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Mole M. Speaks
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Mole M. Speaks
An alcoholic who once played minor league baseball speaks to the members of the Royal Palm Room of Alcoholics Anonymous.
[1,147 words]
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Mole M. Speaks


                        I wish you all could have been with us last Saturday night when Mole M.,
                who once played center field in the minor leagues of baseball, hitting .450, was
                the guest speaker at the Royal Palm meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. He had
                made AAA ball and was hoping scouts would soon call him up to the major
                leagues.Unfortunately, he broke his leg in three places while sliding into
                home plate and that had ended his athletic career. He had turned to the field of
               Management Science in his college studies and was enjoying a successful career
               with IBM. Mole had a keen sense of humor and was an impressive public
               speaker. Sometimes two speakers shared the hour, each taking approximately
               one-half of the time allotment, but Mole always put on a good show, so he was
               given the full hour.

                        The Royal Palm Room was filled--- there was not a vacant seat. Mole took
               his cup of coffee from the “bar” and slowly walked to the front of the room. He
               sat down, looked around the room, made eye contact with many of the members
               and said:

                        “Thanks for coming. Glad to see so many old friends. It has now been
              12 years since I have partaken of alcoholic beverages and I can thank God,
              Alcoholics Anonymous, and you folks for this freedom. Back when I was
              playing baseball in the Minor Leagues things were going well for me and I was
              hoping to make the big leagues--- the big time. My luck didn’t hold out,
              however, and I experienced a devastating accident in an extra inning game in
             New York City which ended my career as a ball player. Before that mishap, I
             was what might be call a social drinker, whatever that is. I would typically have
             two or three drinks, mainly beer, in the course of an evening. At that time
            drinking and socializing was fun for me and I was in control. Once I knew for
            sure my baseball career was over I became depressed and my drinking elevated
            sharply. Ordinary beer drinking was no longer adequate for me. I needed
            something that would pull me out of my dark thoughts. One concoction I tried
            was a boilermaker, which some of you pros know is whiskey with a beer chaser.
            I also came to love Guiness Stout, which is a potent, distinctive, dark, creamy
            alcoholic beverage. Stout can refer to a person with big bones, like me. It also
            means a very dark full-bodied ale with a distinctive malty flavor. I loved to
            experiment with alcoholic drinks of various kinds and on occasion would drink
            some stout and wash it down with a glass of Budweiser. A real potent drink is a
            shot of Wild Turkey chased with Guiness Stout.”

                     Mole’s best friend, Mario, said, “You missed your calling, Mole. You
            should have been a chemist.”


            [Those present were beginning to warm to Mole’s presentation. Some titter-
            ing and an occasional guffaw swept the Royal Palm Room.]

                       “Before long, only the hard stuff would do. Although the first few drinks
            would appear to lift me out of my doldrums, later in the evening I would be
            plunged into a darker mood than the one present before the first drink. My best
            friends at work noted the aberrations in my behavior and could sometimes smell
            my breath. I started smoking weed in combination with my drinking and soon
            developed the shakes. It became necessary for me to have a drink soon after I
             left work, and so I would stop at a package store, gulp down a quick shot or
             two while in the parking lot, and then drive on home. I eventually got to the
             point where it became apparent that I was on the verge of losing my wife, my
             children, my job, and my drivers license. My decision-making was poor
             when behind the wheel. And I was lucky that I never had an accident. One
             comment I must make about alcohol and illicit drugs: It is my opinion that
             these substances make you dislike yourself!!!”

                      “Mike, who is sitting in the back row and has been a friend of mine since
             high school, and Mario, who I met at the Windham Bowling Alley, both advised
             me to consider attending some AA meetings. And one of my close friends at
             International Business Machines urged me to see a psychiatrist. It turned out
             that I did both things.”

                      “I made an appointment with Dr. Anna Frank, who is a licensed psychiatrist
             with a decade of experience. She is an attractive, mature woman and she put me
             at ease at our very first meeting. She too spoke highly of AA in general and the
             Royal Palm Room in particular. She made several telephone calls and finally
             arranged for my first meeting, saying that Bill Y. would pick me up at my
             apartment Monday at 7:30 in the evening, so that I would attend the eight
             o’clock meeting with him. Bill Y. had sponsored many new members of AA
             over the years and had an impressive reputation. It was also said that he was a
             stickler for rules, being a retired military man. Doctor Anna Frank told me
             she wanted me to attend five AA meetings, one each day, Monday through
             Friday, and then to give her a call.”

                      At Mole’s first AA meeting he wanted to know who was in charge. He
             was accustomed to the hierarchical structure at IBM and he was seeking out the
             CEO. The members found this hilarious, as AA is self-directed, but tried not to
             show their mirth. Mole looked for the CEO throughout the week, and queried
             other members as to his/her office or location. All the members of the Royal
             Palm Room found this entertaining, although they all liked Mole. When Mole
             was given a copy of The Big Book, which is the bible for AA members, he went
              to The Book and Record Store on Main Street in Windham seeking The Cliff
              Notes. Mole advocated efficiency in an industrial setting and he attempted to
               apply these ideas to the Royal Palm Room of Alcoholics Anonymous. He was
               looking for shortcuts! When one friendly old-timer told Mole that he had been
               an active member of AA for 17 years, attending at least six meetings a week,
               Mole said, “I won’t need to do that. I am in the five day program!”

                          “Well, folks, my time is up. I hope you got something out of my talk.”

The End



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© 2004 Higgins
August 2004

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