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The Unknown Woman
The Ironic Side Step
Go to page: 1 
Set in the present time in a courtroom. A small-cast, one short-act requiring about 16 minutes to perform. A judge is perplexed as he attempts to seek the identity of a man who appears to be a vagrant. The vagrant's use of a Shakespearan-eque language, coarse and insolent, and his claims to be a king from another place and time, is convincing enough under the circumstance to give one pause.
American novelist, essayist and non-fiction author.
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
A Small-Cast Play
in One Short-Act
By: Bryce Martin
Do you have any friends, Mr. -ah, King is it?
My search for Diana and all that is chaste is friends enough. Prithee, do not court my humble title in rated matter.
Mr. King, are you saying that this Diana jilted you and you're seeking someone to replace her? That's understandable.
Incarc'erated by a rouge's hands, pli'ed of my hearldy, forced to wear buckram with strangers in a gloomy cast. Woe is the plight of one more worthy.
Mr. King, you haven't been in jail. You've been in a holding facility awaiting this hearing to see if you need to be charged with being a public nuisance. Do you understand that?
Methinks you have wronged me gravely with your misdeeds. Were it not for my humble rank, scepter-bound in the great link, a thrice-maddened fang wodst squander your cozened halter ornaments. Pheeze to the peacemakers. Unjust is unjust. Rhyme without reason. Strike the infidels! Darken the pits for their treason!
Mr. King, are you directing your remarks to me, the court, or am I missing something here?
Thou marketh me by my gaudy remnants. Hah! Tis a milliner's excess that gathers my gaze, and a darkened sheath in antic's gear to witness my front. Ye may yet not see the wrath of such indulgences for I am a king, honour bound. In this strange country I know not; I seek your leave in my noble name, for the only justice is out-bondage for a prove'd redheart, alien to your trust, prudent in thy mercy. I beseech your fair honour to look lightly upon my sentence for I am in the drakest of rooms as to the weight of my treason.
I said nothing about your appearance, Mr. King. How do you address this court on the matter stipulated?
Ha! You raise your brow in servitude then bestow me unkindly. In what manner am I to adress thee? Sir or sirrah?
Address me as Judge if you desire and enter your plea.
Mark this then: Your wit is forlorn, your spice untasty, your manner kith and kin to a mongrel. Let your salty, gaping pig's head writhe in the cauldron of your foolish heart. He that speaketh in neat's-tongue is fool rendered
Mr. King, you are in contempth...contempt, I mean, of court. For the final time, how do you plead?
If I were to jostle with a kinsman I could find hip, a sheath for my sword, an ale in victory. Here I am kindered to dust. Prithee my word and I will tarry no more. Justice is improv'd by your mercy. See me; believe me; within thine eyes disavow me. Only in the minds of men are all things true.
You're not going to jail, Mr. King.
Indeed, m'lord. You are a gracious host.
Bailiff...ah, you know the procedure.
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"I'm not sure I quite understand this play. Is it meant to be a comedy based on anachronism? Some of the judge's responses to the vagrant seem to suggest he is just misunderstanding the vagrant's language and interpreting it more as contemporary speech and then in the next response he isn't. It's a well-written piece and the language is very good but I think you need to make more clear what your message is. Or maybe I just missed the point. Keep writing anyway, this definitely has a lot of potential" -- S J Fletcher.
"Where dose this court take place. What is crime is vagrant suppose to charge with. keep writting." -- Jeanette H.
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© 2002 Bryce Martin
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