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10:15 by Lawrence Peters A short story about fate and speed and the things that bring people together. [713 words]
The Go-Between by David Gardiner Everybody in the big city is looking for something. The trick is to find out what. [1,638 words]
Talent Takes Patience by Andrew Allyn Rasmussen This story is an interview with my next door neighbor, Christopher Beier. He has a treme... [821 words]
All For Her by F Luis Alvarez The ultimate sacrifice for the ultimate love. [834 words]
Winston (Part 4) by Wolfa Continuing story about a pitbull and a crazy woman... I don't really see the need to describe ... [3,116 words]
Till Death Do Us Part by Sorcha Colleran A chilling tale about a grieving husband. [873 words]
The Unwanted Doll by Debbie Bailey A little girl finds a lonely doll to bring home for Christmas. [821 words]
The Serpent by Simon King Beware your sins... [6,543 words]
The Promise by Debbie Bailey A fictional account of a woman caught in the WTC tragedy and the firefighter who rescues her. [2,453 words]
The Official Brown Envelope by Anna J McGuire A short story based on the challenges faced in war, by the men at war, and their wo... [829 words]
T-H-E N-U-T-Hare B-A-R-T-E-R-I-N-G R-A-B-B-I-T K-I-D by Christopher Dark This is a true story about the lives of 4 people I know ve... [2,454 words]
The Music Of The Spheres by Simon King Can you hear that noise...? [3,946 words]
The Little Things In Life by Fiona Shine This is a story told from the wiewpoint of a man who has spent most of his life in pr... [976 words]
The Greatest Gift by Debbie Bailey A woman reunites with the man who got her pregnant 25 years before. [7,498 words]
The Cab by Jeremy Shackleford Four people ride the same taxi at different times and the cabbie realizes between all of them.And in on... [927 words]
Qualities Of A Friend by Andrea Diane Brown John Denton, a high school sophomore, is excited to learn about the new neighbor his age ... [844 words]
Puppy Love by Debbie Bailey Animals do fall in love too! [747 words]
Peripheral Vision by Simon King In some places, the past and the present are very close... [2,838 words]
My Sweetheart by Debbie Bailey A high school student gets his girlfriend pregnant. [12,593 words]
Mightier Than The Sword by Simon King How much do you hate your boss...? [2,506 words]
Melody's Journey by Rose Trimovski It was her journey, her destiny to find the castle and to get the sword that had powers of the... [8,992 words]
Love That Never Dies by Andrea Diane Brown Daniel Jackson lives with his father. Both are having a great deal of trouble overcoming ... [1,273 words]
Finding Fleur by Sue (Sooz) Simpson Katy desperately wants to find Fleur, but does Fleur want to be found? [1,727 words]
False Accusations by Andrea Diane Brown Something's wrong in Sandra Richardson's life, but she just can't figure out what's going on.... [1,304 words]
Dirty Apartment by Sunny Description of my dirty apartment and its cause, me. [756 words]
Deadly Persuit by Sue (Sooz) Simpson Nature at its most cruel .. when it's interfered with by man. [1,541 words]
Dawn Rising by Sue (Sooz) Simpson He looked at his own personal sunrise every morning, yet longed for the warmth of the sun. [1,069 words]
Dark Solitude. by Sue (Sooz) Simpson A woman alone on the moors when a storm threatens, but this is no ordinanry storm and that is no... [1,434 words]
Creeping Up From Behind. by Sue (Sooz) Simpson You can't ever really know what someone else is thinking ... unless they choose to tel... [925 words]
Cold, Cold Night.. by Sue (Sooz) Simpson The night was beautiful but biting, she had to make her final farewells, a cigarette would h... [630 words]
Car Trouble by Sue (Sooz) Simpson Boys will be boys. [496 words]
Breakfast In Bed by Sue (Sooz) Simpson She loved her husband so much, and a sepcial man deserves a special breakfast. [1,633 words]
Barriers by Sue (Sooz) Simpson Everybody's frightened of the prisoner in the cell at the end of the block. [2,913 words]
Bandit At Twelve-O-Clock by Sue (Sooz) Simpson A sinister note drops through her letter box, but who is it from and what's it all abo... [2,144 words]
Attractions by Sue (Sooz) Simpson People stared at the sisters and called them freaks. [678 words]
Apple Of His Eye by Sue (Sooz) Simpson Daddy's little girl, Daddy's little sweetheart. (May be deemed offensive). [1,742 words]
Angel Stew by Sue (Sooz) Simpson The kitchens are in uproar. [826 words]
Agony by Sue (Sooz) Simpson The First in a series of Agony columns written by the unstoppable Aunt Nasty. (May be deemed offensive) [1,200 words]
A Fork In The Road. by Sue (Sooz) Simpson A paradox revolving round the lonely Holker Mosses in the dead of night. [2,835 words]
Madness by Keri McGriff Story based on the life of a woman in the mad house. [593 words]
Thelma's Dilemma by Elwin L Wormwood Thelma Price is about to loose everything she holds dear, until a teenage boy arrives and chan... [3,101 words]
The Medium by Stan A Fowler An engaging and personal battle by an arrogant talk-show host to undermine and expose his guest to r... [4,843 words]
You Verbally Bruise by A Delusion Of Adequacy Just fnding no depth in peope in general. [666 words]
Winston (Part 3) by Wolfa The escaped pitbull forges a partnership with a bum. Meanwhile, the woman Dana believes she h... [2,671 words]
Should Have Would Have, Could Have Been by Alberto Pupo A story of regrets and mistakes.... [638 words]
Observations At An All You Can Eat Buffet Line by Ashley M Smoger Story satirizing Buffet Eaters. [506 words]
Janeska's Story by Ashley Burdett A story of the Holocaust told through a victim's eyes. [5,942 words]
Greatest by A Delusion Of Adequacy The most brutal writing I've ever done. [967 words]
God's Hiding Place by Lawrence Peters - [230 words]
Feng Shui Movers by Kelly Moran My short story involves a reluctant heroine who hides behind new age philosophy instead of tak... [1,922 words]
Dor Omhan
Describing by A Delusion Of Adequacy The only thing I've written that I like. [532 words]
And Angels Crept. by Duluoz First attempt at writing a novella..(semi-bio)..i'm only two chapters into it but would enjoy... [1,325 words]
Alien Mask by John Barnovsky This is a third-person narration about the encounters of a mountain rescue team with a small clan of... [9,096 words]
The Ticket by Kurt Kitasaki A satire on people who play the lottery. [912 words]
Winston (Part 2) by Wolfa The pitbull, Ripper, plots his escape, and a strange young woman is introduced. [3,397 words]
Winston (Part 1) by Wolfa A brutal, viciously intelligent pit bull -- a champ pitfighter -- makes his way from the dogfi... [3,013 words]
When The Blood Runs Cold by Jack M Brown A murderer surveys his victim, while trying to certify that he has done the right thin... [419 words]
The Medusa Raft by Dimitry Shreders The Medusa Raft is the story of one man ascension from cowardice and personal despair to courag... [7,100 words]
Thanks For Asking by Charles Bishop Twisted Bishop The town that polices it own. [787 words]
Papa by Lawrence Peters For one of the greatest there was. [473 words]
Nympholepsy by Rowen Ravera A bit of prose? attempting to leave the reader aware of violent emotions - particularly relating to... [499 words]
Its A Dog's Life by Ramkumar Menon This story is a poignant description of relationships between human beings. The idea is brough... [1,830 words]
If Not (Dog), Then What? by Jaaffar Munasip A short story of deception and self-believe. [1,344 words]
Devil's Embrace by Black Widow It's an erotic tale of one woman's descent into madness and masochism. [5,139 words]
Boston Blacky by Ken Whan An extended twist on a folk tale. [1,439 words]
An Intimate Conversation With The Powers That Be by Robert G Hagans From the mind of the hopeless cynic, comes a very strange but ... [1,070 words]
When Sylvie Sang by John Kraft A story of love, food and music. [2,030 words]
The Story Of Trading (Featuring Man And Ape) by Rowan Davies 'Tis a humourous tale of the begins of trade. Ape knows the key to... [1,609 words]
The Signal by Tom Campbell What if our search for extraterrestrial intelligence proved fruitful? [876 words]
The Men And The Beast by G Sandberg A descriptive description of the horrors of the D-Day invasion of Normandy. [586 words]
Simple Pleasures In Vegas by R James Hunter One chapter of an in-progress novel. Examines life through one man's ego. [389 words]
Face Your Life by Niall Power Street racing community. [621 words]
Bad Boy by Richard Koss A true story about a bad boy growing up in 1950. Was he just mischievous? Would his behavior be consi... [2,844 words]

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TITLE (EDIT)
Dor Omhan
DESCRIPTION
"It was... my wife's," Jrudam said, much to Omhan's embarressment, "An earring. I had it made for her on our wedding day, but she would not except it. She told me, when I presented it to her, 'Women of the Royen clan are not given their earrings. They rip them out of the cold ears of their enemies, or do not walk fashionably adorned at all.'"
Jrudam smiled fondly in rememberence, but touching the earring once again, he sighed.
"She died last year, and I have not had the strength to rid myself of it's enchantment. For on the earring is the emblem of a peacock, a proud and beautiful creature, as was she. She enchanted me."

[2,810 words]
TITLE KEYWORD
Literary Fiction
AUTHOR
Kai Zi Led
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
I've always wanted to make people see what it is I see. I don't care whether that individual agrees or not, or even understands it totally... but I feel it is a gift to have someone; just for a moment, even; get lost in what it is you've written and appreciate your thoughts for what they are: you.
[February 2002]
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
[email protected]
READER'S REVIEWS (10)
DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.

"Hmm... no hits, no reviews... it figures. Just click on the title "dor Omhan' if you're confused... I was, at first." -- Kai Zi Led, Author.
"Hello Mr.? Ms.? Zi Led or is it Led? I’m sorry I’m such a dunce when it comes to figuring out who people are. Anyway, I was told by the Storymania Advisor that you might be willing to help. I hope he’s said the same to you, so I don’t sound like a complete idiot and you wonder why I’ve bothered you. Anyway I’d like you to help me with my writing, the medication should work just fine for my neurosis, but won’t clear up a story that I want to actually go somewhere and improve upon. I agreed to do whatever I can for yours, though I’m hoping you’re a better critiquer than I am, because to me it looks like your work is great, and I sure could use the help. I’ll get down to the nitty gritty in my next post, once I’ve had time to analyze your story." -- O. Hale.
"Grammar Corrections: Line 3: No such word as “unfamously.” Line 3: Should be “so-called” Line 6: Should be “else’s” Line 11: “messenger” Line 12: Capitalize “River” because it is a specific river. Line 16: “messenger” Line 19: “children’s,” “possibilities,” and “distinctly” Line 26: “messenger” Line 28: “forgotten” Line 42: Nice word but “untrodden” doesn’t exist. Try “loose” or “the way that wasn’t trodden” Page 2: “embarrassed,” “all right,” “heartstrings,” “the they”? (one of these words doesn’t belong), “travelers,” “month’s” Page 3: His voice “cracked” with age, “hardheaded,” “sacrifice,” ”forgotten,” “alignment” Page 4: “contemplate,” “embarrassment,” “accept,” “remembrance,” “embarrassment” Page 5: “tender-heart,” “recognized,” “immediately,” “recognized” Punctuation Corrections: Line 34: Change the semi colon to a comma. Page 3: Unnecessary comma: "Hark, Lor Kheillador! It is Omhan, do you remember me? Page 4: Incomplete sentence: A Mekun bowman, perhaps? Period after “chided himself” (This makes the second “be brave” an incomplete sentence, but it is acceptable) Page 5: No, it is not. the best thing. (Get rid of the first period) I’m afraid I’m not a very good critic beyond grammar and punctuation, and can’t really tell you how to improve this story beyond those points. I just simply don’t know how to. Hope I’ve helped a little though. " -- Orchidea.
"EXCELLENT ENDING. There are still a few misspellings that need to be fixed, but it's a great story. You could add something about Kheillador choosing a successor -- you just kind of leave that hanging. Also, the name "Dor" is not mentioned until rather late in the story. Perhaps you should introduce Omhan as "Dor Omhan" instead of just "Omhan". Then you could omit the "Dor" from his name, and we can assume that "Omhan" is a shortened version of his name. Besides the grammar problems, there's not much I can find wrong with this piece. Again, I love the ending! A sort of "Lady and the Tiger", isn't it?" -- Bitch.
"You mean it's both technically flawless and a great perfect story. I find that very hard to believe, since I weep just looking at its incompleteness. Are you certain you don't wish to review it, or are you getting an error message when you try to review like I sometimes get. If so, tell me at [email protected] and I'll send you a personal copy of Steel Wheels. I'd appreciate it." -- O. Hale.
"It's fine if you don't want to review it. Just one more liar I suppose." -- O. Hale.
"I'm taking it down now. Thanks for nothing." -- O. Hale.
"a good writing, but as O Hale said, "it's hard to believe it's a perfect and technically flawless story." maybe if you took a little more time to correct it, it would be better if not perfect! good luck on other stories." -- alex the writing girl.
"O. Hale dont judge me, u dont know me. I just went throught he hardest two months ofmy entire life. i dont expect anything in my story to be 'complete' or even good, i dont believe i have ANY talent. i dont blame u for being angry and do understand i read and reread ur story and WILL critique it when i have time it is a good story... just hard to sa anyting about " -- Kai Zi Led.. Kimberly De Liz.
"I'm sorry Kimberly that things didn't work out better between you and Orchidea as I would've hoped. It is downright tragic for you to say that you don't have any talent, Kimberly, when you so obviously do. I'm not sure that even I could've achieved something comparable to this piece. I fear critiquing it in detail though, because I don't know what might upset you, and it tends to be quite easy to upset writers by pointing out perceived or actual flaws. I'm sure that you've seen much the same from your dealings with Orchidea, who has asked me as well never to contact her again. Some writers can be defensive about their work, others such as Orchidea can be neurotic, and still others such as yourself can be overly stressed for whatever reasons. If you need any help, even if it isn't writing related, perhaps I can help; you know where to find me.--The Advisor" -- JA St.George.

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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2002 Kai Zi Led
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
February 2002
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
439
 

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