ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
Erin is a person obsessed with writing. She has finally come to enjoy the passion that has been with her since she wrote her first poem at the age of four. Recently she began to write fiction. These are my first tries at short stories and fiction, I used to write poetry but for some reason I don't feel very poetic anymore, but I decided to put some of my past poetic works here also. [December 1999]
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (8) A Night Of Love Making (Poetry) Just a poem. [35 words] Conformity (Poetry) About the pressures that I feel toward conforming to society and its views. [102 words] Fake Reality (Short Stories) Covers the thoughts and influences of a gold digger at the moment when she commits suicide. [1,034 words] I Look Quickly Away (Poetry) A poem that I wrote when I first kissed my current boyfriend. [115 words] Life's Course (Poetry) Just about the pressure of living. [260 words] My Unavoidable Hell (Poetry) Can't really explain, would appreciate any feedback that you would like to give. [89 words] Plight, A Collection (Poetry) Plight - The description of how I lost the gift of poetry. [138 words] The Hunt - Anger and consequently the violence of a young mother at her husband for not living up to his responsibilities shows t... [379 words] The Attack Of Love (Poetry) (For Kantrell Who Gave Me The Title) The experience of living and fulfilling the purpose of life - love. [88 words]
Through The Window Erin D. Traynum
I have a diamond window in my room. It’s not made of diamonds but it’s shaped like one. I sit on my bed and look out of it all the time. Not all the time I guess, cause I do go to school, but all the time I’m not in school or doing the stuff my mom tells me to do I’m looking out of the window.
If you looked out of the window you would see a telephone line that keeps going across the diamond, breaking it into two big triangles. There’s a tree and the top of Mr. Brown’s house too. And you can see one star. I like to stare at the star and pretend I’m a star. Just look down on people all night and do whatever you want during the day. Cause when you’re a star, the sun is so bright at daytime that can’t no one see what you’re doing.
We moved in this house last year. It’s bigger than where we used to live and I like my room, especially the diamond window, but I wish we still lived on Maplewood. I wish my mom wasn’t with Troy, that it was just me and Savior and Mommy again.
It’s not that I don’t like Troy, cause he is nice sometime, it’s just that I like it better when it’s just us three by ourselves, cause we have more fun together and Mommy is nicer. She’s almost always nice though.
Mommy just had a baby. Now it can never be just us again. When Mommy was pregnant, me and Troy would always do stuff together. Mommy didn’t want to do anything cause she was fat cause of the baby.
Even though he’s nice, he’s kind of weird too. Like the other night when he asked me did I want to drive to the post office with him. I went and he said that he would buy me a chocolate bar and would give me a dollar if I gave him a kiss on the mouth. So I did, but I felt funny about it.
I didn’t want to kiss him, but he made me feel like I had to, like I owed it to him cause he bought me that candy and gave me that money. I didn’t even want the stuff.
He’s always making me feel uncomfortable around him. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning he’s standing in my doorway, staring at me. He thinks I’m sleeping but I’m not. I know he’s there. Tears run out of my eyes waiting for him to leave, but I don’t know why, cause I don’t feel sad about it. I guess that it’s something that has to happen to me, so I ignore it. I don’t know why those tears come out of my eye. I just know I hate it when he stares at me, that’s probably the worst thing that he does. It makes me feel like garbage, especially when he messes with his thing when he looks at me.
I don’t like going anywhere with him or being around him, but I think that he’ll think that I’m not nice if I don’t do what he asks, so I do. Besides, he never tells me I have to do what he asks and he’s never mean about it. But I know that it’s wrong. He might think that I’m dumb and that I don’t know that what he’s doing is wrong, but I do.
I even knew before those people came to talk to us at school about what to do if someone touches you in the wrong way or makes you feel uncomfortable around them. When they asked did the class know what to do, I raised my hand to say I did, cause I do. You’re supposed to tell your parents or a teacher or a friend or a friend’s parent. Someone you trust. I told my mom.
One day when we were watching TV Mommy was telling me and Savior that we were going to have to stay with Troy when she went to have the baby. Savior kept talking about how he didn’t want to stay with Troy, he don’t like Troy too much cause he always gives Savior whippings for not cleaning up good enough. So Mommy looked at me and said: “Sonnet do you care if you guys have to stay with Troy by yourselves for a few days?” At first I was going to say that it would be okay, cause I don’t like for Mommy to think that I’m getting smart with her. Then I decided that it would be a good time for me to tell her about Troy and how he’s always touching me and wanting to kiss him. So I said: “Mommy I don’t want to stay with him. He always be messing with me.”
“What you mean he be messing with you?” she asked me. I said: “He always trying to touch my private parts and stuff.”
Mommy didn’t say anything after that. Savior didn’t either. We just started watching the TV again. At first I didn’t think that she was listening but I guess that she was cause me and Savior got to stay over Grandma’s house when Mommy went to the hospital to have the baby.
So I guess she didn’t believe me. That’s what I think about the most when I stare out of the diamond window. I wonder why she didn’t believe me when I told her. I was supposed to tell somebody I trusted. She’s the only person that I trust. I don’t know anybody else to tell.
Now everything feels different to me. I don’t talk much anymore like I used to. I used to be a chatterbox and people used to call me a giggle bot. Now I can’t find anything to laugh about anymore, but I try. Sometimes I giggle about the stupidest of things. I don’t want my mom to think that something’s wrong with me. I try to cover up how I don’t talk no more by staying in my room and listening to the radio. I don’t want Mommy to be sad or mad with me.
I try not to think about why Mommy didn’t believe me. That’s why I look out of the window all the time. I’m trying to not think about it. Not thinking works most of the time too. Sometimes I get so into thinking nothing that it sits in my mind, I forget everything, and I actually am that one star that hides behind the sun during the day. I can make myself in that line that makes the diamond into triangles. I turn myself into the sky, stretching so far I don’t know where I am. But I wish I knew where I was. I wish that someone would know that I don’t like living here and that I want to move back on Maplewood in the duplex, without the diamond window. I wish that it was just me and Savior and Mommy again, having fun, joking around like we used to. I wish a lot of things that probably won’t ever happen. That’s why I stare out of the window.
READER'S REVIEWS (1) DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"Very good story, sounds like a true one. The sad part is that these things do happen in real life. I'm really looking forward to reading more of your stories, keep up the good work!" -- Luis Felipe, Rio de Janeiro, RJ, Brazil.
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