The Function Of Criticism by Pepijn Sauer We forget without remembering what. Something started at some point but the point is ... [774 words]
For Sofia by Pepijn Sauer You live with the question. Wondering how to proceed, we find ways to make things happen. We do not u... [449 words]
One Small Moment by Shelley J Alongi One woman's small action makes a lasting impression on a man condemned to die for his crime. [1,847 words]
Last Hours by Shelley J Alongi A general contemplates his decision before formally declaring war. [1,467 words]
Collateral Damage by David Gardiner Some explosions keep on echoing. [4,127 words]
Wolf In Janie's Shadow by Wolfa Of a girl who fell through the cracks in the world. [2,103 words]
The Wedding Banquet by Anthony S Maulucci A rich Italian from the Abruzzi region holds a feast to find a bride and falls in love with... [1,815 words]
The Seventh Inning Stretch by Kurt Kitasaki A satire on professional sports. [2,230 words]
The Nova by Kurt Kitasaki A satire on executives in the automotive industry. [2,647 words]
Witness by Pepijn Sauer You have seen things. I thank you for describing them to me with so much care and poetic accuracy. Your... [826 words]
White Church by John Karl A passing of innocence and the expectation of one's future. [349 words]
Which Is The Way? by Sreenivasa Murthy Govindaraju Always in need of money and finally undergoes humiliation under the very nose of his teenage ... [2,246 words]
The Mind That Is Morning by Pepijn Sauer The mind that is morning swims. As it grows later it will become frosted glass; an emp... [459 words]
The Girl In The Taxi by Richard Koss A shy, young man has an erotic encounter with a strange girl. Is it real or just a dream? [1,493 words]
The First Time I Met God... by Joel Harper None necessary. [616 words]
The End Of History And The Last Fish by Pepijn Sauer When Field commander Asinine launched his final all out withdrawal the fir... [1,168 words]
Plague Of Time by Kevin Cope This is a story I keep playing around with and as yet is still unfinished. I am not sure how I w... [5,118 words]
Party by Pepijn Sauer Actually the host is dead. It took me a while to notice, but it's true. The host is so dead he has a lot ... [581 words]
Our Father Who Aren't In Heaven by Johnny Abrahams A man searches for his father but will he find him? [3,026 words]
Is Evil Edible? by Johnny Abrahams A very brief introductory work by a person who wishes he could write better than he can. [542 words]
In The End All Becomes Clear by Johnny Abrahams When death comes knocking, do you open the door? [831 words]
Heyman by John Karl Taipei: Big spiders, no drinking water, and lots of Taiwan Beer... Give me 10 reviews and I'll post pict... [557 words]
Gravity by Pepijn Sauer I circle the gravity of this situation in elliptical curves. Inside the fences, so fashionably dressed ... [589 words]
God Bless The President by John Karl Confrontation with knife wielding drunk in Oregon bar... did not have to be this way. [584 words]
Eurojazz by John Karl Stuck in Italy, partying, and then some... [650 words]
Don't Mind Her, She's 'armless by Johnny Abrahams Ugly people have feelings too. [1,000 words]
Adventures In The Land Of The Unexpected by Will E Drillit A satirical look at the conference circuit in the unusual setting of P... [1,066 words]
Adolescent Innocence 2: Evil Never Dies by Loki Evil proves it never dies in this second game of death and destruction. [14,390 words]
A Song Of Absence by Pepijn Sauer Absence. Everybody is on the beach but you. Meister Eckhart sunbathing in bright green short... [1,412 words]
A Modern Day Love Story by Shari Calkin Just an example of how God works miracles in people's lives, especially when they least... [1,241 words]
A Deadly Kind Of Love by Kevin Cope Billy Harper loved his mother just a little too much... [1,846 words]
A Changing Of The Seasons by Bradley Postma Allegorical romance relating the fickleness of love with the weather. [6,240 words]
Within The Darkness by G S Kimbro Short Story of a strange encounter in a restaurant. [1,707 words]
Tarradale's Option by Ed Bruce A tale about life in the Scottish Highlands, an incomer's attempt to defy tradition and the... [3,533 words]
Tale Number One: Dederik Flunn by Banae Wan A young man inherits his father's job as a professional murderer. On his first m... [2,480 words]
Salvation In Death by Alberto Pupo Things are never what they seem... [493 words]
Regretting Mistakes.. by Alberto Pupo a weird tale of a deranged little mind... [1,044 words]
Playing Life By The Rules by Kevin Cope Some last thoughts before I go. [792 words]
On The Way To Retreat by Muhammad Nasrullah Khan Story of a man who sacrificed everything for his country. [1,881 words]
On Orcas Island by John Karl Yuppie vacation to local resort... [269 words]
Legacy by Adhara Von Nuremberg There's more to life than living. [1,612 words]
Kelly's Neighbour by Roxanne Kendrick - [535 words]
John's Secret by Glen Pearson Bill's big brother John is acting a bit weird. What's going on? (Not for impressionable kiddies... [2,154 words]
Faint Bell - A Story You Should Read Because I Said So, And I'm Smart. by Scott W. Hazzard A southern lady waits for her man. No su... [699 words]
Dogfish by Wolfa An owner tells the story of a neurotic, once-abused dog. [1,352 words]
All-Day Breakfast by Kevin Cope An ordinary day. An ordinary guy. A not so ordinary cafe. [2,336 words]
Adolescent Innocence by Loki After moving back to his hometown, a teen finds himself trapped in a deadly game of kill o... [7,559 words]
Losing Life by Antony Berrios A women finds herself in a strange place being held against her will. [672 words]
Hanover Square by Kevin Cope An old man sits by his wife's bed as she slowly passes away. He consoles himself by recalling th... [1,035 words]
In Hour Of Death by Muhammad Nasrullah Khan Dear Readers I have written this short-story in context of Gabriel Garcia's farewell letter to... [1,664 words]
The Ultimate Option by Nadeem Akhtar Modern man's predicament has left him only to avail the ultimate option. A story of all tho... [1,302 words]
The Maniacal Core Of His Unsound Mind by Banae Wan (I want comments.) One eighth done. Reprint. Changed title with anothe... [1,195 words]
The Gap by W A Hardy - [4,055 words]
The Confession by Kathleen McCarthy A murderous cousin plans to murder her way to money. [2,119 words]
The Beast Of Briovera by Christopher Grady In every Fairytale there is some truth, it is up to us to seperate the 'Fairy' from the '... [4,029 words]
Sunday Drive by Antony Berrios A family’s last trip together. [736 words]
Smothered by Paula M Shackleford The story of a girl who drives away men without meaning to. Will she ever find true love? [3,970 words]
Sitting Still by Scott W. Hazzard An ex-writer reflects upon his miserable life while receiving a routine lap dance from his favori... [2,159 words]
Shattered Lives by Kathleen McCarthy A story of a romantic triangle with deadly consequences. [4,761 words]
Who Knows What? by Iain Spittles This is an updated version, take a look, give a comment in return, that's all I ask. [966 words]
Neighbour by Sreenivasa Murthy Govindaraju A retired official who remained as a bachelor attempts to write his auto-biogrphy drawing inspiratin ... [2,296 words]
Lane 23 by Vanessa E Clemmons A mother competing with patience and her daughter's determination to obtain glory. [343 words]
Franky And The Crash by Scott W. Hazzard A gruff ragamuffin rampages through a city to become an anti-"pretty boy" -anti-hero. Rea... [1,079 words]
Dad's Discipline by Oscar Oljmex - [684 words]
Annie And Metoo by Arlene Gunn A lonely girl befriends her shadow. One day it suddenly disappears.She is again lonely but find... [1,400 words]
All My Ex's Ain't In Texas by Patti Dinneen A native New Englander recounts her adventures in Texas. [2,308 words]
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This is my first contribution to the site. It's an excerpt from a journal I kept over the summer. Please review, I'm looking for feedback.
I heard about the site through a friend. I'm REALLY looking for some feedback for my writing. Thanks.
|AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (4)
Aurora (Borealis) (Short Stories) Since I got so much great feedback, I thought I'd post something else from my summer journal. Please review! This goes out to you Aurora, thanks. [3,136 words] [Comedy]
Defining Stupidity (Now Where Was I?) (Short Stories) A fourth entry from my summer journal...I dedicate it to Bobby, who helped us out of a tough spot... [4,507 words] [Comedy]
Jinx (Short Stories) Another entry from my summer journal, thanks to all who have responded. Please keep reviewing! [9,058 words] [Comedy]
Just Like Old Times...(Plus Madison) (Novels) This is the last of my Senior Week stories that I am going to publish on this site. The ones coming are too personal to post here. Thanks to all who have repsonded in the past, though this one is so b... [12,561 words] [Comedy]
|READER'S REVIEWS (21)
DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"Well, Mack, I must say my jaw hit the floor and kept going. I honestly thought that the story was true. Is the girl really Oliver's brother? I think that it was wonderfully written!! Great job!! Did you use this name so German boy won't find it?? E-mail me soon, ok? " -- Marni Aveams.
"yo mack... sounds like a typical guy fantasy thing, not my type, but i guess if it was my thing, it's well written. what's up with the names, any significance to them? whatever." -- Harry, PA, USA.
"First of all you need to get some! Its a good intro to what seems to be like the beginnings of an interesting story/tale/real life experience. Mac you have an interesting perception of girls and their disires. But you did get the disire to control correct" -- Jo-Blow, Baltimore, Maryland, Italy.
"Very Well written Mack im also wondering if theres any significance to the names and happenings. keep writing " -- Andy, Towson, MD.
"very intrigueing!!! i can't wait for the story to continue, i want to know more about these people and have them come alive! very convincing dream!! " -- MBear, frostburg, usa, md.
"Well,well,well.... another wonderful piece of work. I appreciate the fact that you keep your writing so real and honest. I look forward to the next chapter and keep up the good work. " -- Dawn Aurora, westminster, MD, usa.
"I like it...but don't tease me with the whole dream thing ever again lol. I was so bummed when I found out the whole sex thing was just a dream! But its good...I like your style. *smiles*" -- RayeBear, MI, USA.
"Mac- I enjoyed this story immensely and hope to read more stories from the perspective of this narrator. Although I am not about the casual sex personally, I was glad to hear the perspective of a recent high-school grad on life in general." -- Dave Concern, Baltimore, MD, USA.
"Mac, really nice touches. you pull back at the last minute without going over the top-- A very good trick and it shows you have good instincts. The very best stories are those close to us... keep the tone and pacing... maybe we get to meet mom next. you reveal character very well. " -- matt, Ca.
"Oh, no, I think I am suffering from dejavu, this story is too real. Did I have that same dream a few days ago? No wait, I couldn't have, I am not Mack. Hey, maybe I am, I don't know, that's how good this story is. It makes me think that I am the narrator. Genius how you have achieved this, Mack. Keep it flowing." -- Booby J.
"hey mac, very nice...i was almost hoping it wasn't a dream for the narrator at the end. everyone hopes that they can be that person w/ guts in their dreams. hope to see you adding more pieces." -- jess, md.
"aww liked that. well played lad, great writing! sounds pretty typical so congrats. keep up the good work" -- tara.
"It fuckin rocked! You sure fooled me on that dream." -- Simon Lowe, Westminster, USA, Maryland.
"I'm impressed that someone so young can write so eloquently. Please don't think that's condescending but if I could have written like that when I was young I'd have been well proud. " -- Sooz, Dalton-in-Furness, Cumbria, England.
"I get the feeling you were doing your own reviews here Mackenzie, except for maybe Sooz's, and whether you were or not, that is a practice best to be avoided for the basic integrity of the overall work, and the way a true reader looks at both the author and the work. My comments on the work itself are rather simple. You managed to get away with a lot of bad grammar by putting the work in the form of a diary, but the "character" you introduce, presumably a characterized version of yourself, makes me wonder why anyone should care about him or her, because you introduce a character, say Joe and begin to talk about him, but say nothing about him that characterizes him in such a way that makes the reader care and therefore care enough about the character to read further. To the reader it's just some guy, and why should we care about his exploits? The sooner you make a reader care about your character, the better. --The Advisor" -- JA St.George.
"Hey, that's not fair. I earned everyone of those views fair and square, Mr. Advisor, and I was greatful to everyone for the feedback. Obviously, whoever you are, you missed the whole entire point of a story that everyone else seemed to get. The point, as it seems I must spell it out for you, was to turn my journal entries into something people could relate to because it was so "real" and honest. This story is true, thank you very much, and I resent the implications of me making false reviews. It was uncalled for and rude." -- Mackenzie Morgan, Md, USA.
"I stand by what I said. You specifically asked for feedback and that is precisely what I have supplied. Perhaps constructive criticism of your work is not what you want to hear, but it is in my interest to help you unless stated otherwise. I made no such accusation as to whether your work was colored by your own reviews, if you bother to re-read it you will see that I merely state it has the feel of self-response. Perhaps you do indeed have a large fan-following, but call me "impressed" that your work should receive fourteen reviews, when the stories that surround it have three at best. It is not rude to state such obvious facts, whether you're putting in your own input or not. As I said earlier, it is not a good idea for a writer, any writer to post there own reviews, and I say that not just for you, if you are doing that or not, but for any writer who reads this and may be considering doing the same, in order to put some color into all that white space in the review column. Since I am the advisor it is merely my intent to advise you. If you tell me to go to hell, so be it, but for now, I will make a few corrections to the things you have just stated. First, "greatful" is spelled "grateful." Secondly "whole entire point" is an incorrect modifier, and the word "whole" should be dropped. The final point I wished to make is one that you stated yourself. Your words are "this story is true." If that's the case, this work would be best served in either the categories of Non-Fiction or Essays. But since it lays in short stories, which are by definition fiction, all of what I said above applies to character. This will obviously meet with resistance from you, in which case I will discontinue to aide you, but if you seek out others to advise you I imagine they will say much the same.--The Advisor " -- JA St.George.
"Mr. Advisor, you really oughta check out yer own work, shouldn't it be post their, insteada post there. Yer righta about everything else, but ya can stop reveiwing my work two. Im not doing it so some guy canna tear it up trying, and the operative word is trying to fix it. Now it may be for my beneifit, but I juss want my friends to gawk at ole Jummy's work, and be dammed impressed. You ruin it fer me man, by pointing out the promblems. " -- Jummy.
"I really think the Advisor should mind his own business, and only help those who seek him out, rather than him going out of his way to help people. I also think he was wrong about all these reviews. I think they make a reader who is browsing through stop here, and wonder why there is so many reviews when compared to the rest of the stories. And it makes her think that this story must be really good if it has received so many reviews. Doesn't matter who put the reviews there, it still makes you want to see what's up because there ARE so many reviews there. You go Mack!!!" -- Tara, Baltimore, MD.
"To the Advisor: First of all, the story may be true but of course I fudged names and places and dates. So while the content may be real, changing these elements make this story, false, or as you say, FICTION. Funny how that kinda thing works out. Secondly, I took a count of my reviews for all my story and did an average. It came out to 8.2 reviews per story, which is far more than your two or three. I didn't even count the latest two that were posted after your obnoxious rant. Besides which, your continued insinuations are annoying, and I'd rather not be "coached" by someone so pompous he has to go around with the pseudonym, The Advisor. Third and finally, is this the correct spelling of the word "prick"? PS: In journal writing you don't have to be anal-retentive about grammer, Mr. Man." -- Mack.
"The stories that surround yours are "Wolf in Janie's Shadow," "The Wedding Banquet," "The Seventh Inning Stretch," and "The Nova." Only "Wolf in Janie's Shadow" received "a" review. Therefore my figures are correct. What you are talking about I have no idea. I have no more wish to deal with a person such as yourself. " -- JA St.George.
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© 2001 MacKenzie Morgan
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