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Observations At An All You Can Eat Buffet Line
Story satirizing Buffet Eaters.
Ashley M Smoger
High School Student.
Observations At An All You Can Eat Buffet Line
Ashley M Smoger
Approximately one week ago, on January 13th, an odd event occurred in a tiny restaurant at an all you can eat buffet line. Apparently there was a bit of a disagreement between two of the buffet eaters, John Leroy and Brandon Simmons. According to Brandon, John was moving quite slowly through the buffet line and when asked to move faster, threw a fit and dumped his bowl of spaghetti on Brandon's head. Brandon retaliated by hitting John and the two men fought, causing quite a chaotic scene. When we heard of this news, we decided to send our very own Ruth Patrol to several all you can eat Buffet Restaurants around the Metro-Detroit Area. She interviewed several buffet eaters and recorded what irritated them the most while filling their dinner plates. Mrs. Patrol also timed various people to see how long it took them to go through a buffet line.
The first buffet eater was David Baker, age 31, who is a truck driver. Mr. Baker retrieved his dish, filled it to capacity, and returned to his seat in 2.3 minutes.
The second buffet eater was Marie Bristow, who was 21 and a store clerk. Marie scurried through the line at an impressive 1.7 minutes.
The third buffet eater was George Watson, age 57 who is retired. George had a little bit more trouble than the others. Due to a shortage of green beans, George refused to proceed until more were made. This resulted in Mr. Watson having a time of 6.4 minutes.
There were four other eaters timed at the Buffet Line. Results are recorded at the end of this report.
After interviewing a wide variety of buffet consumers, Ruth discovered what annoyed them the most about buffet lines. She put together some rules that one may follow to make everyone else's meal more pleasant. The rules are as follows...
Rule Number One: Never "cut" in front of others while in line. Patiently wait your turn to avoid any type of conflict.
Rule Number Two: After receiving your helping of food, place serving spoon back where it belongs. If you choose not to do so, don't complain when you get ranch dressing in your turkey gravy.
Rule Number Three: While proceeding through the line, avoid stopping for long periods of time. If you choose not to do so, be prepared to be yelled at, kicked, shoved, or pushed.
Rule Number Four: Be polite. Restrain yourself from taking four desserts, making a scene, yelling at the cook because he doesn't make the potatoes like your mother, etc.
Ruth Patrol believes that if you abide by these four simple rules your buffet entertainment will be very enjoyable. She presented this list of rules to Frank Lysome, president of the FWA and owner of a chain of all you can eat buffets. Frank agreed with these rules also.
So there you have it. Next time a person cuts in front of you, takes all the desserts, or takes forever, hand them these rules and calmly walk away.
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© 2002 Ashley M Smoger
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