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Short Stories




A Fortuitous Meeting by Shelley J Alongi Aviation Series story 1. An emergency landing brings a pilot and a teacher together in a m... [16,996 words]
The Attorney's Assistant by Shelley J Alongi About a relationship between a U.S. attorney and an assistant. Emphasizes positive co... [7,617 words]
A Taste Of Death by Frank Dunsmore Dective Schmidt with Homicide of the Chicago PD is baffled by several arsenic poisonings. He a... [5,669 words]
The Animal Prison by L J Milakovic A zoo from an abused tiger's point of view. The abuse is too persistent for the tiger, and he... [823 words]
Resistance by Shelley J Alongi The actions and thoughts of a boy facing the bleak certainty of death in a Jewish ghetto in 1943. [1,414 words]
Hill Number 18 by Shelley J Alongi A major recalls taking his platoon out of a mine field in Vietnam. [1,225 words]
Timmya The Totter - And The Rise Of The Dead Part 2 by Rose Trimovski This next story has to deal with the next adventure that Ti... [6,731 words]
The Perfect Gift by T J Richards A woman goes to the middle east and finds the most unlikely of things while there. [1,681 words]
The Old Horse by Joan Bentley I wrote this one for my Dad and Arnold Palmer, believe it or not. Every year I would watch the U... [1,915 words]
The Magical Publishing Pen by Mila Strictzer Vegas and the devil. [4,596 words]
The Last Leaf by Abby Steed - [1,875 words]
The Gnome From Alaska by David Soriano A humorous short story involving... a gnome. [1,427 words]
The Cold Afterglow At The West End by David Soriano A short story involving mystery and some element of truth. [1,666 words]
The Band Played On by Sue (Sooz) Simpson - [1,486 words]
Tangled Web by Sue (Sooz) Simpson Treat `em mean and keep `em keen. [596 words]
Taking A Chance by Leigh Berry A story about facing fears while traveling in the post September 11 world. [679 words]
Sweet Child Of Mine by Sue (Sooz) Simpson The old lady had been brutally mugged, her son was sucjh a good boy, but would his thoughts... [1,843 words]
Scorn, Thy Name Is Woman by Norman A Rubin This is a story of murder committed by a meek little man upon his nagging and complain... [2,360 words]
Room For One More by Sue (Sooz) Simpson The dream was haunting and wouldn't leave Mike alone. [1,728 words]
Return Of The Hellcat (Erotica May Be Offensive) by Sue (Sooz) Simpson Please do not read this one if easily offended. Or even not so... [3,390 words]
Pact Of Joy. by Sue (Sooz) Simpson Don't we all just want to be happy? [2,497 words]
Out Of Print by Sue (Sooz) Simpson A man, a boy, a love of reading and echoes of the past. [2,007 words]
One-Man Race by Sue (Sooz) Simpson He had only his nerves to rely on. One slip and the race would be lost. [664 words]
Etagere by Karen L Snyder Étagère--Set in the 1920's during Prohibition, a lady's husband is killed in a saloon brawl. She is wit... [9,649 words]
Dreamscape by Mila Strictzer A story about dreams. [4,963 words]
Death At The Conservatory by Frank Dunsmore John Benson watched Charles Manning sip from his water bottle. Throwing a smug, disda... [3,239 words]
A Darker Night by Albert Davis I think that in this world people all have dual identities and what you see is seldom the truth ... [1,507 words]
A Brush With Death by Frank Dunsmore Homicide Detective Schmidt with the Chicago PD visits the Art Institute to take a break from... [5,169 words]
Would You Like To Swing On A Star by Lisa Petro A short story of less than 1000 words about what is and what might be. [568 words]
The Pirate Ship by Kurt Kitasaki A short satire on employment practices. [230 words]
The Origin Of Our Five Senses by Stephanie Siegfred A children's story of how we came about to have the sense of taste, touch, hear, ... [591 words]
The Night Dancers by Moya Green What do you do when your best friend gets himself captured by the fairies? [1,522 words]
The Fantastical Adventure Of William Solney by Daniel Birnbaum A story to relive that freedom of youth which touches your heart an... [9,401 words]
The Elves And The Preacher by Norman A Rubin A modern version of the fairy story which tells of a goodly cleric and how he copes ... [1,603 words]
Roch by Sunny Cybersex. [289 words]
Mourning Glory by Sue (Sooz) Simpson One of my favourite pieces. Please note *This is not a children's story* It's the tale of a litt... [1,786 words]
Mortar Doesn't Breathe. by Sue (Sooz) Simpson The house was inanimate, dead ... because her child was gone. [1,114 words]
Making My Way Back To You.
Madness Becomes You by Sue (Sooz) Simpson She used to be someone, now she's several people, or maybe she's nobody at all, it makes no... [394 words]
Little Bird by Sue (Sooz) Simpson He liked fragile things [1,406 words]
Knockers by Sue (Sooz) Simpson It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it. [2,210 words]
Just The Ticket by Sue (Sooz) Simpson You pays your money and you takes your chances. [5,177 words]
I've Always Wanted To Write... But! by Sue (Sooz) Simpson There's always an excuse if you want to find one. [510 words]
Is The Toilet Roll Half Full Or Half Empty by Sue (Sooz) Simpson It's hard when you're at bursting point. [423 words]
Airport Interrogation by Bryan Caron Susan thinks all men are jerks and doesn't feel she will ever find the right man until on... [2,579 words]
A Story With No Beginning by Bryan Caron A young writer wants to tell a fantastical tale but canot come up with a good beginni... [2,120 words]
A Date With Destiny by Stephanie Siegfred A suicide victim reflects upon her life and her fatal decision to end it when she is given ... [1,996 words]
The Wishfish by Moya Green Doris stared down at the kipper. The kipper stared back. "Don't eat me," it said. [1,861 words]
The Waiting Man by Dave Furniss - [577 words]
The Troubled Sky by Caitlin Gallacher-Turner A girl by the name of Cira, recently turned thirteen, discovers that she has the ability for s... [3,565 words]
The Midget by Nathaniel Perhay A story about a midget! [604 words]
The Heart Of The Storm by C G L Davies A bad storm makes me think. [586 words]
The Ghost Story Of Yotsu-Ya by Norman A Rubin The reader is brought to Japan during the era of the emperors - The story, based on... [1,961 words]
The Day I Killed Ryan Watts... by Lawrence Peters Just a joke inspired by a fellow poet. [157 words]
Story Of My Life by Ryan Watts A very short story with a meaning so shallow you'll puke. But read it anyway! [246 words]
Sixteen by Eloise H Anson Story about finding love, and the confusion, pain and angst that walks hand in hand with it. [3,411 words]
P.S.-I Love You by Pauline A White Frankie was just a good old country boy.He felt honored when Della became his woman. She was sm... [6,861 words]
Peter by Nathaniel Perhay A boy and his day! [1,100 words]
One More Fallen' by Jordan S Wilson a shrt overview of the tragic shooting of Tupac Shakure threw the eyes of his bodyguard. [1,944 words]
Noone To Nowhere by Alina Marquez Short story about a woman on a Greyhound bus to El Paso. [1,294 words]
Jacks, Or Better To Open by Lawrence Peters - [2,139 words]
Ghosts... by Lawrence Peters - [572 words]
From The Backbay Chronicles - Revival Week by Pauline A White Sundays in August were special times in the South. You had Revivals... [1,551 words]
From Backbay Chronicles - Mama And The Po-Lice by Pauline A White This is a story for pre and teenagers. It is part of a series o... [2,981 words]
From Backbay Chronicles - Visiting Day by Pauline A White Sometimes the Spirit can hit you really hard... [1,337 words]
Eyes by Lawrence Peters For Parker. [339 words]
Dogsbody by Moya Green It was during the great thunderstorm that George decided to become a dog [940 words]
Blood And Honour by Bradley Postma A tale of skinhead life and death... with a killer twist. Critiques are welcome. [10,135 words]
Backbay Chronicles - Randy And Sandy by Pauline A White 'A boy and his dog' is an old theme. Love is even older, and more rewardi... [2,696 words]
Baby Secrets... by Lawrence Peters Something you always want but should never have. [762 words]

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TITLE (EDIT)
Making My Way Back To You.
DESCRIPTION
She'd told them a thousand times to keep the front door closed, now tragedy had struck.
[1,926 words]
TITLE KEYWORD
Drama
AUTHOR
Sue (Sooz) Simpson
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
I'm thirty nine, recently single again. I have two boys Cli' (pronounced clee) Real name Christopher and Mark. I'm a care in the community nurse and formerly (when I was married) an occupational Therapist working with the mentally ill on a secure unit. I love reading and writing and meeting people. I hate offal, seafood and intolerance. I keep dog, cat, polecats, rats and reptiles. And for seven years ran the second largest reptile sanctuary in Britain. Apart from having my lads, I think that's probably the most worthwhile thing I've ever done. Writing wise, I've been the main fiction writer for Legends magazine for three years.And have two books published 'Lizard's Leap' published by Quillusers, and 'Better the Devil You Know' soon to be released by Bestbooks.Um I drive a knackered old Astra, and ride a two litre trike. I live in the lake district of England, and am happy. :-)
[January 2003]
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
[email protected]
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (84)
A Fork In The Road. (Short Stories) A paradox revolving round the lonely Holker Mosses in the dead of night. [2,835 words] [Mystery]
A Twist In The Tail (Short Stories) - [963 words]
Agony (Short Stories) The First in a series of Agony columns written by the unstoppable Aunt Nasty. (May be deemed offensive) [1,200 words] [Comedy]
Agony 2 (Short Stories) Morew from the irrepresible Aunt Nasty (May be deemed offensive). [1,077 words] [Comedy]
Angel Stew (Short Stories) The kitchens are in uproar. [826 words] [Comedy]
Anne (Short Stories) - [707 words]
Apple Of His Eye (Short Stories) Daddy's little girl, Daddy's little sweetheart. (May be deemed offensive). [1,742 words] [Drama]
Attractions (Short Stories) People stared at the sisters and called them freaks. [678 words] [Drama]
Bandit At Twelve-O-Clock (Short Stories) A sinister note drops through her letter box, but who is it from and what's it all about? [2,144 words] [Drama]
Barriers (Short Stories) Everybody's frightened of the prisoner in the cell at the end of the block. [2,913 words] [Thriller]
Breakfast In Bed (Short Stories) She loved her husband so much, and a sepcial man deserves a special breakfast. [1,633 words] [Horror]
Car Trouble (Short Stories) Boys will be boys. [496 words] [Comedy]
Cat's Chorus (Short Stories) - [1,332 words]
Cherry Blossom (Short Stories) - [435 words]
Cold, Cold Night.. (Short Stories) The night was beautiful but biting, she had to make her final farewells, a cigarette would help. [630 words] [Drama]
Creeping Up From Behind. (Short Stories) You can't ever really know what someone else is thinking ... unless they choose to tell you. [925 words] [Drama]
Dark Solitude. (Short Stories) A woman alone on the moors when a storm threatens, but this is no ordinanry storm and that is no ordinary lady. [1,434 words] [Drama]
Dawn Rising (Short Stories) He looked at his own personal sunrise every morning, yet longed for the warmth of the sun. [1,069 words] [Drama]
Deadly Persuit (Short Stories) Nature at its most cruel .. when it's interfered with by man. [1,541 words] [Drama]
Deep Blue Eastern Light (Poetry) I've never been to Budapest, but I saw an image on a postcard, it was misty and had a sort of dreamy quality about it. I wondered about the spirit of Budapest. Hope I've done her justicce. [204 words]
Different Road (Short Stories) Charlie is running scared. Will he find his way before his precious time runs out? [521 words]
Empty House (Short Stories) This had been her domain, now it was only a shadow. [649 words] [Drama]
Find Me A Place (Poetry) Everybody needs somewhere to run. [193 words] [Drama]
Finding Fleur (Short Stories) Katy desperately wants to find Fleur, but does Fleur want to be found? [1,727 words] [Drama]
Four Minute Warning (Short Stories) - [476 words] [Comedy]
Freedom By Another Name (Short Stories) He's an imposter [557 words] [Drama]
Furtive Glances (Short Stories) Always the last to know! [891 words] [Drama]
Galaxy (Poetry) Let Venus bear witness and Mars be our guide. [139 words]
Hickory, Dickory, Dock (Short Stories) - [991 words] [Drama]
Is The Toilet Roll Half Full Or Half Empty (Short Stories) It's hard when you're at bursting point. [423 words] [Comedy]
I've Always Wanted To Write... But! (Short Stories) There's always an excuse if you want to find one. [510 words] [Mind]
Jasmine And Gardenia Love (Poetry) - [417 words] [Erotic]
Jinny (Poetry) - [176 words]
Just The Ticket (Short Stories) You pays your money and you takes your chances. [5,177 words] [Drama]
Knockers (Short Stories) It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it. [2,210 words] [Drama]
Little Bird (Short Stories) He liked fragile things [1,406 words] [Drama]
Lizards Leap (Novels) Four children buy an intricately carved frame from a school fair. A crazy old woman chases them desperately wanting the carving for herself. What is the mystery surrounding the strange frame? [5,753 words] [Adventure]
Long Walk Back To Jurassica (Poetry) Evolution and progress or three million steps backwards? [323 words] [Drama]
Lookingthrough The Window (Short Stories) - [401 words]
Madness Becomes You (Short Stories) She used to be someone, now she's several people, or maybe she's nobody at all, it makes no difference. [394 words] [Drama]
Memberwhen (Poetry) Memberwhen that mystical word of long ago memories. [189 words] [Drama]
Mortar Doesn't Breathe. (Short Stories) The house was inanimate, dead ... because her child was gone. [1,114 words] [Drama]
Mourning Glory (Short Stories) One of my favourite pieces. Please note *This is not a children's story* It's the tale of a little girl trying to be a child. [1,786 words] [Drama]
Mumbles From The Madhouse (Novels) It was her first day on the secure unit and somehow she had to see it through. [2,215 words] [Drama]
My Friend The Tiger And Me (Poetry) I wrote this for my little boy when he was having trouble at school. [942 words] [Animal]
Naughty Bunny Goes To Ibiza (Short Stories) - [552 words]
One-Man Race (Short Stories) He had only his nerves to rely on. One slip and the race would be lost. [664 words] [Drama]
Out Of Print (Short Stories) A man, a boy, a love of reading and echoes of the past. [2,007 words] [Drama]
Outrun The River (Poetry) The snow was melting fast and he owed it to himself and his seld of dogs to make it to safety. [145 words] [Action]
Pact Of Joy. (Short Stories) Don't we all just want to be happy? [2,497 words] [Drama]
Play With Me Please. (Short Stories) - [322 words]
Return Of The Hellcat (Erotica May Be Offensive) (Short Stories) Please do not read this one if easily offended. Or even not so easily offended. Continuing sexploits of Dark Solitude. [3,390 words] [Erotic]
Room For One More (Short Stories) The dream was haunting and wouldn't leave Mike alone. [1,728 words] [Drama]
Rush Hour (Short Stories) - [419 words]
Sally (Short Stories) - [2,268 words]
Sinister Music (Novels) She had no psychic ability, so why had fate chosen her to foretell of the spate of brutal murders? [6,114 words] [Drama]
So This Is My Life Then (Short Stories) - [517 words] [Comedy]
Space Walk (Short Stories) May Cause offense. [1,290 words] [Drama]
Spirit Dancer (Poetry) - [514 words]
Sweet Child Of Mine (Short Stories) The old lady had been brutally mugged, her son was sucjh a good boy, but would his thoughts now turn to revenge? [1,843 words] [Drama]
Tangled Web (Short Stories) Treat `em mean and keep `em keen. [596 words] [Drama]
The Band Played On (Short Stories) - [1,486 words] [Drama]
The Big Picture (Short Stories) The little girl was a great artist, but her subject matter was giving cause for concern. [776 words] [Drama]
The Comet. (Short Stories) Remember! [796 words] [Drama]
The Dinosaur (Short Stories) - [1,523 words]
The Half Empty Glass. (Short Stories) They had no idea of the horror they were walking into. [3,030 words] [Drama]
The Hhmmm Efect (Poetry) - [783 words]
The Iceberg (Short Stories) She had to break the hold they had on him... release him from his parents grip. [410 words] [Drama]
The Joker (Short Stories) - [2,032 words]
The Lovers (Poetry) - [124 words]
The Mark Of Jack (Short Stories) The start of something maybe. [1,044 words] [Drama]
The Old Enemy (Short Stories) I just hope I've got the names right. [253 words] [Drama]
The Rosary (Short Stories) May cause offense. [422 words]
The Spark (Short Stories) - [557 words]
The Thirteenth Station (Short Stories) - [8,024 words] [Horror]
The Village Green. (Short Stories) - [559 words] [Drama]
Three Mile Gap (Poetry) So close and yet... [285 words] [Drama]
Tomorrow Lies Beside Us (Poetry) - [239 words] [Drama]
Tusk (Short Stories) - [1,012 words] [Drama]
Under The Whether (Short Stories) - [1,626 words]
Watching And Waiting (Short Stories) - [1,253 words] [Drama]
White Icing (Short Stories) - [1,385 words]
Worlds Biggest Loser (Short Stories) - [114 words]
You Are My Sunshine (Short Stories) - [1,285 words]
READER'S REVIEWS (4)
DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.

"Very well-drawn central character and a clever compressed, almost stream-of-consciousness style of writing from inside the head of the main protagonist. Her feelings of guilt and anger and her inability to confront her son with the true consequences of his carelessness are all beautifully portrayed. But then the author goes for a slightly pinned-on supernatural ending which I thought wasn't necessary and didn't improve the story. I thought there was more than enough in the inner life of the mother without the trick ending which seemed to lower the tone somewhat." -- David Gardiner, London, England.
"Thanks David, this one is personal and every word up until the ending is just as it happened. I think I wanted the ending to be true, my little fairy tale. I still feel guilty about Jinny she was only ten months old. " -- Sooz, Dalton-in-Furness, England, Cumbria.
" Achy’s Review: Making My Way Back To You.Sue (Sooz) Simpson Making My Way Back To You“SHUT THE DOOR” ***It is incorrect to put words all in caps unless it is something that is being read off something like “STORE SALE” or “CAUTION POLICE LINE DON’T CROSS!” In normal exposition and dialogue using all caps gives the appearance of shouting, which is not something you want, even if your character “is” shouting. It is best just to indicate in the exposition that the character is shouting.***How many times had she yelled that over the last two weeks? She smiled as the two boisterous seven-year-olds came hurtling into the house. ***Good job of indicating just how the boys were boisterous with an action***“Can we have a snack and a drink please Mum, we’re staaaaarving. ***Maybe someone in this group will be able to say with more definitiveness, but I believe when you wish to stretch out a word, you need to use hyphens. Maybe, maybe not, does anyone else want to clarify? Anybody? Mike? Shalomar?*** ” This was her son Marty’s ***offset Marty’s with commas*** usual greeting.“Umm” backed up ***this is kind of like using “he yawned.” I’ve never heard anyone yawn anything, and I’ve never heard anyone back up anything.*** Carl “My mum says we’ve eaten her out of house `an home”She grinned at the two lads as she busied herself making a future pile of washing up ***A fellow countryman I see. I was born in Dover, and lived in Liverpool until I turned 19 when I took a job with an American firm. I’m 38 now, so it’s been awhile since I’ve been there. Obviously there will be no way for you to reply to this question, but I’ll ask it anyway. Still abysmal weather as ever in the Queen’s country hey?*** BEFORE the evening meal. It’s true what they say, she mused lads do only stop eating long enough to givecheek.She was so happy that Marty had found himself a friend. They had been here fourmonths now and the natives were luke-warm at best and downright unfriendly ifhonesty were to be uttered. ***It’s interesting how you put that, I’ve learned to say “if truth be told” myself*** Marty had met Carl down the prom, ***I’m curious, do you mean promenade, or prom/ball. In the U.S. highschools put on dance ceremonies also called proms.*** while walking Judythe dog ***surround “the dog” in commas*** two weeks ago, and the two had become inseparable. Sally had also becomefriendly with Val, Carl’s mum, ***Begin new sentence.*** it was shaping up into a nice foursome. Unfortunatelyas sods ***’*** law would decree the friendship was to be short lived as that coming weekendVal and Carl were moving half way across the country. Coincidentally they weremoving just a few miles from where Sal and Marty had just moved. ***I think it might be a good idea to add “from” on the end of this sentence***The pair of loveable reprobates wolfed down their roast chicken and sweetcornsandwiches, munched happily on melting chocolate biscuits, and guzzled half a litre ofdiet coke. Before scraping their chairs back from the table noisily ***the word “scraping” pretty well takes care of things, so drop “noisily” since to me it is only an irritance of a word.*** , and announcing atthe usual jacked decibel level that they were going out.“Not before you wash your hands and faces you’re not.” ***The mother must say this, but you give no indication that she did.***The lads swapped that long-suffering ‘Oh why were we inflicted with mothers’ look ***the way you have it written it indicates that the “look” belongs to more than one mother. I don’t believe this is what you intended to indicate at all. You may have meant that the boys gave a look regarding mothers, but that is not what you have said*** ,and grudgingly slouched over to the sink. Their aversion to soap and water becomingapparent as they fell into competition to see who could become, clean enough tosatisfy Attilla-the-Mum, while actually using the least amount of soap, and remaining asdry as possible. ***How old are these lads anyway?***The water not only didn’t dampen their faces, but it left their spirits untouched too,and soon they were battling for position as they ran headlong down the hall to thefront door.“SHUT THE DOOR BEHIND YOU PLEASE!” The bellow like a cow in labour, ***I should point out once again, then if this piece is ever intended for an American market, publishing houses do not have a fleet of editors at your disposal, and they do not take you by the hand and help you to edit for suitability of the market. Harsh, yes, but that is the reality of it. So if you do submit to American market you must have perfect copy and must be well-versed in American English. This will include various things from dropping the “u” in many of your words such as “labour” and “humour” to saying “Mom” instead of “Mum.” I’m not precisely sure where you can get help with this, but I’d strongly suggest you do some footwork on the subject if you have intentions to publish on this side of the Pond. Many writers such as J.K. Rowlings did, so I bring up the point.*** was almost a reflex action now. They lived on a mainroad, the garden improperly fenced, until the funds could be found to get the workdone. Marty had been coached over the months to shut the door behind him, to keepthe dog from making an untimely bid for freedom.She winced as she heard the resounding slam of the door as they blasted off down thedrive. She turned to the minor mountain of pots in the sink. Footsteps pounding down the hall.“Can we have the Super-Soaker out please Sue.” ***separate your exposition from your quote.*** Carl’s face was upturned with that pleading expression that ***eliminate second “that*** all young children mastered by the time they were four.Marty’s face pressed up ***eliminate “up”*** against the patio doors, ***Begin new sentence.*** he’d walked down the path to the back door.Two boys bustling ***suggest eliminating “bustling”*** and shoving as they went off down the back garden to Carl’s house.The ***They*** were gone.A sickening screech of brakes, of tires, bracing themselves for traction on the busy mainroad. ***This is obviously placed here like this in order to startle, but it makes for bad grammar since it seems to jump out of nowhere***Standing in the dining room...Knowing. ***I’m assuming it is the mother standing, but you don’t indicate. I’m also assuming that the mother is knowing something tragic has occurred. Please notice that I’m doing a great deal of assuming.*** A numb second, the last numb second for sometime. A second of wishing she didn’thave to go, didn’t have to move, didn’t have to leave this calming silence.Running. Running full pelt ***Even being British I’m not familiar with your use of this word. Apparently you intend it to mean “fast,” but typically the word “pelt” in all English uses from Canada to the U.S. to Australia to South Africa means the skinned hide of an animal, which hardly seems appropriate here.*** through the house. Down the drive. Straight into the road.The man standing by the open car door shaking ***your tense has changed from past to present*** his head.“It just came from nowhere.”The lady already weeping loud tears, hiding her face in her hands.Kneeling, to pick up my soft, sleek bundle. Got to get rid of them, these murderingstrangers. Must make them go.At least it isn’t the kids.At least it isn’t the kids. ***The last four paragraphs are cluttered and make very little sense. You cannot tell who is doing/thinking what, where, or when***“I’m a nurse” Sally said. Small, mirthless laugh “ Not a lot of difference between adog and a person, she’s fine, its not serious. She’s just in shock. Few minor bumps, ***A split second assessment? Wow, is she a nurse or God? How does she know the extent of the dog’s injury just from a moment’s glance. Is she a human x-ray machine?*** I’llget the vet. No please don’t feel ... It was entirely my fault. Please don’t worry. She’llbe Ok”. Halfway back up the drive with her in my arms. Forced to take their phonenumber. Promise to ring later. ***The problem I really had with this scene, is that you did indicate through foreshadowing that Sally was afraid her dog might get out, and something bad happen, but never throughout this entire scene, do you indicate that “this” is “her” dog. It could easily be a neighbor’s.*** “Yes I promise, yes, yes of course I’ll let you know”Sanctuary.She doesn’t have to pretend anymore. ***Odd confusion of tenses*** She lays the dying dog gently on the bed in thedownstairs bedroom. Dog licks her hand. Stares at the blood dripping from her soiled hands. A shake of the head to clear the threatening fugue. Ring the vet. Blood stainedreceiver.“Please hurry.”Lying on the bed cradling the dog. Respiration’s so weak. Head loose, held steadyagainst her breast.“Please hurry.” Respiration’s gone.“No, oh please god NO.”Laying her flat on the bed. Head to the dog’s breast, watching for a rising chest.Listening for the slightest wheeze of air. Licking the palm of her hand and running itdown her cheek. ***Terribly confusing even for the most diligent of reader to muddle through. I kept getting the impression that Sally was licking the dog*** Face to snout. Waiting to feel the coolness of air on her damp cheek.Nothing.Tilting the head, pulling forward the protruding tongue. finger swipe of the mouth.Blood, so much blood. Turning her head to the side, a large intake of air, then covering the whole of Judy’ssnout and mouth with her own mouth, a deep steady exhalation into the dog. Breathingprecious Oxygen into Judy, feeling the lungs inflate.Spitting a mouthful of blood onto the cream bedroom carpet. Moving from the dead mouth, placing her left-hand ***the left palm would obviously be on the hand, so you can eliminate “hand”*** palm down over the right and lacing her fingers. Where?Where the hell to compress.“Just below the sternum, come on girl think, think, not too hard now, easy as if shewere a child, not too much force.”She placed her entwined hands on the still warm silky ***”still” “warm” “silky” far too many adjectives*** underside of her limp dog.Fifteen rapid compression’s ***Ask yourself why you placed an apostrophe in that word*** and then back to the mouth for one steady respiration. Stop.Look. Listen Repeat.Fifteen minutes. Twenty. The heart isn’t going to start. Doesn’t matter. Don’t worry just keep oxygen flowing to the brain. Keep the body working.“Where’s the bloody vet.”“Cough, Sorry Cough, heavy traffic. ***Muddled?????*** Got here as soon as I could. Nothing more to bedone. She’s gone I’m afraid. Forty-eight pounds please. Sorry”She was tempted to drop the money to the floor and watch the parasite scramble for it.He never even touched her. Never even tried.Visitors. Too late to stop them, already on their way. Beef Wellington burned black.House smells of charred remains. Judy wrapped in sheet in the shed. A night of stiltedsentences, broken conversation. ***In an attempt to make this “quick” you’ve made it very muddled***Marty had been through such a difficult couple of years. The divorce, ***The divorce was disowned???*** being disownedby his father. Moving, Moving, Moving. Trying to settle, trying to find ‘home’. Toomuch for him to cope with. Can’t possibly tell him the truth, and yet she had never liedto him before. If one day the truth came out, how would he ever trust her again?The lads come pounding in.“Where’s Jude?”Truth. Lie. Tick Tock. Truth. Lie. Tick Tock.Too long a pause. Answer him. Answer him dammit!Can hardly stand to look at Carl. So innocent so unaware. She feels the anger wellingup, rising like gorge in her thorax, and she swallows it down. Only a child. He’s onlya child. Bloody super-Soaker.“Mum” Fear whining through the word. Needing re-assurance. “Mum where’s Judy?”“Well my darling,” herding them out of the room before they see the bloodstain by thebed behind the door. Holding his hand and guiding him to the stairs. She sits and pullshim into the protective circle of her arm. Carl flanks her on the other side and leans into be cuddled too, sensing drama. Two scared little boys. She wants to push the “otherchild” away. Stamps down hard on the urge. Just a child. Stop blaming him.Wrapping an arm round each of them and drawing them down onto the stairs besideher. Adopting silly voice.“Well lads, that Judy’s been a silly billy, she’s had a right adventure. You’ll neverbelieve what she’s gone and done to herself. I left the front door open didn’t I?” ***It sounds as if the mother has gone completely mad***“Oh Muuuum.”“I know, I’m a Dunderklunken.” Our made up word, meaning daft and ditsy, ***If you feel the need to have to explain things to a reader in a way that is self-evident than that is not good*** but very loveable. The two pairs of cleareyes still showing fear, but hopeful, trusting, it was going to be OK, Mum was goofingaround so it can’t be serious.“...Anyway she ran out into the road, thought she was super dog, and just ran into acar outside. Oh it’s nothing much, just a sore leg, but she’s had to go to the vets, andshe’ll be staying for a day or two until she’s better. ***There is no end-quote on this sentence, so it must go on forever right?***No Marty, your best mate there, left the door wide open, didn’t I say? Didn’t I say a thousand times to close the door. Stupid child. Stupid damned child. Swallowing down the anger, smiling. Just a child. ***Why should it matter if he is just a child? At worst a child wouldn’t understand. The truth hurts but children too have not only a responsibility to hear it, but a basic human right to.***A little tear or two from Marty, and then a big watery smile, after more assurances thatshe would be all right.“She’ll be all right mate, My dad stood on my dogs foot `an she didn’t die, come onlets play dustbin men.”That was enough for him to take on board for now. In a few days when Carl and Valhad left, that would be soon enough to tell him of the plans to re-home Judy for herown safety. How she’d be going to a farm, with lots of fields and open places to play.Doggie heaven. Just a little slice of Doggie heaven.Party atmosphere. A second meal thrown together in shock, forgot two of theguests are Veggies. Third time lucky a hurried visit to the Chippy. Laughing a littletoo loudly. Explaining about the daft dog hurting herself and the meal being ruinedwhile she drove her to her ‘holiday’ at the vets. “Oh yes of course, She’ll be fine,nothing serious.”“Nothing serious, only death.”A deep feeling of shame, not being able to tell even close friends what really happened.Sitting round the table, six bottles of Melon Breezer. Swallowing down again the globof emotion that threatened to vomit itself all over the assembled. Cracking a sick joke,that they should be re-named Capillary Breezers. The colour of blood. The colour ofthe blood staining the bedroom carpet. Laughing heartily. As usual the clown. Wantingthem all to just go away. Wanting to let the mask slip ***that’s a very unusual phrase “let the mask slip.” I believe I’ve heard it only once before, not sure where though, perhaps it was your work as well.*** . Wanting to slide down a walland let the force of emotion that was almost suffocating her out.Marty’s asleep. They’ve gone. It’s cool in the garden, the moon bearing witness to herdeception. She’s stiff and unyielding as Sal lays her beneath the roses. Sitting again at the dining table. Collar smelling of leather and Judy, name-tagproclaiming the beloved name. Half a bottle of Vodka, its level receding as the tearsincrease.Thursday had started like any other. Usual routine of school, work, chores. It hadended in misery. Friday and Saturday were bearable. Just. A facade through the daygiving way to wretched tears at night. Sunday night, lying in bed. Tossing and turning.Too many times asking when Jude would be home. Tomorrow after school, she’d tellhim Judy had gone to the farm.A scratch at the door. Another, urgent, insistent scrabbling to get in. A yap.Dreaming. Got to be dreaming”Moving as if in a trance to the door. Knowing who was at the other side.She came in thinner, collarless, and hungry. ***Alright, one of us has gone insane, and I’d like to believe it is not me. Isn’t the dog dead?***For the rest of her days she walked with a limp, but she was the same old Judy. Stillwent berserk if you said “Risk it for a biscuit” or “Ta ta’s” Still gave high fives withthe grace and elegance of a ballerina. Still deigned to give Sal three inches of her bed,as she lay beside her. The only difference was the grudging respect she had gained forthe road outside the house, realising it seemed that she is not superdog.They talked occasionally of digging up the Rose beds. Marty said he’d do it in summerbreak from collage, ***college*** build a conservatory there. Sal said that she liked the roses, butmaybe it’s just that she was scared of what she’d find under there.Or perhaps what she wouldn’t find! -------------- Bob the Slob’s Review: “Can we have the Super-Soaker out please Sue.” (OK, shouldn’t there be a question mark on the end of this, since it is a question? And isn’t Super-Soaker supposed to have one of those TM widgets on the backside of it? And how in the heck did the woman go from being called Sal/Sally to Sue?) -------------- Flapjack’s Review: Bob, I can’t say for certain if this was intentional or accidental on the writer’s part, but it could just be a variant on the name. You know like when you call John, Jack :-) or James, Jim, or in your case Robert, Bob. --------------- Bob the Slob’s Review: I know all about that Jack, but if that’s the case it is poorly indicated, and I don’t think it works in such a short piece to use different names for the same person. It’s OK to use Ms. Daniels instead of Patty all the time in a short fic, but I don’t think calling the same Patty, Barbara, makes any sense at all. ---------------- Shalomar’s Review: A great deal of clipped lines that made for confusing reading, and a really creepy wrap-up with a living-dead dog. " -- Cam Davis.
"Thanks all, the name thing wasn't intentional it was my brain going on a ditz-out-walkabout when it shoud have been concentrating. Sooz http://members.lycos.co.uk/suesimpson/ " -- Sooz, Dalton-in-Furness, England, Cumbria.

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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2000 Sue (Sooz) Simpson
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
June 2002
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
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