ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
I'm 15 years old and come from the tropical and exotic land of Scotland. I love punk and a lot of other types of rock music. I play the bass and my fave TV show is South Park. and I'm hella shy. I'm a pisces which makes me sensitive and deep. Heh. [April 2001]
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (7) Do You Remember? (Songs) Song about a girl remembering back to her relationship with an ex~boyfriend she still loves. [202 words] [Relationships] Innes (Poetry) Just about having a crush. [103 words] [Relationships] Thought (Poetry) About how nothing exciting happens or something like that. [22 words] True (Poetry) About how people judge each other on appearance instead of what's inside. [19 words] [Mind] Unconditional (Poetry) Just that feeling when you're blinded by love when you have a crush but the feeling's not returned. [10 words] [Relationships] Why (Poetry) More teenage angst. [13 words] Wishful Thinking (Poetry) Just the way everybody probably feels sometimes. [20 words] [Mind]
Motorways On Mars J P
Joseph Smith came downstairs. He poured himself some coffee and said good morning to his children Phoebe and Mark. They were both sitting at the breakfast table frantically finishing off their homework. He looked at his watched and realised that if he took any longer he'd be late for work.
Joe looked around him at the Martian. Large trees that looked like they were touching the perfect pink sky towering above him. He smiled. Then he realised that he had to get to work and he jumped into his car and started driving down the motorway.
Meanwhile, on Earth...
"...And the astronauts saw markings they could have sworn were motorways. In other news..." Seargent Brown of NASA switched the radio off. Motorways on Mars? It couldn't be. Could it? What would happen if there was life on Mars? The people of Earth would be in danger, that's what. He decided to send a probe to that particular area and if they found something he would have to defend his home planet the only way he knew how. War.
"COME ON, GET A MOVE ON!!!"
"I HAVEN'T GOT ALL DAY, YOU KNOW!!!"
"SHUT UP YOU /@#?@&^*@*&~##!!!"
Joe sat in the traffic jam, panicking because he was definately going to be late now. He bashed his horn impatiently. He would never make it to work in just one minute. If he was late he would get fired. Then how would he support his wife and kids? He needed some kind of a miracle...
'Bp. Bp. Bp. Bp...'
Joe heard a short beeping sound, a lot quieter than the traffic and the swearing, but it was close so he could hear it. He poked his head out of the car window and saw...The probe from Earth. He of course being a Martian, didn't realise what it was and started to yell to the other drivers. They all stopped their honking, beeping, shouting and swearing, got out of their cars and walked over towards where Joe was standing.
Seargent Brown looked at the screen. Just what he had feared. Life on Mars. He picked up his telephone and called the president. He told him about it and then he called the CIA. And finally he called Mike's Bomb Barn, the biggest bomb supplier in Florida.
Seargent Brown looked thoughtfully at the warhead. Mike's Bomb Barn had just sold out of nuclear warheads, so regular would have to do.
"Aint she a beaut?"
Seargent Brown looked at the store clerk as if he had just crawled out of a toilet in Saudi Arabia.
"Excuse me?"
"I said 'aint she a beaut?'"
"I suppose so. Are you sure you dont have any nuclear?"
"No, I was just a tellin' you. We sol' our last nuculer one to some dude in Colorarado or somewheres."
The store clerk came from Alabama. He was about fifteen years old and had a bad case of acne. He was Mike's nephew. Seargent Brown shuddered. Mike used correct grammar and could pronounce words properly, unlike this demented hillbilly.
"Well alright then. I suppose it will have to do."
On Mars everything seemed to be going well. The people didn't expect anything. Joe had been in the newspaper because he discovered the probe and proved there was life on Earth, and his boss had given him a promotion for giving the company a good name. Nothing really happened until a week later, when a missile landed in Cydonia.
"Isn't that terrible?" said Mary, Joe's wife, "I always wanted to visit Cydonia. You know, to see the pyramids and that big giant face."
"Well at least it was just desert" Joe returned.
"But what if they had managed to bomb a residential area?"
Joe didn't reply. He knew too well that the next thing would be a war against the Earthlings. And there was nothing he could do to stop it.
The bomb landed in the Sahara desert. When this happened, the American president took it upon himself to inform the other world leaders that there might be a war! His fingers twitched excitedly as he dialed the number of the British Queen.
"Hello is queen Elizabeth there?"
"Speaking" said an annoyingly high pitched and snooty voice.
"Hey Liz this is George. I have some good news! There's life on Mars! Get every man in the country signed up to the army, we're going to war! Okay, byee!"
He hung up and began dialling another number.
The Martians were soon hit by another bomb, this time destroying the huge motorway which always seemed to be jammed. The same one Joe travelled on to work every morning in life. He was kind of glad actually. No motorway meant no work. He couldn't act glad, of course. He had to act angry at the Earthlings for this huge tragedy. In fact, he had to get some air to calm down. He went outside for a walk.
The streets of his town seemed...well...different. People were crowding the general stores getting supplies in case there was a huge was against the blue planet. Young men and women were signing up for the army (on Mars men and women were treated as complete equals)and the older ones were signing up for the Home Guard. There was a raid on the bomb shelter store. Joe thought for a second, and then joined the riot.
On Earth things weren't much different. Americans were running around, buying guns and hiding in their basements. Brits were digging up their gardens and planting potatoes. Seargent Brown bought some great chemical bombs from Mike and sent them off to Mars.
Things continued like this for months and months and months. finally, Earth and Mars agreed to a negotiation. Both of the planets representatives were scared because of the Martian stereotyped in the Earth movie 'Mars Attacks!' and the Earthling stereotype in the Mars movie 'Earth Attacks!' both parties Both parties were afraid of being turned into skeletons. But they didn't so negotiations started.
Representing Earth was a twenty year old woman called Erin Carter. She had fiery red hair and sparkling blue eyes. She had been chosen as Earth's political leaders had been too chicken to go. And representing Mars was Joe as the politicians of Mars were scared too.
Erin turned and looked at Joe.
"Let's not fight anymore."
Joe looked at her, surprised.
"Er...okay." He said uncertainly.
"fine. Can I go back to Earth now? I'm missing 'Ally McBeal'."
After this, Earth and Mars never fought again. In fact, they didn't seem to talk much after that...
THE END!!!
READER'S REVIEWS (3) DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"Cute story, and well-written. Maybe it would be better if Martians didn't have human names and vehicles (it's not much work, really, just give them some silly names and silly ways of transportations that can still get jammed). Keep writing!" -- Ivana Milakovic.
"A Martian named Joe! A searghent thatt can call an interplanetary war! Well, only in an America imagined by a 15 year old scotish dude. At least it is funny." -- iseldar kay.
"Just wanted to say I enjoyed your story and to keep writing... you're young so the more you write, the more you mold your craft. Write down everything and never delete any thoughts. When I was your age I was into punk and played bass as well... same initials too haha. Anyway, keep up the good work." -- Jeffrey Pillow, Phenix, VA, United States.
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