AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (1) All I Needed (Songs) - [124 words] [Romance]
Play Kournikova
Watching you from a distance as you caress her hair, smell it almost like you were in love.
While her tearing heart weeps inside. Thinks to himself, “she looks pretty good from behind, in that skirt” as his gaze wanders around the room. The blonde is his next pathetic victim as he darts eyes fixed for a short lived introduction. “Keep them guessing” he had learned. Less than two steps later his hands glide over her, the third one’s, delicate body and she giggles hysterically. Too much substance. Round 1. I could reminisce to 38 minutes ago when you poured that drink full of sexual innuendos. I didn’t know you knew I was looking. Then again, I hadn’t hadn’t met you yet. And you know just exactly how to treat what they would call me “unique situation”. My toe passes by your crotch, all this thinking and I forget to move it. Your positioning is truly demanding, and as far as I can see, I pass your test. Round 2 I giggle hysterically in conversation with another man. You look over one’s shoulder and seem to worry over losing your successes. Running back you interrupt, your sense of time seems to be slipping, or maybe its my drugs. You flash me that signature gapped tooth Casanova smile of yours and impress me (hardly) with your vas knowledge of the mundane. Just when you think you’ve regained control in the situation, just when your whispering behind her dark thick hair into her appropriately decorated ear. Rushing back into my situation, you make a desperate third attempt. Engage my colleague, even make the appearance of a newfound relationship. He’s thoroughly impressed.
As am I. Amazing how you can know someone but only meet them halfway
through, in retrospect I see how that works for both the better and for the worse. Always
a tragedy when you get what you want, a difficult situation. I’m sure our reader here
thought I was after Casanova, but id give myself more credit than that. Truth be told my
enthusiasm wasn’t a ploy for attention, it was sincere, see that’s the kind of person our
reader is gonna know me to be, a real sincere witch. I pull everyone in, that’s insecurity,
to my best psychological diagnosis. The best ones are the ones that mean something, but
they’re also the worst. He has so much more to say than the last one ever would. I
despise emptiness, but by that token you might call me a hypocrite. Why do I always fall
for their addictions. Sincere, that’s the kinda person I hope ill know him to be. He passes
my test so far, but then again he didn’t meet me yet. Always running to please me, I’m
used to that, and I can already tell there’s much more to it. “I mean its my party and I’ve
been sitting here with you the whole time” I imagined he’d say after I would boldly ask if
he was interested, but that’s not our way. We talk and talk and talk until mai roommate
reminds me that our two hours are up, she didn’t have as much fun as me. Calling herself
the token asian of the room, I could understand. Racism, that’s a lie but prejudice has
been passed down from first generation to generation. You could feel it, Ill admit to
noticing our one African American, she was a beauty a real piece of work despite her
being heavy set, I could wish I was her, that is if I wasn’t enjoying myself so much. And
our stereotypically dressed latino. I don’t know if he was Mexican and they taught me
that Hispanic offends them; I wouldn’t want to be caught offending them now would I? I
suppose they would say the same of stereotypes when they’d meet mai roommate, That
higher education UCLA student that’s quiet but hard working, unoffensively dressed,
asian, if only they would meet her. Id say she broke some barriers in their neat
classification. Rarely quiet and with her working habits I wonder how she survives this
competitive world of education, much less has gotten so far as of yet.
Round 3 let me return to his mannerisms. Just as he politely approaches the balcony to
light his natural brand of cigarettes, I inform him of my departure. Without giving it a
single second of thought he puts his cigarette back and walks us down, he hadn’t done so
much for his best friend that left over half an hour ago. We hug and he suggests a
meeting under different circumstances.
I feel like myself two and a half years ago, leaving that shy room only to explode with
excitement over the sequence of events that so recently occurred. My less of everything
friend getting bored just hearing about it, but acting as animated as ever, I thank her in
my own way. Gloating in the amount of attention I received just a few minutes back. I
know myself why it feels so new to me, and I use the enthusiasm to hide all my fears. 2
and half years. I know it’s something most girls of my age can’t relate to. I would pride
myself on being so different if I weren’t so depressed. But I’m not here to pity myself.
Hugging him, my mind searched for an excuse to call him. How do you start when you
both know it’s so wrong. Counting the faces you’d have to justify it to shows it to be the
lost cause that it truly is. In that room we didn’t mind dreaming together of being
together, but thoughts of the future fill our hearts with doubt. We’re so different that it
feels so right, o curse the circumstances. I’ll tell it to everyone I know, that will make it
realer. Amazing the power of words, how something can be made true just by your
saying it. So much control to shape reality in that way. Our lives would be so easy, so
much less chaotic if we hadn’t the power. But I’m no Rousseau to dream of what our
lives would be like if we hadn’t made our mistakes.
I doubt my decision every minute, but the next I reinforce it with my rationality. My
blessed rationality. The one that I abandon chance I get for love. It doesn’t rest until I
learn my lesson. Have you ever looked at someone and just had that instinctive feeling
that you could never be them, until next thing you know, you are. And someone across
the room has that same thought. My advice, let them know, warn them. If you can save at
least one person than your pain was worth it. My thoughts run back and forth like a ping
pong ball. Forgiveness or strength? I can’t fathom anything in this world or even the
supernatural that could solve my problems. I think I’m sick. But I’m not here to pity myself, like I said.
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