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Driving Miss Rachel
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TITLE (EDIT)
Driving Miss Rachel |
DESCRIPTION
Some advice on dealing with new drivers in your household.
[719 words] |
AUTHOR
Mark A Stuart |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
43 year old former Naval officer and professional manager that grew up in Southwest Georgia and believes that others may find interest in the lifestyle and events of small towns. I am a father of two beautiful girls that has been married to a wonderful woman for 18 years who has encouraged me to follow my desires and write.
[November 2004] |
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
marcusastu@aol.com |
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (10)
Bad Habits (Short Stories) Sometimes old habits aren't useful in new places. [710 words]
Charity (Short Stories) Lessons of about human kindness and the shortage thereof. [3,818 words]
Comparisons (Short Stories) Being thankful for the things that you don't have. [1,020 words]
Dying (Short Stories) Story of the coming death of a small town in SouthWest Geargia. [1,227 words] [Writing Resource]
First Love (Novels) Story of a young boy's first foray into the world of the opposite sex. [4,987 words]
Flight School (Short Stories) Story about a young boy's refusal to accept conventional wisdom. [1,733 words]
Gone Already (Short Stories) COnfusion can arise out of good intentions. [2,452 words]
Grass Fields (Short Stories) Learning lessons the hard way. [3,276 words]
Snakes (Short Stories) Teenage foolishness involving reptiles, drunks, and firearms. [3,107 words]
The Abduction Of Sammy Lee (Short Stories) Tale of a kidnapping in a small SouthWest Georgia town. [6,320 words]
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Driving Miss Rachel
Mark A Stuart
Driving Miss Rachel
Looking back on it now, I am not sure how my parents ever survived the torture of teaching four young lads the art of driving. I like to assume that it was probably an inherent skill that all of us boys possessed and that little teaching was involved. We were just naturals.
Having recently taken up the mantle of driving instructor myself, I am no longer so sure about my past assumptions. It is true that the roads on which we learned to drive were less populated by a magnitude of a thousand or so, and it is also true that each of us had the benefit of some previous driving experience via the tractor or other farm vehicles. Still, I can not understand why there are not more parents in institutions these days from having collapsed under the strain of teaching a teen to competently operate a motor vehicle. To do it four times and not go in the nut house, in my estimation, makes my parents freaks or super humans of some kind. I can not even remotely comprehend the strain of going through this again for my youngest daughter, much less having to do it four times.
In a fit of civic responsibility, I decided that I needed to jot down a few lessons learned that may help others embarking on this scary trip avoid Milledgeville and the medical costs associated with recovery. I am sure that insurance does not cover this as I have already checked.
Firstly, ensure that all instruction is conducted in the oldest car that you possess or can convince some unsuspecting fool to let you borrow. This will save you the agony of seeing that newly purchased vehicle wrapped around something ugly and non-moving. Like a tree. Or someone’s front door steps.
Secondly, if you do not drink, consider starting. Consider drinking heavily when you start. This will serve as a form of anesthesia that you actually allow your youngster to progress beyond backing out of the driveway. Depending on the dosage that you choose, you might be so lucky as to make it to the first stop sign or intersection before your first scream. This strategy also carried the added benefit of making you a little less animated when your youngster does strike an immovable object.
Many people would probably recommend that you have your car serviced and checked thoroughly before allowing your offspring behind the wheel. Tail lights, tires, brakes, turn signals, fluid levels, etc. Do not bother. You will find that your soon to be driver doesn’t use blinkers or brakes any way, and unless you were thinking of adding tank treads, the places that your vehicle will soon be motoring upon won’t be effected by the condition of your tires at any rate.
Do not bother to offer constructive criticism to those under your instruction. They already know how to drive and how to drive well. Your presence in the automobile is merely a legality that some previous government body imposed upon the teens as the result of heavy lobbying by the pharmaceutical industry. It has been proven that sales of Prozac and other drugs of a similar vein are 223% higher in homes with teens learning to drive. A similar statistic has been uncovered concerning alcohol sales.
You might well consider however, having your teen’s vision checked before allowing them behind the wheel. I can not adequately describe the sheer terror that I felt, when after nearly 9 months of cringing in the passenger seat while constantly repeating the Lord’s Prayer, that I discovered Rachel had 20/400 vision. In my mind this accounts for at least a portion of the sad mental state of health that I now enjoy.
Yes it is a scary world out there that we are turning our children loose into. It seems likely to be more so with the most recent crop of drivers that we are sending into it. I cannot state with a clear conscious that I have massively improved the quality of motorist with the addition of my daughter but I suppose that at some point we have to let go and let them go as well.
Besides, if your children are like mine, they won’t take well to the idea of driving a tank.
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2004 Mark A Stuart |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
December 2004 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
2235
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