Storymania - The Unknown Woman by Michel Khan

The Unknown Woman
Michel Khan

Life is one big roller coaster ride. Sometimes you’re up. Sometimes you’re low. Sometimes you stay. Sometimes you go. Sometimes you flip. Sometimes you flow. Sometimes you’re fast. Sometimes you’re slow.
You know / you know as we follow the lives of two young women Mola Yan wei Yen and Talulah Belle two former high school rivals who meet each other after 10 years at a car accident. Sparks fly, fists tumble, heads turn, upside down in a face off that was destined to happen.

This is Michel Khan’s The Unknown Woman as interpreted by Guada Sanchez
and Isabel Lerma. First we’d like to begin by introducing our main character Mola Yan wei Yen: a Chinese hot tempered young woman. Our minor foil characters Ursula a Valley Siamese twin.
And the woman. Our other main character Talulah belle a queen latifah wannabe social climber.
The other foil minor characters: Newanda the other Valley Siamese twin. The handsome funeral director who happens to be a gigolo. The unfaithful over plastic surgeried widow who married Boris only for his money. Now we will be at the scene of the car accident in 3, 2, 1!

(scene of car accident)
Talulah: You crazy driver! My car costs more than your life.
Mula: You broke my beetle! I had the right of way!
Talulah: Do you know who you’re talking to? I can have the godfather after you!
Mula: Oh yeah you know how many of my teeth I had pulled to pay for this junk?
Talulah: See you’re admitting that its junk?
Mula: Oh don’t mess with me I have cousins in prison that know the name of the brother’s sister’s godfather’s son that can beat you up and my relatives happen to date back to Mao Ze Dong!!!!
Talulah: I don’t care if you’re related to Ching Chong, My real grandfather’s friend’s mother’s sister’s child is Don Michael Vito Vincent Corleone! The God father do you still want to mess with me?
Mula: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Talulah: yeah that’s why I don’t go there anymore!
Mula: I know you! You’re talulah My dance partner! Vogue!
Talulah: Yeah we almost killed each other but at least we won!!!
Mula: Those were the days…. How are you! Wooh you lost weight!
Talulah: Yes I lost 200 lbs. My diet consists of only ding dongs, bon bons, and jellybeans no meat!
Mula: Wow I wish I had your discipline. Wooh you drive BMW!
Talulah: I’m a chauffeur for the senior citizens at Cape Creek Pines Home SHHH!!!! Don’t worry about the car the senior citizens are heavily insured.
Mula: Oh don’t worry about the car too. I borrowed it without owners permission, but I give it back! Why don’t we trade numbers and get together sometime?
Talulah: Surrrre!
Mula: Hope to see you soon!
Talulah: Arividerciiiiii!!!!
(at funeral home)
Jigs: Yo! Wussup! Mmmmmmm, would you be my love buffet< So I can lay you out and take what I want? Who may you be?
Mula: Mula yan wei Yen!!!
Jigs: Sorry pretty baby, I mean ladeeee but your name ain’t on the list I suggest you leave RSVP!!!!
Mula: RSVP for a funeral? What’s your name pal?
Jigs: My name is Jigs, I mean Frank the funeral designer from the ds)swest side sign!, but you can call me lover!!
Mula: Listen, you better let me in now!
Jigs: wait do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?
Mula: You can walk right on by just let me in!
Jigs: OOOH chill, Is it hot in here or is it just you?Say why don’t we go back to my place and get something straight between us?
Mula: HHHHHUUUHHH!!!! Okay I’ll tell everyone at the funeral you are having lustful affair with the widow!
Jigs: Who told you that!!!
Mula: It’s true? I was just guessing! Yuck she’s old!!!!
Jigs: Just go!!!!
(inside wake room)
Mula: Talulah, what are you doing here?
Talulah: Mula!!! What are you doing here?!?!
Mula: Shh! I’m not supposed to be here!
Talulah: I’m not supposed to be here either… Well actually I’m a close friend of Boris!
Mula: Oh yes I was under, I mean I work for Boris. It was so sad he had to die!
Talulah: Yes. Ohh no look it’s Newanda and Ursula Boris’s Siamese twins!
Mula: I know!!!
(at the coffin of Boris)
Newanda: Oh daddy why did you have to die? Who’s going to walk me or us down the aisle on our wedding day?
Ursula: mom said we should find a guy that’s kind
Newanda: oh of corurse someone kind, kinda tall and handsome! Oh how’s my nose? Is it turning red?
Ursula: Oh you’re nose is cute!
Newanda: Really? Cuter than yours?
Ursula: Oh no your nose is way cuter!!!!
Mula: You care more about your nose than your dead father?
Ursula: Just because you don’t care about your nose….
Newanda: … and obviously about the way you look!
Talulah: Listen you pompous Siamese …
Ursula and Newanda: Whatever monkey woman!
Ursula: How can you stand there….
Newanda: and talk to us like that?
Mula: Sorry for offending Mopsie and Bopsie, We didn’t know you had these things called feelings?
Ursula: talk to the hand cuz the ear ain’t listening and park it in the supermarket!
Newanda: Listen to me
Ursula: and you better listen good
Newanda: Wait did you just call us Mopsie and Bopsie?
Ursula: Like what is that all about?
Newanda: We have to go sit.
Ursula and Newanda: mummy is giving her eulogy for daddy!
Widow: oh Boris,he used to say "Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents."
why did you have to die? He was such a kind faithful husband!
Mula: yeah right he was with me all the time!
Widow: he placed our beautiful Siamese twins on a pedestal
Mula: he didn’t even know their names!
Widow: He left me a quarter of a million dollars! He left one million to this unknown woman but since no one knows who she is I get it all!!!
Mula: the woman is me I’m the unknown woman! I’m having Boris’s baby! The million goes to me!!!
Talulah: You can’t have his baby! I’m having his baby!!!
Mula: Talulah you too!? Bori what have you done????
Talulah: Oh you had like a thing for him!
Mula: I did not have a thing for him I loved him there’s a difference there’s a difference!
Talulah: There’s a difference, there’s a difference What are you crazy? This is not high school where you always go after my boyfriends.
Mula: I remembered you used to pay them to go out with you!!!
Talulah: Back off, you couldn’t even go to the prom with your cousin because you had so many restraining orders stalker Mula!!!
Mula: Thank you for bringing that scarring memory back. Well at least I shave my armpit!!!
Talulah: why you you’re a bad person and I’m glad I spread that rumor in high school about you!!
Mula: That was ?
Talulah: Yeah!
Mula: You’re the one who?
Talulah: Uh-huh!
Mula: You didn’t?
Talulah: I did!
Mula: NOOoo!!!
Talulah: Yeeees!!!
Mula: You the one who told senior class I had bladder infection?
Talulah: Well you were always holding up the line in the bathroom!
Mula: All along I thought it was sue Ellen the girl with bad haircut! I used to throw eggs at her house every Halloween because of that rumor!!!
Talulah: I thought you threw eggs at her house after her boyfriend gave you a restraining order for peeing on his lawn all the time!!!
Mula: No I didn’t okay okay maybe I did! But you didn’t have to tell the whole senior class everytime I pass by I heard "there’s the Chinese girl with bladder infection!!!"
Talulah: Of course I had to tell the whole senior class you had bladder infection I hated you you were so insensitive to my feelings!
Mula: I’ll give you sensitive!
(they fight pulling each other’s hair and punching each other)
Mula: wait, I’m pregnant and you’re fighting with me!
Talulah: you can’t have his baby I just remembered, Boris couldn’t have anymore kids! He was….eeeewwww!!!
Mula: What?
Talulah: He was ….eeeewwww!
Mula: EEEEWWWW?
Talulah: He was ……….eeeewwwwwww……weeeeeeeewwwww……IMPOTENT!
Mula: NOOOOOoooooo! Eewwwww!
Talulah: Impotent!!!!
Mula: EEEWWW!
Talulah: Impotent!
Mula: IWWWWW!!!!
Talulah: You didn’t know?
Mula: I kinda knew!
Talulah: Listen let’s just share the money I mean we were both special to him!
Mula: Okay, sistah let’s share!!!!
Talulah: Hey who’s that girl crying?
Mula: Where?
Talulah: Over there?
Mula: Where? That one? No that one you move!!!
Talulah: No over there!!!!
Mula: OH there!!!
Talulah: Let’s listen!
Mula: OKAY!!!
Woman: Oh Boris why did you have to die? You know I’m having your baby! Well at least the million goes to me!!!!
Talulah and Mula: WHAT?????!!!!!