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TITLE (EDIT)
Ivan's Out Of This World Odyssey
DESCRIPTION
Young boy elf and friends travel to the land of the dragons. In order to return home they must defeat the dragon. After a couple of obstacles they reach the dragon, and kill it. [1,941 words]
TITLE KEYWORD
Fantasy
AUTHOR
Alex M Sam
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
I am a 13 year old boy in drama, forensics, newspaper staff, and student council. I love to write! [November 2002]
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
coolguy1765@aol.com
READER'S REVIEWS (1)DISCLAIMER: STORY M A N I A DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"Great story, but it seemed to be abridged somehow. The story could be three sentences long (like your description), or a 7 installment book series. The way you wrote it was great, with good descriptions, but it seemed to skip around a little. When I was reading this, your narration sounded like you were in a hurry to tell this story. For your future stories, you may want to put a little more in between scenes to let the reader know about their progress (like when directors show characters walking, sweaty and exhausted, in movies when they've had to walk somewhere). Also, your characters need to be more human. I know, I know, they're elves, but they still weren't very believable at points. Most would argue a bit before agreeing to embark on a quest that could kill them. Also, you should give the characters some motivation to go into the portal. The unkown is always scary, so they might not have all followed a little dragon into the portal, especially since they'd only read about portals in stories. Kids don't walk into crack houses because they've heard about them on the news. The story would be a bit more believable (even with it's elves!) if you'd made the dragon snatch a necklace off Calera and told the reader that her grandmother had given it to her just before she died. Anything will do. Overall, especially, your story was good, even though I'm not really one for fantasy stories. One of the things I did really like was the fact that some of the characters died. Writers can be seperated into groups that aren't afraid to kill their characters (those are the good ones, like you) and those who are. This seperation is for the authors is as important as the groups fiction and nonfiction are to the books they write. The thing I liked most about your writing is that you hit the perfect spot between too much detail and not enough. You didn't take a whole paragraph to explain what people looked like, but you didn't leave the entirety of the character to my imagination. Some writers would just say that Ivan was an elf and was going to his friend's house. Others would give me his life story and then say he was going to his friend's house. If you just said elf, I could have pictured Will Farrel fighting a dragon, but no. Perfect description, and you didn't bog down any scenes of action with anything besides a play-by-play. " -- Jeff.
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2002 Alex M Sam
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
November 2002
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
580