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Muriel's Funeral
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TITLE (EDIT)
Muriel's Funeral |
DESCRIPTION
Imagine yourself dead and observing your own funeral What would you expect to see? You might be surprised.
[736 words] |
AUTHOR
Richard Koss |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
Richard Koss, other titles
[November 2001] |
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
taxtime@ameritech.net |
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (47)
904 North (Poetry) A tale in verse form about a middle-aged musician/writer down on his luck and recently divorced (again) who moves into a high rise apartment on the ninth floor, which happens to be the same suite a yo... [1,479 words]
A New Perspective (Essays) A different perspective on the 911 tragedy and its aftermath. [614 words]
Are We There Yet? (Essays) An essay I never thought I'd have to write followed by a question I never thought I would have to ask. [1,013 words]
Asleep At Last (Poetry) A man in a hospital bed is having difficulty falling asleep, but he soon will... [152 words]
Bad Boy (Short Stories) A true story about a bad boy growing up in 1950. Was he just mischievous? Would his behavior be considered bad today? [2,844 words]
Charlie And Mrs. Miller (Short Stories) A very short story about an old woman on her death bed whose last request is to see an old friend, much to the surprise of her daughters and granddaughters. [585 words]
Deja Vu (Poetry) In times like these, pacifists come out of the woodwork. This poem was written in anticipation of what we can expect from them. [106 words]
Empty Closets (Poetry) A poem which no doubt, is controversial. I'm sure many will consider it homophobic, (a stupid word) but if liberals are sincere in their belief that everyone is entitled to free speech and opinions, t... [223 words]
Family Genes Considered (Short Stories) A story that is unfortunately, much closer to the truth than not. Although the main character is fictional, the relatives described are quite real, which gives me reason to often ponder my own destin... [1,198 words]
Fatal Perception (Short Stories) An off-beat tale about an aging song writer who perceives he is being stalked by a strange little man. [2,959 words]
Goodbye America (Essays) An essay written by an aging writer who no longer understands the country in which he lives. [662 words]
Hooked (Short Stories) A short short story originally started as a poem, about a man's obsession with a special kind of woman. (Revised June 2001) [323 words] [Fantasy]
How To Fool Most Of The People Most Of The Time (Essays) An essay commenting on the recent election results. [1,530 words]
Know It? - I Wrote It (Short Stories) This is a funny, perhaps silly, outrageous story. I'm not sure of its exact origin, but I must forewarn you. I don't generally make use of extreme vulgarity or profanity in my writing, but in this c... [663 words]
Lost And Found (Poetry) A poem that was originally written as a lyric several years ago for a country western song. [156 words]
Madelaine (Short Stories) An eerie tale set in the modern day Pacific Northwest about a family's nightmarish encounter with a character from a legend with a darkside. [8,451 words]
Moral Values - Who Needs Them? (Essays) An essay. [771 words]
My Three Loves (Poetry) A poem about the three things in life that keep a man going. (At least from one man's perspective.) [101 words]
My Wife Is Missing (Poetry) A poem (well sort of a poem) which raises the question of who is most dear to us. [117 words] [Relationships]
Nostalgic On A Bridge To Nowhere (Poetry) A nostalgic view of the life of a man in his twilight years. [369 words]
Over A Hundred Years Later Nothing New About Progressives (Essays) An essay revealing the fact that progressives haven't progressed much in over a hundred years. [1,317 words]
Please Read My Poem - Again (Poetry) The inspiration for this poem came to me after reading several poems (good and bad) posted on Storymania, as well as their reviews. The poem is directed primarily at the very young, talented writers w... [195 words]
Raindrops (Short Stories) Ever think twice about shopping alone at night. You should - especially if you're a pretty woman. [1,469 words]
Requiem For A Bodybuilder (Poetry) What happens to bodybuilders when they cease pumping iron? [54 words]
Save The Planet – More Fiction Than Fact (Essays) An essay. [1,537 words]
Shirley's Angel (Short Stories) A Christmas story: In the final analysis, we may discover that we love someone because of their vulnerability, rather than in spite of it. [2,228 words]
Still Unsolved (Short Stories) A successful mystery writer returns to his old home town and recalls an unsolved mystery he never wrote about. [2,136 words]
Symbolism Over Substance – The Liberal Manifesto (Essays) A non-fiction essay about liberal ideology and its influence on today's U.S. and world culture. [1,229 words]
The Absolution Of Margaret (Short Stories) A story about life in the confessional booth of a Catholic church. [549 words]
The Better Man (Poetry) A poem about a lonely, young, soldier wating for a train to take him back to base. He becomes enamored with a lovely young girl sitting across from him. Although they never speak to each other, the ... [238 words]
The Diversity Mystique (Essays) The ultimate hype of political correctness. [1,083 words]
The Dowry (Short Stories) The Dowry is a story set in or around the year 2020, so I suppose you should consider it science fiction. But it is also a story of romance with the ending more than a mere possibility. [2,448 words]
The Farnsworth Affair (Short Stories) An innocent man becomes trapped in a web of circumstance from which there is no escape. A somewhat more lengthy story than I usually write. This is a suspense story in the mold of the English mystery... [5,045 words]
The Girl In The Taxi (Short Stories) A shy, young man has an erotic encounter with a strange girl. Is it real or just a dream? [1,493 words] [Erotic]
The Incurable Cynic (Poetry) A man reflects upon his life of cynicism. [143 words]
The Perfect Ending (Short Stories) A tale about a wanna-be writer trying to create a story with the perfect ending. With unsuspecting help from his wife, he succeds, but pays the ultimate price. [642 words]
The Price Of Freedom (2) (Short Stories) A short story. [396 words]
The Rhyme Of Eternal Triangles (Poetry) A poem that describes in a silly, funny way, the futility of wanting someone who doesn't want you. [223 words]
The Song That Failed (Short Stories) A somewhat dubious account of an amateur song writer's ill-fated chance at success. [156 words] [Humor]
The Waitress Fom Hell (Short Stories) The story of a patron's ongoing feud with an over-the-hill waitress. [750 words]
Think Before You Write (Essays) My observations, after reading the work of many aspiring young writers, prompted me to write this. It merely offers some common sense advice to any aspiring writer (including myself) and should not b... [988 words]
Tomorrow's Here (Poetry) The recent death of a friend inspired me to write a poem, which salutes this somewhat hapless, but likeable character. [114 words]
Victims (Poetry) A satirical poem that tells it like it is. The poem confronts a disturbing trend in our society - transferring blame to others instead of placing it squarely where it belongs. [255 words]
What A Pair (Ex-Husbands And Old Shoes) (Poetry) A symbolic poem comparing ex-husbands and old shoes. Some women divorce their husbands, expecting to find something better, only to realize eventually, that the grass is not always greener. [326 words]
What’S Wrong With Assimilation? (Essays) This essay was originally written in 2006 when the Senate was considering an Immigration reform bill, which of course, was not passed. [453 words]
While The Iron's Hot (Short Stories) The story of a woman, a victim of spousal abuse, and her solution to the problem. [774 words] [Relationships]
Wisdom - Lost With Tradition (Essays) An essay which compares the concept of traditional wisdom with the minds of today's intellectual elitists. [500 words]
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Muriel's Funeral
Richard Koss
The spirit world is mere speculation to us, the living. Nevertheless, many of us entertain a variety of conceptions and fantasies about the realm our spirits enter into after death.
One of the fantasies of the living, particularly those of us who have succumbed to moments of depression, is to be present at our own funerals and witness the bereavement of those we leave behind, rarely imagining that we might be disappointed at what we see.
This morning, such a fantasy has become reality for Muriel Neurenbacher, a middle aged woman, who took her own life, or at least that was the coroner’s opinion.
It’s certainly a perfect morning for a funeral. Cold, drizzling rain, gray skies, just like in the movies.
Look at the son-of-a-bitch standing at my gravesite, there among my few remaining friends, trying so hard to look sad.
I should have listened to my dear friends, Emily and John and the rest of them. They warned me Dominic was a gold-digging gigolo. But no, I fell for his charm and wouldn’t listen.
He was patient. He arranged everything and was so clever about it. Even argued with me about changing attorneys after my fight with Barbara Lawson. She had his number and despised him. Instead, I insisted on a new trust agreement, modifying my previous will which had left most of my estate to charity. I should have listened to Barbara. She was a good friend and a competent attorney. She was only looking out for me.
Yes, I was a fool. A fool to think that romance had finally come to me, an unattractive, over-educated, fifty year old spinster. Dominic made me believe that. He really knew how to make a woman feel like she was the only one who could turn him on. Believe me, an alligator could turn on the horny bastard.
He learned all about my past history of depression, of the previous suicide attempts before I met him. How he found out I don’t know, but he did.
He got me in a spectacular mood that night. We had wild sex, like never before. That’s when I let my guard down, temporarily forgetting how suspicious I was of him and his mysterious mistress, forgetting how afraid I was that he might try to kill me.
Look at him now, the fucking monster - standing there in the rain, waiting for this charade to come to an end so he can go to his slut mistress and they can start spending my money.
But I will definitely have the last laugh, even from here.
He has no clue about the letter - the sealed letter I typed, describing in detail, how I expected him to murder me, making it look like I committed suicide. He’ll probably have a stroke. This letter was to be opened only by my attorney, in the event of my death. But not by the lawyer he got for me. Oh no, when I became convinced of his cheating and his scheming to get rid of me, I went to Barbara and apologized for not having confidence in her judgment. That’s when I left the letter with her.
I’m surprised the police aren’t here already to arrest the son-of-a-bitch. Maybe Barbara hasn’t opened the envelope yet. She’s standing there next to Emily, looking at Dominic with a cold stare. Wait till she reads it. She’ll probably go right to the prosecutor.
It’s starting to rain harder. Now they’re laying those cheap flowers on my coffin. Shit! The only one with a tear in her eye is Emily. Hell, she cried more when her cat died.
Barbara walks to her car now. She’s motioning someone to follow her. It’s Dominic. Why is she doing that?
They’re sitting in the back seat, waiting for everyone else to leave. What the hell is going on? Why is she there with him? She can’t stand him. Now she’s opening an envelope. It’s my letter. She’s reading it to him. Dominic’s lighting a cigarette and he’s… he’s burning my letter with his lighter. " Barbara! Don’t let him do that! You’ve got to stop him!" She’s just sitting there, not saying a word.
I can’t do a thing about it. I can only watch - watch them both as they embrace, as they kiss, as they - oh for Christ’s sake. "Have you no respect? Not here! Not here!"
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2001 Richard Koss |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
October 2001 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
3002
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