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There Is Hope: The Hopeless Cynic
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There Is Hope: The Hopeless Cynic
Here's a follow up to my last. Enjoy it. The Robster strikes again. Dedicated to Charlie Cotterman and the man formerly known as EC Allen.
[985 words]
Robert G Hagans
I used to be a hopless romantic, your average Lloyd Dobler. But at 19, I'm re-evaluating my life. I am becoming a realist, more like a Rob Gordon. Niether optimistic nor pessimistic (well, I'll try) but sensible. The cosmic connection that I've spent my entire life looking for is probably still out there, I'm just no longer obsessed with finding it. And I'm happy about that. For once in the last year and a half, I'm happy... sort of.

I'm a writer mainly (short stories/screenplays) and an aspiring film maker. I am currently directing a film that I wrote called How to Escape a Black Hole . It's all about the hassles of living in a small town and feeling trapped within. I like to meet other film makers out there doing the same things I'm doing, so drop me a line sometime, ya hear?
[November 2002]
[email protected]
An Intimate Conversation With The Powers That Be (Short Stories) From the mind of the hopeless cynic, comes a very strange but brief look inside the male perspective, females should take a gander. Dedicated to Lea Van Cleef, and my sister Kriistal Tighe, who insipr... [1,070 words] [Comedy]
Fade To Light: In The Light Of A Shadow (Short Stories) This is the final chapter of the series. It ties up all the loose ends...for now. It also features the climatic battle between Jessica and Skye. [2,450 words] [Action]
In The Light Of A Shadow (Short Stories) A professional killer tries to escape her violent past...no one said it would be easy. This is just part One. I will post part 2 if I get good feed-back. [3,952 words] [Action]
In The Light Of A Shadow: Showdown In The House Of God (Short Stories) This is the second chapter in the seris about a professional killer tries to escape her past...she doesn't get very far. It is now followed by Fade to Light, the final chapter. [2,561 words] [Action]
Lock-In: A Teen Dramedy (Screenplays) From the person known as The Hopless Cynic, comes a script with a unique take on teen life, more specifically, previous events in my life. I hoped to immortalize it on film, but it was not to be. Enjo... [18,379 words] [Teenage]
The Hopeless Cynic: All That Glitters... (Essays) The Robster on love and relationships...watch your step ladies and gents. Here's to you EC. [995 words] [Comedy]
The Hopeless Cynic: Believing In Believing (Essays) Seems like a good time to submit this. It's not as coherant as some of my other works, but it's my most upbeat. Dedicated to Cameron Crowe, Tom Cruise and Charlie Cotterman. [1,395 words] [Motivational]
The Hopeless Cynic: Let's Get Typical (Essays) It's been forever, but I thought it was time to make a comeback. My latest on the subject of women, love and relationships. Specifically, the first early warning system for guys to discover what type ... [2,288 words] [Comedy]
The Hopless Cynic: Masochistic Summer (Essays) The Robster takes a definitive stake forward in the ongoing battle of the sexes. Women beware, the Robster is on to your game. Dedicated to John Travolta, Olivia Newton-John, and the Happy Couple (you... [1,219 words] [Comedy]
The Hopless Cynic: The High School Experience (Essays) After a hiatus, the Robster is back, with a look back at High School. Dedicated to Charlie Cotterman, my beloved theatre class (plus Andy Stilling), J.D. Salinger, Zach Morris, and all the high school... [1,243 words] [Humor]
There Is Hope: The Hopeless Cynic
Robert G Hagans

Theyíre right. Theyíre all right of course. Love is a wonderful thing. Itís pure, itís heaven, itís addicting, itísÖeverything. My name is Robert Hagans and so help me, I have been blessed (or cursed), with the Happily Ever After syndrome. Diagnosed and damned to it for all eternity.
Iíd like to thank all that wrote in to give their own feelings on my article. So I thought it fitting to write this follow up, and I digress.
Iím tired. So very tired. Iím a former football playeróno stranger to pain. I once had to endure some doctor shoving a goddamn mini-laser through my thumbnail in order to get to the blood that was under there. Alas it was already dried so the barbaric Neanderthal with a Ph.D. just burned a hole through the nerves in my thumb for nothing. I had shadow pains for weeks. The memory of the smell of my own burning flesh still inspires chills up and down my spine. But this is a walk in the park compared to what love can put ya through.
Iím tired. So very tired. Iím tired of waiting, tired of hoping, tired of dreaming. Iím a cynic; itís against my nature. I should be knocking this type of behavior: opening doors, buying flowers, flirting. Bah! Humbug! Damn you and your eternal optimism Charlie! But he knows me better than that. Mr. Cotterman has recently become my spiritual guide.
I know love hurts. We all know love hurts. Itís a tired conceptóa clichť. We also know love can make you do crazy things. Make excuses, make love, make up, make life. Fight, argue, bitch, moan, or write a stupid article. But I have to get this off my chest, to let those of you know, that in spite of myself:
I still have hope.
I still dream.
I still wait. I have no choice. To stop is to cease to be human, and itís a terrible thingólosing your humanity.
Itís hard. Really hard to keep the fire burning, when most of the time you just want to give up. Whoís going to put up with me? Iíve seen more movies than some people ever will, and talk about them constantly. Iím obsessed. I want to make movies, I write scripts, and organize movie projects with my friends. Even the girls Iím acquainted with have to say ďOkay Rob, itís enough. Let it go.Ē But I canít. And the more I think about it, the more I fear, ďThis is never going to happen. Youíll never find her. And if you do, sheíll be taken.Ē
This isnít like My Best Friendís Wedding where you can sabotage peopleís relationships, or marriages, etc. You canít do that in real life, or at least you shouldnít; itís wrong. In real life you have to grin and bear it when the girl of your dreams goes out with Mr. Asshole, for some unknown reason. If you love this person, you will be there for them when they need you and hope they will come to their senses and notice you standing there with arms outstretched. But itís gets harder. Hey thatís life; itís tough. Get a helmet.
And it wonít get any better. Thatís the point. Itís a test. Life, for the most part is a test of will. The person who has the most, winsÖwell mostly. And just when you think it canít get worse, it does. Ha ha! Silly rabbit, its not when youíre at the end of your rope, itís when youíre ready to strangle yourself with the rope; thatís when things get better. All of a sudden, you wake up and there you are in a brand spanking new relationship. And you wonder how you got there. Iíll tell ya exactly howÖyou kept the faith. Someday it will happen, I think. Thatís what Cotterman says anyway. You just gotta keep the faith.
I hope so at least.
But Iím tired. Tired of imagining the girl of my dreams, especially since most of the girls around me could make me a lucky guy. But girls have this crazy rule about not getting involved with the guys they go crying to. You know, the sensitive guys that they can always count on come to with advice and problems. Laugh and joke with. So what are they looking for? Damned if I know, but I do know what theyíre missing. Us, the hopeless romantic types, who open doors, compliment on your new hairstyle or outfit. Why do they always try to change the guy who could give a fuck? I guess itís the same reason we go after the girls who donít know what they want. But thereís a difference between keeping the faith and just being silly. And some of you women are just that. Silly. Just like a lot of us guys are buttheads. Go freaking figure.

So what have we learned here folks?

1. Yes, the Robster is a cynical bastard, but heís also a hopeless romantic. Romanticism with a shield of cynicism is a great smoke screen.

2. Keep the faith: Itís when you least expect it that you get what you want. Why is life that way? Beats me, but you gotta deal with it.

3. Keeping the faith is no excuse for self-abuse. And ladies and gents both are guilty of this.

4. Keep your eyes open, or youíll miss that special someone. And that would suck.

5. Donít live in the movies. Iím learning this as much as anyone. You can be romantic, Charlie without being Cusack. Admit it. You know you want to.

  Never give up, never surrender. It all follows right? Yeah, well. Normally Iíd say, ďI wonít hold my breath.Ē But it would be a lie. And maybe she is too, wherever she is. And if sheís out there, Iíd like to wish her good night. See you soon.
  At least, I hope so.



"It is obvious to me Rob that your essay is not meant for us, but rather yourself, but it as well as its counterpart does achieve what it set out to achieve. Unfortunately it is a cry in the dark, a candle in the storm. To broadcast your hopes and dispairs here doesn't do much to help. The guy you've been dedicating these essays to EC Allen was guilting of that, though he was a bit proactive in chasing down the female gender writers here. Perhaps that is why you keep dedicating to him, I mean he's never going to read it, you do realize that he left back in March after the contest he ran to try to stimulate reader reviews just like Monte and Olef and some of the others wanted. Anyways, perhaps it's your approach, I know that some guys, perfectly great looking guys, have come up to me and said: "Oh please date me Lea, no other girl wants me, I'm so ugly, stupid, and a complete jerk-off". This does not make me want them. I'm not saying you do this, hell I don't know what you do, because I do not know you. If it is just a matter of being isolated, than my friend, if you truly want it, you will have to go out of your way to unisolate yourself, whether it be by computer matching through Match.com, or something similar to that, or on one of those singles exclusive vacations. There are ways to meet single women, perhaps even the one your looking for, but you may not find it, if say you're stuck on remaining in Backwoods, WV for the rest of your life, and not setting one foot outside of it for any God given reason." -- Lea Van Cleef.
"Rob, I don't know what you are trying to do. This is a site for showcasing writing, not a dating service." -- Kate (the ex) :).
"to The Rob's ex its interesting that you think everything is about you b/c i know for a fact neither of the hopeless cynic essays are as ive spoken with his bootyness about them...rob nice follow up and this sounds more like the big man we here in towson know and love...see ya soon STOP BY TO SEE ME B4 YOU LEAVE FOR SENIOR WEEK DOOD WE NEED TO CHILL!!! lol talk to ya later" -- Stills, towson, md, usa.
" Alright...this is an improvement I must say, and even though I am supposed to be the evil critical character here, and, as Kate puts it, immature, considering I am barely 19, which seems to be too young for love, at least in the eyes of some mortal creatures, I just wanted to say that this pieace sound a lot more grown-up than the last one, even though it does have that "pity me" feel to it, in certain phrases. I would furthermore advise both of you, Kate and Rob, to speak to one another about this and find some sort of direct link to one another in order to allow the anger and dislike to come out and end. And no, I am not promising that it will help either of you, but it is the way Amanda, the lady I am IN LOVE with, and I handle our little differences, and it usually comes out just fine. Now, both of you, be mature and meet, or talk on the phone, or on the 'net. This State of war is getting to be a bit on the annoying side, and I feel that at least one of you should have the guts to come up with a solution for this, well..at least one that does not include tearing each other to shreds verbally or physically. " -- Jan, Towson, MD.
"Robert, this is Sgt. Andrew Baker of the Howard County Police Department. I received a fax of the essay you posted threatening your ex girlfriend and her family. I would like to inform you that this sort of behavior is intolerable as well as illegal. I will be monitoring this website, and if anything of the sort appears again, you will hear from me. Remember, you are 18 and will be prosecuted as an adult." -- Andrew Baker.
"Well Rob your at it once again. The most romantic and sweetest guy I've ever met. You can be a downer sometimes. Espcecially when it comes to love, but I know from experience that you know how to love and you can forgive someone not once but twice and fall in love with that person all over again. Dont' be a down you'll find that specail love and you never know she might be right there always waiting for you when you feel the time is right. Another one of Rob's great exes. But this one is not insane." -- Kris.
"Kris, I don't see how you can categorize someone you don't even know as insane. Also, if Rob is so wonderful, why aren't you still with him? My guess is you don't really exsist and Rob is writing this review himself." -- Shauna.
"If that was really Kris, then you must be insane. Rob doesn't have any other exes, "great' or otherwise. " -- Sarah.
"My name is Kristin and I do exist very much so. I dated Rob and we had a great relationship and the reason we're not together still is my fault not his. " -- Kristin.
"Beautifully put, bro...you almost make me feel romantic by osmosis, almost. I suppose digression does have its little perks. Unfortunately, subsequent to your inspiration for this piece, you seem to have unleashed an endless stream of melodrama. " -- Kriistal, Phoenix, Arizona.


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© 2001 Robert G Hagans
May 2001

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