knew it! I knew I wouldn't be able to see with these. I just knew it! I told you when you did the exam that you were going to fast. I did tell you. I knew this would hap-pen. I just knew it!" Barrett put on his best phony smile. Staying calm and professional was near impossible. "May I please see the glasses?" Why me? "Here. You can have them. I can't see with them and my husband can't see with them either! I knew this would happen. I just knew it!" Barrett did his best to try and tune out Dora Lunt. "Mrs. Lunt, there is a small mistake in the glasses. But not to worry. I will take care of it." "Well --- I don't know. Maybe you should re-examine my eyes. Maybe your findings are incorrect. You did go awfully fast. What if you made a mistake?" "Mrs. Lunt --- " "My children did tell me to go someplace else. But I came here." Maybe next time you'll listen to your children! "I said I would take care of it." The frustrated optometrist found it impossible not to let his anger show. "Well, now you seem angry with me. Are you angry with me? I don't want you to be angry with me." "No. I am not angry with you." Jesus H Christ! "I will take care of it." "Okay. But they better be right!" And with that, Dora Lunt left Barrett staring at the glasses with a taste of bitter almonds in his mouth! * V "Breathe in. Exhale! Breathe in. Exhale!" Barrett spoke softly to himself. "This is bullshit! Breathe in. Exhale! Breathe in. Exhale!. Relax, Goddamn it!" "Dr. Jessop." said Marie on the intercom. "Yes, Marie." "It's four o'clock and I have a dental appointment." "Oh yes. I forgot. It's okay, Marie. You can go." "Thank you, Dr. Jessop. Goodnight." "Goodnight, Marie." Barrett absently opened the bottom left drawer of his desk and removed an eight by ten photograph which he placed in front of him. "Why do I keep this damn wedding picture in my desk? It means nothing to me. Less than nothing! What a fucking joke!" Barrett again spoke softly to himself. "That's not true. Who the hell am I kidding? Goddamn it! Why can't things be like they once were? Why is everything so complicated?" The more he thought about it the more confused he became. He knew he was living in the past. He also knew that any hope of returning there was fading rapidly away. He remembered that five minutes after this picture was taken, he and Janet sneaked out and made love in the back seat of his Mus-tang. They couldn't wait --- forget the motel! In that first year they made love everywhere: in the sink, in the bathtub --- full of water, on the kitchen table. Even on the lawn un-der a full August moon. They had sex or seven days a week --- every week, using any position they could dream up. Their relationship had that brilliant glow to make the time they spent together a series of special moments, that would extend to special minutes, that would extend to special hours, every week --- all year long. They rarely had words. And if they did, it was short- lived with some sort of kinky sex to act as a vehicle for making up. --- Barrett put the photograph back, still trying to figure out, as he had been doing so many times over the years, exactly what went wrong. What could either one of them have done to make things turn out differently? The question was pure rhetoric. The miscar-riage was certainly a factor. Not having children had to have played a role --- somewhere. But he knew it was more than that. He always maintained that all relationships, especially marriages, were two-sided. It took two people to make it work and it took two people to fuck it up! At this point, their social life was limited and their sex life was virtually non-existent. They lived together, slept in the same room, and went through all the motions. Barrett wanted it to be the way it was in the beginning. But he knew it was unrealistic. For all intents and purposes, it was obvious that the marriage was coming to an end and the best he could hope for was peace and quiet. And even though he could no longer reject the thought of a disin-tegrating marriage, he still intended to try and hold on to the rela-tionship for as long as possible. * Barrett was halfway through his Ellery Queen when Janet's voice jolted him. "Barrett." He looked up to see her standing in the doorway of the den. Janet rarely came near his private domain, so he knew whatever brought her here was important. "Barrett, I'm leaving." "What do you mean, you're leaving?" Barrett put down his book and walked up to her. "I --- I need to get away." Barrett just stared. "I don't understand." "I need my space for awhile." Janet turned away. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Anger was mixed with confusion. "I need to --- I can't explain it." Both were silent for several seconds. Janet continued to avoid eye contact. "Look, if you need money --- " "It's not the money." "I thought you said our arrangement worked for you." Barrett knew he had a golden opportunity to rid himself of Janet. "It does --- to a point." "Then I don't understand." The opportunity would vanish. He couldn't let go. "I wouldn't expect you to understand." Janet took a deep breath. "Barrett --- I'm sorry." An apology? Maybe there's hope after all. "Come on, Janet." Barrett forced a smile. "It'll be like old times --- remember?" "I --- I don't think that's possible, Barrett." Janet's expression re-mained impassive. "Sure it is." Barrett's mouth was suddenly dry. "Anything is pos-sible." "I wish it were." She picked up a small carry-on. Barrett started to put his hand on her arm, then changed his mind. "You can't just leave." "That is exactly what I plan to do." She looked away again. "If we could just talk." I don't believe I'm doing this! "We never talk anymore." "I'll get the rest of my things tomorrow." "Where are you going?" You love her. You hate her. You feel sorry for her. Barrett, you're a fucking mess! "It doesn't matter, Barrett." Janet spoke softer than he ever re-membered. Janet put her hand on the doorknob and Barrett put his hand gen-tly over his wife's. He spoke quietly. "Don't go, Janet --- not yet." "I have to." Barrett slowly removed his hand and Janet opened the door." "I know we can work things out if only --- " "Goodby, Barrett." And she was gone. * During the time his wife was gone, there was no contact between them. And Barrett did a lot of what he referred to as 'soul search-ing', to try and figure out where the mistakes were made, to try and figure out what role each of them needed to have within the con-fines of their relationship, and to try and figure out what he would do when she returned. And Barrett was certain she would return! He was resolved to the fact that things needed to be different. Things needed to be reconciled. A great deal of vital communication that had been missing the past few years had to be re-established. Barrett Jessop thought he had it all figured out. * It was three months to the day when Janet came home. There were no hugs. Barrett didn't expect any. "I guess being alone isn't all that it's cracked up to be." Janet said. "So I've heard." Barrett answered lightly. Janet looked around for a few seconds, then turned to her hus-band. "Maybe you're right, Barrett. Maybe we do need to talk." "Absolutely!" The optometrist tried not to show his elation. "But we have time." Janet closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath. "Bar-rett, I'm exhausted. I need to lie down." Barrett tried to find a sign of encouragement or a hint of joy on his wife's face --- something! But all he could see was the same wooden impassiveness --- a de-tached coldness. He would ignore it for now. "Janet, are you --- real tired?" "I feel as if I've just run a marathon. Why?" Barrett cleared his throat. "How about we --- uh --- well --- " After a brief pause, Janet finished the sentence. " --- share a twin bed?" "Yes!" Barrett continued to look for a flicker of emotion. He found none. "Hmmm --- " Janet nodded slowly. " --- it has been awhile, hasn't it?" "It sure has --- been awhile, that is." After a lengthy pause, Janet said, "Okay." And she started up the stairs. "I'll be up in twenty minutes." "Make it forty." * Janet was lying on her back with her eyes closed when Barrett, naked, climbed in next to her. "Not now, Barrett. Okay?" "What?" "I said not now!" "But I thought --- " "I just don't feel like it." said his wife turning onto her side. "You never feel like it!" Barrett could feel his body tense up. Every muscle felt locked. "Goodnight, Barrett." "Come on, Janet. Please!" "Don't beg, Barrett. It's demeaning." Janet spoke indifferently. Barrett sat up in bed. His pulse was racing and his face was flushed. "What the fuck happened between now and an hour ago?" "Goodnight, Barrett." "Damn you anyway!" Barrett, infuriated, crawled out of Janet's bed and into his own. "Why don't you just get a fucking knife and cut my fucking heart out. It would be a helluva lot quicker!" "Barrett, you are acting like a child." Janet rolled on to her back. "A child? A CHILD?" He was screaming. He knew he had lost control. "Goodnight, Barrett." Her voice was barely audible. After a long silence and several deep breaths, Barrett said re-signedly, "You have not heard one word I've been saying --- have you?" His rhetorical question was answered with " --- mmm --- " Soft snoring followed. "So." said Barrett aloud and to himself, "What we have here seems to have been a very short-lived state of marital bliss. I guess some things will never change. Shit!" Barrett sat staring at his wife for a couple of minutes. Then he looked at his pillow. He crept out of bed silently, his eyes still on the pillow. Then he looked back at Janet, on her back and snoring softly. He carefully picked up the pillow, his eyes now riveted to his wife's serene face. Janet then rolled onto her side. Barrett suddenly broke into a cold sweat. His breathing became rapid. "Christ!" He whispered. "What the hell am I doing?" Now he was drenched with sweat and shaking all over. He quickly put the pillow back on his bed and lay down. He closed his eyes for what seemed like eons before he drifted off to sleep. *
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