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Did Ya? by Matt Tracy I wonder if anyone ever thought of any of the stuff I propose? [597 words]
Turning Fifty by Danny I. Spitler The author takes a reflective look at reaching the half century mark. [999 words]
The Morning Shower by Danny I. Spitler Does anyone else suffer these issues associated with the morning shower? [940 words]
Stranger To Myself
A Thanksgiving Monday by Danny I. Spitler The author has a reflective and enlightening evening following Thanksgiving. [809 words]
The Vaporeal Defecation Of A Mental Diarrheatic by Crazy Clown I just had so much fun writing the other two displays of inanit... [951 words]
The Unfortunate Homophobe by Crazy Clown An interspective on a homophobe who wishes he wasn't, and some ideas and opinions on ... [1,131 words]
The Demented Monologue Of A Downright Imbecile by Crazy Clown Another display of foolishness and inanity, from the one who can... [1,246 words]
The Bed by Danny I. Spitler The author gains appreciation for the consistency brought to his life by an inanimate object [791 words]
She's Just Relaxing by Danny I. Spitler She's just relaxing on the sofa; however..... [626 words]
Fathers And Sons And Baseball by Danny I. Spitler Three generations share an uniquely American experience. Opening Day. [1,078 words]
Well, Shit by Crazy Clown A rather... interesting essay on the worlds worst waste. Requires a unique state of mind to enjoy pr... [1,020 words]
Swimming With Sharks by Danny I. Spitler The author experiences an encounter with a large Lemon Shark in Tahiti [835 words]
Some Explanation Is In Order by Crazy Clown You might come to this title expecting a deep, philosophical, or thought-provoking... [447 words]
Ramblings Of A Crazy Dude by Michael Hunter hee hee. I can write whatever I want in here! bwa ha. Unfortunately, I can't thi... [629 words]
My Dog Opposes Communism by Tcn Actually submitted to a high school teacher. I guess I was feeling like a rebel at the... [862 words]
Free Food by Danny I. Spitler There's no such thing as a free lunch. Wrong. There is tons of free food, as this author points out.... [1,031 words]
Dragonball Z - Akira Toryama's Drug Trip? by Crazy Clown An essay worthy of the label of Crazy Clown, about the sheer ludicrou... [989 words]
A Place I'd Like To Forget by Tcn Another school piece. Writing about a grocery store job I held during the summer. I ... [898 words]
It's Wednesday by Danny I. Spitler The author reflects on his lover. [143 words]
Bruce Willis: One Of The Sexiest Men Alive by L Chapman - [176 words]
American Tale by Steven R. Kravsow "I stood behind the old man in the check-out line at the local convenience store. A navy blue Yan... [629 words]
Screw Common Sense by Michael Hunter It's a college essay thingy. I was just reading some sample essays and got an urge to write... [993 words]
Food Stamp Day by L Chapman - [247 words]
Cellular Consciousness: From Quantum Physics To Alternative Medicine by Lissa N Metz-Gomez A research paper linking quantum physics ... [1,660 words]
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After The Rain - How The West Lost The East by Sam Vaknin An anthology of 180 previously published articles and essays regard... [11,318 words]
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Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin The Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Pathological Narcissism De... [5,066 words]
The Value Of Material Things by Jennifer Nobile Raymond This was an essay I entered for a contest in Ladie's Home Journal. [749 words]
Lime's Diary Of Madness by Lime a true story [782 words]
Whispering To Death by Lewd Muse Not quite sure why I wrote this. I just let my muse take control and saw what happened. E... [279 words]
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The Debate Goes On by Clark G Curtis This is a personal look at the wonderful world of boxer shorts and jockey underwear and why ... [1,507 words]
On Art (II) - The Response Of The True And Artificial Artists To Inspiration by Erik The second of my essays on art. H... [1,058 words]
On Art (I) - The True Vs. The Artificial Artist by Erik This is the first of a collection in the making on my views abo... [1,373 words]
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Colombia by Iveth Jaramillo A DEEP SELF-ANALYSIS OF A CHILD'S FEELINGS. [370 words]
No To The Death Penalty by Alejandro Dubois Arrese This is an essay saying why the death penalty should be illegalized in the United State... [314 words]
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Life by Carolina Arango - [591 words]
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Oh Canada

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Stranger To Myself
ďLook in the mirror. The face that pins you with its double gaze reveals a chastening secret.Ē

[1,225 words]
Omar Longoria
[November 2000]
And Then You Wouldn't Want It Any Other Way (Poetry) close your eyes. see the snake. one red eye and one green eye. 7 miles long. deadly. all the history of the world on it's scale. [69 words]
Don't Fall On My Living Roots (Poetry) I drank to much last night... my head. and then you call me. [109 words]
It Never Ends (Poetry) see i try, to look up to, to the sky, but my eyes burn! [117 words]
Leave It Alone (Poetry) What seems important now won't last forever. [67 words]
Make Sure Their Dead My Dear (Poetry) don't go no not over there [109 words]
Oh Baby (Poetry) - [115 words]
Screaming Wind Knows (Poetry) You ever feel like your falling into a dream within a dream? [72 words]
We Care Carebears We Care! (Poetry) I have know idea where this came from. Goofy... but I like it. [75 words]
You Let Your Jealousy Overtake You (Poetry) Dumb feelings thatare already gone from my soul. [111 words]
Stranger To Myself
Omar Longoria

Iíve been living a mystery the last couple day of my life. I didnít yet realize it until today just a few hours ago. I wasnít Omar Longoria yesterday or part of today either. There was something else inside of me that changed me. A negative force if you will. Why? Where did it come from? These and many other questions remain a complete mystery to me. I realize this paper has become some desperate attempt for me to try and figure it all out.

Bored, angry, disgusted, impatient, sick of things, feeling stupid, pissed off, lazy, and feeling lifeless were some of the feelings that ran through me. Thatís who I was the last thirty odd hours or so. That person no longer remains, but I can strongly feel the emotions of those words as I write them down. I may still not know who that person was or where he came from, though Iím certain those words at the top of the paragraph isnít like me. Something existed there inside of me, a negative energy that didnít belong. It stayed there stirring deep inside of me, hidden from the outside world.

So where did this person come from? I reason and question and try to remember but still it remains a mystery. Thatís what I find so very strange about the whole thing. No outside source from my world caused me to become such a person. Nobody did something to make me angry. Angry just simply appeared inside me along with the other negative feelings. I cannot find a logical source as to why all of this became me. Iím ashamed to admit it but it scared me just a little bit, thinking of someone trapped in a world of harmful feelings. It appeared inside of me from out of nowhere like a ghost. At least I kept that ghost very well hidden, within.

So what exactly is the purpose of this personal narrative paper? I donít know exactly what the purpose is all about. Maybe the purpose of this paper is for you the reader to read on and discover something that I cannot. Maybe it can be for me to suddenly figure it all out in the middle of writing this. Or perhaps maybe for me to look back on this in the future and realize it then and there. This paper has become so different from any other Iíve ever written. This paper is for me and not for somebody else. The audience to write to is myself. That at least makes some sense to me.

Well I want to try and describe the last few days and part of today. When I looked in the mirror I didnít like what I saw. The reflection made me angry and I felt very ugly inside as well as outside. I guess I should start referring to myself in a different person since the things I felt and did were so totally unlike me. Since I seemed just like someone else. He locked himself in his room and didnít want to come out. He tried to study and get schoolwork out of the way, but it just wouldnít happen for him. His parents called from there new home in Kentucky and he had nothing to say to them. His sister called and he told her he had to go when he really didnít have to go. Little things started to bother him that normally never would. He skipped a class yesterday for the first time in a long time, because he was tired and felt miserable. He was pissed off, pissed of at nothing really, just pissed off though. He was stuck inside of a small little oven that kept getting hotter and hotter. I could go on with further evidence to support my case. I regret all of this and more. All of this just isnít me, and still all of it remains a mystery. I had become a stranger to myself and sadly also a stranger to some others around me.

Usually Iím a very calm, laid back type of person. I really donít have a temper. I donít have any enemies and get along with everyone I know. I hardly ever get angry, and if I do it usually only lasts a very short while. Good feelings make up most of my days. What was it then that made me so different? I thought maybe it was something I eat or drank, or I didnít get enough sleep. I know that itís nothing physical like that. So can you see why Iím so puzzled now about the last couple of days?

Well I woke up this Tuesday morning still in a lousy mood. I came back from school and then it happened. Something else that wasnít so bad but still wasnít me. All of these negative feelings that had been haunting me seemed to have vanished like some strange apparition. They mysteriously vanished the same way they mysteriously appeared. A very powerful calm slowly swept over me. I started to think a lot about different things. I had a great urge to drive and just think about stuff. I was driving to no particular destination, and while driving I started to reflect on yesterday and earlier today. I thought about my behavior then but also I thought of a lot more. Iíve been doing so much thinking in the last couple of hours, more then I usually do in a couple weeks literally. Thinking about very big things like life and death. Asking myself questions like why am I here? What is my purpose on this planet? This just wasnít like me either, to think and question so much. Then such an urge to write and write and write. Write down ideas and thoughts. So I thought why not get rid of my other paper on TOOL the rock band and write down what was occupying my mind. Iíve heard of people waking up in the middle of the night to write down thoughts that came to them. Itís exactly what happened to me.

I just came back from looking at myself in the mirror. Standing there looking into my own eyes I saw a very curious and puzzled guy. And after I looked hard enough I saw some different things hidden deep within myself. Well all of these questions are starting to fade away while I write this now. I can feel my normal self returning now. I donít know if I should be happy or sad about it. Happy I guess is what I should feel.

Just starting to write now after a long while. Back to my old self again now. All those questions filled with mystery donít seem such a big deal to me anymore. I canít really grab the feeling now that I had before and hold on to it. The feeling that I had when I was writing most of this paper. I read it all back to myself and it helped me a little. Still I canít taste that same feeling anymore; I can only smell some faint essence of it. Itís all gone.

ď Look in the mirror. The face that pins you with its double gaze reveals a chastening secret.Ē
Diane Ackerman




"I couldn't grasp if you were happy about your experiences in not being yourself or upset about it. I don't know if maybe this was just an essay about what it described or if it was something different. Something meant to be deeper than what was written. (Sorry if it is just about what it's about I'm an English major and it's a force of habit for me to break apart everything). But I always have the questions that you described feeling. I either heard someone tell me this, or I read it (probably Emerson, I've been reading him a lot lately) but it said that you have stopped living life if you no longer look at life in askance about purpose and existence. So instead of self-criticism, your essay reminded me of this and made me feel that your experience was actually one of growth, something that you need to listen to, something you need to show you your purpose. " -- E.D. Traynum, Atlanta, GA.


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© 2000 Omar Longoria
November 2000

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