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How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Times.
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How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Times.
An account of orgasmic discovery?
John C Smith
|AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (5)
A Winter Poem (Poetry) Short [26 words]
Dad's Death And A Lesson In Tipping (Short Stories) A contrast in emotions. [446 words] [Biography]
Drop And Give Me One! (Short Stories) A short story. [1,015 words]
Summers' End (Short Stories) A true story about a local murder that became almost too local. [910 words]
The Smart-Ass Shall Inherit The Earth (Short Stories) A true story about winning by losing. [399 words]
How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Times.
John C Smith
“Be sure to let me know every time you have one, I want to keep track,” I whispered to my girlfriend while we were engaged in sexual intercourse. I was barely seventeen and had just learned from an article in Playboy magazine that women have orgasms. Up til then, my little self centered adolescent brain had assumed that the joy of sex for women was in pleasing us guys. Now after graduating from the University of Playboy, I was armed with the knowledge that I could give satisfaction, as well as receive. With my parents gone for the weekend and having the house all to myself I had all night to test this theory out with my more than willing girlfriend.
Two weeks later my mother confronted me with a report she’d gotten from the next door neighbor about a girl they’d seen leaving our house at all hours. “Is it true? My mother asked. “Yes,” I replied sheepishly. “I’ll bet you’ve been diddling her too, haven’t you?” “Diddling?” I asked, stalling for time to think of a good answer. “Come on you know what I mean. You’ve you been having sex with this girl haven’t you?” Thinking fast I tried to rationalize my behavior by playing upon my mothers’ homophobia. I answered with a question of my own that I knew would work to my favor. “Well you don’t want me to go homo, do you?” Her expression changed from anger to concern. “Of course not, but that’s not the issue. If her parents found out, you’d be in serious trouble. Or worse yet, you could get her pregnant.” Gaining confidence I answered, “Don’t worry. That would never happen. I know how to be careful.” To which she sternly replied. “Like hell you do. You don’t know anything at your age. This poor little girl doesn’t know anything either. Besides, I’m sure she can’t be enjoying it all that much. You’re too young to even know how to please a woman.” I puffed up my scrawny teenaged chest and with a swagger in my voice I replied, “Oh yeah? Well the other night she had eighteen orgasms to my one!” My mother rolled her eyes, “See! You don’t have a clue!”
|READER'S REVIEWS (5)
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"Huh. Well then. I have one word for you, after reading this. What? What the hell WAS that, man? I am terribly sorry, but this was just not interesting, and coming from someone at my age, that's pretty bad. But, hey, maybe that's just me, but I like reading stories with point, or humor. If you are insistant that this is good, it could be, if added to a bigger and more complete story. " -- Kimberly De Liz.
"Coming from someone my age, thanks a heap." -- John C Smith.
"You know, European film festivals love this kind'a stuff. Maybe you should write a script." -- Carrilho.
"This story is dreadful start to finish. For one thing, every time a different person speaks, you are supposed to start a new paragraph. For another, I have a teenage son, and it is unimaginable to me that I, or any "normal" mother, would ever say, "You don't know how to please a woman" to him. Suggest you work on the dialogue. It is rubbish, and unrealistic, as it is." -- Candace Apple.
"Dear Candice, In regards to the handling of dialogue, I seen it handled both ways. As to it's truth, I can only say that it is. I was very lucky to have a mother that was very open and blessed with a sense of humor. She was no Dr. Laura (thank God), nor was she "normal" like you (double thank God). And thank you." -- JC Smith, Mukiteo.
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© 2000 John C Smith
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