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Short Stories

Surrender by Taylor Triste - [149 words]
Shadow's Adventure by Maritza Vargas Shadow(me) has to find Menchi, her pet dog that oddly looks like a cat, but gets caught up i... [518 words]
Where Does She Go From Here? by Desi Williams It's about my life thus far... in a way. [477 words]
Selection From I Displace The Air As I Walk by Marjorie Kanter "I displace the air as I walk" is a collection of short literary pi... [432 words]
When Robots Go Wrong by Alex Reuille This story is based off of the book I, Robot written by Issac Asimove, to learn more about... [654 words]
Unfortunate Side Effects by Liz Quinlan Some old English homework. It's lvl 7+, though!!! And I'm afraid its not particularly ... [552 words]
Twine-Stiry 3 Of The Insanities Of Hotel Romm 63 by Bryan King Man is has thoughts of killing himself. [750 words]
The Waiting Room Of Evil by Rich Honour A warning to all those who are forced to wait here. [584 words]
The Tunnel by D Shultz A man awakes in a small room to find himself inside something he never would have imagined. [1,760 words]
The Sun Has To Shine On Every Dogs Ass At Least Once by Jeremy Lucko A short tale of James Sheffield. Just a piece of this mans... [1,207 words]
The Phantom Hitchhiker by Liz Quinlan Well. It's about this dude, right... Oh who cares. Read it. Then you'll know. [485 words]
The Human Weezburger by Rachel E Smith When in the future humans are bred for meat, controversy stirs, and one girl in particular... [2,409 words]
The Conservatory by Alfredo Velazquez Rodriguez Velazquez Is a short story about a boy who dreams to play the pianoi but has many struggels to get there... [1,502 words]
The Clearing 2001 by Steven Gilbreath Nature has its own way of helping us ease painful memories we were certain would never fade. [1,106 words]
The Cat And The Shotgun-Story 1 Of The Insanities Of Hotel Room 63 by Bryan King A crazy man threatens to kill a woman. [246 words]
The Car An The Shotgun-Acontinuation Of The Cat And The Shotgun by Bryan King The woman is now the crazy man's hostag. [791 words]
The Building (Part One Of ?) by Bradley Grimes A man awakens in a white bed, surrounded by white walls. Clueless as to what lays ... [1,158 words]
The Building(Part 2 Of ?) by Bradley Grimes Phillip Morrison continues his travels through the seemingly endless building. [1,767 words]
Stupidallicallidumbocious by Pratik Patel This could be you. [889 words]
Reverend Matthew-Story 2 Of The Insanities Of Hotel Room 63 by Bryan King A buisness man teases Pator. [827 words]
Requis by La Carlotta A short fantasy story. Unfinished. Should be updated soon. [2,113 words]
Nights In The Asylum by James Nite The staff of the infamous Bellsing Mental Insititute begin questioning their sanity with t... [3,479 words]
My Last Addiction by Kimball A story about a young guy and his life's addiction. [1,265 words]
Methought I Heard A Voice Cry by Deborah S Wang Two soldiers struggle with the fact that one is greater than a million. [1,041 words]
Lucy by John A Durler Fred Franks went on an errand, returned seventeen years later. �I got the milk.� He said. �They drink bee... [1,300 words]
Karen's Revenge by Martin Abram Love has really gone wrong this time. [1,392 words]
It Happens; It Matters. by Steve Deutsch After a date with the girl of his dreams, a young boy thinks about the changes in life ... [2,004 words]
How September 11th Changed The Life Of The Freemans by Alex Reuille This story is about 9-11 and how one family felt the effect... [876 words]
Harmless Fouls by Travis M Shreve A short storie for college students. [1,391 words]
God, Help Me, I Don't Want To Die by Bryan King A demon shows a man his destiny. [3,373 words]
Friends Again by Eli Robbins This story is about a kid who doesn't fit in at his new school but he finally does after some hel... [2,365 words]
Firehouse 9-11 by Alexandra C Karones This stroy is about the Twin Tower attacks in 2001. It is about two firemen who are friends and ... [1,037 words]
Confessions Of A Perfect Prom Dress by La Carlotta Drabble. An English assignment. The prompt was "'Parting is such sweet so... [331 words]
Cold Heart by Aaron Aackerman A Mystery washes up on shore. [415 words]
Chapter 1 Inkheart Sequal by Justin A Anfuso This is the first chapter of a story written in the same style as "inkheart" was writ... [528 words]
Big Blind by Phil O'buster When you lose someone, what do you do? Do you move on? Or do you try to forget? And if you try to for... [1,098 words]
Becoming A Bludger
57 Minutes Until by Bryan King How the end came. [474 words]
Nights In The Asylum: The Bellsing Hauntings by Dylan Michael A story of the director of a Georgia mental institute, a patient, ... [3,478 words]
Bury Me Alone by Kayla Meadows A story of achieving redemption and recognizing loneliness. What started as a sentence of thought... [3,998 words]
Night Visitors by D Shultz Unwanted visitors arrive at a home during the night. [1,199 words]
(Still Not Deteremined) by Wheaton - [1,423 words]
(Not Determined Yet) by Wheaton - [928 words]
Virtual Reality by Susan Friedman Based on a true story. [1,154 words]
Unfinished Business (2) by Richard Kelly This is a bizarre tale of a man who returns to his hometown after 20 years to confess t... [4,458 words]
Touched by Fiona Penmaiden The struggle of a twin to accept her sister's madness. [2,560 words]
Together Alone by Art Becaud A little dark but Hell, what's it all about? [780 words]
Through The Mind Of A Retard by Rachel Lynn Marshall Randoll Edward Miller isn't just any average middle school boy. He's a middle scho... [2,269 words]
Through The Eyes Of The Littlest Stowaway by Susan Friedman This story is about a nine year old girl who stows away on the titani... [1,138 words]
The War Of Dreughs by Hobie - [3,630 words]
The Nightstalker - Part Two by David Brian The Offender - [425 words]
The Nightstalker - Part Three by David Brian The Offender - [465 words]
The Nightstalker - Part One by David Brian The Offender An evil entity escapes hell and wreaks havoc on an unsuspecting world. [273 words]
The Lovely Peasant by G David Schwartz A short story. [773 words]
The Last Sunset by Alice W-M It's the story of a girl driven crazy by taunting and heartbreak. [679 words]
The Last Day by Erika Sutton Amber, a senior American student in Columbia is excited about her last day of school, however it t... [3,003 words]
The King's Best Soldier by Susan Brassfield Cogan Beric races for home, haunted by a Dakhanni demon. [1,270 words]
Sorry, Right Number Part Two by David Brian The Offender - [347 words]
Sorry, Right Number Part One by David Brian The Offender An alcoholic lives to regret his past. [341 words]
Some Things Need To Be There by Steven L Howard You need some things to be there in order for it to be home. [1,611 words]
Sincerely Seventeen by Charice L Boyd A seventeen year old girl who finds love in the wrong places. She had everything going for... [4,112 words]
Rest In Pity-Eternal Friendship by Fithalene Noor Sometimes, animal's friendship is much more valuable. this story gives you the ... [478 words]
Rain Storm by Kaitlin D Fest A girl named Rain is snobby and really smart, her enemy, kyle, is also smart and in every one of her... [3,178 words]
On A Train Headed West by R Campbell A short story. [3,746 words]
Old Man And The Nagging Wife by Baylee Marie A story of an old couple that doesn't get along due to different feelings. This s... [1,612 words]
Nichol's Nightmare by Lynn Jacob Nichol, an older teenager, is faced with Bipolar Disorder. The story describes her, and her... [2,085 words]
Mystic Mirror by Chandra Ghosh Jain "Our normal waking consciousness, rational consciousness as we call it, is but one special type o... [4,425 words]
Mystery Meat Part Two by David Brian The Offender - [237 words]
Mystery Meat Part One by David Brian The Offender No plausible explanation possible. [230 words]
Mistress Mistrust by Ryan Kerr This is a story about a boy who finds out about love and how it an ruin your life. [770 words]
Loop by Gs Blackshaw A man's alternate lives collide and he must decide with whom his happiness lies. [882 words]
Life And Death by Andrea Nicole Newell This story is about a young man who discovers he has a tumor. The underlying conflict is that h... [2,317 words]
Last Caress by Kimball A story about a guy and his lost love. I wrote this in about an hour. needs refinement. looking ... [1,119 words]
Karma Yogi by Neeshant Srivastava It�s about an old man, a farmer and his work. It is a story of life dedication to his profession and... [2,667 words]
High School-Behind The Scenes by Meagan R Minor Jessica Freeman is a student at Lewis A. Morgley High School. She has to deal wit... [2,263 words]
Happy Valentine's Day by Derek Toney A story about a guy who's alone and out of luck on Valentine's Day. [2,178 words]
Goals Achieved by Vanessa Caldwell A teenage girl who strives after her passion while obsticles get in her way. In the end she succ... [2,458 words]
Divine Pigeon by Neeshant Srivastava It�s about a young boy wading through sands of time and his simple triumph in a belief that often... [516 words]
Curiosity by Thrishana Pothupitiya A short story from the island of Sri Lanka. [843 words]
Clutch Touchdown by Nicholas J Pangborn This is a sports story which shows never to give up. [749 words]
Boundless by Leah Russell A girl becomes bored with her everyday job. She overcomes her deepest fears and gains a good friend.... [3,773 words]
Blind Date Gone Wrong by Laura Fleeger Elle and Thomas go on a blind date and Thomas, isnt the most popular guy. [3,491 words]
Be Strong by Jill Johnson The story of a girl, Eliza, who was born into slavery in the Southern United States. She and her fam... [2,290 words]
A Letter To The Boy That I Loved. by The Lost Girl Something that I wrote while I was trying to get over a guy. [848 words]
A Job Well Done by Kimball This is about a guy who has a unique way of getting people to reach nirvana. this is just tell... [2,488 words]
A Final Conversation With Myself by Vijay Mohan Raghavan A failed love and a guys self realisation. [719 words]

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Becoming A Bludger
Humor Personal.
[1,500 words]
Ian Kidd
In twenty-two years, Ian Kidd has written over 130 short stories and novellas, including the sci-fi comedy series "Doctor Trek", his autobiographical comedy 'Bludger' series, the spoof soap opera 'Wickersley Comprehensive School' series, as well as several standalones, and, of course, his magnum opus, the epic "Ian's Gang" sci-fi adventure series which has been running for eighteen years and has now surpassed 100 stories.
After all that, you'd think someone, somewhere, would give him both some money and some lovin'.
[May 2009]
[email protected]
Amelia Frid - Interview With Neighbours Actress (Non-Fiction) In 2004 I had the pleasure of interviewing former "Neighbours" actress Amelia Frid. [1,244 words]
Back On The Bludge (Short Stories) More fun dolebludging adventures! [4,169 words] [Humor]
Doctor Trek - Cracked (Short Stories) When Ian Kidd and Ace are attacked by Ogrons, and Ramsay Street is nuked, Captain Who fears someone or something is out to destroy the entire Fiction Universe. [10,028 words] [Humor]
Doctor Trek - Crossbreed (Short Stories) The Captain and his companions are plunged into a parallel universe where fiction is real. [11,902 words] [Humor]
Doctor Trek - Happy Endings (Short Stories) A pissed off expat falls in love with a mystery woman known only as Ms Wok. [6,810 words] [Humor]
Doctor Trek - Meeting The Grade (Short Stories) Captain Who and his companions try to stop a band of crazed, time-travelling "Doctor Who" fans from changing history. [8,936 words] [Humor]
Doctor Trek - Parallel Universes (Short Stories) Captain Who, Mr Wok and Frobisher find themselves plunged into a series of bizarre parallel universes as their old nemeses Jip and Pane make a decidedly unwelcome comeback. [6,425 words] [Humor]
Doctor Trek - Sammy's War (Short Stories) When Cody vanishes, Sammy Davis Jnr (no relation) finds himself on the run in a universe where reality and fiction are becoming interchangeable. [12,485 words] [Humor]
Doctor Trek - Santa Claus Is Coming To Town (Short Stories) Captain Who, Fred and Frobisher arrive in West Hampshire, a small North American town on December 24, 1955. But this year no one's going to be having a very Merry Christmas, as a murderous Santa Claus... [7,279 words] [Humor]
Doctor Trek - Story Guide (Non-Fiction) A guide to the order of stories in the"DT" series. [55 words]
Doctor Trek - The Green Green Glow Of Death (Parts 1, 2 And 3) (Short Stories) A mission for the Captains goes badly wrong, leaving Who, Frobisher, Sammy, Cody and Ace trapped in various time zones - where a deadly menace lurks. [21,869 words] [Humor]
Doctor Trek - The Tried And Tested Plot Device (Short Stories) Captain Who becomes possessed by a Star Trek Cliche that has somehow escaped from a supposedly secure Script Containment Facility. [6,911 words] [Humor]
Doctor Trek - Timetripe (Short Stories) Captain Who, Frobisher and new companion Fred try to stop the evil Jip's latest and greatest scheme - to gain mastery over Time itself. [5,010 words] [Humor]
Doctor Trek - What A Load Of Crap (Short Stories) Captain Who sets out on his 25 year mission with the crew of the Starship TARDISPRISE and soon becomes involved in a decidedly unusual murder case on a space station. [7,936 words] [Humor]
How To Succeed At Failure Without Even Trying (Short Stories) For an increasingly frustrated dole bludger, the prospect of a six-month business course ABSOLUTELY FREE OF CHARGE seems too good to be true. Guess what? It is. [8,808 words] [Humor]
Ian's Gang - An Announcement (Non-Fiction) Ian's Gang has entered a new dimension. Find out where! [210 words] [Science Fiction]
It Shouldn't Happen To A Bludger (Short Stories) Just when you think life can't get any worse... [5,303 words] [Humor]
My Life As A Dole Bludger (Short Stories) Once signed up, your life on the dole begins in earnest. [3,559 words] [Humor]
Par For The Course (Short Stories) Oh no, not ANOTHER bloody clerical course! [7,770 words] [Humor]
The Course (Short Stories) A 4-week "Employment Connections" course promises much, but will it deliver? [4,347 words] [Humor]
'bludger' Story Guide (Non-Fiction) Story order guide to the 'Bludger'series. [36 words]
Becoming A Bludger
Ian Kidd




The certificate said: Score 69


I looked down the sheet.

Final Score 52.........?

"Well," I said, looking up at my parents' expectant faces. "There's some good news, and

some bad news..."

�My parents' reaction to the news that I would not be attending University was actually rather

good, I thought. For the next three weeks or so, they passed through three separate stages

of response:

1) The "You've Been Screwed" option. A personal favourite of mine, this consists of calling

the teachers, the examiners, the Australian Government and the lollipop man on our street

a series of unflattering obscenities, blaming them 100% for my failure to attend University,

the state of the education system as a whole, and always stopping our car just to let bloody

kids cross the road,

2) The "It's All Your Own Fault" option. Not my idea of helpfulness, this consists of

comments such as "You should have worked harder, shouldn't you?", "too much tv,

not enough work" and "You can't be on the Dole for the rest of your life, young man!"

3) The "Oh well" solution. Not as much fun as 1) but certainly better than 2 (for me anyway),

this is mainly the oh-well-it's-happened-there's-no-point-crying-over-spilled-milk-even-if-it-

is-the-rest-of-your-life-we're-talking-about-here response. A long-lasting and effective

option but it should be noted that 3) will be achieved finally only after options 1) and 2)

have been repeated ad nauseum.

�After the screaming had stopped, we then had to decide what I was actually going to do,

since not getting into University had not been a big part of my plans. We went to see a

very nice man at the Youth Access Centre, for two reasons - 1) to find out how my score

had had sixteen points knocked off, and 2) to see what my options were.

�He explained I had lost the sixteen points under very fair and well-reasoned conditions.

It seemed that as several of the subjects I took were SAS (School Assessed Subjects)

and not PES (Public Examined Subjects) that, because, SAS subjects were a lot harder

and involved more work than the PES subjects, I lost points from all my SAS subjects.

Neglecting to realise what as ASS he was coming across as, he further said that because

in Media Studies I got an A but my classmates considerably lower, the "class average" had

to be modified to achieve the results they wanted - so my classmates had their grades

raised and my grades had, logically, to be lowered.

�The man at the Youth Access Centre didn't seem to understand my parents' observations

that these were the most insane and ludicrous reasons they'd ever heard, and kindly

offered me the advice of repeating Year 12.

�"I see," I said, seriously considering the offer. "You want me to spend twelve months doing

something that I have not only already done but had already passed until the point

choppers got to work?"

�The man nodded. Perhaps noticing my less than enthusiastic response to this idea (the

phrase "F**k that for a lark" may have been uttered at some point) he then tried to

explain that it wasn't the point choppers who'd made me fail, it was my own fault for

leaving an education system as good as England's and coming to Australia in the first

place. At any rate, he smiled, repeating Year 12 was probably my best option.

�I was on the verge of telling him where he could stick his options when my parents did

so instead - albeit in a more polite manner than I had been about to demonstrate, and we


�We then, over the course of the next few days, went to visit a "Career Guidance

Counselor", whose receptionist said would "look objectively at my situation and outline

the best response to it".

�Her advice: "Repeat Year 12".

�Perhaps such constant drumming in works on some youngsters, but I was made of

sterner stuff. More importantly, I had just worked bloody hard on no pay for twelve months,

only to be utterly screwed on all counts. The idea of returning to a place where the value of

your work diminishes because it's so much better than your peers was not terribly

appealing, and when my parents began to take up the chant - "Maybe you should think of

repeating Year 12, you know...You didn't work that hard, did you? I mean, you weren't

studying when you were sleeping, were you?" - I made that clear. School was out.

Repeating Year 12 was out. And, clearly, University was out.

�My parents finally acceded. Now, they reasoned, we would look for other options.

Namely: Non-University Courses.

�We spent the next few days running around Adelaide, for pretty much no reason at all. We

went to various TAFE's (technical colleges) and other places with colleges. As at this time

I was still vainly clinging to the idea of someday ending up in the Media, there were very

few courses that I was in any way interested in. None of these were full-time, and all of

them had at least one big problem attached to them: Money.

Call us tight, but $2000 for a three week course was not entirely what we had in mind.

�One of the places we visited was called "Charklu", an "acting place". The moment we got

there we knew it was not what I wanted. It was populated by an assortment of freaks and

weirdos and children, and the woman who talked to me like she came from "The Addams

Family". We made our excuses and left.

�We were at home about two hours later when the doorbell rang. As Morticia had

commented that someone from Charklu might pop around to talk to me (oh goody!), I

hid in the bathroom. When I heard the someone ask for Ian, I cringed.

�However, it was not who I thought it was.

�It was Michael Harrison, a friend I had made at Mawson High School the year before. We

had become friends almost by default, for the simple overriding reason that we couldn't

stand anyone else in the school. We didn't really have anything in common, but our

mutual contempt for everyone else drew us together. I had last seen him back in

December on the last day of school, and had not really been expecting to see him again.

But here he was.

�We went for a walk on the beach, talking, discussing Mawson and our exam results and

our futures.

�"I got my exam results," Michael was saying, "with two points more than I should have

for Media Studies." This in effect changed his grade in that subject from a B to an A

(which I got). "But then I got a letter saying that was wrong, and I got my replacement copy

with the grade changed back to a B, and they wanted the original (wrong) copy returned."

This he did, but before he did so he took over fifty photocopies of the original copy, so

every one he sent out to employers had the higher - false - grade on, making him as good

as me in that subject. I was ill amused. However, despite that, I told him to drop by again


�His parting words were succint: "Get yourself registered at the CES (Commonwealth

Employment Service) and on the Dole. I am - and it's great!"

�As it was, Michael's advice was hardly a deciding factor. By this time, it was becoming

clear that I was not getting on a course or getting a job for some considerable time.

That night, my parents and I agreed.

It was time to go on the dole.

�The rigmarole entailed in this, of course, turned out to be enormous.

�I interviewed with a sour-faced woman at the CES.

�"What career would you like to get into?" she asked.

�My mother, with me at the interview, took over the conversation as she always did,

apparently believing me incapable of speech, despite much evidence at home to the

contrary. "Video production."

�The CES woman gave me a look which can only be described as a mixture of scorn and


�I soon discovered why. I had not come to Australia to be an actor, a writer, or a video


Or even a salesman.

I had come to Austalia to be buried.

Buried in paperwork, hopelessness and bitterness.

And the shovel was being wielded by God.

�I signed up. I was, officially and irrefutably, a dole bludger. Then I had to get my own bank

account for the first time in my life, so they could deposit my money there.

My money.

Well alright, I hadn't earned it or anything, and it was essentially pity cash, but it still had a

nice ring to it. Not that I hadn't had money before, of course. I'd just never had it long enough

to require a bank account.

�Before I got my first "pay cheque" (ho ho!) I had to meet my new CES "Youth Case

Manager", a very nice man who told me to consider voluntary work.

I told him I'd certainly consider it.

�The days went by, I got my cheque. And then it began. After all the bustle and activity of

the first few weeks, now it all ceased. I was signed up. I had Dole. I was registered at the

CES, looking for work, with my own Case Manager.

I was screwed.



"Hello Mr. Kidd - 1) This story was very entertaining, I must say. This was some of the best humor I have read on this site. 2) I'm interested in reading your "Ian's Gang" series, but am unsure as to which story comes 1st. I hope you will help me with this. Thank you very much for your story." -- A.P. Williams.
"Thanks for the review, Mr Williams! As for 'Ian's Gang', I've been thinking of putting a 'story guide' up for it, but was unsure whether it would be of any interest. Watch out for it in the next few days. The very first story is "The Bad Ian". Hope you enjoy it, and thanks again for the review!" -- Ian Kidd, Adelaide , SA, Australia.


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© 1996 Ian Kidd
June 2005

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