AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (1) Solidity Is Not Here (Poetry) A poem about being yourself and that the worldy things such as physical beauty and status is really not as great as it seems. This is a poem that also describes the mind set of almost everything but Z... [202 words] [Fable]
Panic Madeline Maddy Marie Keene
PANIC
It was hot. Of course it was hot. This was Utah and not the dew dripping mountain part of it. Summer time in Zions. Zions National Park holds lush green fertile patches but there isn’t much else out there. All it is is a pile of rocks sprinkled with gallons of dust, but it’s breathtaking. Church is one of my favorite places although I think it’s the people I like best which is why the trips that we, as the youth of the church take. You have to be 14 to attend the Zion’s trip and guess what, I just had my birthday.
This year was an exception. Instead of camping out, we were to have a hotel. I wondered what it’d be like as we rolled along in the car, easing along the road as dust encased us. Luckily the windows were rolled up. I despise hot weather and desolate places. My mission was to have fun but the only reason I was going was to say to my parents when I got back, “Hey look, I didn’t loaf around the house and do nothing all Summer after all!” The hotel held a cabin-like Park City look but yet it was also Western. I recall it having several floors, with one elevator and the hall’s carpet was a deep cobalt blue ruptured with the pattern of yellow diamonds. Our rooms were white and brown. White sheets and brown blankets, polar bear paint and chocolate baseboard. I roomed with two other girls. The day after we arrived we went up to The Narrows, a large, level stream that seemed as if it ran through a cave however, this cave had no roof and the sides stretched and reached for at least two hundred feet. There were patches of sand against the rock, small bays that seem like islands. To hike the narrows all you have to do is wade through the water and usually we’d go in a zigzag pattern, each island acting as a dot and we were connecting them.
Sometimes the islands stopped for a while down the river and all we had left to do was pioneer through it. There was one point in the river where it went up to our waists. We held our backpacks above our heads as we plunged through the water which was rushing downstream from the way we were heading. It was rather refreshing as we emerged upon the next bay. At least our bottom half was soaked but nonetheless cool. We went up the rived for an hour or two before trekking back down, which was much easier than going up. arriving at the hotel we went to change and then meet downstairs in the conference room for a meeting and a lesson. Church trips weren’t Church trips without the lessons just like the ones that are taught to us every Sunday in our classes. This lesson was on lying.
It was only midway through the lesson that I’d realized that something was repeatedly tugging in my chest.
A horrible realization hit me. Did I get enough sleep? No. Sleep is the most important thing for me, or so my dad says. Why? Well, I’ll tell you why. Because I get panic attacks when I don’t sleep. They creep up on you almost unsuspectingly. Almost. First you feel a tugging in your chest. Not like the pounding pain and cramps that an approaching heart attack has, but a spiny tugging feeling just as if a thin elastic strap were merged with your heart, somebody pulls it quickly and then slowly goes along with its tug until they can release it from their palms. They repeat this as it feels mercilessly out of your control. Every time I inhailed felt like a ticking time bomb to be set off when my lungs were fully inflated with air. Air seemed impossible to get. The fear of my heart being set off as a raccing hound springing out from the starting gate was too much. I had to get out of here without making a commotion. There were too many people. I sat there basking in my anxiety. Death felt as if it could pounce upon me at any moment, or so i felt, but my brain wasn’t going to put any precautions aside as I hung from a cliffs edge. I don’t think many people have ever died from a panic attack, but almost everybody feels like they will. In the state of panic, even if you tell yourself that you’re not going to die you believe it. Then I had the actual part of the panic attack. I sat there silently listening to the lesson. My heart sped up and things were peaceful. They were actually peaceful. My heart was pounding, spinning out of control and yet I felt a calmness. I think I was actually happy and a smile sat on my face. The panic part was over. Done with and here was the actual thing. Interesting, yes. Fun, somewhat. Things that aren’t boring tend to be fun. Another experience to add to my life. My second panic attack. My heart calmed down as the lesson was ending. “Now let’s go to dinner!” Dinner? I need sleep. Should I go to dinner. The Crandalls are cooking ad they’re the best cooks in the world. Yes, Dinner sounds lovely.
Authors Note:
We don’t notice things as much as we probably should, or more accurately, as soon as we should. Panic attacks are really a pain because it’s usually one of those things. On the occasion that we do, which is an occasion that almost never occurs, we reflect upon the past times that we’ve failed to do this and we learn from our past mistakes as we begin to look and notice those things sooner. I’ve had many incidences where something so prevalent fails to be observed and in result, I’ve paid a dear price. Life will never turn out perfectly and nothing can ever be prevented again no matter what precautions you choose to take. Panic Attacks are similar to near death experiences but I felt like I could just throw a few cool phrases out there describing them. This is really unedited because I was way to behind on my work for missing class for a few days so, I just wrote it. Maybe someday I could make a better one out of this but that’s not likely t happen.
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