DESCRIPTION
This is a revised version of a scene I had written for my sitcom "McDaniel's" (a sitcom about the fast food industry). I wrote this version for possible use in a student project I had agreed to help with. That student project was a mock-informercial about a product called Cubie, a 9-step program to success. This scene ended up being deleted before production. Still a little amuusing, though. [346 words]
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Cubie Nathan Weaver
AN OFFICE. ENTER NATALIE, ELDERLY GENTLEMAN sits behind the desk.
NATALIE
Hello, sir. (shakes ELDERLY GENT’S hand as he rises)
ELDERLY GENT
Natalie, is it?
NATALIE
Uh, yes, sir.
ELDERLY GENT
Do have a seat.
SHE SITS.
NATALIE
Thank you, sir.
ELDERLY GENT
A few questions about your resume, which I read… a little.
NATALIE
Shoot… sir.
ELDERLY GENT
Are you secure in… what’s the word? Secure in your…
NATALIE’S jaw is on the floor, afraid of the obvious innuendo.
NATALIE
What letter does it start with?
ELDERLY GENT
I believe it starts with an “S”. Yes, that’s right. Are you secure in your… your…
NATALIE
(regretfully fills in the blank) Sexuality, sir?
ELDERLY GENT
No… no. PHOTOGRAPHY! It wasn’t an “S’. That’s what was getting me. (PAUSE) Sexuality? (grunts in disgust)
NATALIE
(eager now to makeup) Yes.
ELDERLY GENT
Would you consider yourself a virgin?
NATALIE
I’m not sure I understand what you are getting at?
ELDERLY GENT
(to the point) Are you a virgin? (awkward pause) Would you consider yourself a veteran?
NATALIE
I… do I have to answer this?
ELDERLY GENT
Just a simple question.
NATALIE
I wouldn’t consider myself a veteran, no… I’m a virgin.
ELDERLY GENT
Well, then why would I want to hire you?
NATALIE
YOU’RE NOT GOING TO HIRE ME BECAUSE I’M A VIRGIN!?
ELDERLY GENT
Plenty of other WELL qualified applicants have already been in this office.
NATALIE
Just let me get one thing straight before I walk out that door and SUE YOU. Are we talking about my experience as a photographer or are we talking about my sex life?
ELDERLY GENT
(shocked) SEX?! Of all the cockamamie—
FREEZE FRAME. Letters appear on screen, “BAD.”
NARRATOR VOICE OVER
Never be caught making this mistake. Remember, the employer is always right. Now, let’s back up and try that again with a little help from Cubie..
BACK TO NATALIE making entrance.
NATALIE
Sup?
ELDERLY GENT
Natalie, is it?
NATALIE
Right on.
ELDERLY GENT
Do have a seat.
SHE SITS.
NATALIE
Don’t mind if I do.
ELDERLY GENT
A few questions about your resume, which I read… a little.
NATALIE
Try me.
ELDERLY GENT
Are you secure in… what’s the word? Secure in your…
NATALIE
Absolutely.
ELDERLY GENT
Would you consider yourself a virgin?
NATALIE
Absolutely not.
ELDERLY GENT
I like you, Kid.
NATALIE
I can’t see why!
ELDERLY
You’re hired!
NATALIE turns and looks at the camera.
NATALIE
I had to sell my soul, but now I’m rolling in cash. Thanks, Cubie, I owe ya one… well, millions actually.
END SCENE
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