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War Memories 1
The adventures of Sgt. Moore, and General Steel as they fight they're way through this fictional war.
More to come
E M K S Moresteel
Hi I'm Moore. . .
I started entering stories because I really love writing, but never really wanted to show it to anyone I knew.
So I found this place!! :-D
War Memories 1
E M K S Moresteel
“Get in the chopper!!” Yelled the Pilot.
“Alright! I got the gun!” I yelled back.
“Ally troops down below.” The Pilot informed me.
Mere seconds after the remark was made three artillery rounds hit the troops,
Sending them flying.
I informed the Pilot what I had seen.
He Shook is head in annoyance, and than said “grab the launcher, enemy Helicopter inbound!!”
I did what he said, firing a rocket at the enemy helicopter. *Thonck!* . . . .
Three seconds later the rocket made contact.
Than I said to lower us down, to see if there were any survivors.
The Pilot Lowered us down to where the artillery had struck.
The soldiers jumped in the Helicopter, there were only five.
Three seconds after we took off I heard the Pilot Yell “INCOMING JETS, JUMP!!!!”
All seven of us jumped, a few second after we hit the ground . . . HARD. I heard the chopper blow up.
I saw some trenches that had been dug and so I said “head for the trenches over there for cover!”
As we ran artillery and bombs, from the jets starting landing around us.
“We made it!” the Pilot said.
Than he said something a little strange “I wonder why the ground’s shaking?”
And I replied with a small laugh “probably because the bombs.”
“Oh by the way I’m Sgt. Moore.” I said holding out my hand.
He shook it and replied “I’m General Steel.”
I Looked a little puzzled than asked “if you’re a General than why were you flying?”
He simply replied “because I can.”
Ten minutes later when the smoke settled from the constant artillery fire and bombs,
The General fell right back into combat starting with, “form up troops!”
The other six soldier, including me said in unison “SIR, YES SIR!”
He than said this so quickly I could barely hear him, “we attack straight up the middle with everything we got, any questions?”
He got a quick “SIR, NO SIR” from everyone.
“AND WHY NOT?” he yelled back at us.
“straight up the middle with everything we got!” we replied.
“but now we head for those bunkers over there!” He yelled.
we all laughed a little and started running, we all got there intact.
A few seconds later a low voice came through my radio saying “we’re dropping, ten tanks, and a good three squads down for you! Over and out!” *squawk* the radio went silent.
The thuds of the paratroopers hitting ground and the tanks hitting too was a very nice sound.
Over head the Sound of jets flying over, was a loud and sweet sound of near victory.
And than what sounded, and looked like about twenty bomb striking the enemy Fort ahead, knocking down the wall facing us.
General Steel took a tank, and took to his word, and advanced straight up the middle.
All ninety-seven troops, ten tanks and the jets attacked the city for hours, and than when we thought they had had enough we went into the city.
We were wrong. . .
A group of enemy soldiers ran out and took down a few men.
Steel Opened fire and killed most of them, what was left was quick work for our troops.
We had made into to the town!
And than General Steel yelled “DESTROY EVERYTHING IN SIGHT!!!”
Only minutes later we had taken down three buildings, when out of nowhere a rocket hit Steel’s tank!
I ran over to Steel’s flaming tank, and drug him to cover, as soon as we were safe(er)
I handed him an M16.
And he stood to return some lead to the enemy, as they been so kind to share with him.
He took down ten enemies with that salvo of bullets!
He looked down at me I had a look of awe on my face, and he said “let’s go kid!”
We ran towards the enemy, seconds later a bullet makes solid contact with my leg, so what do I do? I fall like a brick!
But as I went down I saw the enemy General and Obviously yelled “I see the Enemy General!”
Steel hit the ground beside and to see if I was ok, I guess…
“You’re ok Moore.” He said.
“ I know I’m Fine!!! Shoot HIM!!” I yelled.
Than over the radio I heard the same low voice say
“Ally Choppers inbound, get ready for extraction! Over!”
I hit the comm switch, and said “affirmative we’re ready for it”
Steel shoots an enemy takes his sniper and shoots the enemy General in one swift movement.
Right then the Ally Helicopters landed, and all the surviving troops which was about twenty got on the choppers.
I yelled up to the General and Said “I can’t walk!”
He reached down, and threw me over his shoulder, and into the Helicopter.
I took control of one of the 50 cal. Chain guns. And we were off.
Two hours later we landed at the Headquarters, safely. . . Mission success!
A few Medics came and got the five of us that were injured and took us to the medical wing
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"dude that is freaken awsome considering i helped write most of it brilliant well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -- kasey steel, oak ridge north, texas, u.s.a..
"I, usually, am not one for war stories but this is a well written story. The words and style make you feel as if you are in the middle of the action." -- emory l griffin, georgia, USA.
"This may please GI Joe fans and wanna-be rangers and Green Berets but despite allowances for rough dialogue, the grammar is plain awful. You use commas sometimes excessively and unecessarily and fail to use them when you should. There is also no excuse for using plural nouns and verbs when they should be singular and vice versa. You keep switching your action verbs between tenses which does not help the flow of the story, especially when there is a lot of action going on. Unfortunately, you need more than action to make this acceptable to an intelligent reader. Don't be flattered by Emory's review. He's another one who thinks he can write but lacks basic, fundamental writing skills. You may think I'm just a nasty old guy who pays too much attention to grammar, composition, and spelling, but you'll learn the hard way that you need more than just a story to interest publishers. They trash thousands of stories and manuscripts every day that read like they've been written by someone with a 6th grade education. Years ago I sent whatI thought was a pretty well written short story to a successful, published author whom I met in Florida. She told me to revise it, offering suggestions for better diction, grammar etc. I revised it 5 times and after the last revision she finally said, "Good, now what are you going to do with it?" I sent it to over a hundred publishers, magazines, etc. I received two replies. They told me to keep writing. Even if your just writing because you like to write, take pride in yourself and improve you understanding of what good writing really is, not just what you think is cool. " -- RICHARD.
"Nice story and one can imagine himself in the middle of the action while reading that stuff, I liked it but I must say that if you keep writting and learn to use better grammar and give more credibility to what you write even if its fiction you will make incredible stories.. It was good though" -- walmar, El Paso, TX, USA.
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© 2009 E M K S Moresteel
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