AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (184) 1:25 A.M. (Short Stories) Is he dreaming.... or is this reality? [262 words] [Horror] 3 A.M. (Poetry) - [128 words] [Mind] Abomination (Poetry) A poem dedicated to H.P. Lovecraft. [70 words] [Horror] Abra Cadaver (Short Stories) an evil ventriloquist turns a man into wood. [874 words] Abra Cadavera (Poetry) The dead have a big party. [87 words] [Horror] Another Dead Weekend (Short Stories) A bored man wanders the streets of his hometown looking for a way to cure boredom. [509 words] [Mind] Billy Lee (Songs) A song about a young man who has gone wayward so many times he doesn't care about life anymore. [142 words] [Fan Fiction] Bite (Poetry) A poem of vampire lust. [97 words] [Horror] Blood Is Thicker Than Water (Short Stories) Two vampire siblings learn how to help each other in their time of need. [674 words] [Horror] Bloodline (Poetry) This is a poem about a man's transformation into a lycanthrope that eventually turned into a short tale and then a short story. Go figure? [120 words] [Horror] Book Of The Dead (Poetry) A sinner signs their soul away. [81 words] [Horror] Brimstone (Short Stories) A telephone conversation between two of the US of A's most ''intelligent'' scientists. [421 words] [Science Fiction] Bye-Bye, Baby (Poetry) The second poem in my ''PAIN'' collection. [162 words] [Mind] Calling All Killers (Poetry) A vietnam soldier loses his mind. [179 words] [Mind] Cannibals (Short Stories) Two holocaust survivors learn the hard way how to survive. [334 words] [Horror] Catch Me If You Can (Poetry) Jack The Ripper, one of the infamous serial killers in history, leaves a calling card. [404 words] [Horror] Caves (Poetry) A man ventures into an ancient cave filled with the ghosts of other wanderers. [101 words] [Horror] Children Of The Night (Poetry) Vampires! Dark shadows! Ghosts! Blood sucking! I'm sorry, I couldn't resist! [108 words] [Horror] Choices (Short Stories) Bad drivers are born losers. [376 words] [Mind] City Of The Dead (Short Stories) The original story that inspired the poem ''Book of the dead.'' [407 words] [Horror] Common Bonds (Poetry) The author wishes Jim Morrison a fond farewell. [87 words] [Spiritual] Cryosleep (Short Stories) An ailen exacts his revenge upon his human oppressors. [386 words] [Science Fiction] Dance Of Death (Poetry) A story of a young man grieving over his lost lover, only to discover shes not really dead.{At least not in the usual sense.} [566 words] [Horror] Dante's Hotel (Poetry) A sinner checks into a Hotel he can't check out of. [103 words] [Horror] Dead Letter Office - A Serial Short Story (Short Stories) A drug addled scientist attempts to create the perfect killing machine with DNA fusion. [256 words] [Science Fiction] Deathchant (Poetry) A goodbye song for the dearly departed. [37 words] [Horror] Dinner Is Served (Short Stories) A small group of monsters gather at Dracula's castle for a Halloween dinner. [177 words] [Humor] Doc's Movie Review (Genres) Another review of an obscure 1980's splatter film. [406 words] [Movies] Doc's Movie Review - ''Alone In The Dark '' (Genres) Yeah...I know. Another boring review. What can I say? I love horror films! [214 words] [Movies] Doc's Movie Review; ''Last House On A Dead End Street'' (Genres) Horror movie fans; READ THIS REVIEW!! [344 words] [Movies] Doc's Movie Review - ''Mark Of The Devil '' (Genres) Horror movie fans read this! [135 words] [Movies] Doc's Recomendations (Reference) - [342 words] [Fan Fiction] Dolls (Short Stories) Dolls in a toy store come to life under a witches spell and wreak havoc. [1,226 words] [Horror] Dream Lover (Short Stories) A tale of true love that never dies. [417 words] [Horror] Dreamer (Poetry) Figure it out yourself. [75 words] [Horror] Dreamfix - I'm Closing The Story. (Short Stories) Since nobody wanted to read it or review it, I'm closing it. [154 words] [Mind] Dreamfix - Part One (Short Stories) A junkie's drug induced demons catch up with him. [185 words] [Mind] Dreamfix Part Three (Short Stories) Leo gets introduced to the ''Re-conditioning Center.'' [342 words] [Mind] Dreamfix Part Two (Short Stories) A hopeless drug addict descends into junkie hell. [355 words] [Mind] Faces (Poetry) A deformed girl finds a way to become beautiful. [140 words] [Horror] Faust's Hotel (Poetry) A habitual sinner checks into a cheap Hotel he can't check out of. [103 words] [Horror] Feverblues (Short Stories) A small group of people left after a holocaust find ''alternative'' ways to survive. [1,333 words] [Horror] Frankenstien (Short Stories) Two hitmen are in the process of disposing of a body, when the tides are turned with a twist ending. [880 words] [Crime] Freakazoid (Short Stories) a man with a grudge becomes unhinged and plans to get revenge on the people who exploited his deformed son. [301 words] [Mind] Frightbaby (Poetry) A young ghoul's nursery rhyme. [94 words] [Horror] Funeralchant Macabre (Poetry) A poem about a someone who isnt exactly torn up about a friends death. [117 words] [Humor] Gamepoint - A Short Short (Short Stories) a fighter narrates a story about his life in the ring. [546 words] [Fan Fiction] Ghost Town - Part One (Short Stories) A futuristic bounty hunter seeks a legendary ghost town where a sorcerer supposedly can arise the dead. [527 words] [Science Fiction] Ghost Town - Part Three (Short Stories) Lexxus and the darkman finally meet on the streets of the ghost twon for the final showdown. [314 words] [Science Fiction] Ghost Town - Part Two (Short Stories) Lexxus Machine, the sorcerer who overlooks the ghost town, awaits the Darkman's arrival. [406 words] [Science Fiction] Ghosts- A ''Short-Short'' Short Story (Short Stories) A man's demons catch up with him. [418 words] [Horror] Go Down Dead Part Four (Short Stories) Sampson Faith gets his ''faith'' tested. [362 words] [Science Fiction] Go Down Dead Part One (Short Stories) A futuristic western. [360 words] [Science Fiction] Go Down Dead Part Three (Short Stories) Sampson's battle with the undead begins. [403 words] [Science Fiction] Go Down Dead Part Two (Short Stories) Sampson is forced to confront the living dead. [401 words] [Science Fiction] Go Down Dead - The End (Short Stories) Sampson finally realizes what it's been about. [463 words] [Science Fiction] Good Advice (Essays) A dying man's advice to the living. [585 words] [Spiritual] Green (Short Stories) A man's guilt catches up with him. [496 words] [Mind] Handicapped - A Short Short Tale (Short Stories) An internet pornographer learns the errors of his ways. [554 words] [Fan Fiction] Hannibal, Revisited (Short Stories) Hannibal Lector recieves a very surprising phone call from an old friend. [515 words] [Humor] Headshot (Short Stories) A drug crazed lunatic on the run from the law hides out inside a wax museum. [1,055 words] [Mind] Headstones (Short Stories) - [200 words] [Horror] Hearts (Short Stories) - [264 words] [Mind] Hounds (Poetry) Doc Haliday, legendary sidekick of Wyatt Earp, pays his dues. [180 words] [Fan Fiction] H.P. Lovecraft; True Master Of Horror Fiction (Non-Fiction) My perosnal opinion of H.P. Lovecraft's works. [401 words] [Horror] If Only When (Poetry) The last poem in my PAIN collection. [85 words] [Mind] I'm Coming For You (Short Stories) A devout Atheist decides to meet his maker... ....the hard way. [526 words] [Mind] Imposter (Poetry) A drug addict reflects back on her life after her arrest. [94 words] [Mind] Inbred (Short Stories) A story based on the mass murderer Ed Gein. [303 words] [Horror] Insideout (Short Stories) A woman born deformed longs to be beautiful. [791 words] [Horror] It Runs In The Family (Short Stories) A subject I've never had to deal with, but have known people who have. [214 words] [Mind] It's All In The Teeth (Short Stories) Like alot of my darker work, there is no logical explanation. [388 words] [Horror] Jolie Marie (Poetry) A poem about a cajun girl bitten by a werewolf. [252 words] [Horror] Letters From Purgatory (Short Stories) Figure it out as you go along. [244 words] [Horror] Letters From Purgatory - Interlude (Short Stories) - [70 words] [Horror] Letters From Purgatory Part 2 (Short Stories) You figure it out as you go along. [186 words] [Horror] Letters From Purgatory Part 3 (Short Stories) He's getting closer to the truth! [227 words] [Horror] Letters From Purgatory -Part 4-Ending (Short Stories) The secret is finally revealed! [147 words] [Horror] Letters From The Wasteland (Novels) A serial novel about a young drifter who stumbles on to a secret society run by a lunatic who fancies himself the second coming of the anti-christ. [1,899 words] [Horror] Letters From The Wasteland-- Installment Two (Novels) JR Walker's brother, Billy, is on the search for JR when he runs into unexpected trouble. [813 words] [Horror] Letters From The Wasteland-Installment - Three (Novels) The dark one, Ted Lexxus, is lead to his isolation cell, unknowing to his captors he has a plan for escape. [566 words] [Horror] Letters From The Wasteland--Installment 4-Part5 (Novels) JR Walker and the nun get aquainted under the worst of circumstances, and JR comes up with a plan for escape. [729 words] [Horror] Letters From The Wasteland-Installment 5 Part6 (Novels) Billy Walker is still being chased by the crazy cop. [815 words] [Horror] Life Sucks (Short Stories) - [360 words] Life Sucks - Part 2 (Short Stories) Haven't you figured it out yet? [144 words] [Mind] Lifelights (Poetry) You figure it out. [237 words] [Horror] Lizardman (Poetry) A poem about a legendary swamp dwelling beast. [128 words] [Horror] Love And Sacrifice (Poetry) Werewolves, man!!!!! [147 words] [Horror] Loverdoll (Short Stories) - [400 words] [Horror] Machines - A Short Short Tale (Short Stories) A freelance strongarm protects the tenants in his building. [499 words] [Mind] Magic (Short Stories) A magician meets up with his successor. [263 words] [Horror] Mdern Myths And Urban Legends Part Two (Genres) - [147 words] [Horror] Meat (Short Stories) A man loses his grip on reality after a tragic accident. [704 words] [Mind] Memoirs From The Row (Short Stories) A man in prison awaiting death reflects back on the reason he was doing time. Killing. [1,241 words] [Crime] Millineums Later (Poetry) A scorned lover reflects on the past. [76 words] [Relationships] Modern Myths And Urban Legends - Part 1 (Genres) An examination of myths and legends that alot of people find so true to life. [137 words] [Humor] Mother Trucker - Ending (Short Stories) - [237 words] [Horror] Mother - Trucker - Part One (Short Stories) A tale of revenge. [236 words] [Horror] Movie Review - By: ''Doc'' (Genres) The first in my reviews of obscure 1980's horror films. [448 words] [Movies] Movie Review: Don't Go In The House (Genres) Another review of 1980's horror films. [430 words] [Movies] Mr. Nasty - A Crimehorror Tale Part One (Short Stories) A stupid redneck learns why alot of folks carry handguns. [391 words] [Crime] Mr. Nasty - Ending (Short Stories) - [437 words] [Crime] Naked - Poem Three Of The Pain Collection (Poetry) - [143 words] [Mind] No Matter At All (Songs) Two college classmates have trouble with their relationship. [202 words] [Relationships] Offerings (Screenplays) A screenplay for a short, fifteen minute film about a young man meeting up with the devil after a genocide has occurred. [588 words] [Movies] Our City's Finest (Short Stories) A cop hunts a serial killer? [408 words] [Crime] Pain (Poetry) - [169 words] [Mind] Paranoia (Short Stories) If Michelle liked my story ''MAGIC,'' she'll love this one. [444 words] [Mind] Passing Through Heaven's Door (Poetry) A dedication to the late Warren Zevon [161 words] [Motivational] Podunk (Short Stories) A small group of rednecks find out what it's like not to get the last laugh on a minority. [763 words] [Humor] Prisoner (Poetry) A dark seduction. [130 words] [Horror] Prophecies (Short Stories) A different take on the typical werewolf tale. [886 words] [Science Fiction] Pulp-Affliction (Short Stories) You figure it out. [568 words] [Mind] Quotable Quotes (Non-Fiction) - [76 words] [Mind] Redemption Part 0ne (Short Stories) A hitman looks back on his past to realize he possess's something he didnt knew he had; a heart. [869 words] [Crime] Redemption Part Four (Short Stories) An ex-hitman recieves an offer he cant refuse. [345 words] [Crime] Redemption Part Three (Short Stories) An ex-hitman reflects back on his past. [683 words] [Crime] Redemption Part Two (Short Stories) An ex-hitman grows a heart. [203 words] [Crime] Remember Me In Your Heart (Poetry) A song written by my late father, David Doc Byron. [190 words] [Motivational] Roadkill; The Last Days Of John Martin (Genres) Yet another review of an obscure 80's horror flick. [390 words] [Movies] Scarecrow (Poetry) A poem about a scarecrow. What else can I say? [80 words] [Fantasy] Shadowman (Poetry) Let my son figure it out since he's hanging around. [110 words] [Horror] Shapeshifter Part Five (Short Stories) Billy pays his strange new friends a visit. [207 words] [Horror] Shapeshifter Part Four (Short Stories) Billy decides to make a major ''change.'' [184 words] [Horror] Shapeshifter - Part One (Short Stories) - [412 words] [Horror] Shapeshifter Part Three (Short Stories) - [259 words] [Horror] Shapeshifter Part Two (Short Stories) - [219 words] [Horror] Shapeshifter The End (Short Stories) Uh uh...no way. Gotta read it!!!! [245 words] [Horror] Sheela (Short Stories) An avid fan of hunting wild game is suddenly faced with the idea of preserving life. [674 words] [Fantasy] Skins (Poetry) - [105 words] [Horror] Solitaire (Short Stories) An abused child seeks solace in her own little world. [952 words] [Mind] Strawman (Short Stories) A scarecrow comes to life and desires freedom. [960 words] [Fantasy] Taking Care Of Your Own (Short Stories) The father of a quadrepalegic finds out love does not conquer all. [521 words] [Humor] Tender Nights (Poetry) A man's nightmares begin to torture him. [115 words] [Mind] The 2nd Party - Part 0ne (Short Stories) An ex-hitman reflects back on the job that changed his life forever. [295 words] [Crime] The Awakening, Part 1 (Short Stories) The first half of a story me and my son had collaborated on. [491 words] [Horror] The Blood Taster's Club - Ending (Short Stories) - [428 words] [Horror] The Blood Taster's Club Part One (Short Stories) - [390 words] [Horror] The Boneyard (Non-Fiction) - [476 words] The Brethren Ending (Short Stories) - [478 words] [Horror] The Brethren Part One (Short Stories) A lonely farmer finds his destiny in his own back yard. [384 words] [Horror] The Hunger (Short Stories) An ancient planet/entity/being voices it's opinion. [243 words] [Mind] The Immortality Thief (Short Stories) A college professor meets up with his worst nightmare. [480 words] [Science Fiction] The Long Ride Home (Short Stories) An alien from another world gets captured and examined. [574 words] [Science Fiction] The Messiah (Short Stories) A small town youth grows up to be the anti-christ. [331 words] [Horror] The Optimist Club (Short Stories) Its a surprise. [395 words] [Horror] The Raod To Hell - Part Two (Short Stories) Leo meets up with an old ''friend.'' [192 words] [Horror] The Red Moon - A ''Short Short'' Tale. (Short Stories) An ancient werewolf plans to plant hia seed in a new bloodline. [440 words] [Horror] The Road To Hell - Part Four (Short Stories) - [145 words] [Horror] The Road To Hell Part Three (Short Stories) - [305 words] [Horror] The Running (Short Stories) A man left alone after a holocaust reflects back on his former life. [437 words] [Mind] The Saviour Part One (Short Stories) A serial killer helps sinners redeem themselves in his own way. [385 words] [Horror] The Saviour Part Three (Short Stories) The investigation into mysterious deaths continues. [287 words] [Horror] The Saviour Part Two (Short Stories) The ''Saviour'' tries to figure himself out. [244 words] [Horror] The Secret Of Pimples (Short Stories) You'll never see this one coming.... [362 words] [Horror] The Vagabond Heart (Poetry) a poem about an evil entity. [110 words] [Horror] The Wildwood (Novels) A novelette about an ancient entity that travels the universe in search of any type of wildlife that it can use to take power over mankind and other lifeforms for evil purposes. [533 words] [Fantasy] The Wildwood - A ''Short Short'' Tale. (Short Stories) After hundreds of years of being hunted for sport by man, wild animals plan a rebellion. [423 words] [Fantasy] The Wildwood Part Four (Novels) Nakata, the evil entity who plans to oblierate mankind, observes the earth from his lunar perch. [213 words] [Fantasy] The Wildwood Part Three (Novels) Alex realizes that the shapes he saw on the moon werent just shadows. [305 words] [Fantasy] The Wildwood Part Two (Novels) Lester Talbot, an old man living in a hillside cabin alone, experiences something he's sure is paranormal. [678 words] [Fantasy] The Wish (Songs) - [128 words] [Romance] The Wolf Part 0ne (Novels) The Wolf investigates the abuse case of a neighbor. [237 words] [Crime] The Wolf Prologue (Novels) A self educated street tough decides to become a modern day Robin Hood. [1,115 words] [Crime] There's Nothing Left Here (Poetry) A pessimist examines life. [124 words] [Mind] Timebomb (Poetry) A poem dedicated to the late Ted Bundy. [155 words] [Crime] To All My Favorite Writers; You Know Who You Are (Non-Fiction) Update on my college placement tests. [412 words] [Humor] To ''C'' From Doc (Non-Fiction) A personal rebuttal to a nasty review. [434 words] [Self-Help] Tombstones (Poetry) You figure it out. [225 words] [Horror] Trees (Poetry) You figure it out! [145 words] [Horror] Tsp - Epilogue (Short Stories) The hitman is still haunted by his past. [399 words] [Crime] Tsp - Interlude (Short Stories) See if you can make the connection. [143 words] [Crime] Tsp - Part Five (Short Stories) The moment finally arrives. [515 words] [Crime] Tsp Part Four (Short Stories) The hitman decides to go through with it. [272 words] [Crime] Tsp Part Three (Short Stories) The hitman kills time while awaiting the big day. [506 words] [Crime] Tsp - Part Two (Short Stories) The hit is set up. [456 words] [Crime] Uncle Marty (Short Stories) An invalid Uncle pays another visit to his favorite nephew. [1,165 words] [Comedy] Vampire Wedding (Poetry) Two vampires take their wedding vows. [129 words] [Horror] Vampyres-A Stageplay In Six Acts (Screenplays) A centuries old vampire named damien vargas seeks revenge against the descendants of his wife's assassins. [724 words] [Horror] Voodoo Moon (Short Stories) An infertile couple adopt a baby. [283 words] [Horror] We've Forgotten So Much (Poetry) A dying man ponders over why might have been. [133 words] [Relationships] Your Own Shadow (Poetry) A poem about Vampires, man! [79 words] [Horror] You've Got Mail (Short Stories) A parody of the secret lives of movie critics. [358 words] [Humor] Zipperhead (Short Stories) A woman attempts to hide the fact she has a son who's tastes in food tend to lean towards... uh... the exotic. [2,186 words] [Horror]
Devo-1959 David B Doc Byron
Devo 1959# was learning how to drive a stick
shift.
He was having alot of trouble, though; his large,
heavy guage aluminum fingers tended to grip the
knob on the stick shift too tightly, causing the
plastic to crack, break. Devo 1959# once squeezed
an old ivory cueball so hard it exploded like an
ivory hand grenade, sending hundreds of pieces of
it flying around the room like shrapnel in a firefight.
He attempts to put the car into first gear, and CRACK!
the knob splits again, a spiderweb like crack
appearing at it's base.
His creator says, ''Devo, why dont you-we, take
a different approach to this situation?''
Devo's big, neon light like eyes begin flashing
like gumball lights on a police cruiser, which
is susally a sign of agitation with Devo.
''Im sorry, pops,'' Devo says. He calls his
creator pops. His real name is Franklin Smith.
''I was attempting to use just the right amount
of pressure.''
''No big deal,'' pops says, with a flick of his
wrists, a shrug of his shoulders. ''Just be more
careful next time.''
Devo promises he will, and pops thinks, yeah,
right.
Devo grasps the knob ever so slightly
now, slowly pushes it forward.
The gears of the old Datsun grind with an
ancient, rustic sound, and the car lurches
forward like a snail on thorazine.
His creator comes up with a new idea.
''Devo?''
''Yes, pops?''
''Lets do it this way. Ill drive for awhile,
you observe. Okay?''
devo's eyes started flashing like neon lights
again, and pops suddenly becomes nervous.
Devo speaks again, this time, with a deep,
mechanical tone, unlike his normaly
programmed vocal style.
''I DONT WANT TO JUST OBSERVE,'' he said,
his fingers now clutching the knob in a
viselike grip. It explodes like the cueball
did this time, spraying the dashboard,
floorboard, and seats with tiny chunks and
shards of hard plastic shrapnel. ''I WANT TO DRIVE!!''
Pops is getting angry now, as well as nervous.
A lethal combo for pops.
''How can you drive now, Devo? You busted the
stickshift.''
Devo glances down at the damage he's created,
and his eyes start flashing a bright red-orange
color, like two fireballs. Pops feels his gut
tightening up, and his bladder wanting to let go.
He keeps his composure.
''Devo, I didnt mean to offend you, but, you still
havent learned to control your own strength.
What if-''
''YOU MADE ME,'' Devo says now, loudly. ''ITS
YOUR FAULT IM LIKE I AM!''
Pops cant argue with that.
''Devo, do me a favor.''
''WHAT?!''
''Get out of the car, go back to the trunk,
and get the extra gearshift knob, bring it
up here to me.''
''Okay, pops.''
Devo opens the car door with a slam, closes it
the same way. Walks back to the trunk, opens it.
Suddenly pops sees a flash of bright colors again
now, in the side mirror, looks into the mirror to
see it isnt Devo's eyes flashing, but a pair of
real gumball lights on top of a police cruiser.
Pops knows that Devo will be very visible in
the glare of the lights. devo would be very
visible even in the glare of the moon. It
would be hard to miss Devo at six feet, five
inches tall, weighing four hundred pounds,
of high tinsel steel, heavy guage aluminum, and
about three miles of circuitry and wiring.
Pops looks into the mirror now to see
Devo walking back to the cruiser now, arms
hanging at his side like a cyborg gunslinger.
Pops heart seems to be beating with jackhammer
force as Devo reaches the cruiser, sets his hands
on the window ledge. He speaks to the cop in the
car as non-chalantly as a life long friend
would speak to an old highschool chum. Devo
speaks to the cop for a few seconds, then turns
and walks back towards the Datsun pops sits in,
pops sitting there trembling, mind racing, hes'
sweating bullets.
Devo taps on the window with his
knuckles, cracking the glass. Pops looks up
at Devo through the spiderweb crack, swallows
hard, and pushes the window button. The window
lowers with a hum, and pops is wondering why
in the hell that cop isnt wondering why in the
hell a fugitive from the Outer Limits TV show
is standing out here in the dark of night
digging around in the trunk of a Datsun.
''Pops?''
"'Yes?''
''The officer would like to speak with you.''
This is crazy, pops thinks. Am I in the Outer
Limits? Or The Twilight Zone?
''Okay,'' pops says, and reluctantly
exits the car, walks back towards the cruiser.
Devo follows close behind, his big, heavy
guage feet pounding the blacktop like Robocop.
Pops reaches the cruiser, glances in at it's
occupant, and his heart starts jackhammering
again.
The cop sitting in the cruiser is a robot, too.
With a half human face. He speaks to pops in a
threatning tone.
""OKAY, CREEP, DEAD OR ALIVE, YOURE COMING
WITH ME!""
Pops thinks this is just a bad
dream, a nightmare.
Devo says, ''Pops, meet my uncle Robo.''
Pops starts to laugh maniacly and still thinks
this is just a dream.
It isnt.
READER'S REVIEWS (1) DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"Cute. I take it that Devo created Robo... otherwise it doesn't make sense, because by the way that pops is talking, he invented robots. Some other minor grammar problems: you change from past to present tense in the first paragraph. I like the story written in present tense as you have done with most of it. 'neon light like eyes' can just be neon eyes. 'He calls his creator pops' - this is obvious. 'Pops heart seems to be beating' - first of all it should read 'pop's heart'. Also, and this is a stylistic thing, especially with a short, snappy story like this, there is no reason to use words like 'seem'. They feel and do things not seem to be feeling or doing things. 'non-chalantly' is one word without the hyphen. ',hes' sweating bullets' should be a separate sentence, as well as the problem with 'he's'. There were other minor things that could be tweaked as well. I've read other stories of yours, and generally they are more polished. I think this one could be proofread again. Still, it was fun reading." -- Iam.
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