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Short Stories

The Summer Man by K P William Cheng Surreal and susceptible. [446 words]
The Diary Of Walter Chan Part Two by K P William Cheng More Adventure and emotional troubles for the cute Chinese guy... the witty W... [8,649 words]
Coffee At Starbucks by Sunny Another twisted tale involving your favorite superhero's, Nullman and Superman. [1,188 words]
Angel Turns Pro by Lawrence Peters A Paranormal Parable. [472 words]
The Fate Machine by Darcy K Metz This is a story about a desperate man who finds a way to take control of his own fate. Or does... [1,157 words]
Poisoned Seed by Nitro A rough draft of a new work. Feedback and suggestions would be appreciated, and I will continue t... [810 words]
God Moth by Matt Tracy A look at the perspectives we take on things; and God. The question of who God is is a major focus of ... [1,390 words]
An Unhealthy Case Of Paranoia by Glen Pearson After taking some acid, a night on the beers is the last thing Pete wants. Larry'... [2,668 words]
A Story About Music by Luis Carlos Silva/Lyn It's kind of a fairy tale. It compares the impressions whe have when we listen to music to ... [1,185 words]
The Sun Ray Hit His Eyes by K P William Cheng Marriage, obligation, deceit, homosexuality, the cruelty of seeing the truth... [2,462 words]
The Blindfold by Danny I. Spitler A couple decides to meet in an most unusual and erotic manner. [1,679 words]
Joe And His Cat by Mark Herner A young college student finds a way to make money and acquaintances, to the amazement of his fr... [3,083 words]
Learning To Heel by Rekha Ambardar A mainstream (humorous) short story. [1,930 words]
Vanquished by Crazy Clown Death, Revenge, Death. Misery has gone full circle. [894 words]
The Test by Crazy Clown My first publishing-worthy (at least I hope) short story, on the topic of what religion is, was, and w... [1,118 words]
The Steel Circle by Steven K Mitchell Combat unto death! [3,053 words]
The Slapper by Glen Pearson A geezer unflatteringly describes his encounter with a member of the opposite sex after having one ... [1,350 words]
The Sisters: Chaper 1 by R. Nonny This is a story I wrote that takes place in a medeival time period in another world. [743 words]
The Muse Keeps On by Crazy Clown A tale of the joys and sufferings of the muse... [1,006 words]
T. S., I Remember by Jenny Mercer Haunted pictures? Do you have one? [802 words]
Shaman by Randy Guess A young warrior comes to a wise old shaman, on his deathbed, seeking the path to Sister Wisdom and all s... [653 words]
Journey To Xzorath by Steven K Mitchell A dark Shaman finds what he seeks... [1,739 words]
Harbor Light Mission by Randy Guess Account of a night and morning spent at Salvation Army's Harbor Light Mission for men in H... [3,374 words]
Grim by Arcanum Weird. [442 words]
Water Festival In Thailand by Danny I. Spitler In Thailand, the "land of smiles," one of the wildest and happiest celebrations is S... [1,701 words]
Waiting... by Lawrence Peters - [249 words]
The Monster Of Vangor by Nancy F. Carlson Please tell me if this is any god dog good? [1,535 words]
The Letters by Shawna Benson Katherine receives a letter from the man of her dreams... [1,514 words]
The Forest Elf by John Shade A man meets a forest elf [1,290 words]
The Absolution Of Margaret by Richard Koss A story about life in the confessional booth of a Catholic church. [549 words]
Streetlights by Annie Van Dalsem A young homeless woman, a former UC Berkeley student, chronicles 48 hours in her life on the Berke... [15,749 words]
Please Sir by Paula M Shackleford This is the first three chapters of a story I am trying to write, a sort of bonkbuster-cum-comedy ab... [12,851 words]
Letting Go by Paula M Shackleford A guy who has broke up with his girlfriend is writing her a letter to explain his actions. [1,264 words]
Blue Run At Telluride by Danny I. Spitler The author tests his nerve and his resolve in a challenging duel with a ski slope. [1,770 words]
Almost There by Paula M Shackleford An engaged girl runs into an old crush who once humiliated her, and is horrified to find herself s... [2,520 words]
A Story Problem by Kathleen Quigley A story written for Literature class that was almost true, but greatly exaggerated. [1,070 words]
Wrong, Wrong, Wrong! by Crazy Clown When did being almost right, but still showing inderstanding of the question, be considere... [566 words]
Wormshither by Tony Seljuk a story of a boy and his love interest. typical fodder [456 words]
The Journal by John Christopher Cook - [3,980 words]
The Insane Ramblings Of A Complete Idiot
That's Ratings Suicide! by Tcn A satiric story done on one cynical night. [545 words]
Net by Barbara Villarreal Walking through the internet. [1,486 words]
"Even In Light, May Appear Shadow" by Stoneheart Don't you just love how life can reach around and hit you square in the butt... [674 words]
Untitled by Mary Jo Javier - [250 words]
Unstable by Margaret Li A short story about domestic violence. [1,108 words]
Tidings Of Comfort And Joy by Kathleen May “Tidings of Comfort and Joy” explores the loneliness of early adolescence and the in... [2,477 words]
The Widower by Tony Seljuk An elderly man, bored with life so much to the point where his own filthy socks are intriguing, ta... [1,990 words]
The Tree House by Steven R. Kravsow When you're a kid growing up, there are always three rules you need to remember-- look both ways... [3,691 words]
The Scissors by Glen Pearson Two lewd,crude,common geezers very graphically discuss a night of 'passion' that went awry for one... [1,297 words]
The Farnsworth Affair by Richard Koss An innocent man becomes trapped in a web of circumstance from which there is no escape. A... [5,045 words]
Reaping What You Sow by J W Wilson III - [4,031 words]
Know It? - I Wrote It by Richard Koss This is a funny, perhaps silly, outrageous story. I'm not sure of its exact origin, but ... [663 words]
Is She Playing Away? by Glen Pearson An ordinary bloke lies awake next to his girlfriend pondering over whether she's cheating ... [937 words]
Ilya's Song by Bert Paradis Narrative about profound sadness in a young child. [991 words]
Beyond The Fence by Mason Cole When a mysterious stranger wanders into a small Nebraska town, its citizens are forced to make... [6,840 words]
While The Iron's Hot by Richard Koss The story of a woman, a victim of spousal abuse, and her solution to the problem. [774 words]
Timmya The Totter And The Cave Adventure Part 1 by Rose Trimovski its a very interesting Adventure story about four kids that ... [9,800 words]
The Barn by Glen Pearson A barn offering food and comfort is not all that it seems to a hungry tramp. [1,505 words]
How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Times. by John C Smith An account of orgasmic discovery? [372 words]
The Box by Mason Cole When two boys from the future cross wits with a man out of time, the world's future lies within...THE B... [5,497 words]
"An Honorable Man" by Zach Czaia A circumstantial meeting between bum and biographer that uncovers a dark secret about our co... [2,826 words]
Summers' End by John C Smith A true story about a local murder that became almost too local. [910 words]

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The Insane Ramblings Of A Complete Idiot
An essay on the insane ramblings of a complete idiot. Written by a complete idiot. Requires an altered state of mind to properly enjoy.
[1,090 words]
Crazy Clown
Proud founder and president of Crazy Clown Productions (c)
[October 2000]
Dragonball Z - Akira Toryama's Drug Trip? (Essays) An essay worthy of the label of Crazy Clown, about the sheer ludicrousnessness of Dragonball Z. [989 words] [Humor]
Some Explanation Is In Order (Essays) You might come to this title expecting a deep, philosophical, or thought-provoking story; instead, you get this! It is an explanation of my rather unique writing style, by Crazy Clown. [447 words] [Humor]
The Demented Monologue Of A Downright Imbecile (Essays) Another display of foolishness and inanity, from the one who can do them best, Crazy Clown. Requires an altered state of mind to fully enjoy. [1,246 words] [Humor]
The Muse Keeps On (Short Stories) A tale of the joys and sufferings of the muse... [1,006 words] [Writing Resource]
The Test (Short Stories) My first publishing-worthy (at least I hope) short story, on the topic of what religion is, was, and what may become... [1,118 words] [Spiritual]
The Unfortunate Homophobe (Essays) An interspective on a homophobe who wishes he wasn't, and some ideas and opinions on homosexuality. [1,131 words] [Gay & Lesbian]
The Vaporeal Defecation Of A Mental Diarrheatic (Essays) I just had so much fun writing the other two displays of inanity that I just had to write a third. Depending on how much you like my works, this could be either wonderful or horrifying, your choice. -... [951 words] [Humor]
Vanquished (Short Stories) Death, Revenge, Death. Misery has gone full circle. [894 words] [Action]
Well, Shit (Essays) A rather... interesting essay on the worlds worst waste. Requires a unique state of mind to enjoy properly. [1,020 words] [Humor]
Wrong, Wrong, Wrong! (Short Stories) When did being almost right, but still showing inderstanding of the question, be considered completely wrong? Wouldn't it be better to be smart then to simply be able to memorize? [566 words] [Mind]
The Insane Ramblings Of A Complete Idiot
Crazy Clown

     Well, well, well. Look who's here? Come to gloat, have you? Over your victory over
insanity, right? Come to point and laugh at the poor, poor freak of nature, the social outcast, the third pant leg, whom you tease and annoy because he didn't quite rise up to the challenge of normal existence. Well, I've got a response for you. Plogmatica, your honor!
     Well, well, well. Yes, you may be thinking that that that that had nothing to do with anything. But it does! It has to do with everything! Think about it. Of course I will.
No, you never do. Ah, the Simpsons, the largest and easiestly accessible collection of hilarious if a bit off color quotes in human existence. Who on earth can't relate to a simple D'oh!!! Oh, yes, the phrase; that is quite simple. Ever been asked to describe something you saw in your own words, say to a probation court? What does that mean, exactly? Do you need your own words? I'd say so; after all, they did still keep me on
probation after describing THAT brutal mime beating!
     Well, well, well. What is it with Americans and disliking random things? Who first came up with the fear of clowns, mimes, Chihuahuas? Clowns must be out of business these days. Every person I've asked on the street has said that they are afraid of me in the clown suit. Not one person stayed to watch me after I swallowed the rubber chicken, not one! They all ran and called the same three numbers and made me hurt more
people. But enough about me, what does it take to get into those pants? Sorry, random thought; must contain those. Bad for "mental constituency," said the homeless man before I beat him with his own shoe. Hey, he was using it to trick people into thinking he had a cell phone! I couldn't help myself. Wouldn't you have done the same? Of course. Everything you say. I agree with everything you've ever said in your entire life! Isn't that just peachy? Santa is an anagram for Satan! Yeeehaawww!
     Well, well, well. Ever done that? Just go off talking to yourself, running down the street naked wearing half a cantaloupe on your head repeating, "I'm a hamster!" I'm a hamster. Now that's crazy. Ah, Leslie Nielson. Gotta hate such a funny bastard. His first movie made me cry. Oh, yes; anyway, yeah, hmmm... buh? Yes, I remember now. Have you ever started talking about something that reminded you of something else, then go talk about that, then go off on another barely related topic, until you reach a completely
new area, field, a region of discussion, while the person you were talking to walks off, shaking their head and reaching for a can of mace? Of course you have. If you haven't, you have got to try this.
     Well, well, well. Here goes. Think about a hamster, you know, the vicious devourererer of worlds? Now remember he giant rat that killed Godzilla, or something similar or other; I don't remember because I have amnesia. Oh, and I have amnesia. And plus, I have amnesia. Anyway, take Godzilla balls and remember that old joke, "What's
big, pink, and drags on the ocean floor? Dick's Moby!" Take other works of art and then go to the famous Rembrant of a Picasso by Michealangelo of Monica Lewinsky riding a giant, oddly smiling hamster. There you go! You went from something to something completely the same in only... um... four? Five? Well, in a few steps. Aren't you proud? Now you can think (or lack therefore) like me!
     Well, well, well. Oh, that makes sense. Why do you ask? Yes, I am a navy poop deck officer. Did you ask something? What? Are you talking to me? Did you ask something? Yes, I am a navy poop deck officer. Why do you ask? Oh, that makes sense.
     Well, well, well. That was an exorcising of futility! Um... um... um... peaches! Yes, peaches! That word suddenly fantasied my struck! Oh, oops. I messed up. The word fantasied peached my struck! Yeah, that made much more sense. Thank you for your hospitality. Come on down y'all, y'hear? Y'know y'what y'is y'weird? Y'the y'word y'y'y'all. Yep, its just funny. So, Louisiananianianian. Like slick willie. No, not me; thanks for asking. I meant the president. He actually traded three boars for his family's honor! Yep, he sure didn't. Woah, these insane ramblings of a complete idiot are hard to create after a while, aren't they? You should know. You are actually creating them. You and that damn
garbageman. He is so silly! That is why I had to beat him over the head with a hamster on
a stick and then run for the hills!
Well, well, well. Do you sense a repeating pattern? Well, well, well. I don't.
Hamster. Hamster. No, I sure don't. Do you? Of course not. Oh, and thank you very much for showing me your beautiful gun. I am sure we will enjoy a lifetime of friendship and slavery! The president of Albania will surely appreciate our bean pickings to the fullest enjoyment level achievable by man, excluding genetically altered shit-compactor babies. They are able to achieve much higher levels of happiness, not having to shit and all. Man, those guys have all the fun!
     Well, well, well. Your cousin sure looks appetizing. I could just see her roasting
slowly over an open spit, her fat bubbling and sliding off of her golden brown body. Oh no! I've finally crossed the line between the obscene and ridiculous and the offensive and disgusting. I should get a medal! You know, an orange pancreas or something or other. I sure would be disgusted to be in the president of the presence himself! Just think of all the ooze sliding down his cheeks, getting all over my shiny gum shoes. Mmmm! Tastes like chicken tonight, honey!
     Well, well, well. Thatsatstsatstaststats all for tonight, folks! G'day, mate! Origachi
Maru! Konichiwa! Sambida! Chou! Pop pop plop click click click! Bye! You have just experienced the insane ramblings of a complete idiot. If all went well, you should start to think in some way similar to that displayed in the subconscious message transmitted by the words between the lines between the lines between the lines. If you do not, please call 1-800-GOOSE-FECES for a complete and prompt refund of whatever you paid to read this. Thank you for your time. Who's gloating now? Well, well, well.

     Your humble servant that will one day overthrow you,
     Crazy Clown



"I know I shouldn't be reviewing my own works, but I seriously think I was high when I wrote this thing. You know the weirdest part? All of my friends laughed their asses off when they read this. Maybe it expressed something in all of us that yearns to break free from the normals of society. Or maybe it is just funny. I'll let you decide." -- Crazy Clown.
"*stares in amazement* The frame of mind you were in was no where near the setting of "normal" right? Mine's permanently on "so-weird-your-close-to-having-a-seizure". Welcome to the looneybin." -- Julissa Gayle Raven, aka looneymuse.


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© 2000 Crazy Clown
October 2000

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