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The Fly And...
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The Fly And...
That Geoff Goldblum had it easy! One fly?? I should have been so lucky!
|AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (25)
A Capital Fart (Short Stories) The redundant London underground is pressed into service to win a world farting contest. [736 words] [Humor]
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The Fly And...
Darn it to smithereens. Always liked those old horror movies but never expected to be one. I am living 'The fly' in real life. Well, not 'The fly' exactly, but the reality doesn't have the same ring to it so 'The fly' will do.
Wife ordered me to throw away all my beloved accumulation of junk; my collection of washing machine parts; all my old hobby electronics bits; the spares for much loved vans and motorcycles I had in the 70s; the ancient tennis video games and so on that I just knew I would need some day. Says we can never find the barbecue utensils or get the lawnmower out with all 'that junk' in the sheds.
So I resolved I would use it, all of it down to the very last 7400, to make something really spectacular. Watching 'The fly' with Geoff Goldbum on TV gave me the idea. Matter transporters are no problem to us geniuses (or is that genii?) and I soon had the prototype set up in the back garden.
I did not want to share Geoff's fate so I cleaned the primary chamber (made from two old washing machines) thoroughly and then checked again, after I closed the door, that there was nothing in there with me before I pressed the button.
Sod. The stupid film got it wrong or my transporter did not work in quite the same fashion. Mine was two-way. As I transported to the secondary chamber (made from three old spin dryers) which I had not swept, the collection of creepy-crawlies in it was transported the other way and of course our molecules all got mixed up in the middle somewhere.
One fly? Where do these people live? Here in Sussex in the summer you have to empty the wildlife out of your shoes in the morning. Through my plethora of tiny insect (and arachnid and crustacean and myriapod) eyes I could see bits of me running and hopping about all over the garden.
My left foot bumping against the fence (the tiny woodlouse brain in charge had not quite got the hang of it) started next door's dog off. It came bounding over jumping against the fence and knocking over the primary transporter. Triggered something. The darn machine went mad, sucking in everything in range of both transporters, mixing them all up and spitting them out of the other one.
That Goldblum was lucky! half man, half fly indeed! Now I find I am sharing my body and my mind with five flies, two mosquitoes, ten garden spiders, fourteen earthworms, three millipedes, several centipedes, eight slugs, three garden snails, numerous woodlice, an earwig, seven sparrows, two starlings, two blackbirds, a cat, next door's dog, two grass snakes and that old plum tree that never produces any plums.
You wait till the wife gets home. I shan't half give her a piece of my mind. This is all her fault!
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© 2003 Xoggoth
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