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This is just one part of a story I am currently writing, any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
My name is Kristen Karlson, I am a 17 year old Australian and i love to write. email me to chat at [email protected]
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
|AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (8)
A Broken Love (Poetry) A poem about love, dependance and loss. I'd really like to know what you think...this is one of my first poems. [236 words] [Relationships]
A Last Goodbye (Poetry) A poem about the effects of heart-break..please take a look... [118 words] [Relationships]
Completeness-Part One (Short Stories) A fantasy short story. [976 words] [Fantasy]
It Begins (Short Stories) This is the first part of a suit of stories "The temptation" is the second part. Please take a look. [3,133 words] [Mystery]
Last Mistake (Short Stories) A mysterious woman seduces married men then blackmails them. It's supposed to have itallics...but it screwed up..please let me know what you think [1,574 words] [Drama]
Sword From Heaven (Short Stories) A series of interconnected stories about the forms and consequences of power. [7,754 words]
The Light (Poetry) - [49 words] [Spiritual]
White Silence (Short Stories) - [1,032 words] [Drama]
Isabella woke suddenly, blood pounding heavily in her ears and one thought filling her mind. The lure of the unknown made her curiosity unbearable. She gave in. Silently, she slipped from the bed, moving slowly, determined not to wake her husband. The cold night air drifted lazily through the open window, causing her light cotton night-dress to flutter limply and goose bumps to prickle up her arms.
The room around her was dark and still; a dull light seeped through the round window. She stared, distracted by shapes in the shadows; sinister creatures that slid silently into dark corners. Myles suddenly threw out his arm, turning and muttering in the sheets. She froze. Her breath caught in her throat as she counted down the seconds, willing him to sleep, to slip into an unconscious world… Slowly she exhaled as his breathing settled into the familiar rhythm of heavy sighs. He had always been a good sleeper.
“Isabella, my sweet, take Mr Edwards into the study and show him my latest acquisition. You know I think you’ll be rather envious of my newest find…a small gold sphinx...quite perfect in all proportions”.
“You have as fine an eye for beauty as any man Mr Bower, that is obvious. One has only to look at the many fine objects with which you surround yourself to understand that particular of your character”. He smiled as he unbent himself from the velvet chaise-longue and stood up, his eyes lazily taking in the room and coming to rest, finally, on her, a spot just below her chin.
“Lead on my dear, let us visit this little den of forbidden treasures which your husband so charmingly refers to as ‘his study’”. He leaned over and picked up her wrist, smiling over his shoulder as her husband laughed cheerily. In his hand Myles cradled the full balloon of his brandy glass.
She smiled and rose with eyes downcast; it was his second brandy for the night.
She had prepared it for him especially.
He would sleep well tonight.
He slept on, corpse-still, washed grey by the night. She took one step towards the door, skin slick with longing. She felt the intense and mysterious power calling her through the darkness.
She wet her lips hungrily before moving out into the black space of the hall. Bright white, her eyes betrayed her progress down the stairs, blinking lamps in the dark. If only Myles were here to see how silently and secretly she crept along. How sneaky his little Bella was! What would he say! But no, he would not rouse for hours. She had made sure of that. A fit of violent giggles seized Isabella at this thought and it was a full minute before she had gained composure and was able to continue.
Upon reaching the study she entered, closing the thick mahogany door soundlessly and lighting a small oil lamp. Looking around the cramped room her eyes fell upon the small rusted tin her husband had brought home the previous day. He had told her that it was a priceless artefact recently discovered. Having little to occupy herself with at home, this foreign object sparked her interest and she had asked her husband if he would show it to her. She bristled with fury upon remembering his reply.
“No, no, no.” Myles wagged his finger at Isabella. “This is a rare and precious find my little Bella, not a toy” He wore an infuriating smirk of superiority on his aged face. “How would I explain to Professor Crawford that the invaluable and remarkable item that I had so eagerly promised to show to him was damaged, all because my darling young wife wanted to play with the lovely little treasure.” With this he took the tin to his study and did not reappear until hours later.
Isabella now smiled to herself happily, where was Myles now? He couldn’t stop her. She had this trinket all to herself, it was be hers.
As she drew near she felt her hands shaking with a wild anticipation. She stroked the small case almost lovingly, noticing as she did so, two tiny letters that were engraved in the corner. She started with shock: I.B. Could this be a strange coincidence? Or was it something more…destiny.
Unable to restrain herself any longer she scrabbled frantically to flick the catch up and open the case. The object inside was wrapped in black silk. Slowly she peeled back the shadowy layers to reveal the hidden treasure. An elegant dagger lay beneath, gleaming maliciously in the flickering lamp light. Though in perfect condition, it was obviously a very old artifact, possibly ancient. But it was not until she held the dagger that she felt its true heritage: centuries of power.
It was the cold steel of the blade that she touched first. Smooth and slippery, it sent a chill down her spine and caused her breathing to quicken. The intricately patterned hilt however, felt strangely warm when she held it and a welcoming feeling of distant familiarity seemed to be seeping from within. She felt drawn to this deadly object and the ancient power it contained.
The slightness of the handle and rose design gave the dagger the appearance that it was crafted for a delicate female hand, yet the razor sharp blade was clearly not made for the purpose of opening letters. This idea of deceptive beauty excited Isabella.
A sudden draught caught her from behind and she turned to see the heavy door lying open, and to her horror the tall figure of Myles standing in front of it.
“Bella…what are you doing?” Tousle-haired and blinking in the lamp light, his voice was husky from sleep.
“Dearest, I just wanted to…I was just…” Her brain was buzzing with panic.
“Why are you in my study?” His tone was exasperated. “This is no time for games”. He then spotted the dagger in her hand. “I told you not to touch that you silly woman! You don’t know the harm you could do…How much it’s worth!” He advanced towards her, an irritated expression on his tired face.
An abrupt shock shot through Isabella’s body, causing her to convulse violently. For a moment she slumped on the desk behind her, feeling all the energy drain from her frail body. But it was a moment only. Myles, startled by his wife’s strange behaviour started forward to help her but stopped short. Isabella was straightening up stiffly. Somehow, though he could not quite place it, he sensed that something was wrong. The way she held herself; the look that she was giving him, it made him uneasy. His eyes shot to the knife which she still clutched firmly in her right hand and then back to his wife. He shuddered slightly. The weak fear that had clouded her pretty face seconds before had been replaced by an eerily confident smile.
“Isabella, I think you should go back to bed. It’s almost three o’clock.”
Isabella hardly hearing him didn’t notice the tremble in his voice. She was consumed by the strange new sensation she felt pulsing through her body. Her hands were trembling, but no longer from fear. She flexed them experimentally, feeling a new found strength. The thrill of anticipation flooded her veins with excitement and caused her heart to race. Looking up at her husband she noticed a foreign expression creasing his shadowed face. She almost laughed with delight when she realised what it was…fear.
|READER'S REVIEWS (4)
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"Kristen i like the deceptiveness of it, i throughly though it another romance tale at the beginning. A nicely written piece, i like it. Peace." -- Hugh.
"It was great, i admire your wide vocabulary.Your writing style is somewhat similar to my own.I'm new to this site,and just completed a story of my own,it's called Son of a Demon.Check it out under new entries and give me your feedback on the entry. You can e-mail me at gee_baby_757. " -- Galvin Faulks, Suffolk, Virginia, United states.
"I think this is the most wonderful piece of writing I have ever read in my life! You are a true genius! I love the way you have constructed the intense feeling of suspense, and I like the way you have jumped from the present time to earlier in the night without any warning! It threw me at first, but is very cleverly done! Ali and I are so proud of you! xoxoxoxox" -- Your beautiful sister, Edinburgh, Scotland.
"thanks heaps Nik! that means alot! i'll email you the other parts, though they are really long and not finished yet. xoxoxo" -- kristen.
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© 2006 Kristen Karlson
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