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I Have A Problem
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I Have A Problem
I was addicted to diet pills.
I am an education major, who enjoys writing.
I Have A Problem
“ 5’9”, 172lb, Christina, you have put on a little weight since your last physical.” “Let’s check your heart rate.” “Wow!” “115 beats per min, this is not good.” My smile melted like butter that had been left out near the hot stove range. Would Dr. Tracy be able to see through my tuff guy act and see that I have a problem? “Are you nervous about something Christina?” My stomach began to boil like a volcano ready to erupt. Chills went up my spin and the little hairs on my arms stood at attention. “Christina I would like to send you to get a urine test and some blood work.” I would like to check your thyroid and some of you digest organs and most important your blood pressure and cholesterol. “Have your eating habits changed?”
I thought myself well I am in college now and my eating habits have changed somewhat. That was a bit of denial. By now, my stomach had made a 360-degree turn, I thought I was going to be sick. Do I tell him? Will he tell my mother? What should I do?
I swallowed my tongue and thanked him and was off to the lab for the tests. The following day I received a call from Dr. Tracy. His voice cracked and it sounded as if he was confused. Something was wrong with this picture. He explained that I had extremely high cholesterol and high blood pressure, not to mention I had a bladder infection.
I knew in my heart why I had all these crazy problems. I did it to my self. I was in denial. That day I went to his office for a meal menu and some antibiotics. I didn’t understand how I could have had a bladder infection all the other symptoms made sense. Elevated heart rate, high cholesterol and high blood pressure. I asked Dr. Tracy “what causes a bladder infection?” He replied “There are a couple reasons why you may have this problem, the most common one is the infection is caused by build up of bacteria.” That thought stuck in my head. “Bacteria, Bacteria Bacteria?” Did I cause this problem?
I realized I had a problem! I was addicted to diet pills. What caused this? How far had I taken it? Is it too late to stop? Thoughts ran through my head around and around just like racecars in the Indies 500’s? Growing up with so many different pressures to be skinny. I knew the dangers of eating disorders they were imbedded in my head since the eight grade or maybe even earlier. Are diet pills considered an eating disorder? I was so confused. I never thought I would get addicted. No way not me!
There I was 170lb with a resting heart rate of 115bpm, and I was up to 12-14 pills a day. The more pills I swallowed the more mounds of food I would indulge in. I thought that I could binge eat and still lose weight because I was on diet pills. Also, I needed the caffeine. It had taken over my body. Some nights I would go to bed at 11:00 p.m. but not be able to fall a sleep until five in the morning. If I skipped a pill, which was very rare, I would kind of have withdrawal I needed a coffee or something to give me a quick fix. If not my head would begin to hurt, personally I thought some of it was psychological. My roommates had no idea. Frankly, neither did my family or my boyfriend. The addiction was bad. I was sending so much money to. Some bottles were up to sixty dollars. In fact, my boyfriend would give me money to take the train home from school to see him. I would take the money and buy diet pills meanwhile; I put the train ticket on my credit card. The best part was that the train station has a GNC nutrition store in their waiting area, which made it easy for me to access them. This made the pills more accessible.
The worst part of everything is the pills were unsuccessful for me I hadn’t really lost any weight except maybe 2lb. They had done more damage to my body then anything. The visit to the doctors office as horrifying as it was made me realize that I needed to do something and change the direction in which I was going. I wanted to live longer and loose weight, but I had to make a change and do it the healthily way. At that moment I flushed the pills down the toilet and watched then spin and swirl like a school of bees. That was it, I was done for good. I switched to one cup of coffee a day and made some other changes. I kept a journal of my food intake and monitored the saturated fat content and the amount of sodium in the food that I was eating. The next couple of weeks were ruff, but I made it. Within the last year I have lost some of the weight and have made some positive changes. My resting heart rate is now at 78 b.p.m, which is excellent. Also my blood pressure decreased as well as my cholesterol. I love my body and am thankful I realized that sooner then later. I have committed my self to eating healthy for the rest of my life and spreading awareness of the danger of diet pills.
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© 2002 Christina Soderberg
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