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The Irish Cinderella
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The Irish Cinderella
An adaptation of this classic tale of Love through Adversity but don't let the message of all Cinderella stories fool you this version is exciting and will take you by suprise at parts.
[1,201 words]
I like soup! and some other stuff.
[April 2001]
The Irish Cinderella

Once upon a time in a land far, far away from here but not so far from the house of my imaginary friend, a land that was not far off of the shores of England lived a young girl by the name of Inky Dinky Doo. Inky Dinky Doo had been raised by a pack of wild kangaroos, big kangaroos, but after the poachers came and killed Bambi�s mom all the kangaroos left the forest. Inky Dinky Doo was left alone to seek shelter, she found it in the means of a cave which she entered to leave the rain, but once inside she regretted it for a long time, well at least two weeks, and then she learned to cope. She was taken prisoner, upon entry into the cave, by a plethora evil demonic leprechauns of Northern Ireland, who wore little green clothes that looked cute, but weren�t because they were evil little leprechauns who had gold and hid it in pots near rainbows. They had a strange fetish in which she had to refer to them, as her sisters, don�t ask me I�m not a leprechaun with a weird fetish. They treated Inky Dinky Doo like dirt, placing outrageous, even ludicrous restrictions on her. They make her walk to the other side of Ireland to go to the store, sometimes taking days at a time. They put an electric dog collar on her so that she can�t leave the path they have designated for her outside of the cave. She is also not allowed to talk, at all. To communicate she must use Morse code, but that wasn�t even the hardest part. She had to use a straw to blow bubbles in her soda to execute the code, and just to add a sprinkle of extra cinnamon or cruelty, (take your pick), the leprechauns made her buy her own straws and soda, and sometimes even hid them from her. Every day the group gathered around and forced her to find a dark, red needle in a stack of red needles. They place bets, with their gold from the rainbow pots, on how long it will take her to find the aforementioned dark, red needle. She has to bandage her own wounds, and they pay no heed to her cries of pain and her pleading to be allowed to stop before she has retrieved the needle. The final restriction is the absolute worst punishment that can ever be endured by a human being in the captivity of mean little leprechauns. It�s so terrible that it shouldn�t even be mentioned in civilized society. All of the aforementioned restrictions pale in comparison to this dastardly deed. Whenever Inky Dinky Doo orders pizza, (author pauses because of sheer horror at what he is about to inflict on his character), not only do the leprechauns mess up her order by adding all kinds of disgusting toppings like guacamole and old gym socks. But when the pizza arrives they drop it upside down, so that all the cheese falls of�OH THE HUMANITY!! This inhumane treatment of Inky Dinky Doo makes her very upset, and she generally walks around malnourished and depressed. But then, one day, there was a great joy in the community. News had just reached Leprechaun Cave, that the circus was coming to town, but for three days only. Inky Dinky Doo pleads and pleads and downright begs to be permitted to go, but this only makes the leprechauns angry and they triple the number of needles in the stack and put even more awful toppings on the pizza. Inky Dinky Doo is very upset, and she sits at the mouth of the cave, with her silly mouse Gus, while the leprechauns are at the circus, when suddenly her prayers are answered. Out of the clouds emerges a midget, who just happens to be screaming at the top of his tiny man lungs. He crashes to the ground at Inky Dinky Doo�s feet, and is knocked unconscious. Inky Dinky Doo nurses the unfortunate little cannon midget back to health. He presents her with a small frog, which he claims has magic powers, and reveals himself as Homeless Guy the Great, protector of all midgets big and small, well not big but small. He then explains to her the significance of the frog; it is the extremely rare Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka. He warns her that she must be very careful never to look it directly in the eyes. He then has to scurry off on his tiny man legs, as he must be shot out of the cannon yet again. Inky Dinky Doo wishes to join the midget superhero in his exciting circus life, and she gazes at the Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka in hope, and is careful to avoid eye contact. The frog ribbits, and with the ribbit, a piece of paper spews forth from his oral cavity. Inky Dinky Doo reads the paper, which ends up being instructions on how to operate the magical frog. She reads that you must offer the sacrifice of one needle to the frog, and that you must make your request in a very demanding tone of voice, completely avoiding even the slightest trace of civility. Inky Dinky Doo does just as the paper says and wishes that she be made to look like a circus clown, you know the kind that are all in that tiny car how do they do that? She is greatly pleased when her wish is granted and she quickly begins towards the circus. As she passes the electric dog fence, she feels a slight shock and wishes that the frog remove the collar for her, which it does with its super-sticky froggy, tongue. She runs full force to the circus tent, and when she gets there, she is sent out to the arena where she meats the midget cannon fodder again. She claims that she is the same girl who took care of him in the cave, but he can�t tell through all of the clown makeup. The circus people make her do an amazingly hard trapeze performance that requires at least two people to do. They make her do it alone to prove that she is who she claims to be, and because the normal guys were stolen by the leprechauns. She pulls off the routine, yada yada yada, and she pulls of the red nose, and wipes her face off to further prove that it is indeed she. The leprechauns are stunned, in fact they are downright flabbergasted, and they shout and throw empty beer bottles at her. Inky Dinky Doo pulls out the Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka and all the leprechauns look at it. She holds it up high above her head and spins around so that all of the cute, little, evil leprechauns see it, and look into its eyes. All of the leprechauns turn to stone, except for one who doesn�t because he didn�t feel like it, he was the lazy one. Inky Dinky Doo runs away with the circus, and she and Homeless Guy the Great become best buds, and everyone live happily ever after.



"This thing was Crapfest 2001. It was filled with spelling errors, grammatical errors, and looks as if it was written for English class by some sophomore in Towson High. I mean, it's just plain bad. Since I'm sure the author, "Stills," would not appreciate having it thrown away, he should at least check to make sure there's no one else he should give credit to (maybe it starts with a "D"). So, anyway, I loved it" -- Schminke.
"yeah (schminke=mi amigo Andy) and he is right i tried to also give credit to the co-author dan aka solar boy who is a genious in this style of random madness! but it didnt werk and only came up as my name...my bad peace out" -- Stills.
"OoO! Nice site! I juuust LOVE it! Found it rather interesting and useful, you know:) http://www.phentermine.grandsearch.net" -- Phentermine, ..., ..., ....
"Ehmm..m. Sehr gut Seite! Ich sage innig..!:) bmw" -- BMW, ..., ..., ....


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© 2001 Stills
April 2001

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