Storymania - The Tinman Syndrome by Kurt Fondriest

The Tinman Syndrome (2)
Kurt Fondriest

his long time friend. “Little tree,’ exclaimed wise old elf, “your branches are filled with light-

colored butterflies and your roots blossom the most beautiful flowers that grow in any forest

shade.” Little tree spoke with a voice of confidence and quiet strength. “Old wise one, take heed

of the forest vines that grow around me.” The old elf squinted through his glasses. He saw how

the vines of the earth had grown up little tree’s limbs and wrapped and secured them with their

support. “Wise old elf,” spoke little tree, “each day in our forest I awaken in pain. I still pray to

the great creator of the forest to take away this spell in hopes that one day my bark will all be

well. But I must tell you that there is no pity here, only courage. Courage comes from my friends

of the forest who help each day with this spell of fibromyalgia. When the rain comes down too

fast and hurts my limbs, the older towering trees will bend their branches over me to keep me dry.

The sun dances warmth onto my crown which helps the pain every morning, especially after the

rain.

Wise old elf spoke while touching one of little tree’s branches. “In our forest, we will some day

break this spell. Until then, little tree, you over shadow us all with the courage and the strength of

the beauty you tell.” And with this, the old woods elf embraced little tree while dancing fairies

sang the songs of the wood bees.

                                                            THE END

Not long after this story was published I was at a fibromyalgia conference. Women came up to

me and ask if I was the author of “LITTLE TREE’’. I said yes. She gave me a huge hug, and

thanked me. She told me of how her daughter of nine years old was diagnosed with fibromyalgia,

and how reading her my story is giving her so much hope. I could feel the water fall from my

eyes. I thought, “If there is meaning, or purpose of me having this disease, and it has helped a

child, then something of greatness had come from the pain I feel oh so well”. This was a moment

of divine clarity for me. I was waiting to hear the angelic music and looking for the sun beams.

Dads with fibro let your children read it to you, so they will know about this part of your life.

Dads who have children with fibro read them this story. Only more love and true compassion

will be a reflection of reading it. It was an honor for me to write this story.

WHY THAT’S A PILL OF A DIFFERENT COLOR
CHAPTER 8

Oh, have we all not tried pills of various sizes and colors in our fight with fibro. The question

is,” What pill works?” There is also the question of becoming dependent on medicine; this is a

powerful

emotional twister of thoughts. Trust me I have been there, still waiting for the house to drop in

some enchanted land. I know I used to think I was a second rate person depending on medicine. I

thought it was a sign of weakness. This speaks to many individuals, especially I think to men

with fibro. I know men who are in pain and will not see a Doctor. “Come on guys”. Pain is pain,

no gain here. Some people do see taking medicine as a sign of weakness; watch out for that Mr.

Male ego. The following suggestion s may help you over come this, if you are one challenged by

the act of medicine taking. Keep a medicine journal. The journal should consist of the medicine

you are taking, and how you feel about taking them. It should also explain the side effects of each

medication, and the dosage per day. This will be an invaluable resource for not just you, but for

your physician also. Having all this information at a glance.

I remember trying paxil for the first time, and last. I had just started a relationship, and sexual

activity would be soon. Well we all know there are some side effects to anti-depressants. On

this one for me it was the sex drive. Rocky the rooster could not come out and play…. I talked

with my doctor and said” If I’m taking this for depression, well it will work because if you

thought I was depressing before, I will surely be now.” Needless to say my relationship with

paxil was

very short. However the relationship I was starting is still going, on seven years.

These types of issues affect us men and women when starting a new medication. I tried Elavil. I

felt like I

Was turning into the kid from Willy wonka, remember viola, said turned into the very large

blueberry, and had to be rolled out of the chocolate factory. I will share with you now my own

journey of medicine mystery, sounds like a radio show.

Here is a list of medicine I have tried over the years with my own management of pain.

Motron—I give my age away on this one. Remember when it was a prescription med?

ALL NSAIDS, anaprox, ibuprofen, Relafen, lodine, norgestic, norgestic plus,

Muscle relaxers—robaxin, Flexeral, “sleep by six p.m.”, soma, soma-compound. Parafon forte,

“nice ring”, norgestic –forte,

Anti- anxiety meds--- Xanax, Burspar, and klonopin

Anti-depressants—Prozac, Elavil, serzone, Zoloft

Nerve pain relief—neurontin, klonopin

  I have found after many years, and im sure I forgot some med trials above that klonopin,

ultram, and Zoloft work well with my body.

Now of course when I have those days when I feel as if a house has fallen on me I will increase

the ultram, and klonopin, maybe add a soma-compound, or soma. I have discovered more about

the power of these medications by keeping such a journal. So Guys, do it; you will thank yourself

so many times!!!!

SURRENDER FIBROMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!
CHAPTER NINE

What an image, huh? “SURRENDER DOROTHY”, broom smoked against the brilliant blue oz

sky. What a powerful statement, give up, it’s a lost cause, you have no power. Any of this hitting

home? Often people with chronic illness are thrown that phrase by many people, such as their

families, friends, doctors, therapists, co-workers, and other people, who have gone through a 12

step program.

Just surrender to the pain and it will go away one new age guru told me, as he held his hand out

for the fifty dollar payment. I had one Osteopath tell me it was repress anger, as did a therapist.

Um, they must not have been looking into Professor Marvel’s crystal ball.

I do think we have to come with terms with what we have, and as for being a man there is very

little research done on men with fibro. No I will not surrender. This way of thinking has kept me

going for years. Yes there are days when I lay in bed and cry. At first this made me feel like a

weak person. Then I realized that releasing my emotions were drops of healing. It brought me to

a sense of serenity, and this empowerment moves me forward. One of my personal affirmations

is the serenity prayer. I will share with you my version, use what ever works for you.

Divine law grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change. The courage to change the

things I can. The wisdom to understand the difference. I think the ability to know the difference

is one of the most is one of the most important set of ideals in my life with fibromyalgia. This is

a powerful affirmation.

WHY IF YOU WERE SO POWERFUL YOU WOULD KEEP YOUR PROMISES
CHAPTER TEN

The great OZ as we know is not what the travelers had expected. Their problems were not fixed

by a wave of his hand. They had to show him they were worthy, and even after they did he

dismissed them again.

I have been very fortunate with finding the right M.D., Chiropractor, and therapist. This enables

me to live my life to the fullest. However I have had my fair challenges in dealing with certain

ego doctor’s. I will share with you some of these experiences.

DR Fifteen -minutes……. I waited for nearly 2 hours, and took 2 bus rides into a not so safe

neighborhood to be told that my problems could be fixed by using Ritalin. So I was handed a

script for it. After he found out I was an artist he wanted to know what I thought of his art

collection in his office. I called my primary Doctor, and told him of this negative experience.

My doctor thanked me for the feed back. Most patients feel as if what the Doctor says is law

well it is not. You are part of a team, and your doctor is on this team. If your Doctor is not a

team player, find one that is. As a patient you have the right to ask questions, disagree, and have

more clarity in explanations if you don’t understand. You have time to think about the proposed

action plan given by the doctor.

I’m so glad I still remember that famous line” Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain”

my friends Physicians are in many cases over- worked and in demand. We have the responsibility

in being the active planner or organizer with “our” health care. The more you know about how

fibro affects you, are well prepared for Doctor visits and write down all questions in your journal

before hand, the more productive your time and visit will be and the Doctor will thank you.

A cold January day…….. It was a cold Friday in January. I’m sitting in the waiting room. Have

you ever played the waiting room game? Here is how it is played. You try to imagine that you

are the Doctor who will see these people. Now gaze around the room until your eyes land on

someone. Ok that’s the person. No, second chances here.

Ok, imagine you know everything about this person, like their age, name, and why they are

getting in to see the Doctor before you. Hey, wait a moment .Chances are someone is playing the

same game, and guess what ? You’re the person.

My name was called. Thank God, it is already five-thirty. I’m here to see this osteopath. I had

seen him before, and knew he was somewhat out there. He asked me if I was allergic to bananas.

He had a test to see if this was playing a role in my pain. Ok, its five –forty-five, please just

manipulate my spine. It is ok ,I have been to Chiropractor’s before. It helps a lot. He said “now

there are Chiropractors, and there are Chiropractors” I’m thinking please! Just adjust my spine,

and maybe write a script for a muscle relaxer.

I must say say he tried some unorthodox methods, which were ok, until the dreaded question

came. ”Could this be repressed anger”? Therapy will help you, so off I skipped to the

Psychology dept.

I’m here Aunty Em, locked up in the witch’s castle….. The lady Psychologist was wonderful.

She had wit, and a great sense of humor. I kept telling her how over worked my imagination

could become. Now came those ink-blot cards. I did give her fair warning. “ No, No”, I kept

telling myself, “ I can’t tell her what I see, she’ll think I’m crazy”. “Kurt” she said “I know you

are

an artist” The words just flowed out of me. “I see a station wagon full of dancing bears and they

are with the Virgin Mary”

This evaluation was before I was prescribed medications. Doesn’t sound like it, but that is

the truth. I went into therapy.

THE GOOD DOCTOR GLENN
CHAPTER ELEVEN

Glenn is my therapist and encourages me to express my emotions by keeping a journal.

This has empowered me with not surrendering to fibro, but rather accepting it, which as Glenn

and I know has not been the easiest thing for me. I’m sure there are people reading this, who can

relate. I have come to see “my” fibromyalgia; yes you read that right “My” as a symbol. It gives

one ownership, rather then feeling as a victim. I see this thing as my shadow. At times it is more

visible as are shadows. This is when I hurt more. However even on over cast days we all have

shadows, maybe this is when my pain is not as intense.

The power of writing needs some more time here, so here are some more of my literary expressed

emotions;

PRESSURE

Pressure viced my emotions

Paper weights heavied these feather free throwing thoughts

Keep still

Keep quiet

Keep the kept

Keys to open

Doors and doors

Of memories

The key ring

The master’s collector of who I am

TIDES

I see the tide faintly coming

It is gentle

Soft sea foaming

In energy

Moon reflects

Mirrored memories

Timeless

A new year

A new reflection

A chance to create

Homeness

I stand with my life partner

This island of time

Now

As the waves cleanses each moment and reflection

For eternity

Clouds of whispers

Transparent thoughts

Visitations of angelic love

Twinkle as stars Through swirls of reflections

In darkness

The yellowness of the pulsating heart in

Sun

Rhythm our souls

I’m engulfed

Never alone

Quiet

The night voices of recollected shimmers

I’m engulfed alone

Fading clouds

ear my sight

Time to reflect

Pain heaviness

Lightness

One day I will be

All this

Stillness

Vibrations of life

Echoed me to this place

The I of self

CHAPTER ELEVEN
WHY IT’S A MAN !!!!!!!!

Oh how often do we feel this is what those nurses are thinking when we walk by them to the

examination room. They know why we are there. A man with fibromyalgia. A man with a

disability, A man with a women disease,

A man who is depressed, A man who is on leave from

work, A man who is in touch with his femine side, A man who is not working today, A man who

might be lazy, A man who could be a drug addict, A man not involved in a relationship, A man

who

is weak, A man who has children to support, A man who has fibromyalgia, a rare man indeed.

One

who will accept trigger point shots, with all the needles and pins? Surly a man made out of tin.

Yes we are rare, men with fibromyalgia. However we do exist and I’m one of them. Chances

are if you are reading this book so are you. Does it really matter that I needed to write this book

for men with fibromyalgia, “YES”. For my own journey with fibro, and yours? Just for a moment

let us think of famous men, and what they would have done if they had fibro.

Sigmund Freud would have the patient use the chair, while he layed on the couch

Frosty the snowman would be a pool of water after the heat packs.

Michelangelo would still be working on the first chapel

The three wisemen would never have been able to follow the star, with all that fibro-fog.

Batman would change his name to “fibro-man”.

Superman would be just a man.

The man with the fastest gun in the west would be the one with the shakiest gun in the west.

Minute men would have taken an hour to be ready.

  Rich man would be poor man if he had no insurance benefits.

  Robin Hood would not have had merry men, rather medicine men.


CHAPTER TWELVE
AND YOU WERE THERE, AND YOU WERE THERE, AND YOU!

Finding support is so essential for us with this fibro this fibro thing. In this day and age one can

go to the library ,to bookstores, go online, and find chat rooms devoted to a life of living with

fibromyalgia

I know when I started going to support groups I was turned off. However one has to search to find

the right one. If you live in a large city, chances are there will be more opportunities; However I

do remember visiting my mother in a small town in Ohio, and in reading the daily paper I found a

support group for fibro. And my home town has around 7000 people. So search. Keep skipping

down the

yellow brick road, you never know who you will meet that will help you, Or you may help them

with

support. My support team consists of several close friends who we all meet at a larger meeting.
We now

get together for dinner, or coffee. We will call each other on the phone. The idea is getting

out there with like minded people. Who understand you. The yellow brick road is a two way

street my friends.

If there is no support group around you, try starting one. Visit local doctor’s offices with fliers

describing a fibromyalgia support group. You never know who has it. Think creatively!!!. A

location to meet can be almost anywhere, social halls, coffee houses, an individuals home, rotate

and take turns hosting groups at your home, a park, a church social center. The list is endless.

CHAPTER 13

AND THEY SENT ME HOME

Home I believe is a state of mind. The word “homeness” better describes this idea. I hope you

have found a way back home to you own personal power by reading the previous pages. It is not

an easy one. We all can attest to that; however one doesn’t want to be stuck on a fence all day,

as our friend of intelligence tells Dorothy. Knowledge is the key my friends. The more one

knows the more productive they will become in society. I teach individuals challenged daily with

both mental and physical disabilities. I witness this everyday. As an art therapist I ‘m preparing

to open my own practice for people challenged by chronic pain. The power of expression can

enable anyone to come to the state of clarity. No painting, writing, acting, or music, will cure this

disease. However these expressions allow me to be human, and this is so powerful an awareness.

Why do “we’ have fibromyalgia? Who knows. I would actually love to meet who and ask why?

However until that day if any, I can only ask myself how my life is going to move forward, and

Yes, fibro will tag along. So now my honor friends, stand up click your heels together three

times

and say, “there is no place like Homeness”, and remember support is not measured by how much

you give it, but by how much others give to you.

                                                  THE END

FORWARD

I could not have written this book with out the support of so many people. To Dave my life

partner I thank you and honor you for being on this path with me. My friends at work Teri,

Marcy, sue, Renee, Lois, Joan, Tracy, and especially Rosemary who have never given up on me,

who never ask why, if I say I’m hurting today. To the individuals I teach, or better teach me to be

in the now, the present. I thank you from my heart. You ask how I know if I have one? It is

beating from the support and love you all give me.

May God bless you all

Love and many Blessings

Kurt “A man with fibromyalgia”

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