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The Smart-Ass Shall Inherit The Earth John C Smith
It amazes me how impatient people can be. Here it was eight in the morning and my wife was dropping me off in a narrow alley behind my office as usual. I got out and walked around the car when some guy in a Porshe behind us decided he couldn�t wait the two seconds it took to lean in the window to give my (then) wife a peck good-bye. As I turned turned to head for the office the Porshe pinned me against my car and flirted with running over my feet as it squeezed past me. Startled, I mouthed �You Asshole!� to the angry, obnoxious driver. He looked like he could play the good-looking spoiled college fraternity jerk in any �coming of age� movie. Immediately he slammed on his brakes and rolled down his window. I would have layed money he�d just come from his morning workout and wouldn�t mind kicking some ass for good measure before getting into the office. A female companion sat beside him looking peturbed as he challenged. �What�d you say to me?� All of sudden my entire manhood flashed before my eyes and I had visions of rolling around in the parking lot getting the shit kicked out of me while my co-workers looked on in horror. Nevertheless, I summoned that same strength a mother has when she�s lifting a school bus off her child pinned beneath it and answered with a tough guy question of my own. �I�m sorry. I missed your question. Could you repeat it?� Smoke seemed to pour out of his ears as he emphatically repeated, �I asked what you just said to me?� It was either fizzle or fight, and I chose to fizzle by answering him with an obvious cowardly lie. �I asked, how ya doing?� With the look of a confused cartoon bull, he answered aggressively, �Fine! I�m doing Fine!� Without hesitation the mouse that I had become roared back with a smirk, �Well you sure look good!� There was nothing he could do but give me a pissed off squint while his girlfriend rolled her eyes in disgust. He revved the Porshe and roared away. From then on I became the bully. And every morning that we crossed paths him I tortured him with a sweet condescending good morning greeting punctuated with a baby wave as he sped past and pretended not to see me.
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