Behind Calvert Cliffs (6) The ground drank thirstily and the pile of ashes disappeared into it. From this spot, a coconut tree sprang rapidly from the ground, reaching to the sky. One of its fuzzy spheres fell, landing softly on the moist, tender ground. It hemorrhaged down the middle and split open, revealing an infant, red and radiant; screaming shrilly and shaking with the terror of its first gulps of life. Jason awoke in the center of Jackie’s yard as the night gave way to morning. The trees glimmered in the sunlight and their branches, straining to hold the weight of the frozen precipitation, dropped shards of ice and packages of snow with scattered thuds. The snow had ceased falling. Jason opened his eyes and calmly lifted himself to his feet, brushing the white powder from his body and face. He walked down the center of the empty street in strides long and light. * * * Kim entered the Red Door around midnight. She identified Rich, stubble-faced and bedraggled, occupying the end of the chipped and dented bar, indolently picking at the label on a bottle. He hiccupped as she approached him. She placed a hand on his back. “Hey, Richie, how are you doing?” Rich nodded his head without turning. Kim sat down on the adjacent stool. “Say, when would you say was the last time we were here?” “I couldn’t have been more than 22, making you about 18; long ass time ago.” “You ain’t whistlin’ Dixie.” “I wouldn’t even if I didn’t know the words.” Rich nodded his head and continued picking at his label. “Say, I really appreciate you coming down to spend time with me like this.” “Hey, no problem. I’m sorry it’s been so long since I last called; but with keeping the house and chasing after Punji; well, you know.” “Don’t sweat it. I’m just glad you agreed to come.” “How are you holding up?” “Could be worse, I suppose… under the circumstances.” “I’m not even gonna say I know what you’re going through; I can’t even imagine it.” “Yeah; seems nobody knows what to say these days. I guess there isn’t really much to say.” “I mean, I guess you just gotta realize tomorrow’s another day; that time’s gonna heal this thing.” “Nope, that wasn’t it.” Rich hiccupped again. “Sorry, I’m just not really good at this type of thing.” “Let’s just talk about something else. I wanted to talk about this when I called; but I don’t know, I gotta think about something else right now.” “Okay, okay. I can understand that. By the way, though, how many you had tonight?” “Just a few. I’ll be just fine.” “Alright, alright, just showing some neighborly concern.” “You don’t have to worry about me, Kim. I can look after myself.” “Like I said, just neighborly concern.” Kim motioned to the bartender and mouthed the words “Knob Creek.” Rich held up two fingers to the bartender. “Say, how’s that son of yours doing?” “You know, we get into it a couple of times a week. Frankly, I’m just ready for him to move out.” “I’m sorry about that. I’ve always liked him even if I don’t know him so well… always seemed good at heart.” “Yeah, deep, deep down he’s a good kid. I wish him the best.” “What’s that mean?” “Just means he’s kind of part of my past life you know. Sometimes I just wish he wasn’t really around anymore.” “That’s pretty unmotherly, don’t you think?” “I guess so, but he’s worn me out to the point I don’t care. I mean, for Christ’s sake, you were the one who had to stop him from beating my head into the fucking wall.” “I guess you’re right about that.” “So, what are you gonna do now?” “Drink me some whiskey.” “You know what, I mean, Richie.” “Don’t know. I definitely need some time to get things figured out. Department’s giving me a couple of months to get my head on straight. They’re paying for counseling and the whole nine.” “Well, that’s good.” “I suppose.” “Look, Rich, you gotta keep faith that things are gonna get better. This isn’t the end of the world. I know it feels like it. But life is gonna go on. You’re gonna go on. It’ll hurt a little less tomorrow, then a little less the next day and the day after. Before you know it, you’ll look in the mirror and you’re gonna realized you’re okay; that you came out of this thing worse for wear, but alright. Trust me.” “Kim, all due respect… what the fuck do you know about it?” The two shots of whiskey arrived. Rich grabbed them both, downed each one consecutively, then motioned for the bartender to get two more. “Slow down there, cowboy. You’re scaring me a little.” “You and me both, sister.” Rich hiccupped again. Kim tapped her fingers on the bar and stared blankly at the floor planks, then at the particle board on the ceiling. “Say, are you still gonna look into adopting?” “Are you a fuckin’ moron? Why would you ask some shit like that at this moment?” “I just figured maybe it could do you some good. You know, having somebody to look after and care for. You need something to pour yourself, to forget about what’s happened.” “We’re talking about raising a human being right?” “Yeah.” “Not fly fishing, or, or fucking building model airplanes?” “Yeah; what are you talking about?” “You make it sound like a fucking hobby; like a goddamn distraction.” “Hey, look Rich, I’m just trying to help.” Rich sighed and shook his head. “Un-fucking believable.” Kim raised a hand to her mouth and began to gnaw on her fingernails. With her teeth still nibbling at the pinky nail, she mumbled, “Look Rich, I gotta tell you something.” “What?” “Ya know how I told you when we were still together that Jason’s real father was that airman at Pax air station?” “Yeah, that 19 year old you were fuckin’ around on me with.” Kim rolled her eyes. “Yeah, the 19 year old.” Her purse started ringing. She dug her cell phone out and looked at the caller ID. “I gotta take this.” Rich stared at his ex-wife blankly. She opened the phone and put it to her ear. “Hey, what’s up baby… Just here with Rich… Just put him to bed… Well let him watch a little more TV, then put him to bed… Alright, alright, I’ll be right home.” Kim closed the phone and placed it back in her purse. “Sorry, Rich, I gotta get home. Punji’s raising hell.” She stood up from the stool as she tucked the phone into her purse. “Kim,…” “Oh, nevermind; I don’t know what I was talking about.” She began backpedaling for the door. “Listen, are you gonna be alright?” “Kim…,” Rich responded sternly. “I want you to call yourself a cab. You hear me? No driving.” Rich stared vacantly at her as she left the building. He turned his head and stared into his image in the mirror across the bar. His jaw hung wide open. The bartender walked over to him. “You alright, Richie?” He stared through the woman to his own image. “No, thanks.” He raised himself from his barstool and stumbled to the front door. When he opened it, he saw Jason walking out of the Seven-Eleven across the street. Jason spotted him and put his head down to avoid being noticed. “Hey, Jason,” shouted Rich. Jason quickened his pace. Rich sprinted across the street. The boy fumbled in his pocket for his keys, but they had stuck on a piece of fabric and he could not extricate them before his uncle grabbed his arm. “Look, I want to talk to you,” Rich said calmly, trying awkwardly to coax Jason into a conversation. “Look, Rich, it’s great to see you; but right now, I just wanna go home.” Jason turned his head to avoid Rich’s breath. “Jason, we need to talk now. I want to talk to you.” “Some other time, Rich. Look, I really gotta get going.” “I want to talk about this now, Jason.” Rich hiccupped. “I’ve got bigger things on my mind right now.” “I don’t think you understand, Jay.” “Jay? Don’t call me that; you don’t know me to call me that. Just leave me alone.” “You shouldn’t treat me like that, Jay; and you definitely owe your mom better.” Jason smirked, then laughed. “I owe her better? I think you know I don’t owe either of you shit.” “She’s your mother, Jason.” “She’s nobody’s fuckin’ mother; she’s a slug.” “Look, Jason, I know you’re still angry. You have a right to be. And I know both of us screwed up with you early on. But you gotta understand what we were going through.” “You mean what you were doing to yourself. No, Rich; I don’t have to understand it. That’s the thing; I was a little kid for Christ’s sake.” “I know, Jay. You’re right. I guess… I guess I’m asking you to be the bigger person here.” “Man, you seriously need to sober up.” “And you…you need to straighten out your act; and quick, son.” “I need to straighten out my act?” Jason smirked again. “You heard me, boy!” “Don’t you think I know about your old act? Don’t you think this whole goddamn town knows about it?” Rich loosened his grip. “The only thing worse than a self-righteous fuckin’ hypocrite is a drunk self-righteous fuckin’ hypocrite. I’m gone. Take ‘er easy, Richie.” Jason got into his car, slammed the door, and drove off. Rich kicked the door of the squad car, denting it at a point in the star painted on its side. He placed his hands on the car roof and rested his head against the driver’s side window, his breath leaving a fog on the window. He stood silent for about a minute, then jumped in the squad car and took off, tires squealing. He leaned hard on the gas. The cruiser’s engine hummed loudly; the fences and trees whizzed by. When he caught up to Jason, he rode close on the car’s bumper. Jason hit the gas and accelerated down the narrow winding road. Rich followed, tailing close behind. Both cars hugged the turns, escaping gravity at the zenith of every incline in the road. Coming blindly over the horizon of one hill, Jason turned left when he should have turned right. Slamming on the breaks, he skidded off the road, ripped through a barbed wire fence, and slid twenty feet in the snow until the front end of his car wrapped itself around an oak in a cacophonous, metallic embrace. Rich followed suit, crashing a few dozen yards away. The two laid still on their deployed air bags. Rich unbuckled his seat belt and placed his left leg outside the door, hoisting his body out of the car, and began to walk, limping gingerly. The forest revolved around him like a merry-go-round around its operator. His ears were still ringing such that he could not hear the sound of his footsteps through the snow. His right leg bumped against the left, causing the knee to buckle, and sending him to the ground three stumbling paces later. Picking himself off the ground, he continued walking toward Jason’s car. The boy was unconscious; his nose and eyes were swollen and bruised. Rich opened the door, dragged Jason out, laid him belly up a few feet away, and bent down to put his cheek against the boy’s mouth. Feeling breath, he began walking toward the squad car to radio for an ambulance. As he walked, Rich felt a twinge in the back of his left nostril that turned into the warm sensation of a trickle of blood. The small stream worked its way through his nose and out his nostril, diving into his mouth, filling his tongue with a salty taste. Rich paused, looked over his shoulder, then doubled back to Jason in a slow amble. He stood over the boy, his legs straddling Jason’s torso, and bent down to stare into his glazed, semi-open eyes, catching a glimpse of his reflection. Tears welled in his eyes and he began to sob quietly. He bit hard on his tongue, his eyes darting wildly about the forest. He closed them to collect himself, but his brain surged and the forest constricted around him. He looked to the sky for relief, but felt the branches above lower their terrible weight onto his chest, causing him to hyperventilate uncontrollably. His eyes still shut, Rich lifted his nightstick out of its holster and hoisted it high above his head. Through the backs of his eyelids, he saw himself unleash a savage blow upon Jason’s forehead. But instead of feeling the vibrations of the impact through his hands, he felt its sting on his own head, the baton crushing his skull with a thunderous crack, washing his head in blood. The liquid cooled his boiling mind and sedated the muscles raging in his face. It streamed into his silent mouth and tasted sweet and tangy, like the juices of a fresh tangerine. Rich’s body went limp with the serene feeling of complete exhaustion, then fell backward into the snow. He felt his body turn to vapor and watched the gaseous remains rise toward the sky, swirling and spinning -- like a child rolling up a grassy hill-- before scattering in the night wind. Rich opened his eyes and drew his frigid, numb fingers to his forehead. He withdrew them to find them dry; his mind began to tremble again. Jason was still laid out on the ground. Rich scurried to his squad car to radio an ambulance and frantically launched the nightstick into the woods. It struck the trunk of an oak with a loud thud that echoed deep into the black forest, bouncing from tree to tree like a thousand whispers.
Copyright © 2004 P D Addio |