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TITLE (EDIT) Max's Inferno
DESCRIPTION Max Leroy finds himself dead and in heaven some how [919 words]
TITLE KEYWORD Humor
AUTHOR Wetweathersewage
ABOUT THE AUTHOR See more at wetweathersewage.com [May 2010]
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (5) Accentuated Accidents (Short Stories) Captain Crossbow started in Fat Fetish Porn and worked hs way to the top but it all ended tragically [393 words] [Comedy] Cash Bronson Man Stories: Cunty Sausage (Short Stories) Cash Bronson is a man who does manly stuff. [464 words] Date Help (Short Stories) - [233 words] Mullet Girl (Short Stories) This is the origin of Mullet Girl [483 words] The Biggest Winner (Short Stories) Getting a hot girl easy! Just takes time! [411 words] [Humor]
Max's Inferno Wetweathersewage Max and Antwoine are in an argument over what they should have for dinner. Max want�s to have chicken, but antwoine insists that since they have toast they don�t need chicken. Max pushes through with his idea. But Antwoine pushes back. With a spoon. In the heart. Max dies from his injuriesand enters into heaven. Once in heaven, Max spies a man by the door and approaches. Max: St.Peter? Peter: Yeah. Name? Max: Max Leroy. Peter: (Looking at list) Max�.Max��Max�..Hmm, your not here. Let me check with some people. (Talks into a walkie talkie) This is Peter at the front door. I need a status check on Max Leroy. They sit in silence waiting for an answer. Peter: Just for the record, you were right. Cindy was cheating on you. Max: I KNEW IT! Walkie Talkie: We got that status. He�s a code orange. Tell him to wait. Peter: Im going to need you to wait while we sort you out. Max: What? Why is there any question? I was a good person! I never did any major sins! Sure I masturbated once in awhile but who doesn�t? Peter: Well you never prayed or belived in God so that�s setting you back. Antwoine approaches from behind: Hey buddy, you were right about not eating toast. It was moldy. Peter: Name? Antwoine: Antwoine Lewis. Peter: Your in. Max: What? He�s the one who killed me for god�s sake! Peter: Yeah well he mentioned god when good things happened, he didn�t just bitch about him when bad things happened. Antwoine walking into doorway. Antwoine: Yeah! Heaven here I come! Father Mckenzie you lil child molester you! How did you get in here? Father Mckenzie: I got good connections! Max: This is�.. Peter: Listen, I got other people to deal with. If you have any questions about why you may or may not get in here please go to the information booth. Max walks to information booth. The attendants name is Ele. Max: Whats with the whole if I don�t acknowledge God, and do good things I still won�t get into heaven? Ele: Yeah, God�s pretty self conscience that way. Don�t get me wrong, Hitlers in hell and all the suicide bombers and stuff. He really needs all that attention to keep him happy. Been that way since the divorce. Max: The divorce? Who was he married to? Ele: Well, In the bible shes called the devil. Yeah, God took the divorce pretty childish and had her turned Evil in the bible. She�s actually quite nice. Just bad luck getting hell in the divorce while God got heaven. That�s why God made sure men were more dominant then woman. Max: What did they divorce over? Ele: The Big Bang. God wanted to abort the universe and the devil wanted to keep it. Max: Gods pro abortion? Ele: Well everyone who doesn�t have a kid is antiabortion. Max: So the devil must have been mad when he knocked up Mary with Jesus? Ele: Oh Jesus wasn�t his son. He was just some guy who said he was and pulled off some good looking illusions. Youll find that most of the bible is a lie. Max: Even Adam and Eve? Ele: Of course! Think about all the major inscest it would have taken during those first few generations of their kids to make the entire human race! Max: So it was evolution? Ele: Yeah. God wishes he could take credit for it. Max: So what does god do then? Ele: Well he�s the boss. What do you think he does? He plays golf all day. And you know all those athletes and celebrities who thank him for helping them win. Most of them are full of shit. He�s only helped a few that he really liked. Lately he�s liked Tom Brady. Max: So he doesn�t decide when we die? Ele: Oh my no. He could care less. Max: So does when a priest blesses someone, does god actually bless them? Ele: Oh my no! Actually, he finds it quite funny when you guys say, � god bless you� after someone sneezes. I mean, he�s supposed to bless someone after they involuntarily release mucus germs from their nose? That�s like blessing someone after they take a shit. Max:But he must bless america when a president says "God Bless America" right? Ele: He didnt even know America existed until the 15th century! Holy shit you guys are so full of yourselves. He doesn't care about your weddings either. He want's nothing to do with those train wrecks. He doesn't care if gay people are together either. Max: Are there other living being's in the universe? Ele: Yeah, he has a favorite little planet a few trillion light years away from earth. He actually takes care of them. He thinks earth is the boil of the face of the universe. Max: I didn�t know you were allowed to swear in heaven! Ele: Does it look like im in heaven? What asshole goes to heaven and then works inside of an information booth? Max: Sorry� Ele: Hold on. (Listens to walkie talkie) They�re ready for you at the front gate Mr. Leroy. Max walks to front gate. Peter: Mr.Leroy. Your in luck. It appears you filed a prayer a few years back. It reads �Please almighty lord allow me to bang this chick tonight!�. Your in! Max: Well its about god damn time! Walks into doorway Peter: Keep up the attitude buddy and well send you right out! The End wetweathersewage.com
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STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE May 2010	NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED 1591