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And I Prayed Part 3 Of Awakening
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And I Prayed Part 3 Of Awakening
Continuing from Awakening and The Journey Home A man finds the final steps to finding himself.
[1,235 words]
Sidney Tucker

Sidney is a computer operator from Nashville, TN, who has loved to write since the 5th grade. He has the ability to create multi-dimensional characters in unconventional settings that leave his audiences captivated.

Tennessee native, Sidney lives in Murfreesboro, TN with his Son and dog, Pooh Bear.

[September 2006]
[email protected]
Awakening (Short Stories) A mans enlightenment when struggling with thoughts of ending his life. [747 words] [Spiritual]
The Journey Home Part 2 Of Awakening (Short Stories) Continuing from Awakening a man in need finds more at his fathers graveside then just memories. To read Click link just above. [1,737 words] [Spiritual]
And I Prayed Part 3 Of Awakening
Sidney Tucker

I sat at the graveyard in my truck for a time looking out over the markers at dads’ stone. I was still trying to figure out if the old man was real or just my mind coming unraveled. I let my thoughts drift back to when I last saw my dad. He was in the hospital dying of complications of emphysema. I remember sitting beside him talking as we always had and him rasping for air. They had just started his morphine drip which would soon send him to an un-waking sleep and a tear fell from my eye as I wanted to sob. I had cried in front of dad but never sobbed and that’s what I wanted to do now. “Don’t be sad.” He told me. “I’m so very tired, and now is just my time. You will see that one day I will see you again and I will hold you in my arms once more.”

As more tears flowed from my eyes he turned to the doctor. “You need to hurry with these tests.” A bit puzzled the doctor asked him why and if he had some place to be. Dad replied. “Yes I’m taking my son to Bollix, Mississippi.” The doctor looked over to me and I explained that is where we went every year when I was a child for vacation. The doctor nodded and left the room. Dad told me the fun things we would do when we got there and I listened and I cried. Way too soon it was time to leave. As I got to the door dad told me to be ready he would be there at 4 am to get me, our normal time to leave. At 4 that morning the hospital called, and I was ready. As I look back now, it was God allowing my dad peace in his final moments. He was heading down the road to a place of white sandy beaches, and miles of blue ocean.

I started my truck and rattled my way back home. The green fields slowly became sidewalks, the buildings started getting closer, and the fresh air started to smell of too many exhaust pumping out their fumes. My heart was still heavy and hurting and I had no clue where to turn. I went to see my dad in hopes something would fire in my mind and the answer would be clear. Feeling utterly alone and lost, I was scared and needed help badly. The connections to God were being over powered by all my doubts and fear. I knew I couldn’t do this alone that I needed help. I walked into my house and made my way thru the maze of rooms and hallways till I reached my office. I sat in my chair looking at the computer screen just thinking and thinking. Then I closed my eyes and I prayed.

What happened at that moment I couldn’t tell you in words. The feeling that washed over me was so overwhelming I wasn’t sure if I was coming or going. Tears flowed from my eyes with no end in sight and I knew I had been touched. I didn’t believe in god. I knew so many people who tried to tell me about him. My mother, who I made cry so many time over the things I said, not in malice to make her cry but in earnest belief or I should say non belief. Friends and family all of whom said I should really try harder to believe. I couldn’t make them understand I needed more then just to be told to try. I once believed in the tooth fairy and Santa Clause just to find out they don’t exist. Yes I know there is a bit of difference but at the time I saw none. More fanciful tales for those who couldn’t except that when life ended that was it. So they created this tale of everlasting life on the other side of this world as we know it.

But now what do I believe? There was this pressure in my chest wanting to explode. I couldn’t catch my breath and I never felt so free. I fell to my knees asking God to forgive me for not believing. Forgive me for not knowing him in the way I should. Forgive me for the things I’ve done and the people I have wronged. I wanted to thank him for touching me. To thank him for opening my eyes and letting me see the glory that was him and him alone.

Even through all this I was still alone and had no clue what was next. I called a friend who always wanted me to go to church and I asked them if I could go to church with them and she said yes. I never really spoke to her about what happened because it felt so private, a moment that was just mine and God’s and no one else’s. That Sunday I sat near the back listening as hard as I could taking in every word. The preacher spoke of Jesus and how he died for us and this was the greatest testament of love, and I listened. He spoke about how God can work in our lives if we let him though it may not be what we want we will always see it is what we need, and I listened. He told us that whether it was trouble at home with marriage or money or relationships or health God will help but we have to ask. We have to show our faith in God and let him lead us. Sometimes it is as bold as the answer dropping in your laps and other times it could just be a nudge pushing you in the direction he wants you to go, and I listened, and it was making sense.

The more he talked the more it felt like he was talking to me telling me what I should know. Not just I should try and believe but I should believe and this is WHY and this is the testament that was left behind so many years ago to show me a man walked this earth of God and lived among men trying to teach them the ways of the Lord. To live in peace with one another and worshiping God and all his wonders to know in my heart he loves me like no other could. That he will forgive me and forget the sins I have done. To take me in his arms and tell me it’s okay your home where you will be safe and I can once again take care of you. Again the feeling of being touched came over me. My head was light and tears fell from my eyes. My friend could see I was moved by all this and squeezed my hand. The preacher asked if there was anyone that was moved that day to decide in their hearts that wanted to be with God. That they know Jesus died for them so they could be saved.

I stood and walked to the front. I knew I needed to learn more and that there was more to learn. I was just a babe in the woods of this new thing called faith. I also knew I would be protected, and sheltered as I learned how to live my new life.



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© 2006 Sidney Tucker
September 2006

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