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For Sofia by Pepijn Sauer You live with the question. Wondering how to proceed, we find ways to make things happen. We do not u... [449 words]
One Small Moment by Shelley J Alongi One woman's small action makes a lasting impression on a man condemned to die for his crime. [1,847 words]
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The Seventh Inning Stretch by Kurt Kitasaki A satire on professional sports. [2,230 words]
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The End Of History And The Last Fish
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TITLE (EDIT)
The End Of History And The Last Fish |
DESCRIPTION
When Field commander Asinine launched his final all out withdrawal the first one to be killed was major Fuck Up. The loss was grave but they had no time to bury him.
[1,168 words] |
TITLE KEYWORD
Mind |
AUTHOR
Pepijn Sauer |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
Short Biography:
Pepijn Sauer
Born midnight between the 3rd and 4th of February 1970 in Arnhem, The Netherlands. Studied Japanese, Philosophy and Psychology at the universities of Leiden and Utrecht, finished neither because of tendencies towards the more obscure sides of the above mentioned fields. Paints, does illustrations and translates from Dutch to English and vice versa. (mainly scientific articles).
[September 2001] |
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
pepijn.sauer@wanadoo.nl |
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (8)
A Song Of Absence (Short Stories) Absence. Everybody is on the beach but you. Meister Eckhart sunbathing in bright green shorts. Dostojevski and William James play beach volleyball against the Marx Brothers. In the shadow of a palm t... [1,412 words] [Mind]
Dis-Appointment (Poetry) Short poem. [12 words] [Romance]
For Sofia (Short Stories) You live with the question. Wondering how to proceed, we find ways to make things happen. We do not understand the question. It is there despite our lack of understanding, as are many other things. Fo... [449 words] [Mind]
Gravity (Short Stories) I circle the gravity of this situation in elliptical curves. Inside the fences, so fashionably dressed in distractedly elegant drapings of barbed wire, the TV show goes on showing. (White noise. Fragm... [589 words] [Mind]
Party (Short Stories) Actually the host is dead. It took me a while to notice, but it's true. The host is so dead he has a lot of time to give parties. [581 words] [Mind]
The Function Of Criticism (Short Stories) We forget without remembering what. Something started at some point but the point is now almost identical to everything; or rather, it is starting to be, unstoppably, constantly. [774 words] [Mind]
The Mind That Is Morning (Short Stories) The mind that is morning swims. As it grows later it will become frosted glass; an empty couch by the window; twelve words; a dolphin blowing rings of air and an empty coffee cup in the sunlight. [459 words] [Mind]
Witness (Short Stories) You have seen things. I thank you for describing them to me with so much care and poetic accuracy. Your eyes must be beautiful. As for the things at hand, I am unclear regarding their purpose, if any. [826 words]
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The End Of History And The Last Fish
Pepijn Sauer
The End of History and the Last Fish.
When Field commander Asinine launched his final all out withdrawal the first one to be killed was major Fuck Up. The loss was grave but they had no time to bury him. The absurdist party-sans had sent in their squad of anti-heroes but halfway to the beach they got stuck because they had to wait for private Godot who was engaged elsewhere laying linguistic traps for the logical positivists. Needless to say the beach was littered with kittens.
When General Whiteass showed up with reinforcements consisting of two squads of behaviorists, armed to the teeth with rats and Pavlov reflex mines, and a whole battalion of cognitivists who immediately started to set up experimental research situations with predetermined outcomes, confirming their operationalized hypotheses, it looked for a little while as if the forces of might might still win. The Avant guard ran into a cognitivist experiment and was totally dehumanized. The radical subjectivists got trapped in a maze and were objectified by behaviorist reinforcements. Even the postmodernists had to withdraw into a stronghold of impenetrable syntactic mystification to get out of a discursive mine-field, after which they went to work on the construction of their weapon of mass-deconstruction.
Just when the forces of a-rationalism seemed on the point of becoming non-existentialist, things turned around. A mystic bumming squad had been waiting in the east to bum out the enemy with negative definitions of The One, but had been pushed back into obscurity time and again by the fighter squads of formalism. Just when their conception of nothingness was on the verge of being blown to kingdom come, however, they were suddenly joined by the Quantum Corps of the division of Natural Science who did a sudden 180 degrees on their Classical allies and started tearing out the airfields beneath the classical flights of fancy with a probabilistic approach to particle physics that left Classical hypotheses hanging in the air without anywhere left to land. In the meantime the postmodernists had finished their weapon of mass-deconstruction and started wiping out everything in sight. When the Quantum Corps also managed to convince the kittens on the beach to join ranks with them and they in turn started driving of the cognitivist by applying the Schrodinger tactic which made them impervious to any attempts to determine their ontological status and undermined the theoretical framework that had been protecting the enemy beachhead, things began to look bleak for the forces of might.
A desperate attempt was made to safeguard the might supply routes by building a theoretical bridge between the fields of logic and mathematics but it was blown up by Russell's Paradox and Godel's Second Incompleteness Theorem. They even attempted withdrawing into obscure definitions of fact and obliterating their historical traces but where cut of by the anonymous master infiltrator and saboteur known as 'The man who was Friday Evening' assisted by his 2-D brother in arms, King Kong , who also in passing decimated the forces of academic gravity, by use of lack of a sense of humor seeking missiles.
While all this was happening the people at S.E.T.I. had managed to avoid taking sides but in the end saw themselves forced to take the desperate measure of striking the E from S.E.T.I. in order to ensure their neutrality.
Western Mystics managed to penetrate the enemy defenses at mount Carmel under the cover of a cloud of unknowing and got into a fight with some specialists in the Field of Religious Experience, who fortunately didn't have any and quickly started to be pushed back into nothingness. They were already on the point of attaining unity with the one when they were unexpectedly saved by the Postmodernists, who by now had gone totally of their rocker (actually they had accidentally deconstructed it) and came storming from their stronghold of linguistic obscurity to make a well placed attempt at demystification on the Western Mystics.
On the 232 of august someone was ready to start the mandatory summer offensive that had already been a little delayed, a problem that was solved by reverting to subjective time, but by this time definitions of identity had become so problematic that it is not clear who. From this point on things started to become (retro)progressively more absurd. The intellectual landscape was strewn with abandoned hypotheses, many of them beyond recovery. Someone called God was announced dead but was later found to have hidden himself beneath a mountain of contradictions, the exact address of which was found to be contained in the DNA structure of a man called Bob. The last man came and went without leaving a forwarding address. This address, too, was found in the DNA structure of the man called Bob, who turned out to be a universal telephone directory and was quickly cloned by a conglomerate of telecommunications companies. Cultural Relativism was widely relativised by everyone including itself. Modernism was pronounced dead, non-existent, absurd, necessary, unavoidable and self-contradictory until it got so sick of everything that it retired into the realm of historical fiction. Communism discovered it had never really existed but managed to die a miserable death nevertheless. Universities became more and more particular about everything. Large amounts of money, which by this time had become so polymorphic as to be virtually virtual, were spent on building underground swimming pools for visiting particles from outer space that were in such a hurry to go nowhere in particular that they dove straight through them without so much as saying hello. In the general confusion no one considered this rude. Under the slogan: 'To go bald where no one has gone bald before,' courageous expeditions where launched to go beyond the final frontier, which, as it turned out, was an infinitely receding hairline. The identification of the first UFO occurred on the 1273rd of august of the same year and was followed by a sharp rise in I.F.O. sightings. On the 1356th of august the last fish was eaten at the banquet of the annual conference of Marine Biologists. It was a mackerel.
By now the end was near. Nuclear weapons of various nationalities, realizing the threat to world peace, signed a human non-proliferation pact on the 1718th of august: all human life-forms were to be dismantled in specially designed dismantling plants. The conditions of the agreement were fulfilled with unprecedented efficiency and to the last letter, which was a d. The end of history happened (or rather, almost happened before it ran out of time,) on the 1719th of august. By this time every week consisted only of an endless series of Fridays that lasted for three (3) nanoseconds: ...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...The weather, for as long as it lasted anyway, was strikingly handsome and wore 666 golden Cartier watches on its right wrist. They all stopped at the same time: August 1719th, 12456567th Friday o'clock. The watches were Taiwanese fakes but by this time there was no one around to be bothered by this anymore.
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 1998 Pepijn Sauer |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
September 2001 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
2166
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