If both of our souls died on that day in November
And were instantly reincarnated into something already living
I thought I saw us together the other day
You were a tubby mop-haired beaming seven-year old
I was a tiny fluffy black fly
You were pulling my wings off with your grubby little fingers
I was sucking on strawberry jam that held my legs in place
You pulled my legs off
I sucked on jam
You squashed my thorax
I discontinued sucking but still loved the jam
Then I saw that you were both the jam and the boy
I loved you but you loved to kill me
Dick.
READER'S REVIEWS (5) DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!" -- Jeffrey Lee Williams Junior.
"Interesting. Do you still love your ex?" -- R. Bennett Okerstrom.
"Wow, i think this poem has potential. It's the first one i've read on storymania that i did't roll my eyes at. In my humble opinion i would like to see the poem read like this: both of our souls died on that day in November And were instantly reincarnated into something already living You were a tubby mop-haired beaming seven-year old I was a tiny fluffy black fly You were pulling my wings off with your grubby little fingers I was sucking on strawberry jam that held my legs in place You pulled my legs off I sucked on jam You squashed my thorax I discontinued sucking but still loved the jam in this way the images would speak for themselves and give the poem a sense of resonance at the end. I think people will understand the metaphore without the explanation at the end. -A note to Jeffery lee williams junior if he happens to look for a reply to his coment... What the fuck is not a review. Might I sugest a more constructive hobby, such as stairing at a wall or tasting poison. " -- John Amos.
"Nice review John. I agree." -- R. Bennett Okerstrom.
"I hope you never think twice about the first comment... Your poem is an interesting way of looking at love. It's common day imagery makes it real and tangable. I wonder why you decided to reincarnate your self as a fly? Was that arbitrary? There is also a sexual innuendo in the poem about which I am currious; again I wonder if it is arbitrary... All in all this is a great poem. Keep it up. In the future you might want to try a more less candid metaphor and as the previous person said, let the imagery speak for it self. well done." -- Peter Izdebski, Toronto, Ontario Canada.
TO DELETE UNWANTED REVIEWS CLICK HERE! (SELECT "MANAGE TITLE REVIEWS" ACTION)
Submit Your Review for Jam
Required fields are marked with (*). Your e-mail address will not be displayed.