What Nursing Taught Me About Life And Death by Natalie Hallworth - [2,108 words]
Truth by Adele Staufer The story of the influence of my Grand-parents' lakefront plot on my childhood. [861 words]
Shots And Sticks by Sarah O'Farrell A Diabetic's Journey. [1,279 words]
Oh Australia, How I Hate Thee by Thepratmeister Let me count the ways... [505 words]
My First Break by Mike Raudenbush This is a non-fiction story about the first time I broke a bone. It is short and fast. With a fe... [992 words]
Life On High by Rose Reitman This peice describes my year long experience of getting high. I became accustomed to releasing fro... [1,414 words]
Vitry-Sur-Seine Half-Marathon - April 23, 2006 by Terry Kaufman After running the Paris Half-Marathon over a month ago, I decide... [777 words]
Purge - Goodbye
Paris Half-Marathon - March 5, 2006 by Terry Kaufman 5 months of regular training. Knee, ankle, and ligament injuries. 21.1 ki... [940 words]
The Burglar, My Husband And I by Amarjit Bhambra This actually happened, Its also good to have a laugh about it. [243 words]
Stormy Petrels by Denise Clement Short true story based on my Hysler family tree. My paternal family of Duval Co. Florida. From 1... [7,856 words]
Kitty Kissses: The Silent Treatment by Shelley J Alongi Brandy tells me just what she thinks of going to the vet. [1,231 words]
Kitty Kisses: Our Little Brandy by Shelley J Alongi Tales of a little kitten. [1,366 words]
Test Of Friendship by Lady Sashi Like all good stories, itís best to start at the beginning, which is where we find ourselves... [1,117 words]
Out With The Old, In With The Young by Thepratmeister The Pratmeister gives his overview of 2005, and what he expects for 2006. [525 words]
Heteros, Homos, Celibacy And The Church by Randall Barfield Are we going back to the time of the Crusades? [590 words]
David's Letter--Bogota, Colombia by Randall Barfield This is a true incident. It is not fiction. [551 words]
The Pratmeister's Guide To Australia by Thepratmeister The Pratmeister gives you the unofficial history of the Aussies. [379 words]
Assholes by Thepratmeister The Pratmeister is in a mood. Again. [150 words]
Shame Para Hills High School, Shame! by Thepratmeister The Pratmeister has a gutless bunch of High School bureaucratic tosspots f... [191 words]
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My Letter To Anne Frank by Alvin Gladstone My small token of love & respect to the little angel. [304 words]
Kitty Kisses: Whose Bed Is It Anyway by Shelley J Alongi The family bed cat style. [750 words]
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In Thoughts And Prayers by Dawn Matley Maselli The Warwick Station Fire so strongly affected our community. To friends, neighbors and ... [179 words]
Fever Dreams And Memories by Lawrence Peters My first ghost story. [649 words]
Daemons by Randall Barfield Isn't British spelling more elegant sometimes? This piece of writing is about demons. We all have one... [2,678 words]
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My First D by Morgan A Brennan A short piece. [959 words]
From Monster To Freshman by Sarah M Kaul Character Sketch of my brother. [3,252 words]
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Where Soldiers Cry by Steven L Howard A Christmas story that's probably not like any you've heard before. [767 words]
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Happens All The Time by Lucy Midnight - [530 words]
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Purge - Goodbye
|AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (36)
Autumnal Longings (Poetry) Just got a whiff of blackberries and I remembered my place in the woods where I went to think. [104 words]
Bananas (Short Stories) A very short short story [180 words] [Animal]
Brit Boys (Poetry) As promised Curious! [240 words]
Butterfly Love (Poetry) - [90 words]
Changing (Poetry) Can't ever decide anything - just jotted down the meanderings of my mind! [120 words]
Chorus Of Love (Poetry) My first attempt at a proper old school rhyming poem - one about losing 'the one' [116 words]
Destiny (Poetry) Waffly brain fart about how going back is easier than picking yourself up and moving on [153 words]
Dreams Of Reality (Novels) Thought I'd give it a try... opening chapter of a plot I've been thinking about for a long time. [659 words]
Eternal (Poetry) - [80 words]
Four Little Words (Poetry) Out the words tumble - this one is about relationships. [114 words]
He Laughs At Me (Poetry) OK being told off for not posting so here's a rubbish poem for you. [86 words]
Healing The Pain (Poetry) That feeling of uselessness you get when someone gets bad news. [105 words]
Heartbreaker (Poetry) Another attempt at rhyming - bit of a jokey one (makes a change from my terminally depressive ones!) [97 words]
How It Feels (Poetry) - [141 words]
I Cling To Hope (Poetry) Thank you MK, a little changed but still the sentiment is yours. [77 words]
I Haven't Got A Clue! (Poetry) Who does know the answers? [139 words]
Italy (Short Stories) this is a piece I've written for my Mum - PLEASE can you provide some feedback? [805 words]
Mouse Brain (Poetry) Weird little thing written whilst bored! [238 words]
Nidiot (Poetry) - [142 words]
Raindrops And Memories (Short Stories) - [804 words]
Reaching For The Moon (Poetry) Just a little thing I wrote in about ten seconds when a friend bowed down to everything her bloke wanted. [96 words]
Scourge Of The Future (Poetry) Inspired by Colin Baker - you can make a poem from anything, even an old lady rant at litter louts! [75 words]
Shall I Tell You What I Really Think? (Poetry) Grr angry poem. [94 words]
Sticky Taped Heart (Short Stories) - [844 words]
Swan Dive (Novels) A little attempt at the opening chapter of a comedy (loosely) based around me [418 words]
Swan Dive - Chapter 2 (Novels) Part two of my pants comedy novel. [1,553 words]
Swan Dive - Chapter 3 (Novels) Part 3 of my stupid novel - I will put it into the first person - when I can be bothered! [732 words]
Tears And Beauty (Poetry) Sad that people are so concerned with looks. [126 words]
The Final Battle (Short Stories) Read it and you'll see! Any comments on anything I do are hugely appreciated - even if it's just to tell me to give up! [348 words]
The Mythical Creature (Poetry) Bit cheeky! [94 words]
Tiny Dreams (Poetry) As with the rest.. five minutes of brain splurge! - please please review some of my stuff - even if you think it's utter bobbins! - just amended it to have less 'she's' in it, thanks KM for the advise... [150 words]
Verbosity (Poetry) Got bored and fancied writing a silly poem for a giggle! [53 words]
Waiting In Limbo (Poetry) For my mum. [89 words]
Where You Live (Poetry) Blah blah fed up of work! [151 words]
Who Knows What Tomorrow Will Bring (Poetry) - [68 words]
You're My Shoe! (Poetry) How I feel. [83 words]
Purge - Goodbye
I hate daylight. It pushes back the shadows of paranoia and fear and exposes the truth, the truth that everything you do is marred by your past, by your fears and hates. I spend my life expecting to fail and when it goes right a light goes off in my head and I wake up shaking and crying with it all fallen down around me. As if I have to prove that I was right to fear failure the whole time. I hurt people in some crazy cry for help that ends up leaving me worse off and them suffering.
Waking up from a doped up sleep and seeing him above me, on me, in me, his voice telling me itís a dream, go back to sleep. The groggy dawn in the haze between sleep and awake questioning the truth. The screams of fear that caused the neighbours to report Ďexcessive noiseí and prompt a warning from the landlord turn to muffled saltiness in my pillow. This is how it was and whatever I do it comes back to this. The hidden bruises and wanted-to-be-believed apologies. The flowers and hugs which pressed on cracked ribs. He took what he wanted and carried on, his conscience unsullied by my fear. Unknowing that with each strike he took a bit of me. Dying day by day inside. The broken flat around me, an officer patting my hand and telling me to have a cup of tea and try and chat to him in the morning. Chat? The man who smashed my flat, threatened to kill me. The scars on my arms show my cry for help but I can and do hide it. Pasting on a smile and making people laugh. Curled up and crying in the night.
Everyone Iíve met I have ruined, forced my fears into a shape that fits them and lose track of where Iím heading and who they are. The words of love forever tainted with his shadow. I love you, I didnít mean to, please forgive me. When things go right I hunt out the worst thing I can find, I look for failure or force failure into the relationship leaving me broken but with a feeling that for once I was right.
Why did I stay? I am weak, I believe that no-one could ever love me, because I wanted to prove I could make something last, I was afraid.
So I leave you with my awkward prose and poor poetry to head off somewhere else. Where? I donít know where my depression will lead me but either way it will be sweet relief from the pain and fear of seeing him and the shadow of my failure at every turn. My advice? When it goes wrong, when things arenít right, walk away and donít look back or you will end up treading the path so deep that you canít see how to get out.
|READER'S REVIEWS (9)
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"This kept sending shivers down my spine when reading it. It shocked me a little and stopped me in my tracks completely. This clearly goes very deep indeed. Just thinking about what has happened in this is making me struggle to comment on it." -- PP, UK.
"well not sure which is the saddest, your story or you leaving. sorry to hear about them both but i guess you have to do what you think is right. you were fun to have around, well not that you were around all that much but you have a real nice sense of humor and you comments and poems were always fun to read. be nice if things work out for you, you're young and there's always the hope. i think i'll be joinin you in taking a storymania break, since they did away with the advisor section (something that was quite active before you came aboard) the site has lost a lot of the personal touch that made it fun and others, like yourself (not as cute of course) seem to come and go quite quickly. anyhow, keep trying to make things better and one day it will happen. good luck." -- curious.
"sorry for the couple of typo's, guess i had my mind in a cloud or something." -- curious.
"Uhhhh, you can't be talking about leaving storymania.......I mean, I don't understand a lot of what you have written if that's the case......I love reading your things...I love recieving your reviews.....I am just floored by this revelation here.....Please tell me I'm stupid and didn't get what you were trying to say. And I'm dreadfully sorry from the bottom of my heart for what happened to you." -- kwilt.
"Thank you so much for your words, made me feel that maybe I touch a lot more people than I think I do. It really means a lot to me. I just feel the words have dropped out of me at the moment. Who knows how long the break will last but I will keep following your stuff until I am inspired again. Curious, if you're ever in England or I'm ever in your neck of the woods I'll buy you a pint and Kendall, pop along for a JD as well...think we could all do with one to cope with all of this stuff called life! PP - wish I could have told you when it was happening but now you know - thanks for being there." -- Briony.
"Oh yeah, Curious...don't you dare give up or I won't come back!!" -- Briony.
"Deal" -- kwilt.
"Sad write...hugs for you...and if you ever get down south... I'll pour you a glass of homemade wine (since drinking seems to be a popular topic here lol). Don't have to post...but WRITE, it does help in the healing process. :)" -- mattie.
"We straight bet texas hold em blinds underdog advantage double vigorish? " -- texas hold em, texas hold em, texas hold em, texas hold em.
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© 2006 Briony Carvalho
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