ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
a nineteen year old guy from southern india... just experienced my first failure... have written quiet a few SSt .... first one to submit ova the net.... hope u like it [April 2005]
A Final Conversation With Myself Vijay Mohan Raghavan
Now wait a minute. What am I doing? Writing?
Don�t I have anybody to let lose my emotions to?
Tell me. Who am I talking to? The paper?
To the other ME? I cant think straight. J
ust the same feeling which has been flushing me inside out for the past so many days.
What am I gonna do? I don�t think I can do any thing.
I feel so helpless now�.
Just waiting fr an outlet�. Where am I gonna get it?
Why am I thinking this way? What the fuck is my hormones doing to me?
He: somebody help me.
Him: u shouldn�t have done that bro
He: what did I do? I had to do it. And u know it.
Him: I asked u to keep Ur filthy mouth shut remember?
He: I�ve done that fr a hella fa lotta times man. I loved her. How else would she have known if I hadn�t told her?
Him: you do realize that u have hurt her don�t u?
He: she tells me whatever she feels like�.. cant I?
Him: shit yeah�. She calls u a dickhead and u say u love her
He: shut up
Him: she says u be a evil man� what the fuck were u thinking?
He: then why dint u hold me till the end?
Him: hey u wanted to do it � now don�t start blaming me for what you did.
He: she made me do it�. I told her I dint want to� I told her I am not thinking straight.
Him: now you are blaming her I suppose.
He: I cant do that� I love her too much to do such a shitty thing.
Him: but you exactly dint tell her that did you.
He: I did
Him: no you dint
He: I fucking swear that she got what I was saying�
Him: what if she dint?
He: then it�s for the better I suppose.
Him: or is it?
He: she told me that what ever I had said would definitely bring a distance between us
Him: ahaan�
He: we are in the same class man�. How am I gonna face her again�. I thought she loved me too�. She always made me feel that she loved me�.
Him: or�
He: or was it me who took it all wrong?�. this was my first time man�.. I never thought this would happen
Him: and I suppose you feel like slitting your wrists now.
He: shut up motherfucker.
Him: don�t u?
He: yeah I fucking do�. U want me to do that?
Him: you are a coward and you know that
He: you�ll see
Him: and you sounded so funny when u asked her �� hey angel can you ever take me seriously?�
He: just leave me alone.
Him: and she said �no I cant��. You pleaded her �. �Cant you for once please please?�
He: I dint do that
Him: I saw u
He: then why did I do it?
Him: I wanted you to
He: you mock me?
Him: yes I do
Him: I am hopeless am I not�. As she calls me
He: yes you are. Always have been. I love the way you get your ass kicked.
He: man I love her�. Just cant get her out of this fuckin head of mine.
Him: she hates you now.
He: what should I do man tell me please please..The burn� I just can�t stand it.
Him: he he he
He: don�t do that man I am being torn apart�
Him: I know that� I am enjoying this� Guess she did too.
He: she loves me�. She just dint have the courage to tell me..That�s it.
Him: just look at yourself speak�. You are a fuckin loser.
He: fuck you�.. fuck her� I hate her now�. Shit! I just wanna rip her head off�. How could she do this to me?
Him: shhhh�. Don�t curse her lover boy
He: that�s it !! I cant stand this�. I love her�..
I cant fuckin stand this�. Somebody tell her I love her�.
I love you Angeline�I fucking cant live without you�. Ghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhwwwwwwwwwwddd
Him: he he he�. Now you can kill yourself�.
He: somebody please tell her I love her�. I love her�. more than anything�.
Him: get on with it.
He: I love you angel.. I love you mom� dad.
Him: you are a coward dickhead.
He: not this time. You�ll see.
Him: yeah �. Now that�s the spirit�. No not that� its too blunt�
I want you to bleed my man�.bleed for what you have done to her�.
You hurt your love remember?�. now lemme see you bleed� aaaah great.!!
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