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The Scissors
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The Scissors
Two lewd,crude,common geezers very graphically discuss a night of 'passion' that went awry for one of the blokes in question.
(Contains harsh language and stark sexual references)
[1,297 words]
Glen Pearson
Somerstown producer, director and writer.
[January 2018]
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Is She Playing Away? (Short Stories) An ordinary bloke lies awake next to his girlfriend pondering over whether she's cheating on him. (Contains blatant sexual references.) (Please Review!) [937 words] [Erotic]
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The Slapper (Short Stories) A geezer unflatteringly describes his encounter with a member of the opposite sex after having one too many... (Contains offensive language, brazen sexual comments and should be read only by those wit... [1,350 words] [Erotic]
The Scissors
Glen Pearson

“So wha’d y’ do then, man?”
“Well, I could see, like, ‘ow she wuz really luvin’ it mate, fuckin’ bangin’ away at ‘er with me finger up ‘er arse, like, so I’m thinkin’ ‘bout doin’ a bit o’ the ol’ choc’lit stabbin’ on ‘er, y’ know?”
“Ah, fuck that, man. Ya wou’n’t catch me wi’ me cock up any arse, man, fuckin’ male or female.”
“Nah, mate. It ain’t the same takin’ a bitch up there as it is wi’ sum fuckin’ queer cunt. I mean, wi’ a bloke, ‘is arse is like, ‘airy t’ fuck innit, and y’ve also got that feelin’ that y’re shaggin’ a fuckin’ geeza inste’d of sum bitch, y’ know?”
“Y’ seem t’ kno’ quite a bit ‘bout shaftin’ geezers Kev, mate, is there sumfin’ I should kno’ man?”
“Don’t be fuckin’ stoopid, mate. I’m jus’ sayin’, like, hypafe’c’lly speakin’, cunt. You kno’ me mate, I ain’t no fuckin’ arse bandit.”
“Ay! I wuz only jokin’ man! Take it easy y’ cunt!”
“Orite, anywayz, now lat’s ‘stablish’d I’ll ge’ on wi’ the fuckin’ shit I wuz sayin’. So I takes me finga out, yeah, n’ she’s fuckin’ down there wi’ ‘er arse in me fuckin’ face wailin’, man! She’s like : ‘Stick it back in Kev, ooh Kev, stick it back in!’-”
“Fuckin’ luvin’ it was she?”
“Fuckin’ too rite man! So inste’d of bungin’ me finga back inta the wanka I fuckin’ pulls me cock out and bangs that cunt strate up the old a-hole. Fuckin’ ‘ell mate did she fuckin’ scream!”
“Wot, it still ‘urt the cow e’en lo’ y’d ‘ad y’ finga up lere b’fore man?”
“Fuckin’ corse, mate. I don’t kno’ ‘bout you mate, but the wi’f of my fat fuckin’ cock is quite ‘stanch’ally bigga than my fuckin’ finga an’ when that cunt goes up a bitch, she fuckin’ kno’s ‘bout it mate!”
“So wha’d’ya do when she started fuckin’ screamin’ man? Soun’s like it got a bit fucked for y’ then, man.”
“Nah, y’re readin’ it wrong, mate. She wa’n’t like screamin’ ‘er fuckin’ tits off or anythin’, she jus’ lets out this one big fuckin’ shriek o’ like su’prize, y’ kno’? Anywayz, so I’m there wond’rin’ w’ever t’ bang it in a bit, see if the bitch fuckin’ finds out she likes it afta’ all, or t’ fuckin’ go for the ol’ strategic withdraw’l when the bitch, like, sits up quick, like, an’ fuckin’ nuts me in the face, backwa’dz, like.”
“The fuckin’ bitch!”
“Yeah, fuckin’ too rite, mate! So I falls back, obvi’slee me cock comes out, an’ I falls rite off the fuckin’ bed, mate! Twisted me fuckin’ ankle t’ fuck an’ everythin’!”
“Fuckin’ ‘ell! So wha’d the fuckin’ bitch do then, man? I take it you cou’n’t do fuckin’ much, I bet ya wuz jus’, like, wond’rin’ wot the fuck wuz goin’ on, ay?”
“Ah, ah’m tellin’ y’ man, that wuz one fucked up bitch, I tell ya. She, like, takes one look at me lyin’ in pain on the fuckin’ floor, mate an’ then she goes across to the fuckin’ cabinet across the room. An’ I’ll tell ya mate, it wuz a real fuckin’ evil look, mate, is if I’d just fuckin’ raped her or killed ‘er fuckin’ li’l fuckin’ bru’r or somethin’.”
“Wot, like, real o’er the fuckin’ top, man?”
“Fuckin’ stupid cow, man. Best t’ leave well a fuckin’ lone if y’ ask me.”
“Yeah. Fuckin’ tell me ‘bout it. Anywayz, she cums back, yeah, n’ she’s got this big pair a’ fuckin’ sizzers in her ‘and n’ she sez if anythin’ goes up ‘er fuckin’ arse it gets fuckin’ cut off!”
“She di’n’t fuckin’ mind when it wuz ya fuckin’ finga, man.”
“Yeah, I kno’. Lat’s wot I sez to the bitch, I sez : ‘Ya din’t fuckin’ mind when me finga wuz up ya.’ She sez tha’ me finga don’t feel like a fuckin’ chair leg wuz rammed up ‘er arse.”
“Ay, cummon man, stop fuckin’ biggin’ up ya self, ya cunt. ‘Oh my name’s fuckin’ Kev ‘n I got a fuckin’ cock like a fuckin’ chair leg!’ Wot is this fuckin’ chair leg, the world’s fuckin’ smallest foot stool or wot, man?”
“Look, I’m jus’ fuckin’ tellin’ ya wot the bitch fuckin’ sed, mate. Anywayz, I sez that, like, I’m really sorry, like, cuz I di’n’t mean t’ ‘urt ‘er ‘n that sum bitches, y’ kno’, went for that sort a shit, ‘n she sez that she fuckin’ definit’ly ain’t the sort a bitch ‘oo likes tha’ sort a shit. I sez I’m sorry again n’ asks ‘er t’ like put them fuckin’ sizzers da’n, like. Y’ see all while she’s fuckin’ talkin’, mate, she’s wavin’ them cunt’s ‘bout in front o’ me fuckin’ face ‘n I can’t ‘ardly move ‘cos me foots ‘urtin’ like a rite cunt.”
“She fuckin’ put ‘em away, or wot?”
“Nah, she fuckin’ di’n’t, the bitch. She sez, like, maybe it’s my turn t’ feel a bit a’ fuckin’ pain, y’ know?”
“Fuckin’ sly bitch, man.”
“So I sez t' the bitch : ‘I’m fuckin’ in pain! I’ve just twisted me fuckin’ ankle when ya nutted me off the fuckin’ bed!’ ”
“Got no fuckin’ sense, some bitches, man, no fuckin’ sense.”
“Yeah, lat’s wot ah’m thinkin’, but this bitch ain’t ‘avin’ nun of it. She fuckin’ jumps off the bed rite onto me fuckin’ guts, mate, knocked the fuckin’ wind strate out o’ me!”
“Lat wo’n’t the fuckin’ nasty part, mate. She’s still got them fuckin’ sizzers in one ‘and, rite, n’ wi’ the uvva she reaches back an’ grabs me fuckin’ bollocks, mate!”
“Shit, man, wha’d’ya fuckin’ do?”
“I fuckin’ nuts the bitch me self, like. A fuckin’ beauty it waz ‘n’all. I mean, I ain’t one for smackin’ bitches ra’nd ‘n shit, like, but lis wuz like a fuckin’ no choice sichoo’ach’n. ”
“Wuz it a fuckin’ nice one lo’?”
“As I sed, a fuckin’ beauty, mate! ‘Er fuckin’ nose wuz mashed the fuck in n’ blood jus’ fuckin’ po’red outta that cunt!”
“I take it she go’ off then, yeah?”
“Well, she wuz sorta like stunned, like, so I pushes the bitch off an’ grabs me fuckin’ clo’se off the floor. Y’ kno’ the fuckin’ advert, mate, time for a –”
“-sharp exit! Yeah, fuckin’ too rite, man!”
“So I’m quickly bungin’ on me boxers ‘n jeans while this bitch is won’derin’ where ‘er fuckin’ ‘ed is at, so all seems fuckin’ sorted. Then I’m pullin’ me fuckin’ T-shirt dah’n ‘n I feels lis big fuckin’ pain in me side!”
“Wot, she fuckin’ twat y’ one or sumthin’?”
“Worse ‘n lat, mate! I falls back ‘gainst the fuckin’ wall, gets me T-shirt on, n’ I sees them fuckin’ cuntin’ sizzers stickin’ ah’t me side!”
“Fuckin’ ‘ell! This bird’s a fuckin’ nutcase, i’nt she?”
“Fuckin’ too rite she is, mate! Anywayz, where I fell back, this bitch fell forward in a bit o’ a heap, yeah. So this time, I ain’t messin’ the fuck a ra’nd. I grabs that bitch’s ‘ed and slams lat fucka strate on the fuckin’ floor. Bang!”
“That do the fuckin’ job, man?”
“Yep. That bitch wo’n’t gonna be stickin’ no fuckin’ sizzers in no cunt for a while. Out fuckin’ cold. So I pulls them fuckin’ sizzers out, ‘urt like a rite cunt, ah’m fuckin’ tellin’ ya, n’ gets dressed n’ I’m fuckin’ outta there. I ain’t seen the fuckin’ bitch since.”
“Shit, man, I mean jus’ …. fuckin’ …. shit, man!”
“Anywayz, lat is ‘ow I got that cunt of a scar on me side there, Bob. I’m tellin’ ya, ya don’t fuckin’ wanna kno' ‘bout the one on me cock, n’ I ain’t fuckin’ showin’ y’ neeva, ya dirty cunt!”



"You've got a way with voices and dialects, no denying that. I just wish you'd work on telling a cleaner story." -- AJ Magy.
"Fuckin brilliant mate, good at last to see a story told in the way you would hear it on the street, if you had made it 'cleaner' it would not have been very true to life, two blokes talking together generally means a LOT of swearing, you got any more stories coming ???" -- Paul, London, UK.
"I agree with AJ this could be really good...but the use of slang...and foul language is a bit offensive...would be interested to see a cleaner version? :)" -- mattie.


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© 2000 Glen Pearson
September 2000

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